heavy, i know...

listening to "water runs dry" by Boyz II Men.

this has been one interesting week. really..one for the books. so LSAT is overwith. not sure how I feel about it. Honestly. alot of changes happening. not complaining at all. good things and some uhm...well just stuff going on. I'm trying not to refer to it as drama but that's basically what it boils down to. you all know how I feel about drama. i've had to make some hefty decisions and some i feel more comfortable about than others. i've seriously attempted to eliminate as much drama as possible. not always an easy task but challenging nevertheless.

seems my efforts have been rewarded cause life is flowin freely these days. still have some anxieties or rather aprehensions about some stuff but that's when you gotta tell yourself I believe in what cant be seen...and I'm trusting God to do what HE said He would do. Peace like a river flows....its beautiful.

My bro-in-law's surgery is monday. My folks head out tomorrow to be with my sis in Minneapolis. My sister and bro-in-law took their little ones to breakfast this morning before leaving. My mom was telling and I couldn't help but well up in tears.

this last week has been an emotional roller coaster on so many levels.

it doesn't help that i'm not still not feeling well. i'm sure that contributes on some level. schools been a little tough with two tests and a project due this week. i've never been so glad for friday to arrive. some of the extended fam will be here for family weekend. so i'm excited about that without a doubt. it's always a nice comfort to be with family.

i've also had some harsh realizations that certain people in my life that i thought cared about me in a certain manner, really dont. ok that is never something easy to realize. but it is what it is and honestly, what can i do to change it? sure it hurts, never something easy to realize. i've always tried to be as honest as i could in my writings no matter how raw the emotions may be.

the really amazing thing is that i've really seen who are those that really care about me for me...no conditions, just acceptance. i've never been one to beg anyone to stay. just have to do what i feel led to do by God and what is right. i did take the time to step outside of myself to look at the situations surrounding me. they're just circumstances. completely within the scope of God's ability to deal with them and so i'm breathing much more easily. I've seen that yes i'm blessed beyond measure and for that i'm so grateful. it also makes me that much more determined to make the most of each moment of every day.

not an easy task by far. but i've had some really incredible conversations in the last few days... just reminders pointing me to the important things in this life. my mind and my heart is most definitely with family right now.

i've been focusing on Phil 2 these last few weeks. looking to the interest of others. not an easy task by far. our nature tells us to think about our own concerns, our feelings, our benefits...it requires work and purpose to consider others before yourself. and its easy to do when the others you're considering are easy to love..not so easy when they're difficult people to love...nevertheless, it is what we must do.

i have to say that God has been good to me this week...i mean really good. i burned my thumb in an incident involving a pop tart and faulty toaster. just gonna say the toaster went out the door but i was left with a nasty blister on my thumb. not hurting today like it was yesterday. man! if that wasnt enough, i managed to open the door right into my toe. like the corner of the door and split it open. yes...lovely i know. i keep thinking, what is wrong with me?

i seriously considered buying full protective gear to prevent another accident cause i dont know how much more my body could take! plus Komen is this weekend.

so excited about that...we have our LBK team and most of my family is participating which is awesome. the weekend is gonna be what i seriously need! hopin my best friend is gonna visit halloween weekend. trying to work out the plans for that. i love smange...we have some serious fun together and its ok if i'm a bit on the "Blonde" side of things...she gets it and she gets me. of course get her and my bro together and i'll be laughing so hard i might pee in my pants!

we're in the process of workin on an online bible study. i'm excited about that and just excited about alot of new ventures in my life. continuing to focus on family and listening to direction as decisions are being made in these next few months. in short, i'm rolling up the sleeves and doing what needs to be done. as my friend angela would say, "time to put on the big girl pants and get to work."

so glad for the people in my life...gratitude has a way of bring humilty when needed most. so when you think life's down and out think about all the ways God has blessed you, all the things you do have...its never as bad as it seems.

reminds me of a lady antebellum song "one day you will"

You feel like you're falling backwards
ike you're slippin' through the cracks
Like no one would even notice
If you left this town and never came back
You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can't see it now

Chorus
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will

You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here anyway
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You're just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath
And you don't know it yet

Repeat
Chorus

Find the strength to rise above
You will
Find just what you're made of, you're made of

Repeat Chorus

One day you will
Oh one day you will

while this song talks about an inner strength, for me i know that this comes from God...from His provision and His love...He sees us through all things and never leaves us. This we can be sure of. Looking forward to the sunny days ahead!