Hard to believe it's been two weeks since my brother-in-law passed. Feels both like it was both yesterday and ages ago.
Death is no respector of age, race, or condition.
Cary experienced the ultimate healing on August 4, 2017 as he passed from this life to the next.
We, alongside my sister, his boys, family, and friends, laid him to rest last Saturday. The outpouring of love my sister had received had been overwhelming at times but graciously beautiful. Many of you know that Cary suffered for years. He had a Total pancreatectomy in 2009 in an expected attempt to extend his life 2-4 years. Without it, he likely wouldn't of lasted long.
At the time, his boys were young: ages 1 and 4.
When he was first diagnosed, we knew it was going to be fatal. The news was heart wrenching but he endured for almost 8 years.
We give thanks to the Lord for allowing Cary to pass in peace.
To say the last week has been rough, is a complete understatement. Emotionally, we'll be raw for some time: more so my sister and nephews. Pray for peace and for comfort.
Preparing for his funeral, I put together a Memorial slide show for my sister. What I learned from that is that the Lord answered Cary's prayers. He'd asked to live long enough so his boys would know him. Oh they knew him alright! They knew his funny quirks and shared many memories.
Pictures are a bit sparse as the boys aged but it had more to do with Cary's illness progressing and the fact that he was more homebound in the last few years.
Cary was rambunctious and I told my sister I expected him to walk right into a heaven never becoming bed-bound. He almost did.
At his funeral, we joked that we expected him to pop up and let us know what wasn't being done right! Cause that's the sort of personality my brother-in-law had!
He'd once sent a letter to Wendy's corporate because he'd been charged $.25 for croutons and they were supposed to be free! He gave me a gift card for Christmas once and it had a strange amount. It was because he's subtracted the amount of the cost of the gift card (it costs because it had sound). He'd also given me a nut cookie jar and a cucuy Indian garden statute!
He took us to England when my sister and e first got married. It was he craziest trip we'd ever gone on because of his intense itinerary. But we all agreed we got more than our money's worth. He should've been a tour guide, he woulda been good at it.
I joked with my husband that Cary would decide to depart so close to my 40th birthday! I don't seriously believe he did it to steal my birthday thunder but I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he did! Lol...that's the relationship we had.
So I conceded the limelight to him (for good reason and not begrudgedly). Cary had been waiting for some time to pass. It was hard to watch as his body waste away, his physical limitations frustrating him.
Cary's always been a doer. He didn't sit on the sidelines and watch. He'd roll up his sleeves and join in the work...most especially if you gave him a clipboard! I joked that Cary was up in heaven organizing Sunday morning services, giving the apostles their seating assignments and letting the angels know their cue when to sing!
More importantly than any of that...he's walking the streets of gold and he's at eternal rest. No longer held by the limitations of his physical body. We can only imagine what his eyes are seeing.
We knew he was tired and in pain so the focus of our prayers shifted to how he'd transition from our world to the next. Our hope was that it would be peaceful and painless.
As loud and dramatic as Cary was, ironically he slipped from our world to the next as gently and quietly as a lamb.
One of the last conversations I had with him, we promised him that we'd look after my sister and his boys. I think he knew we meant it and time has proven our words to be true.
Cary - you can now Rest In Peace and high on that mountain. You're work on earth is done! We have your watch; keep on the sunny side!
Your sister
Laura
Friday, August 18, 2017
Sunday, August 6, 2017
We are not without hope...it is well....1 Thessalonians 4:13
My it's been some time since I've last written. It's been a whirlwind since my last post. I had started a new blog but never really got to find consistent time to write. I've started half-a-dozen blogs or so but never really felt strong enough about them to publish.
By now, most of all of our close family and friends know that my brother-in-law's went to be with the Lord yesterday morning. He endured a traumatic injury Wednesday evening. We knew he was not likely to recover but like so many times before I think we stood on the brink of "is this it?" We thought he would bounce back like the many times before.
We just didn't know. He began transitioning mid-morning and a few short hours later, he drew his last breath. He left as peacefully, quietly, and unexpectedly as anyone could depart. He simply stepped out of the room and into the other side of Grace. He left this world with dignity and in peace: an answer to a consistent core prayer for us. The thing we all wanted for him and for my sister. While the pain we may feel, pails in comparison to the pain felt by my sister, his parents or sister. We do feel his loss and largely through my sister and nephews.
We do not pretend to think the next steps to come are easy, that there won't be challenges.
There are two young boys in this mix and so our efforts have been largely focused on stability and love.
I've spent alot of time reflecting on family and what it means.
When we first learned about Cary's illness and his likely outcome. We prayed that God would bring the right answers....medical solutions, miracles, whatever it was that God would want to do. We've never pretended to understand God's plan for Cary. At times, our prayers have focused on relief for Cary, other times they were centered on healing, but our prayers have varied over time in many ways.
