When all is said and done

July 4th...

Tomorrow most people will celebrate with family and/or friends with BBQ's, cook-outs, picnics, out at lake or park ending the night with fireworks. 

We engage in some of those activities but not quite to the same extent. I think my mom has obliged ius because she's a mom. 

My dad and her were with us over the weekend as we transferred my nephews back to my sister. They left earlier this evening and while it would've been nice to have them with us, I know there's a part of her that finds some comfort being home. 

She doesn't celebrate the 4th of July in the same way that we do and not because she's any less patriotic. My grandfather was a veteran...and he passed while as a civilian in a tragic accident. She was young just out of high school. 

A singular decision would change her life and the makeup of her family. I think I'll never understood how hard that experience was for her but today I caught just a tiny glimpse. She said something to me in passing that had I not known the back story, I probably would've over looked her words without much thought. 

This year marks 45 years since his passing. 

45 years...

My grandfather passed before we were born so we never met him. We only know about him from stories we've been told by our mom and relatives. He has a sister who is still alive. She calls my mom and her siblings and has kept an eye on them. I know she loved her brother and that she felt a responsibility to keep an eye on his children. 

Over the last year or so I've researched our family ancestry. It's been amazing to see photos and gain a better understanding of our ancestors lives thru documents. 

Its been said "to know who you are and where you're going, you have to know where you've come from." It's been important to know our family history so that we can pass it on to the next generation. For me - that's my nephews. It's appropriate given their situation. 

Many of you know their dad has been ill for some time. There have been many moments when we've thought this is it. Surprisingly he's beat a lot of odds. He's beat a lot of odds. He's survived longer than his transplant dr's thought he would. I remember those moments, I was in grad school working on a project in Lubbock waiting for updates from my sister or parents. My folks made the long trip up to Minnesota to be with my sister as they waited. We all wondered if he'd be strong enough to survive...and he was. We almost lost him several times in the days and moments that followed. He was taken back in because he was bleeding out in recovery. My sister got a call in the middle of the night to head back to the office so my dad drove her over due to snowy conditions in Minnesota at the time. Miraculous Cary survived and he's been given almost 7 additional years with his children. 

We've been a bit tight lipped about the process of his disease. Not because we wish to be secretive but because we've been here many times before. I can't tell you how hard it's been on my sister, bro-in-law, or nephews. I can't even put into words to describe their experience because it is uniquely theirs. I've only had the privilege to be a spectator in close proximity. Each time, there's a bit of "ok we've been here and he's survived the last round..." And the approach begins to be tempered with a bit of disbelief. So I think we've purposely waited to post or say anything because we don't want to mislead in any way. No one knows when we will be called home, no one knows the hour that death will knock on our door.

We know there will come the day when he will pass but I think our hearts are unsure of how to process the "this is really it-ness"...we just don't know. Only God knows when he'll call Cary home. 

If you don't know by now, Cary's back on hospice. I wont go into any details but i'll say from my perspective it is very different this time around. For the most part our prayers have and are centered on rest and peace...

I know there are those that will say "is this really it." I can only say, we don't know. But we do know that each day more that Cary gets to spend with his boys is a gift. All we can do is support them in whatever way possible.

You have to know that this process is not for the faint of heart. It is exhausting and draining in every way imaginable and while we may feel just a slight ounce of that as we play supportive to, we'll never feel the weight or burden of the entirety of the process as much as my sister and nephews will. For that reason, we work to be as sensitive as possible and to be as protective as possible. 

Amanda is my baby sister and no matter how old she gets, she will always be my baby sister and my brother will always be my little brother. 

I've always believed in being upfront and truthful. We've had those conversations necessary to understand how to best support my sister, my BIL and her boys. There's no manual that says here's what you do but we each do what we can to help her as best as we can. For that reason, I think there's been a few prevalent songs on my mind. 

Both songs from Geoff Moore and from a completely different time in life. Those songs take on a different meaning today than they did then. The first being "when all is said and done"...the later "listen to our hearts." 

We are hyper-aware of the frailty of our humanity; that we are not promised tomorrow. We are aware that our actions and words can have incredible implications. Our hearts, our attention, our focus is on supporting my sister and her family. I think about the lyrics of when all is said and done...those lyrics have never been more prevalent than now. 

As you celebrate the 4th of July, keep those families who've lost a loved one in service to our country in your prayers. I'm sure today, they miss their loved ones more than ever!

When all is said and done

https://youtu.be/Qri1ibZb8xk

Lyrics: 

When the music fades into the past,

When the days of life are through,

What will be remembered of where I've come?

When all is said and done?

Will they say I loved my family?

That I was a faithful friend?

That I lived to tell of God's own son?

When all is said and done.

Of how I long to see the hour,

When I would hear that trumpet sound.

So I could rise and see my Savior's face,

And see him smile,

And say 'Well done.'

You can forget my name

And the songs I've sung,

Every rhyme and every tune.

But remember the truth of Jesus' love,

When all is said and done

When all is said and done.

Listen to our hearts

https://youtu.be/lpK9v0MvxDE

Lyrics:

How do you explain, how do you describe 
A love that goes from the east to west 
And runs as deep as it is ride 
You know all our hopes 
Lord, you know all our fears 
And words cannot express the love we feel 
But we long for You to hear 

So listen to our hearts 
Here our spirit sing
A song of praise that flows 
From those you have redeemed
We will use the words we know 
To tell you what an awesome God You are
But words are not enough 
To tell you of our love 
So listen to our hearts 

If words could fall like rain 
From these lips of mine 
And if I had a thousand years 
I would still run out of time 
So if You'll listen to my heart 
Every beat will say 
Thank You for the life, Thank You for the truth, 
Thank You for the way

A chance meeting

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My mom and I got to meet this guy at the airport. After taking in the Boston Marathon experience for a second year. Seemed poignant that, especially after a year with my company, I left with a deeper appreciate and profound insight for the things some of us take for granted on a daily basis. I recognized him from seeing him in Feneuil Hall. 

