for some reason, today was especially hard. not been too much going on but i don't know if it was a combination of the weather and songs that were playing on my ipod in shuffle mode or what...every song was a sad lamenting song. i was like, "agh - cut that stuff out!"
I had to program some peppy music. But then i had a conversation which wasnt bad...kinda necessary but brought me back to issues i'd not been wanting to deal with. so i was like drats! i figured its better to deal with this stuff now than let it fester, right? so yeah...that was loads of fun.
however, once i dealt with it, i realized - its outta the way! so i was able to move forward in progression and tackle some stuff that i'd been attempting to complete. one of them is my law school application. will transmit as soon as i finish up my personal statement. took a different approach this time around and i'm feelin pretty comfortable with it. had to design an outline and figure out my approach which was the hard part but soon after the words were flowing..now to cut it down to 600 words or less...not alot of room...but i will try!
i realized that my greatest fear is not in failure like i once thought...its in not attempting to try. if i try and fail, i know that i did everything i could and that's all there is to it. as family, i've seen and been through too many things to know that its not over until its over. God is God and when He decides to prevail there's no stoppin Him. I trust that fully...and am walking in that fully. Just gotta keep moving forward.
i also realized that i could be my dream's worst nightmare. so i decided to stop thinking through every step and scrutinizing. i mean, i'm here for a reason but might as well enjoy my time here. you can become so robotic that you miss out on those zealous beautiful moments of life. like tonights random cheese-less pizza at my bro's in front of his fireplace with a lit fire. it was relaxing and i realize i might not have moments like that with my bro forever. with my sister being so far away and my brother being so close like almost a few blocks away from me, its easy to take advantage of the time i have with him. but i think about how rarely i get to see my sis...and i realize that could be me and my bro.
not sure what city i'm going to end up in for law school..just know that i'm going to law school...that is most defintiely a done deal.
ok so my tia is in town..and my parents will be here tomorrow night and a friend's band is gonna be here sat night and staying with my bro. so lots of visitors this weekend and it couldnt come at a better time. also i cant remember if i wrote about it yesterday, but came across my best friend from junior/high school on facebook and now my closest cousin is on...its like a (singing) "family reunion"!
Jaci is my best friend from junior/high school and man...i could write a book of all the stories with that girl. its been really awesome cause i feel like we pick up right where we left off. you know sometimes, when time passes between two people - it can be a bit awkward. with her, it was natural and comfortable. i always had a good time with her around..may have gotten into more trouble than i bargained for but that's why i loved her and love her still! there are some relationships - no matter what happens - you cant change how you feel about that person.
ok so there's a song i've been listening to for a few weeks. i was debating about posting it but just been alot of stuff happening not just in my own life but people around me that i really care about. so the posting came out of conversations that i've had recently. these conversatins have led to bigger projects and deeper understanding and some concerns for community or the sense of. i can say that in my life, I feel community with not just my family who i love and i know they love me but good friends who have been placed in my life. i cant say enough about how i've been blessed by these relationships and what they have added to my life.
as adults or young adults - no matter your age - facing life's challenges can be tough enough but having support and caring people to surround you in those difficult moments can make all the difference in how you come out of the situation. i'm grateful for those people who have surrounded our family during this last month and most especially my sister's family! but as you face challenging moments in life, friends and family can be like training wheels. as you face more challenging moments, you know that you go deal with the situation at hand and that at the end of the day - doesnt really matter who is or isnt around - you're never alone and never left to carry the burden on your own. there's comfort in that knowledge.
i cant say that the transition to LBK has been 100% smooth or that things have worked out like i anticipated or even hoped...but i can say that i've learned some beautiful lessons through it. even though i joke with my best friend, Smange, about forming a band called The Bitter Two (she knows what it means), i'm working to stay on the positive side of life. i figure there's already too much negativism in the world anyhow...and God's got my back already so what more do i need? its wonderfully liberating!
uhmmm so switching gears here for a minute.
i've officially begun training for my competitive 5k. as in counting calories and watchin nutrition and getting in my cardio workouts and a new training session next week at 6am! whooo hooo!
we have another home game this weekend - hence the familia in town. let's hope we dont embarrass ourselves this time around...oh sweet baby Jesus can you have mercy on us? lol...GUNS UP!!! i'll be sporting my "wicked witch of TTU tights" this weekend...and yes i'm gonna get pics. though i'm not sure what shoes to wear exactly...but weather's supposed to be nice. alright. goodnight and peace be upon you, peace be upon you, peace be upon you (let's see if you know which song that is!) nighty-night loves!
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