its late, i know...
i just finished putting together a case for one of my classes. it could've waited but i have a team to be accountable too and didn't want to let them down. its been an incredible last few weeks. so much, so much to say and yet at the same time so much i need to be discrete about.
i've had many quiet moments with Jesus asking for clarity and direction. moments where really i'm just like, "Jesus here's what I have and this is all i know to do." how blessed are we that when we go to him broken in two, He's like "climb on my lap and lay your worries upon me?" i find it comforting much like when my dad gives me a hug and tells me it's going to be ok. i know he knows and understands and simply in knowing that, there is incredible comfort. i've been thinking alot about that and it is what's pulled me through some grueling moments.
its hard to remain rational when you feel pulled and tugged from all-sides. while i didn't see stress manifest itself in the usual ways, i certainly felt it this morning when i woke. felt an unusual pain and mentioned it to my brother who immediately identified, i'ts cause. i thought - makes sense - because i've been internalizing so many things. wasn't until today i started talkin' about some of the issues i'm facing with the people i love most. i felt it almost self-ish to share my struggles when the pressing issue on the family heart is clearly my sister and her family.
but isn't that what family is about. unconditional love realized through unwaivering support and strength. it's those people you consider your family (whether they are related or not) that can provide what you cannot in those moments of need or crisis and yet all too often, it's in those moments that you see who's really there for you or who was there for themselves. its then that true love pours like an everflowing fountain.
i can't describe it in any other way because even as i write this blog, streams of tears pour down my face. it is so incredibly overwhelming.
yes, these people i call family - we have had our struggles in the last few months. we've faced challenges and even in our relatioships with each other we have endured, faced, and conquered both relevant and non-relevant obstacles. its the choice to love unconditionally that causes us to return to common ground. the place where both parties come to humility to say i love you and i want to walk in this with you...want to work whatever issue we may have...and though it may never be truly settled in a way that you can both understand - the common ground is the only understanding you need. they were willing to meet you and you were willing to meet them - and its in that union that a vulnerability emerges which humbles you into a newer and deeper understanding of the underlying that gets you to the truth and heart of those you love. its a painful but sooo completely beautiful process and in it brings unimagined growth: its solidifies your relationship and provides a foundation of security that no matter what you face - yes, it will be ok.
this process has been magnified in my life by so many situations but undoubtedly by the observance of TRUE love. its found in the grace of my sister who cares for her ailing husband when he cannot care for himself; or in the way my nephew Timothy talks about his Dada; its in the fierceness of my mother who would give her life to protect her children; or my Dad who immediately steps up to the plate of responsiblity to provide and care for the family he loves; its the way my brother laughs or grills a turkey burger; its even found in the txt messages of friends saying i'm prayin for you or thinking of you; its found in the rising of the sun and the light when it sets; its in the night sky as the stars shine; and...
its found in a moment of silence.
when no one is around to see you or hear you...just the quiet lull of a computer screen and words you place on it. its then that you decide "I shall believe"
what exactly is it that I believe? that nothing can ever be hidden though we try...that its ok to be broken in two....that going home is always the best solution...and that matter what we feel or see its the faith in the unseen that carries us through to that next place we're so desperately waiting for...that sometimes letting go is necessary and surrendering does not preclude a shameful weakness.
it is when we are weak that He is strong. its in our humilty that He honors us; its our cries that He hears; and its our hearts He desires. there's no fighting, no questioning here...just a willful submission. it is what it is and all i can do place my complete hope, trust, and all i have in the hands of the one who never, ever fails us. its not an easy destination to locate and arrive at but i can say it is well worth the travel.
i cant imagine going through the paces of life (recently) apart from it. its there that you find peace that passes all natural understanding. the kind that makes people say: you must be crazy for enduring but your heart is quieted and your fears and worries laid to rest. there is no anxiety, no uncertainty, no worry because its been left in safe hands.
there is peace and though my actions in the next few weeks may never fully be understood: i can only say its time to roll-up my selves and get to the task i've been assigned. i've never understood this strength within that will not allow me to lay by the side of the road and wallow in self-pity. no, its the kind that says pull yourself up my your boot straps and get to it. i know it is nothing i could ever create within myself but instead is a grace given to me by the One i love the most.
there are no more breaks, no more time-outs, no more excuses. no, its time to get back in the game. with resilient focus, that is my goal, my aim, my task. in this movement into a new direction: there is an element of waiting of being still and knowing...its part of the preparation.
