Sunday, January 29, 2012
Saturday, January 28, 2012
The least of these...
Self-righteousness and critical judgement of others never leads to inner peace, rest, or happiness. Seems odd to post but it's something I saw and read. Just from observation an attitude of self-pity only brings bitterness and disdain of others you may never truly understand or know.
I thik my cousin was right when she posted about social coonections via online lead to a false sense of knowing someone. Reading some one's postings and taking them at full face value can lead to misunderstanding with no effort to really understand where the other person is coming from or what led them to certain conclusions.
Sadly, i've seen this played out to many times and to often have had people attempt to what they would consider "pour" into my life without having seen or spent anytime with me in recent months. By months I really mean a long consecutive amount that could add up to years and yet they preface their wisdom with "I love you."
Really? Then where have you been all the time prior?
This "revelation" is not something new and is the reason I've cut people out of my life since my return from Italy. Life is much more peaceful and simplier without those dramatics.
Yes, you're free to believe what you want but i'm also free to believe you don't need to be a part of my life. Harsh, maybe but it's truthful. I'm not going to offer apologize for believing or thinking as I do. That's not who I am and never has been...apologize for being ugly about it, sure but not apologizing for being honest about how I really feel.
Life is too precious and too short to spend it dwelling on what others think or believe which is why I'm not angry or bitter. I've just moved on and will contiue to do so to the best of my abilities.
So why write aout it? Because I believe there are varying stages of moving on and sometimes, especially for me, it's therapeutic to get my thoughts out and processed. Doesn't mean they're absoluetly right or will remain the same but it's part of an ever evolving humanity that is moved and changed by life's experiences.
Something I hope never changes. There will be those in my life who we will never agree on politics, or other issues but truly I consider opposing views and do learn from being challenged. Maybe not in the way you would like but I try to learn something from everyone who enters my life. For my MBA experience, i'm truly glad because my class was very diverse. I got the opportuniy to meet some really amazing people who will go on and accomplish amazing things in life. I'd rather focus on those opportunities to have my world colored by varying views than to sit and listen to the judgement and criticism.
At the end of the day, i only have to be at peace with my own thoughts, choices, and decisions. And if I'm not, I know tomorrow will be another day to try.
I thik my cousin was right when she posted about social coonections via online lead to a false sense of knowing someone. Reading some one's postings and taking them at full face value can lead to misunderstanding with no effort to really understand where the other person is coming from or what led them to certain conclusions.
Sadly, i've seen this played out to many times and to often have had people attempt to what they would consider "pour" into my life without having seen or spent anytime with me in recent months. By months I really mean a long consecutive amount that could add up to years and yet they preface their wisdom with "I love you."
Really? Then where have you been all the time prior?
This "revelation" is not something new and is the reason I've cut people out of my life since my return from Italy. Life is much more peaceful and simplier without those dramatics.
Yes, you're free to believe what you want but i'm also free to believe you don't need to be a part of my life. Harsh, maybe but it's truthful. I'm not going to offer apologize for believing or thinking as I do. That's not who I am and never has been...apologize for being ugly about it, sure but not apologizing for being honest about how I really feel.
Life is too precious and too short to spend it dwelling on what others think or believe which is why I'm not angry or bitter. I've just moved on and will contiue to do so to the best of my abilities.
So why write aout it? Because I believe there are varying stages of moving on and sometimes, especially for me, it's therapeutic to get my thoughts out and processed. Doesn't mean they're absoluetly right or will remain the same but it's part of an ever evolving humanity that is moved and changed by life's experiences.
Something I hope never changes. There will be those in my life who we will never agree on politics, or other issues but truly I consider opposing views and do learn from being challenged. Maybe not in the way you would like but I try to learn something from everyone who enters my life. For my MBA experience, i'm truly glad because my class was very diverse. I got the opportuniy to meet some really amazing people who will go on and accomplish amazing things in life. I'd rather focus on those opportunities to have my world colored by varying views than to sit and listen to the judgement and criticism.
At the end of the day, i only have to be at peace with my own thoughts, choices, and decisions. And if I'm not, I know tomorrow will be another day to try.
the big and the small
Today, I realized I'll hit my one year anniversary of employment with my healthsystem in February. My how time flies. So much has changed in just one year in both my professional and personal life.
I remember that first week wondering if I had made the right call by choosing healthcare as my concentration for both my master's degrees. I also remembering wondering if I had what it takes to make it in my line of work? There are days when I still wonder that.
But a year later, my department has undergone some major changes. Some unexpected, others necessary and still daily we face new challenges. Something I hope never changes. And I hope the day never arrives when I think I've learned it all or have it all figured out. Maybe to have more understanding but it's the challenges that cause us to dig deep, investigate, and cause us to grow and learn.
To be comfortable isn't an option.