Even now, I have no real answers as to why. To me, it's not important. God began a good work and was faithful to complete it. I hope and trust in the unseen. We do not mourn without hope and so while we may shed tears, they are stemmed from the pain of a physical separation. Death was designed to be painful...but our mourning is also fully adorned with an eternal hope that we will meet again someday.
Maybe that's something that you believe or maybe you believe something all together different. But it has been that hope that has sustained us...that hope that propels us and that hope that will keep us moving forward long after my brother-in-law is laid to rest.
About 10 years ago, I took a sabbatical compelled to focus on very specific activities. Initially, I had thought that focus was returning to school to finish my undergraduate work and when that was completed it would shift towards my graduate studies. But soon after starting grad school, the area of focus would seismicly shift to my family - specifically my sister, her husband, and her boys. Along the path, I have failed at times, but time has brought consistency. Learning what it is to not only say family is important but then to act in a way that reaffirms that value. It's been a slow growing process. Through it, the road has meandered and weaved in directions I would've never imagined. Ricardo and I stay active but in ways that are inconspicuous. We've never said we thought this was the absolutely right approach but it was what was best for us at the point of where we were. It's allowed us the freedom to come and go as needed to serve my sister and her boys.
At one time, I used to juggle a million things at once but I learned that I never mastered any of those things...so I decided to focus on the most important part of life: my sister and her family.
My brother-in-law and I were not the best of friends...In fact, I know I challenged him in ways that caused us to clash. We had very few moments were we would agree but we are in some ways cut from similar bolts of cloth. In other ways, we have completely bi-polar viewpoints that were never going to be exactly aligned. But this was the man my sister loved. Our relationship was not perfect. It was never going to be...but I'd never wish on anyone the suffering he endured. I don't fully understand it either. I don't think I understood what his illness would mean until my oldest nephew called me one day. My sister and bro-in-law had just had a conversation with him about what my bro-in-laws fate was likely to be.
My nephew was upset and asked to call and talk to me. So i answered the phone to a little voice. I could literally hear the tears in his voice. My sister explained what had happened...and in that small voice, he mustered up "but God can heal my dad - can't he?"
It took everything I had to maintain my composure as tears filled my eyes. I understood then the price that would be paid. What I would've given for their experience to have been different. To have had a healthy dad that would have more time with them. I took a moment to take a deep breath and said to him "absolutely baby. God can heal him..."
I believed it then...I believe it now but I also had a different kind of maturity to know that whether God decided to heal him in a way that would extend his life on earth, or to heal him in Heaven - it didn't really matter because we'd still give God the place He deserves. We'd still praise Him, we'd still thank Him, we'd still trust Him...it was in that moment that I understood the why of focusing on family. It's been painful and it's been hard, but I wouldn't change any of it. I regret nothing because nothing worthwhile comes without hard-work and toil.
Here we are six years later...that little boy who posed that question so many years ago is now a young man. He's growing at a rate that is unimaginable and before long, he'll be bound for college. Not wanting to spend any time with his auntie. I'm not a perfect aunt. I've made plenty of mistakes but we continually ask God to give us wisdom as we interact with our nieces and nephews...to give us wisdom in helping to point our nieces and nephews to Jesus, to the Father....to live our lives in a way that show's who we believe God to be. I see it in the small things...the conversations my nephews have with my husband or how they'll bump up next to him to walk with him when we're at a store or walking to the car...i see it when they call me and ask how my day was or what I'm up to. Who they'll understand God to be will largely be impacted by how the adults in their lives live out those principles and values.
This weekend they were supposed to be in San Antonio to enjoy a final trip before they begin their school year at a new school in a new city. Obviously those plans changed. Instead, we've spent this weekend working through arrangements but focused on my nephews and sister. We managed to get in some school shopping (yes there were some challenges there...) but we managed to find what we were looking for and so we'll take that as a win. Last night, my husband helped me to take the boys swimming and so for a brief moment I saw smiles on their faces as we splashed each other and chased each other around the pool. We've had alot of conversations about feelings and that its ok to be happy one minute and to cry the next and to miss their dad the next. We're working to keep those communication lines open to help level the playing field so that if they need to talk - they know someone is around to listen to them. Tougher days are ahead, without a doubt and we know that many more tears will be shed but we know God will see us all through them. We know He's still who He says He is and that will never change.
The end of the week will find us reunited to lay my brother-in-law to rest alongside his family. The last time I spoke with Cary I told him we would look after his boys and my sister. I think he knew us well enough to know that we'd do what we said we would do.