i know this has been a bit abstract but i can only say thank you to those of you who have poured out your love and support into my life and those of my family in these last few days and weeks...its because of your contribution, your gift - that my life overflows now.
the best way i know to honor you is to allow that overflow to bless someone else's life and that's ,y goal for the week. you are all loved and appreciated...
i ask for your continued prayers for Manda and Cary. They travel to Minneapolis this Thurs with my parents following on Friday. It is difficult not to be there physically though in spirit we join and unify with them. We look forward to celebrating the gifts and blessings of life together as a family this season of thanksgiving. i anticipate and expect much to be grateful for! blessings always - may your week be productive and may all things go well for you...
much love and grace
laura
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
URGENT - Prayer Request
Some of you know that my bro-in-law, Cary, has been battling an illness in his pancreas for a quite a while now. He's been through several rounds of Dr's and treatments, everything from having his gall bladder removed to having feed tubes inserted (recently).
He has not progressed in terms of feeling better and they recently visited a specialist in Minneapolis. I don't have all the details but he was approved (last week) for a particular procedure by a transplant specialist, hospital board, and lastly his medical insurance. He's the first to be covered for this procedure so that in itself is a major God accomplished task.
We have been diligently prayer for God to bring healing to Cary's body. His family needs him. He and my sister have two little boys, Timothy and Peter. We believe this procedure is the answer to that prayer.
Surgery was originally scheduled for Oct 26th but they received a call this morning that the surgery has been moved up to Oct 5th! Cary will be in intensive care for about a week but will be hospitalized for about a month - surgery is taking place in Minneapolis which is where he wil spend the next month.
My parents were scheduled to spend those first two critical weeks with my sister to assist her with what she needs. In addition, Cary's mother is arriving along with an aunt around the same time. In the past, there have been complications surrounding that relationship but I believe forgiveness was extended and am praying for COMPLETE peace in that situation.
Nevertheless, plans have been accelerated (season of acceleration for sure!) and my parents will leave to Minneapolis next Sat to meet Cary and Amanda. Cary's surgery is scheduled for Oct 5th at 5:30 am and is an Auto Islet Cell Transplant.
I ask that you join us in prayer. This is a complicated and risky procedure which is a last resort to correct the problems Cary's body has been facing. We are hoping, believing, and trusting that He is going to come out of this surgery WHOLE, COMPLETE, and HEALED.
So please pray for the medical staff - for their wisdom and quickened minds. Pray for my parents and Cary's mom/aunt as they make their way to be with my sis's family. Pray for the Thatchers who will be caring for my two small nephews and are a God sent blessing!. Pray for security and safety for my nephews as they will be displaced for a few weeks while my sister is with Cary.
Pray for my sister - for comfort and peace of mind, for time to put their house in order, and for her time with Cary. Please pray specifically for Cary! There is nothing more precious than life because it is a vapor. So pray for his comfort, peace, and that He'd be a witness and testimony of God's goodness and grace!
Lastly, I ask you to let the Holy Spirit in leading you to pray. May he quicken your hearts and minds to the call to prayer. There is one who comes to steal, kill, and destroy but we know that in Christ Jesus we are more than conquerors. That when we seek Him with all that we have that He hears us and that we can approach His throne with all our requests because of grace knowing He will hear us and respond!
Will post updates as available!
Eternally grateful and with prayers for abundant blessings: it means more than you could know! Laura
He has not progressed in terms of feeling better and they recently visited a specialist in Minneapolis. I don't have all the details but he was approved (last week) for a particular procedure by a transplant specialist, hospital board, and lastly his medical insurance. He's the first to be covered for this procedure so that in itself is a major God accomplished task.
We have been diligently prayer for God to bring healing to Cary's body. His family needs him. He and my sister have two little boys, Timothy and Peter. We believe this procedure is the answer to that prayer.
Surgery was originally scheduled for Oct 26th but they received a call this morning that the surgery has been moved up to Oct 5th! Cary will be in intensive care for about a week but will be hospitalized for about a month - surgery is taking place in Minneapolis which is where he wil spend the next month.
My parents were scheduled to spend those first two critical weeks with my sister to assist her with what she needs. In addition, Cary's mother is arriving along with an aunt around the same time. In the past, there have been complications surrounding that relationship but I believe forgiveness was extended and am praying for COMPLETE peace in that situation.
