Not fair

Today I'm having difficulty writing this one. It has been a while since I last posted and its been crazy since. The end of this week will find me one month in with my new employer along with being in my new city.

I've spent one weekend here and it looks like more of the same for November....and then the holidays will be upon us.

Where does the time go?

My life has been turned upside down in a way that is good and in some ways it's great; in others I'm still struggling to find my routine. Partially because I'm not completely moved in.

I think psychologically that makes me feel like I'm still living in two places. So strange to me...

So there's been a few things happen that I'd like I write about but the most pressing is in regards to really good friends of mine's child. Needless to say prognosis isn't looking well though nothing has been definitive as of now. Still running test and a likely diagnosis won't be made for several weeks.

However, what the dr's "feel" it might be doesn't look good. I pray for something other than what the 'likelihood' may be and that some other root cause may be discovered: but I try to be a realist and so for now I encourage my friends to live in the now.

In my prayers, I've struggled with what to ask for and have found myself asking God why? it seems rhetorical to ask but that is where my heart is. Such a sweet angel and my friends who have been through so much already...I have no answers and that will probably remain the case.

The reality is that it's not important to know why and for me the pressing question is how can I help?

Even more so, it's a reminder why this field chose me. I don't deliver direct care to patients but in many cases the work I does guides the system and leadership to do more with existing resources and to make improvements on how health care is delivered. It's a very small role in a greater picture.

By far I do not consider myself or even place myself in the same category as those clinical folks who provide direct care in patients. They are in my opinion true heroes. Healthcare is precocious due to the nature of dealing with human lives. That is the "product" so to speak and it's difficult and amazing to understand the complexities of the human body.

We are so wonderfully created...and in the end I truly believe God has the last say so...in every case.

The mysteries of God are so far beyond my understanding that in moments like these I can only give thanks for what is being done in the "unseen."

I do not know what lies ahead for my dear friends: but I pray that joys does come in the mourning and that they have joy in the everyday little things of life.

Today is Halloween...kids will dress in costumes and no doubt over indulge in candy.

I think if my own nephews and I'm grateful. While I think it's a bit selfish: I'm extremely grateful for their health because the situation my friends find themselves in could easily be any one of us.

So tonight as you tuck your little ones in bed; be grateful for every moment you have with them. Even the ones where you think you might go crazy or they make you angry because for a time; they are yours.

Today my heart is sad for what my friends are enduring. My prayers for them are perpetual and in my own life I'm taking stock once again of what's important in life. Stuff will be stuff but relationships are where it's at.

I did get to visit my friends last night. Ricardo was with me and I can't help but be reminded of "child-like" faith. This little one was laughing and trying to choke out and karate chop her dad!

There was no worry, no anxiety...just focused interest on the movie that was playing. She's a cutie pie...and I know very loved by those around her. She is every bit of both her parents. That is amazing to me and seems to be the greatest of life's miracles: to parent a child.

So this situation makes all the crazy things going on really insignificant. It's almost a constant reminded with everything going on with my bro-in-law and sister.

It's one of the main reasons I took the plunge and moved to a new city halfway across the state: to be closer. i'll have my nephews at least one weekend a month and so this Tia is busy planning activities for them. All too quickly they'll be grown!

Embrace the now: live in the now and drink in every moment no matter how seemingly insignificant it may be. Life's ever evolving ways will lead us to new seasons and places in life in little time. Always wishing and prayin for the best.

changes

Thought I'd take a minute to write before I met the apartment locator. Yes, today is the day where (hopefully) I find somewhere to live so that I'm not completely homeless while I'm in the new city!

Super excited and a little nervous but everyone I've met so far has been extremely nice and friendly! Gives me great comfort.

The last few weeks, I've tracked more than 2,500 miles. It's been grueling and exhausting but well worth the travel. I think if anything I've realized to being part of people's lives sometimes requires sacrifices and they are ones I would gladly make. More about priorities and for me: I've really been focusing on being good to the people I love and letting them know that I care about them.

So gladly I traveled to help with decorations for my Godmother's daughter and to be the Maid of Honor in my bff's wedding! and even taking my mom to see the nephews and getting some time with them.

Moving closer is going to let me spend more time with them while they're little and when it counts most (in my opinion). I'm excited about that...beyond elated.

Though I'm sad to leave my brother, we still have TTU games and heck no I'm not missing any home games! GUNS UP!

So yeah, these days its hard for me to keep track of which city I'm in but I have the luxury of moving about something that might not be afforded for too much longer! I will say that I am very happy and very ready to be in one singular spot for a while!

Needless to say, I have the arduous task of packing up my apartment. Something I thought would be pretty simple: but I've found hard to do. Mainly because it means saying goodbye and while saying hello to the new job, new coworkers, new work environment, new surroundings is exciting: its also bittersweet.

I've had such a great boss for the last year and half or so....a great mentor. I'd gotten comfortable with my job and what was expected of me and while there's always more to learn; I know this next step is the right one. Need to continue building on the experience and knowledge I've gained.