The most valuable lesson I've learned this year is that comfort in my line of work can be a dangerous thing. We should constantly be challenging oursleves to do and be better. There's always room for improvement and so that's the path I'm chasing down...
I've learned alot in this last year and looking back to when I started I could've never imagined the road i'd travel down. Oddly, enough - what my job has taught me most is about the important things in life...not promotions, not titles, not money...but life.
Strangely enough, those lessons have been reinforced in my personal life as well. Many of you know about the medical journey my bro-in-law has been on and that he's been given a grim prognosis. So in this year, we've had to and are facing the concept of life and death.
Cary turned 30 this year so he's not very old depending on what side of that number you're on and your concept of old!
So given this complex journey for my family, I take that experience with me to my job. I try to remember that families are dealing with complex issues when I see them in the hall. It's very much changed my approach and understanding of the people we serve. I guess you could say that its brought humanity to my work.
This journey has been bittersweet and even now there's much uncertainty. Some days all we can do is to take one day, one moment at a time.
I remember that first week wondering if I had made the right call by choosing healthcare as my concentration for both my master's degrees. I also remembering wondering if I had what it takes to make it in my line of work? There are days when I still wonder that.
But a year later, my department has undergone some major changes. Some unexpected, others necessary and still daily we face new challenges. Something I hope never changes. And I hope the day never arrives when I think I've learned it all or have it all figured out. Maybe to have more understanding but it's the challenges that cause us to dig deep, investigate, and cause us to grow and learn.
To be comfortable isn't an option.
The most valuable lesson I've learned this year is that comfort in my line of work can be a dangerous thing. We should constantly be challenging oursleves to do and be better. There's always room for improvement and so that's the path I'm chasing down...
I've learned alot in this last year and looking back to when I started I could've never imagined the road i'd travel down. Oddly, enough - what my job has taught me most is about the important things in life...not promotions, not titles, not money...but life.
Strangely enough, those lessons have been reinforced in my personal life as well. Many of you know about the medical journey my bro-in-law has been on and that he's been given a grim prognosis. So in this year, we've had to and are facing the concept of life and death.
Cary turned 30 this year so he's not very old depending on what side of that number you're on and your concept of old!
So given this complex journey for my family, I take that experience with me to my job. I try to remember that families are dealing with complex issues when I see them in the hall. It's very much changed my approach and understanding of the people we serve. I guess you could say that its brought humanity to my work.
This journey has been bittersweet and even now there's much uncertainty. Some days all we can do is to take one day, one moment at a time.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
the town I live in
Well hello 2012! Last time I wrote was I don't remember when and I honestly meant to write and update on the latest happenings. But things got crazy over the Christmas holidays. For starters, my bro-in-law ended 2011 and started 2012 in the hospital. He gave us a real scare! He's still in the hospital and slowly recovering so we appreciate any prayers you can send up on his behalf!
ok so I thought the crazy drama would end there but it didn't...and to be honest, I'm not really concerned with any of it so we won't discuss it. But Ricardo and I did spend the most time, we've ever spent together as in the same city...same vicinity, etc...you get it?
He spent Christmas break in Lubbock. So after the festivities with both our families, we made the trek with Miss Fancy in tow to Lubbock. This was huge for a number of reasons but mainly because this would be the test to see if our relationship works because it works or if it works because we live so far away from each other! lol
I laugh about this but I was probably just as serious/scared about the results as Ricardo was. Mainly because we were closing in on our two year anniversary. According to our early plans, we should've been married by now but for one reason or another just hadn't gone in that direction.
Looking back, I think it was for good reason. There are just some things that sometimes need to happen to naturally evolve you to the place you need to be for certain life events to be in their right timing.
anyhow..there is no speculation about marriage, etc so don't go drawing conclusions or making assumptions. what is fact is that Ricardo and I celebrated two years together and it was good. we were able to reflect on the last two years and if anyone tells you that relationships are clear cut and simple, stay away from their advice cause they've been drinking from the "lala land" punch bowl.
relationships are anything but and for some odd reason it finally clicked that there are no right or wrong answers to relationships but that it really is about honesty, communication, trust, and vulnerability.
Ricardo and I passed the can we live in the same vicinity test and honestly, it was nice to have him close by. so we're working on remedying the whole "living half way across the state from one another" situation. that makes me happy...and honestly, i'm happy with where we are and how our relationship has naturally progressed.