Nevertheless, plans have been accelerated (season of acceleration for sure!) and my parents will leave to Minneapolis next Sat to meet Cary and Amanda. Cary's surgery is scheduled for Oct 5th at 5:30 am and is an Auto Islet Cell Transplant.
I ask that you join us in prayer. This is a complicated and risky procedure which is a last resort to correct the problems Cary's body has been facing. We are hoping, believing, and trusting that He is going to come out of this surgery WHOLE, COMPLETE, and HEALED.
So please pray for the medical staff - for their wisdom and quickened minds. Pray for my parents and Cary's mom/aunt as they make their way to be with my sis's family. Pray for the Thatchers who will be caring for my two small nephews and are a God sent blessing!. Pray for security and safety for my nephews as they will be displaced for a few weeks while my sister is with Cary.
Pray for my sister - for comfort and peace of mind, for time to put their house in order, and for her time with Cary. Please pray specifically for Cary! There is nothing more precious than life because it is a vapor. So pray for his comfort, peace, and that He'd be a witness and testimony of God's goodness and grace!
Lastly, I ask you to let the Holy Spirit in leading you to pray. May he quicken your hearts and minds to the call to prayer. There is one who comes to steal, kill, and destroy but we know that in Christ Jesus we are more than conquerors. That when we seek Him with all that we have that He hears us and that we can approach His throne with all our requests because of grace knowing He will hear us and respond!
Will post updates as available!
Eternally grateful and with prayers for abundant blessings: it means more than you could know! Laura
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
didnt think i could do it...
what an unreal week. nothing about this one even comes close to what last week looked like. there's been plenty of excitement and alot of realizations...trying to recover from a sinus infection that has just about knocked me out of pocket. it couldnt happen at a worse time.
i dont need any distractions this week. several exams next week and major projects such as case studies due along with the LSAT this sat. LSAT is enough to say it all.
we got great news concerning my sister and bro-in-law. Thank you JESUS! The insurance approved the surgery meaning they have zero out-of-pocket expenses! So surgery is set for Oct 26th. We need all your prayers on that day and the weeks to come that things go well and that Cary have a speedy recovery! This is huge...he has hope of leading a normal life not attached to feeding tubes etc. I'm soooo very happy for my sis. God has been faithful to see them through each hurddle. Its encouraging on soooo many levels.
i cant go without saying that i had hopes in certain situations which have now diminished. all that to say i've taken some necessary steps to progress in a positive direction. asked God to show me and He did and asked Him what to do next, HE said...and in the end all I can do is be obedient and trust. sooo Kari Jobe's song kinda sums it up for me right now.
Your love is pure
your love is precious
your love is all i need
your love is pure
your love is precious
your love is all i need
your love surrounds me
your love astounds me
your love is everything.
i run to you
my heart is weak
i cling to you
your all i see
it's my hearts desire
to be close to you
cause here in your arms
i'll find my strength.
your love is pure
your love is precious
your love is all i need
your love surrounds me
your love astounds me
your love is everything.
i run to you
my heart is weak
i cling to you
your all i see
it's my hearts desire
to be close to you
cause here in your arms
i'll find my strength
i dont need any distractions this week. several exams next week and major projects such as case studies due along with the LSAT this sat. LSAT is enough to say it all.
we got great news concerning my sister and bro-in-law. Thank you JESUS! The insurance approved the surgery meaning they have zero out-of-pocket expenses! So surgery is set for Oct 26th. We need all your prayers on that day and the weeks to come that things go well and that Cary have a speedy recovery! This is huge...he has hope of leading a normal life not attached to feeding tubes etc. I'm soooo very happy for my sis. God has been faithful to see them through each hurddle. Its encouraging on soooo many levels.
i cant go without saying that i had hopes in certain situations which have now diminished. all that to say i've taken some necessary steps to progress in a positive direction. asked God to show me and He did and asked Him what to do next, HE said...and in the end all I can do is be obedient and trust. sooo Kari Jobe's song kinda sums it up for me right now.