We know that his funeral will be hard. We'll cry, we reflect on Cary's life, and we'll give thanks for God's work in his life. We know his boys will have questions. We'll listen and we'll answer as best we can...but we'll be there...it's the only thing we know to do. This focus on family didn't start with me, it didn't start with Ricardo...it started long ago with our grandparents, passed on to our parents, then to us....now to our nephews.
The hardest days will come when they get home and begin to figure out how to live life a new. There may be sadness for a period but joy will come in the mourning.
We'll remember the crazy things Cary said and did...his quirks...his sayings...and we'll know he's in a better place. Probably organizing the morning services in heaven...instructing the choir on when to start the singing, seating the apostles, lining up the angels...because that's who Cary was. If they have clip boards in heaven, Cary's probably got the biggest one there...lol
Our family has and will always be changed because of Cary's entrance and departure from this world.
Was Cary perfect? no...but none of us are. If not for the grace of God, who gives us eternal hope. The following verse seems appropriate. Death where is your sting? Thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ and because of that victory we do not mourn without hope.
To those who have sustained us in prayer, there are no words to express our gratitude. To the multitude of individuals who provided support in any manner to Cary, my sister, and her boys; we are eternally grateful for you. Please know that your support is recognized as the ministry of Jesus to his bride. From the bottom of our hearts - thank you!
Cary ran his race and came to the finish line. He crossed that line Wednesday morning. May we follow in that same pursuit - to run our own races and to finish them well.
1 Corinthians 15:55-57
The Anthem
By his stripes we are healed
By his nail-pierced hands we’re free
By his blood, we’re washed clean
Now we have the victory.
The power of sin is broken,
Jesus overcame it all,
He has won our freedom,
Jesus has won it all,
Hallelujah!
You have won the victory.
Hallelujah!
You have won it all for me.
Death could not hold you down
You are the risen king
Seated in Majesty
You are the risen king
Our god is risen, he is alive
He won the victory, he reigns on high
By now, most of all of our close family and friends know that my brother-in-law's went to be with the Lord yesterday morning. He endured a traumatic injury Wednesday evening. We knew he was not likely to recover but like so many times before I think we stood on the brink of "is this it?" We thought he would bounce back like the many times before.
We just didn't know. He began transitioning mid-morning and a few short hours later, he drew his last breath. He left as peacefully, quietly, and unexpectedly as anyone could depart. He simply stepped out of the room and into the other side of Grace. He left this world with dignity and in peace: an answer to a consistent core prayer for us. The thing we all wanted for him and for my sister. While the pain we may feel, pails in comparison to the pain felt by my sister, his parents or sister. We do feel his loss and largely through my sister and nephews.
We do not pretend to think the next steps to come are easy, that there won't be challenges.
There are two young boys in this mix and so our efforts have been largely focused on stability and love.
I've spent alot of time reflecting on family and what it means.
When we first learned about Cary's illness and his likely outcome. We prayed that God would bring the right answers....medical solutions, miracles, whatever it was that God would want to do. We've never pretended to understand God's plan for Cary. At times, our prayers have focused on relief for Cary, other times they were centered on healing, but our prayers have varied over time in many ways.
Even now, I have no real answers as to why. To me, it's not important. God began a good work and was faithful to complete it. I hope and trust in the unseen. We do not mourn without hope and so while we may shed tears, they are stemmed from the pain of a physical separation. Death was designed to be painful...but our mourning is also fully adorned with an eternal hope that we will meet again someday.
Maybe that's something that you believe or maybe you believe something all together different. But it has been that hope that has sustained us...that hope that propels us and that hope that will keep us moving forward long after my brother-in-law is laid to rest.
About 10 years ago, I took a sabbatical compelled to focus on very specific activities. Initially, I had thought that focus was returning to school to finish my undergraduate work and when that was completed it would shift towards my graduate studies. But soon after starting grad school, the area of focus would seismicly shift to my family - specifically my sister, her husband, and her boys. Along the path, I have failed at times, but time has brought consistency. Learning what it is to not only say family is important but then to act in a way that reaffirms that value. It's been a slow growing process. Through it, the road has meandered and weaved in directions I would've never imagined. Ricardo and I stay active but in ways that are inconspicuous. We've never said we thought this was the absolutely right approach but it was what was best for us at the point of where we were. It's allowed us the freedom to come and go as needed to serve my sister and her boys.
At one time, I used to juggle a million things at once but I learned that I never mastered any of those things...so I decided to focus on the most important part of life: my sister and her family.
My brother-in-law and I were not the best of friends...In fact, I know I challenged him in ways that caused us to clash. We had very few moments were we would agree but we are in some ways cut from similar bolts of cloth. In other ways, we have completely bi-polar viewpoints that were never going to be exactly aligned. But this was the man my sister loved. Our relationship was not perfect. It was never going to be...but I'd never wish on anyone the suffering he endured. I don't fully understand it either. I don't think I understood what his illness would mean until my oldest nephew called me one day. My sister and bro-in-law had just had a conversation with him about what my bro-in-laws fate was likely to be.
