While we are three...

Our weekend was hectic....but it was very much about living with no regrets. We spent time with friends and family continuing on with life but taking some moments to celebrate it. 

We're spending as much time with Ms Fancy as possible. 

Today, she we threw her a celebration party with doggie cake and treats! We had a great time and pretty sure Ms Fancy enjoyed it. She's been making the rounds visiting friends and family and we took photos with her. The one above is going to be with us for the remainder of our lives. 

I can't write too much about what we're feeling without getting that lump in the back of my throat. 

Fancy's surgery is scheduled for Wed and while we're anxious to get it over with, we also are dreading it. It could bring some much needed relief for Fancy but could also leave us even more broken-hearted. We know she is not comfortable and Wed we should know if it's the lymphoma or bladder stones.

Tough weeks...

We've had a lot of things pulling at us in terms of jobs, family, etc but I think we're going to quietly focus on Ms Fancy. 

We know there are bigger things happening around us. We're trying to be cognizant of those things and to be present. 

We've been so incredibly blessed by amazing friendships and family. Our time with them this weekend very clearly emphasized that point. Our lives have been impacted by Fancy and her undeniable loving essence. Our lives are better for having her in them! 

I can't help but think of the circle of life from Lion King. One of our good friends brought her new baby and I was so overjoyed to hold her! She's precious and very much a reminder that life ever evolves. My nephews called me as well and we broke the news of Fancy's illness to them. My oldest said well is the surgery going to make her better and I said for some time but she's very sick. My youngest says could she die? I said yes, she will likely die sometime soon... My oldest "oh that's very serious..." My youngest nephew, "but Mimi she'll go to doggie heaven and be happy!" Me: "yes, she will" and I smiled at their young and innocent perspective. 

I'm considering picking them up and spending some time with them. I'd like them to see Ms Fancy and I know they love her so.

Life continues...

Our youngest nieces turn 3 this month. Oh so struggles they had arriving into this world...but tonight! We witnessed some very 3 year old behavior. I told my husband "uhhhh lets rethink that baby business!" But in fairness my sister-in-law has two at once! They're adorable and they are talking a ton. One of them reminded me that we are buying her a Daniel the Tiger Cake and chocolate peas! I told my husband, we should appoint our nieces and nephews as long as we can...

Next Wed, we will be at a birthday party celebrating these girls! 

Thinking about their journey makes me extremely grateful. Their story could've ended so differently but here they are. Wednesday we will celebrate! 

Of course next Thursday is Thanksgiving. We have so much to be thankful for...these holidays will be bittersweet. But I am grateful for my partner in this life. Or first year of marriage has been incredible. It has not been all sunshine and roses but we've grown and we've grown together. And even in the midst of the rain and storms I find incredible comfort in knowing I've shared and will continue to share this journey with this man that I love so.

We will take some time to quietly celebrate our paper anniversary at the start of the new year.

...I'm gonna lose you

I'd been meaning to post for a while. I haven't really found an opportunity to be still with my thoughts to write. 

We moved in May and then the summer always bring a bevy of birthday celebrations. I blinked and it was Labor Day. There's been a flurry of activity between birthdays, family, and events. Toss in work and some major changes and suddenly you find its Nov and you're now 2 weeks away from Thanksgiving. 

The last few weeks have found us focused on our beloved dog, Ms Fancy. 

Oh Ms dear sweet Fancy...

She had a procedure done last week and we'd been waiting on results. Monday we got the phone call we had hoped to never receive. 

We already knew Fancy has bladder stones and that surgery would be required to remove them. The outstanding question for us was "would she be a suitable candidate?" 

Monday told us she likely would not be because she was formally diagnosed with lymphoma. 

My husband and I, along with our inner analysts, immediately began researching what that diagnosis meant. We quickly came to a grim conclusion and that is that we don't have much time with her.

Understandably, our hearts were and are broken. They will be for some time. We know it and we're at peace with what's to come. 

Most definitely doesn't make it any less painful. The last few days have been spent researching options, making plans, and rethinking the next few months of our lives. 

We also quickly set an appointment with our vet to discuss our options and confirm what we've already read. 

Today was that appointment. 

Fancy is a sweet girl. She loves people, loves going for rides, and loves food! There's nothing like see her little ears flapping in the wind and she rides in the back seat of our car with her head out the window. That's when she's happiest.

We could run her through oncology therapy but we'd only be positing the inevitable. This cancer will eventually become drug resistant. There's no cure. So this process became about understanding the disease and its process.

Our first set of question focused on managing her pain. We've had a tough several weeks. I won't go into the details but she's had a number of accidents. She stresses easily and she also knows when her humans are upset. 

Today's vet visit was tough. 

We asked all the hard questions we knew we had to ask. We'd already decided we would not put her through an oncology protocol. 

Surprisingly, our vet did recommend surgery for her bladder stones. Because we want her passing to be as painless as possible, we opted to go through with the surgery. The stones make her very uncomfortable. If not treated will eventually lead to complete blockage and then kidney failure. By the time we know her kidney's have stopped functioning, she will be in immense pain and her kidney failure will lead to death.

The things we don't know include how far the cancer has spread and what stage she is in. We'll know in part after her bladder stone surgery.

Life expectancy of lymphoma without any course of treatment is between 4 weeks to 3 months from the date of diagnosis. We're closing in on three weeks by the time she'll have her surgery. She'll have a two week healing period and then go on a steroid protocol to try and give her time to get through the holidays. 

It's a long shot but we feel like we owe it to her to minimize her pain. Ricardo and I decided that the moment she no longer wants o go for rides or is willing to accept a snack will be the time to let her go. I've heard you'll know when it's the right time and I pray that is true.

I've posted Megan Trainor's "Like I'm Gonna Lose You". While it was meant to describe a relationship between two humans...it fits our sentiments now.

We're going to love her like we're gonna lose her because we know that someday soon we will. 

My parents have always said you should celebrate life with those you love when they're alive. Why wait until they're dead? It's too late then...and so that's how I've lived life and approached love. It can be gone in a blink of an eye. 

We've decided to celebrate her now and not to wait until she's gone. I'm going to start a new blog for her. I've always found writing to be therapeutic but I also want to document our memories of her.

Ricardo and I will celebrate a year of marriage this coming Jan...a year ago, I could've never have imagined we'd find ourselves here. Whether she's with us or gone, this anniversary will be bittersweet.

There's a lot more I'd like to say but I'll pace myself. For now, trying to cherish each moment. Ricardo and I are working to establish a new routine as Fancy requires increased care. 

It's a new season...one I wish we didn't have to walk thru but if we have to, I'm grateful to have my partner, friend, and love to walk thru it with. 

This is the stuff of life...physical death was meant to be painful. We recognize that and we're bent of loving Fancy with no regrets. This season will soon pass and we know the day will come when we will be able to think about her without tears filling our eyes. We'll be able to laugh and remember all the joy she brought to our lives and we'll be grateful for this time with her. 

We know there are lessons to be learned and there's a grieving process that is both difficult and natural. As tough as it is, we've decided to embrace. And when the time comes, we let her go with dignity and grace. We'll hold her paw through that process and do whatever is within our power to let her know just how much she is loved.