HOLA WORLD!
I know it's been a while. I've been waiting to write until I have some great epiphany or incredible news...but most of the news these days has been a bit sad. I feel like I won a one way ticket to crazy-town with all the insanity in my life.
All that to say that yes I do count the incredible blessings in my life and all the crazy-town happenings force me to appreciate the very small things in life. Like when Ricardo holds my hand or lets me sing like a crazy maniac to Lisa Loeb's Stay in the car on the drive to Angelo.
We're in town to celebrate my birthday. Oh yes another year has come and gone. At this conjecture, I'm glad to be alive and in decent health, a few pounds heavier but otherwise doing ok. Yes my bro-in-law is approaching the end-of-life, yes, i've lost more loved ones this year than all the years of my life...yes life seems crazy insane. I sat down earlier this week and thought God how is it possible to have sanity through any of this and He reminded me how: because deep down I know He's in control.
I make feeble attempts to shoulder the crazy and when I'm just about to bang my head against the tiled walls in the shower; I resign and allow God to take His rightful place. Yes - I alone cannot shoulder the burden but then again I was never meant to. It's in those moments that God graciously - did I say graciously? I meant GRACIOUSLY steps in a takes and carries that burden for me. For that I'm grateful beyond words.
At this point in life, you have to find or I mean I HAVE TO FIND beauty in the everyday kinda moments. Like over lunch conversation with a co-worker. I've really had to step outside of my wants and needs and reach out to others. It's been good to be connected - to have fellowship and have support.
One thing I've learned, no matter how you feel, no matter what you face - life continues moving forward. People continue moving forward. I believe its not about our reaction but about our response to life. What do I choose to do with what I know, what I have with what I do...
In the midst of the crazy, there are some really great things happening. I've been asked to be a part of the NSHMBA Ignite Panel at their national conference in Oct in San Antonio. Huge opportunity to talk about what NSHMBA has meant in my professional life and the opportunities available to students. I know that my education is a blessing from God and committed to giving back and helping other students achieve and accomplish their dreams and goals. It's why as a family we're committed to the Raiders Rojos Scholarship Fund in honor of my Mom - a veteran educator. It's why I pass on whatever knowledge I have to my co-workers and work hard to continue fostering a collaborative work environment with my team. It's why I love my job and the people I work with who understand we are working towards a common goal for the good of the organization we serve. It's also why I pass on any resources I have to anyone interested and looking to better themselves, their families, and their world. I'm a sucker for anyone who wants to affect positive change!
So being back in town - always good to visit your roots and since that also includes most of my extended family then of course its good to be back! Visiting my grandparents tomorrow and dinner tomorrow night. This trip though is bittersweet for a number of reasons.
First, my sister is on vacation with her family nucleus enjoying some last moments with Cary - my bro-in-law. Making memories for the boys and embrace the time they have left together. She spoke with the hospice dr and was told Cary doesn't have much time left. She's been in this boat before so she's not exactly embracing the expectations - though we are very aware that it is somewhere on the horizon. We'd love to spend some time with boys but they need to spend time with their mommy and daddy...its that important.
I have two good friends who have lost loved ones this week - almost hours apart from each other. The first her father - whom we have known for a number of years and is just an incredible guy. He's young by what I consider to be death's standards. He leaves an incredible legacy and touched many lives. In my opinion, his calling home was unexpected.
Tonight after dinner, my dad joined Ricardo and I at the table and we told stories of our time with this family and specifically about Pastor Johnny Fira. He always made us laugh and he could make his wife laugh like crazy! You always knew he was in trouble when she would say JOHNNY FIRA! Lol...He's also left behind two children and grandchild. If he felt about his grandson the way my dad does about his....then he leaves behind a void only a grandpa can fill. Something special about grandparents and their grandchildren. Kristen has been a long-time friend and we go waaaaay back to Ga's and Acteens.
