with a grain of salt

sometimes things you'd never expect to happen: happen. i can pretty much say that's been my whole summer. if I could characterize the summer in one word, I'd use "traumatic." as if the workload for school wasnt enough which has been way more than any of my individual semesters since 2007 including the 18hr in-class with 12 hrs online semesters, life dealt my family some additional blows.

i keep hearing in my head "what doesnt kill you makes you stronger" and it scares me because my reaction is immediate "what is coming down the pike that could be worse than this that i need preparation for?" ok i'm not asking that question cause then God will only bring about those events that would answer that question...God i can gladly wait...i used to say that i wasnt really stunned by life events. i mean my dad's a pastor so i've pretty much seen and heard it all...well after the last month or so i can say that is mostly true.

saving grace has come in the form of people who love in spirit and in truth. that's all i can say. i'm so ever glad for those relationships. they've been a God-send. its allowed me to see past the mess of words and to see what's really important and for me its always been my family. to some it may not appear that way, but to those who know me best you know, well you know differently.

i cant exactly say that i'm surprised by the last round of events. unexpected for sure...but i feel a bit cynical saying that i was waiting for it. i mean...we all have people in our lives that uhhhmmm..deal in drama. and not just deal in it but rather live in it. i've been trying to cut the drama out of my life and its not been an easy task. i've learned this mostly from my dad who is completely non-dramatic and from ricardo, my significant other, who is cool as a cucumber. it amazes me...and that really is an understatement.

i also realized that these two men are in my life for a reason and its humbling. the summer has been full of hard lessons but lessons i'm grateful to learn. from previous experiences i know these lessons will come back for a time of application. i also know that you always reap what you sow...so i'm work at sowing better stuff. not always easy but it really does make us better people and at least for me, it lets me sleep at night.

i cant undo the wrongs of my past but at the same time i refuse to let people in the outer fringes hold me to those mistakes i've worked hard to move past and beyond. what is in the past is in the past. it cant be changed, can't be undone which is why i'm keeping my mouth shut. in the end there are few opinions i worry about and those that i do, i know exactly where i stand and when the sun sets that's really all that matters to me.

i can say that i'm so glad my mom's doing better and thanks to all of you who have been praying for her. i know she's impacted so many of your lives and if you've ever spent time at my house then you spent at least 30 minutes talking with my mom. for many of you, she learned your whole life story in about 15 minutes cause that's the kind of lady she is.

we're hoping and praying that the summer will end on a better note than what we started with. what more...we pray fall would be....boring! it would be a nice break. but this is how life goes, no? in seasons...some good, some not so good....a friend of mine posted on facebook the other day..."when life throws you lemons....don't just make lemonade......open up an aquas frescas on the south side and cash in...."

the unexpected

i never thought that my spring semester would be preparation for the marathon race i'm running now in the summer.

one family crisis right after another....

i've gotten alot of, you're under alot of stress right now, but honestly...i'm mean in sincere honesty: my sentiments reside somewhere between "roll up your sleeves and dig deep" to "we just have to do what we have to do." To some it may seem cold/calculating...but it's not trust me. It's more along the lines that my emotional tank is on empty and so rationale has taken the reigns.

not to mention, in crisis, something inside me kicks on and I shift into "look out for everyone" mode. maybe it has something to do with being a first born and all the opportunities in leadership. it's an innate part of my being. so there's no time for falling apart (in my mind). and honestly...i have a peace about the situation.

these last few months have had so many ups and downs, you'd think we'd spent the summer at six flags.

no, its just life.

the summer started with a mini-vacation to san antonio...on my way back, a delinquent decided to throw a rock/brick threw my driver-side window and steal my ipod. I make it back to the panhandle and life was starting to settle...

unexpectedly, one of my uncles passed away...from there life has thrown us one curve ball after another.

i had to deal with crazy changes with financial aid...and not in a good way...due to the way my graduate program is set up, I'm  considered a part-time student this semester because I have 5 hrs and had 7 last...so even though I have 12 overall and am full-time...those pesky 5 hrs put me at part-time status which affected my grant amounts. i was not a happy camper about that....

so during that whole ordeal, my mom had surgery. She was in her second week of recovering when i found out i received a $4,000 scholarship from the National Society of Hispanic MBA's - Austin Chapter. Of course that was a major bright spot in my day! my mom reminded me of how God blesses our hard work. I have to agree....

had a great visit this last weekend with good friends and the person for whom I have hearts in my eyes for! LOL....while visiting, I got word that a good, close friend's grandpa had passed away.

and then the next bump in the road, if you will, arrived yesterday with my mom's visit to the ER monday evening and then later admittance into the hospital. She's in the intermediate care unit with congestive heart failure and possible pneumonia. so back to the hometown I go. lots of going home as of late...might need to chew on that for a bit....

I'm not frazzled like some would think I would be...no, i've got peace about this. and not that I know how any of it will turn out...i just know that if God has seen me through one rough and tumble semester/year...that in the end it's gonna be ok. we may not get the results we want but despite that...we have to be thankful.

i could choose to sit and wallow in the tragedies of yesterday....sit in the mourning...fail to see the blessings...but i've chosen different for myself and for my family. and I chose a long while back....time is much better spent appreciating the blessings of now....i can't give credit to myself but only to God...who has shown me immeasurable things...beyond my wildest imagination and if he can make a silly dream like "touring Italy" come true....and can change your path in an unexpected way that leads to joy....then yes...anything is possible with Him. He's given me more than I deserve and I know that its because of His unconditioinal love for each of us.

I understand it now because unconditional love has some powerful meaning in my life today. I realized that there are some things in my life that I'd not yet surrendered...and spending time tied to those things is draining and exhausting...i understand what is mean by the "truth shall set you free."

itunes is on random shuffle..."Adonai" just started....irony/coincidental...no, I think not.

here's the link so you can listen for yourself...