I finally realized I just needed to sit back and enjoy where we are at. It won't always be like this and time is short. that's been the major lesson as of late (given my bro-in-laws health situation). you cant take anything for granted.
i've done some travelling with my brother in the last month. so we've had lots of conversations about life and living. Ricardo and I have talked about it as well. I dont know how long my time on earth will be, but if I'm called home - I want to be able to look back at my life and know that I did what I could and should, took advantage of every opportunity afforded me, that I loved deeply - loved hard - with deep meaningful relationships leaving nothing unsaid. I want all that so that I could go in peace knowing it was my time to go.
peace is a funny thing because it's not something that arrives with huge fanfare. no it quietly creeps in and is what puts our souls at ease and calms our fears. it gives us hope that everything is going to be ok. doesnt leave us in a frantic state but leaves us calm with understanding. it is the peace that passes all understanding. that is what I wish for those that i love deeply who are in my life: peace.
its what i feel about Ricardo, feel and know about our future together and what I have about where i'm at now and what I need to be doing to prepare for my future. i trust 2012 to be in God's hands and know that whatever we face, we'll face together as a family. we'll laugh, cry, be silent but we WILL be. God's promised to never leave us alone and I find that so true now in my family life and the things my family is enduring.
I have such hope for my sister and her family...for my two nephews whom I love and adore. their smiles mean the world to me. I never knew that two little boys could completely turn my world upside down but they along with Ricardo in differing ways have stolen my heart.
2011 was the year of endings and beginnings. 2012 will bring additional changes both welcomed and not so welcoming. but that is life. a cycle of seasons. the point is to find the joy and beauty in each season for it will endure but a brief moment.
Ecclesiastes reminds us that there is a moment for all things. for joy, laughter, sorrow, sadness, giving, mourning, etc. so take time in this moment to live, embrace, and put your brave face on. for the next season is already on its way.
ok so I thought the crazy drama would end there but it didn't...and to be honest, I'm not really concerned with any of it so we won't discuss it. But Ricardo and I did spend the most time, we've ever spent together as in the same city...same vicinity, etc...you get it?
He spent Christmas break in Lubbock. So after the festivities with both our families, we made the trek with Miss Fancy in tow to Lubbock. This was huge for a number of reasons but mainly because this would be the test to see if our relationship works because it works or if it works because we live so far away from each other! lol
I laugh about this but I was probably just as serious/scared about the results as Ricardo was. Mainly because we were closing in on our two year anniversary. According to our early plans, we should've been married by now but for one reason or another just hadn't gone in that direction.
Looking back, I think it was for good reason. There are just some things that sometimes need to happen to naturally evolve you to the place you need to be for certain life events to be in their right timing.
anyhow..there is no speculation about marriage, etc so don't go drawing conclusions or making assumptions. what is fact is that Ricardo and I celebrated two years together and it was good. we were able to reflect on the last two years and if anyone tells you that relationships are clear cut and simple, stay away from their advice cause they've been drinking from the "lala land" punch bowl.
relationships are anything but and for some odd reason it finally clicked that there are no right or wrong answers to relationships but that it really is about honesty, communication, trust, and vulnerability.
Ricardo and I passed the can we live in the same vicinity test and honestly, it was nice to have him close by. so we're working on remedying the whole "living half way across the state from one another" situation. that makes me happy...and honestly, i'm happy with where we are and how our relationship has naturally progressed.
I finally realized I just needed to sit back and enjoy where we are at. It won't always be like this and time is short. that's been the major lesson as of late (given my bro-in-laws health situation). you cant take anything for granted.
i've done some travelling with my brother in the last month. so we've had lots of conversations about life and living. Ricardo and I have talked about it as well. I dont know how long my time on earth will be, but if I'm called home - I want to be able to look back at my life and know that I did what I could and should, took advantage of every opportunity afforded me, that I loved deeply - loved hard - with deep meaningful relationships leaving nothing unsaid. I want all that so that I could go in peace knowing it was my time to go.
peace is a funny thing because it's not something that arrives with huge fanfare. no it quietly creeps in and is what puts our souls at ease and calms our fears. it gives us hope that everything is going to be ok. doesnt leave us in a frantic state but leaves us calm with understanding. it is the peace that passes all understanding. that is what I wish for those that i love deeply who are in my life: peace.
its what i feel about Ricardo, feel and know about our future together and what I have about where i'm at now and what I need to be doing to prepare for my future. i trust 2012 to be in God's hands and know that whatever we face, we'll face together as a family. we'll laugh, cry, be silent but we WILL be. God's promised to never leave us alone and I find that so true now in my family life and the things my family is enduring.
I have such hope for my sister and her family...for my two nephews whom I love and adore. their smiles mean the world to me. I never knew that two little boys could completely turn my world upside down but they along with Ricardo in differing ways have stolen my heart.
2011 was the year of endings and beginnings. 2012 will bring additional changes both welcomed and not so welcoming. but that is life. a cycle of seasons. the point is to find the joy and beauty in each season for it will endure but a brief moment.
Ecclesiastes reminds us that there is a moment for all things. for joy, laughter, sorrow, sadness, giving, mourning, etc. so take time in this moment to live, embrace, and put your brave face on. for the next season is already on its way.
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