She spent some time with us at my parents church and has a testimony of her own. But i've watched her come into her own and become a mother and wife. It's a really beautiful thing. I also know she loves her daddy dearly. I know she loves both her parents dearly...so I ask for prayers for them. For her mom who loved her dad in such a beautiful way. She cared for him in his final days. I remember the time she told me about her wedding day and the smile on her face and the sparkle in her eyes. She loved that man deeply in a way that's an incredible example of a God-centered marriage. I'm not saying they're perfect or anyone one of us is perfect I"m just saying that they lived life in the attempt to Glorify God and point others to Him. Isnt that how each believer attempts to live life?
My other friend lost his grandfather. He lived a very long life and will be missed by many. Age doesn't make the loss any less painful. This friend also has a daughter who was given a devastating diagnosis late last year. It's something I just cant wrap my brain around. I think if anything - his daughter has taught me to make the most of each moment. Her picture hangs on my refrigerator and every time I see it - I say a prayer for her and her mommy and daddy. So it goes without saying that prayers for the Rodriguez family are much appreciated.
So life after death has become ever apparent to me. it has to with everything happening around me and to the people I care about most. This is life...we are living and dying...I go back to the little things. Not getting caught up in the unimportant things but focusing on the things that do matter in life. Making my relationships count and giving them the importance they require.
I'm so thankful for the people who have crossed paths with mine. I may not favor some folks but those challenging situations in our lives make us better and hopefully stronger people! As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another....in so many ways the folks in my life do that for me...they sharpen me...prepare me for what's to come, make me better in ways that I would never be capable of....its when I stop to see, understand, and embrace that - that I see the true value in the relationships in my life...its not all about them pouring into my life but also about giving back to others....to challenge yourself to be better for others...to serve and to love others.
I understand that its easier to say than do...more than you could know. But I also know that I wasn't called to do the easy thing in this life. God has never worked that way in the course of my life and I certainly don't expect Him to start now. I know its because - in this format it makes me trust Him and to lean on Him completely.
I like to be somewhat self-sufficient and reliant but more and more I see the beauty of being connected to something better and bigger than myself. There's a real value in being sharpened by others.I could name so many folks who have challenged me to be better - gave me so many great memories - taught me so many things - accepted me when I needed to be accepted and embraced me as the family of God. I know I'm not the only one who received such an incredible gift from them. I'm grateful for every fiber of fabric woven into my life. Thankful for opportunities that I'm not capable on my own.
So tomorrow as I celebrate with family and friends, I realize that there's not much more that I could want or need. I've been blessed beyond measure and truly my hearts desire is to just pass on and give back the blessings bestowed upon me. For that reason I say that life is good. It's good because even though i'm so grateful for another year of life - there's this part of me that mourns with my friends - mourns to see them hurt and to know a small piece of the loss they feel - I'm grateful to be alive to be able to tell my loved ones exactly how I feel about them, grateful for the opportunity to be an extension of God's love...I'm not perfect and I continue to have much growing to do...but the one thing that i'm most certain of is that I have more than enough...that God has provided more than enough. That all I need has already been provided to me...it clears the rose stained lenses and gives me a clear picture of the 'stuff of life'.
so today I encourage you to make the most of your moments with loved ones. Hug your mom, call and tell your dad that you love him just because....no one knows when their last moments will be and when I reach the end of my time here, I want to know that I did everything I could to run my race and that I made every attempt to run it well.
To those who have gone before us - thank you for running your race, thank you for running it well, and thank you for blessing us with the essence of who you were - you caused us to grow, gave to us great gifts of laughter and joy, and teach us how to run our race better! Words could never be enough to express that gratitude so I choose to honor you be allowing your life and what you imparted into mine to change me for the better to be better not just for myself but for others and and those around me and to honor God.
Thanks for joining me in tonight's ramblings...my heart is sad for my friends but joyful in knowing my friends will see their loved ones again. Joyful for the lives they lived and the work accomplished in their lives. Our lives are better because they were in them. It's not goodbye only goodnight...after all, this was only your temporary home.
