getting down to the wire

i'm just now past the half-way mark in terms of the fall semester. hard to believe that more than 8 weeks has passed since the start of school and monday will find us in November.

NOVEMBER!

where did the time go? it seems like yesterday I was buying books for the fall semester (at a small fortune at that!). Now, I'm less than 6 weeks to go with the end in my sights! not yet breathing the all-too-familiar sigh of relief - that will have to wait.

the fall semester had an interesting start and brought a new set of challenges. it also marked a year that i've been in my current city and though I didnt spend much time here during the summer....i've come to appreciate what is now my home. i realize it's not permanent and all too soon i'll be packing up this place and moving somewhere new.

i can say that this city has been good for me. it was good to be close to my family for the duration i was but that was a season of its own. This time is a new season. i'd been torn between family and school almost feeling like i was leaving my family for school. it made the last year hard and with alot of home-sick moments.

this last year has been a year of growth and as hard as it has been, i'm appreciative. appreciative because i was able to see things i'd never though imagineable...able to try new things and see new things...and understand new things.

i fell in love with what i do and know i'm in the right place at the right time. from the moment Dr Huerta spoke the words "i'm looking for students who see healthcare as a calling," I got it...and it resonated deep within. it was the door i'd been waiting for and now it was finally opened.

so timidly, i stepped through the doorway and i've not looked back since.

i've been busy since then working an internship with a children's clinic: working on grant projects/funding proposals, quality improvement projects, and learning the inner workings of a clinic. my work has been part-time and if i had any regret it is that i wish the position was full-time. not because of pay or benefits or anything like that...but simply because i feel there are pieces i miss when i'm away. i absolutely respect the administrators i've gotten to work with and their insight and knowledge has opened up a new realm to me that i find really fascinating. they are the teachers and i am the student. i try to soak up as much as i can and trust me there's lots to learn.

my class schedule is a bit odd...for the fall semester my core classes were divided into mini-semesters...so i had for 8 weeks the second the next 8 weeks. meaning - i have three hours completed already. my health organization course is being conducted executive-style so we meet only two weekends in the semester...the second class meeting is coming up in a few short weeks and on the final day of class we will be testing for our Six Sigma Green Belt Certification. (AGH!) i also have human resource management and we meet one night a week...so i have just five more class meetings and two of those are for presentations...yes..the semester is coming to a fast close!

i register next week for the spring - MY FINAL SEMESTER! (AGH a second time!!!) lol. i'll have 13 hrs and the schedule looks pretty nice for now.

what's next?

your guess is probably as good as mine...i applied to one FELLOWSHIP....yes just one. why? this particular fellowship starts June 2011 and is with an organization i'm interested in working with. I'll know in the next few weeks whether i made the first cut in the selection round. if not....then i have an option to stay where i'm at and work and apply for a fellowship starting in Jan 2012 or to look for something full-time somewhere else...its not really time to make that decision so i'm not thinking to much about it.

for me, in my life, these kinds of things usually happen very quickly...dont know exactly how to explain it but when the right opportunity reveals itself - then the process of getting there is usually escalated. as always, i'll have done my homework and figured out my options before then...just to be prepared...but until then...my plans are just speculations nothing set in stone.

as for family...well i'm not going to say much here other than my mom is doing much better and my bro-in-law should be home soon (from his latest and hopefully last surgery!). i have alot of respect and love for both my parents. i've seen them do things that go beyond my own understanding of abilities but that's because they're parents and as of yet, i am not. i can say that their love and support has been amazing...even in crisis they manage to maintain a peace and composure that i learn from every day. at the same time, alot has changed and as usual i wont get into the details but just to say i think it's ok. not good, not bad....its ok...in alot of ways its been liberating.

for the first time, i see what my parents want for me and why they do or say the things they do...and i see where it comes from. for that i'm grateful...and while i may not always choose what they want or do what they think i should....they give me freedom to make those choices for myself. i'm doubly grateful for that...i think this understanding has made our relationship stronger in a way i cant describe. watching my mother recover from the summer has been an experience as well and i realize just how fragile we are....so, i'm trying to make the most of every moment given to me and to spend my time with the people i love most. spend my energies where they count the most....cant' say i've been completely successful but each day is a new opportunity to try...

i'm not going to speak to any specific situation here...but just to say that sometimes we judge people without really knowing them or their intentions...and we assume certain things as facts that may come from third parties that may or may not know or have the correct perspective about things that are happening. unfortunately, i can say that this has occurred in my life...it saddens me in a number of ways. at the same time, you can’t make people love you, can’t make them understand or see where you are coming from because once they've determined things are what they think they are...its almost next to impossible to convince them things are other than what they are determined to think...and i feel it’s pointless to try but also feel if they aren't willing to seek out the truth then do they really genuinely care about you?

as for the love of my life...we've had our moments as any relationship does...

what i can say is that he challenges me to be better and in so many ways and has helped me to see life through new lenses...gone are the rose stained glasses i'd been trying so hard to get rid of...sometimes we want to kid ourselves and pretend things are what we want them to be...its harder to see things as they really are. i can say that with mr casillas - its easier to see things as they really are and while some of the things i've been through have been beyond words - he's been amazingly incredible to see me through them. he's honest in a refreshing way and more than anything i've learned the beauty in resolution.

we are alike in many ways and in so many others he is my complete opposition. i've found that he brings a necessary balance to my life that at first i tried to fight and have now come to relish.

of course...when i want to tromp off and throw a frying pan at someone - he, the calm one, calls me back to sit and take deep breaths and talk through my feelings....oh the irony! lol...i love him for it...and yes there are moments when i want to throw a frying pan at him (and he knows this)...but lovingly and patiently he talks me through it until we come to an amicable resolve. who knew fighting could be so civilized!?! lol! come this january, he and i will close in on our year anniversary! i hope this only the first of many more to come...

alright dear ones....i'm driving bright and early and as usually i'm burning the midnight oil..maybe i should change the title of my blog to that....that seems to be when i write most of my blogs to begin with!

ah...i failed to mention washington, dallas, memphis, and chicago...i will in the next post which will be in a few days and not a few months! I promise!

life is too beautiful to waste of the shoulda', coulda', woulda's....but a little reflection now and thing keeps things in perspective...its the mile markers that keep us headed in the right direction.

Chicago

Like my buddy Jeff Peters once said, "rock on chicago!"

Chicago was good....i planned on writing a whole excerpt but unfortunately, i got to working on homework and now its late. I have a super early morning flight! (UGH) so I must get to sleep...will post once I've recouped.

i'll be home in the next 12 hrs.