I immediately congratulated him and was quite surprised when he engaged us in conversation. We can only imagine what his training must of looked like and the fact that he crossed that finish line, no matter the time, deserves to be celebrated. Boston is one of the toughest courses and right between mile 20 and 21 lies heartbreak hill...each runner has to dig a little deeper just before the stretch home. The cheer of crowds often give that final momentum of motivation needed to cross the finish line. From the look on some runners faces, the anguish and agony to finish is very real and that's when the crowd kicks in with their cheers and encouragement. The sheer elation he had and pride in this accomplishment is infectious. 

Here's a guy who has obviously overcome some major hurdles! Doesn't mean he won't have more to come. At the same time, he wasn't the first to finish the race. I think the point is that it wasn't about what place he came in at. The point is that he finished the race. In fact, he finished dead last. 

At one point in our conversation he turned and looked back, he said "I may have finished last but at least I finished and can tell my kids 'look your dad accomplished something!'" 

I couldn't agree more! Boston is the Holy Grail for any runner. Only about 35,000 runners are accepted. Entry is competitive and often times, runners who have met time qualifications don't get in because there were more runners who out paced them to qualify. The fact that he's there is something to be proud of. Whether he was there by a charity spot or via qualification, he was there. He ran Boston and has his medal to prove it!

Folks run Boston for a number of reasons. My brother does as a celebration of life and health. He worked hard to be in a healthy place post college/grad school. He picked up running and discovered he was pretty good and enjoyed it! That's how we ended up in Boston for a second year in a row. 

We don't believe in happen stance or coincidence. We believe all things happen for a reason, reasons we may not understand today or may ever understand. 

I'm grateful for moments like these. Over the last year, I've learned more about wounds that won't heal. Not figuratively, but actual flesh wounds. I understand the mechanisms that can stall healing and also know there are many product that can promote healing. Healing is most difficult for folks with compromised immune systems and for diabetics. 

Moments like these make me proud to work for a company focused on wound care and helping folks heal so they can get back to every day life. Our mantra is to "make better."

It may sound hokey but I think about that in my own work. While I may never directly interest with patients, I do interact  with providers and administrators and support folks who interact with providers and administrators on a daily basis. My job is to help arm them with information and data. There are countless studies that have proven the efficacy of our products and I strongly believe in the work my organization does.

What more, I have a powerful and relevant story to share with one of our teams as we present on quality and the impacts. Interactions like this serve as reminders that I'm where I need to be, doing what I've been called to do. Grateful for the experience and humbled by the opportunity.

Six years in the making and a lifetime more to go!

Technically today is Ricardo and my 1st wedding anniversary. Given all the hinges that have occurred in the last few weeks, we knew it would be bittersweet. It is very much that and so much more.

I think it's why we chose to celebrate in Austin with our close friends and family. Austin was our first home, it's where we honeymooned (even though we lived here) and sought refuse from a brutal holiday season! We spent five nights at the Barton Springs Resort and the days after settling into a new rhythm of life before heading back to work. Those moments in our lives were incredible. 

Life continued and we were very much enjoying life as newly weds. (Insert record scratch here!)

But Ricardo and I are realist. We don't sugar-coat our relationship and we believe in transparency and honestly. We don't pretend somethings when it isn't...and so as some may say, "the honeymoon was over pretty quickly."

To some that notion may seem sad or horrible. To Ricardo and I, it's exactly who we are. He sometimes drives me nuts and sometimes I drive him banana. We just had a discussion coming home how he never follows my driving instructions even after he asks me for them. Yet, we both know (he's professed it) that he's horrible with directions. But that's how it goes, we're very human. And prone to error. The analyst in me says this should get better with time and improved processes but relationships are an entity of their own! So you learn to pick your battles...is his not following my directions going to ruin our lives, statistically speaking "likely no."

Is it worth losing my marbles over? No, not really...so I let him take the road he wants to take and when he's ready for my directions, I provide them though not always as kindly as I should. We're working on the flaws...but for now they are what they are. So to some it may seem that our honeymoon is over but this is seriously how we have always been. I think with time we've become better. We've grown and while we've been given time to settle, we know we have to continue to grow and so we do both independently and together. 

We are not extremely lovey-dovey publicly, it's not who we are. We are very independent people after all, but mess with my husband and a flip switches...why because it's MY husband and I love him dearly and while he doesn't need me to protect him, it's in my nature to do so. To be honest, my husband and Jesus are probably the only reasons why I've not landed myself in jail. 

We decided that for our first anniversary, we'd spend it in Austin visiting friends and we'd stay where we honeymooned.  Omni Hotels has been just amazing to us!

It's hard to believe that a year ago the worries of the day were a wedding license...there's tremendous buildup to the big day and like a buble bursting in air it is gone just as quickly sad it started.

I took a few moments to reflect on our wedding and this first year of marriage. The wedding itself went by so quickly. We had an amazing time. However, I hardly got a chance to talk to some of the guests we wanted to visit with. There were things that went wrong but in the end, those things don't matter. The ceremony and reception was gorgeous! There were so many who contributed all in significant ways that we're so thankful for! It was incredible. 

As we checked into the hotel tonight, I had a twinge of sadness as I opened the closet. A year ago, I had hung up my dress in the closet until we could get it home. I've still to mark it and send it off to be preserved. Something I need to do soon.

I stopped to think about how life had so drastically changed and realized we'd weathered life together fairly well over this year.