My nephew was upset and asked to call and talk to me. So i answered the phone to a little voice. I could literally hear the tears in his voice. My sister explained what had happened...and in that small voice, he mustered up "but God can heal my dad - can't he?"
It took everything I had to maintain my composure as tears filled my eyes. I understood then the price that would be paid. What I would've given for their experience to have been different. To have had a healthy dad that would have more time with them. I took a moment to take a deep breath and said to him "absolutely baby. God can heal him..."
I believed it then...I believe it now but I also had a different kind of maturity to know that whether God decided to heal him in a way that would extend his life on earth, or to heal him in Heaven - it didn't really matter because we'd still give God the place He deserves. We'd still praise Him, we'd still thank Him, we'd still trust Him...it was in that moment that I understood the why of focusing on family. It's been painful and it's been hard, but I wouldn't change any of it. I regret nothing because nothing worthwhile comes without hard-work and toil.
Here we are six years later...that little boy who posed that question so many years ago is now a young man. He's growing at a rate that is unimaginable and before long, he'll be bound for college. Not wanting to spend any time with his auntie. I'm not a perfect aunt. I've made plenty of mistakes but we continually ask God to give us wisdom as we interact with our nieces and nephews...to give us wisdom in helping to point our nieces and nephews to Jesus, to the Father....to live our lives in a way that show's who we believe God to be. I see it in the small things...the conversations my nephews have with my husband or how they'll bump up next to him to walk with him when we're at a store or walking to the car...i see it when they call me and ask how my day was or what I'm up to. Who they'll understand God to be will largely be impacted by how the adults in their lives live out those principles and values.
This weekend they were supposed to be in San Antonio to enjoy a final trip before they begin their school year at a new school in a new city. Obviously those plans changed. Instead, we've spent this weekend working through arrangements but focused on my nephews and sister. We managed to get in some school shopping (yes there were some challenges there...) but we managed to find what we were looking for and so we'll take that as a win. Last night, my husband helped me to take the boys swimming and so for a brief moment I saw smiles on their faces as we splashed each other and chased each other around the pool. We've had alot of conversations about feelings and that its ok to be happy one minute and to cry the next and to miss their dad the next. We're working to keep those communication lines open to help level the playing field so that if they need to talk - they know someone is around to listen to them. Tougher days are ahead, without a doubt and we know that many more tears will be shed but we know God will see us all through them. We know He's still who He says He is and that will never change.
The end of the week will find us reunited to lay my brother-in-law to rest alongside his family. The last time I spoke with Cary I told him we would look after his boys and my sister. I think he knew us well enough to know that we'd do what we said we would do.
We know that his funeral will be hard. We'll cry, we reflect on Cary's life, and we'll give thanks for God's work in his life. We know his boys will have questions. We'll listen and we'll answer as best we can...but we'll be there...it's the only thing we know to do. This focus on family didn't start with me, it didn't start with Ricardo...it started long ago with our grandparents, passed on to our parents, then to us....now to our nephews.
The hardest days will come when they get home and begin to figure out how to live life a new. There may be sadness for a period but joy will come in the mourning.
We'll remember the crazy things Cary said and did...his quirks...his sayings...and we'll know he's in a better place. Probably organizing the morning services in heaven...instructing the choir on when to start the singing, seating the apostles, lining up the angels...because that's who Cary was. If they have clip boards in heaven, Cary's probably got the biggest one there...lol
Our family has and will always be changed because of Cary's entrance and departure from this world.
Was Cary perfect? no...but none of us are. If not for the grace of God, who gives us eternal hope. The following verse seems appropriate. Death where is your sting? Thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ and because of that victory we do not mourn without hope.
To those who have sustained us in prayer, there are no words to express our gratitude. To the multitude of individuals who provided support in any manner to Cary, my sister, and her boys; we are eternally grateful for you. Please know that your support is recognized as the ministry of Jesus to his bride. From the bottom of our hearts - thank you!
Cary ran his race and came to the finish line. He crossed that line Wednesday morning. May we follow in that same pursuit - to run our own races and to finish them well.
1 Corinthians 15:55-57
English Standard Version (ESV)
55 “O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” 56 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
The AnthemBy his stripes we are healed
By his nail-pierced hands we’re free
By his blood, we’re washed clean
Now we have the victory.
The power of sin is broken,
Jesus overcame it all,
He has won our freedom,
Jesus has won it all,
Hallelujah!
You have won the victory.
Hallelujah!
You have won it all for me.
Death could not hold you down
You are the risen king
Seated in Majesty
You are the risen king
Our god is risen, he is alive
He won the victory, he reigns on high
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