Your love is pure
your love is precious
your love is all i need
your love is pure
your love is precious
your love is all i need
your love surrounds me
your love astounds me
your love is everything.
i run to you
my heart is weak
i cling to you
your all i see
it's my hearts desire
to be close to you
cause here in your arms
i'll find my strength.
your love is pure
your love is precious
your love is all i need
your love surrounds me
your love astounds me
your love is everything.
i run to you
my heart is weak
i cling to you
your all i see
it's my hearts desire
to be close to you
cause here in your arms
i'll find my strength
Monday, September 21, 2009
not any easier
the irony...
“Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” Romans 15:7
I just sent an email asking something along these lines. That was the scripture for the day today. there's alot i'd like to share but its late and the last few messages I had to send have drained my brain!
quite a bit is being stirred up and life looks just insane. but that's just it...often times what we think is, really isnt...lol...perceptions. Jesus help me.
school getting intense but so are the stuff of life. praying for my sister and bro-in-law and that situation. not happy that i'll be here finishin up school stuff...but it is what it is. i'd much rather be there supporting them and spending time with my family and most definitely the nephews!
i've also not been feeling super well but i suspect its partly due to stress. LSAT is this sat and while trust the results in God's in hands, its still a pretty big and draining ordeal. I'm prayin for strength and wisdom. I need to make a lot of decisions concerning the future in the next month or so. that's never easy and i'm not exactly certan as to the path I should take. as always, i know God will make it known as needed.
week is going to be intense and i'll be glad to have the LSAT over with. a few major projects on the table so my time is absorbed between that and LSAT prep. more tests comin down the pike and of course the fam is getting ready for the big surgery.
ok so much more to share but i'm drained...need sleep and rest. praying for both tonight.
“Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” Romans 15:7
I just sent an email asking something along these lines. That was the scripture for the day today. there's alot i'd like to share but its late and the last few messages I had to send have drained my brain!
quite a bit is being stirred up and life looks just insane. but that's just it...often times what we think is, really isnt...lol...perceptions. Jesus help me.
school getting intense but so are the stuff of life. praying for my sister and bro-in-law and that situation. not happy that i'll be here finishin up school stuff...but it is what it is. i'd much rather be there supporting them and spending time with my family and most definitely the nephews!
i've also not been feeling super well but i suspect its partly due to stress. LSAT is this sat and while trust the results in God's in hands, its still a pretty big and draining ordeal. I'm prayin for strength and wisdom. I need to make a lot of decisions concerning the future in the next month or so. that's never easy and i'm not exactly certan as to the path I should take. as always, i know God will make it known as needed.
week is going to be intense and i'll be glad to have the LSAT over with. a few major projects on the table so my time is absorbed between that and LSAT prep. more tests comin down the pike and of course the fam is getting ready for the big surgery.
ok so much more to share but i'm drained...need sleep and rest. praying for both tonight.
from few days ago
So here I am up at 6am on a sat morning: writing a note about who knows what? Oh wait, it was about my migraine, that’s right.
The trip home was mostly a blur. My primo slept most of the way and I had a three hour karaoke session by myself so I don’t really remember much of the trip plus the two Excedrin’s I had taken before leaving. I had that foggy feeling which was fading but still had a slight aching in the back of my head. No longer ridden with that throbbing, piercing frontal lobe pain pounding on my forehead. Seriously I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.
I’m back in Angelo and I was planning on driving to San Antonio tomorrow and take care of some stuff at the dealership. But given the current state of my head, decided that move was not so favorable. Well really, a brief conversation with my dad convinced me otherwise. Not that it took much but you know Dad gives you some advice, its usually best to take it: at least that’s been my experience.
So I decided to spend the day hanging around here. There are some things I can take care of and I was able to pull some more stuff that I need to take back with me to LBK. So at least I can say I was somewhat productive. Though this trip is not about productivity. Its about giving myself a mental break from all the insanity that grad school can bring. Sometimes you just gotta step away. I’m not saying its unmanageable because it totally is…but just saying I have more on my plate than I sometimes realize.
I’ve been a bit tunneled vision about school in the last year or so and rightly so as that’s been my current “life’s assignment” so yes I should be focused on it. At the same time, there’s a lot going on back home and with my sis and close friends. So I guess I feel divided at time and helpless to help because my attentions and energies are driven by education right now. It takes a bit more effort to “be there.” I gladly do it because I love these people dearly. The time away provides for a refreshment and clarity to see the big picture and what’s really important in life. Let’s you see those people who are there because they love you not because they want something from you. It’s enlightening in that sense and allows you to return with drive and a renewed energy.
There are a few things that weigh heavily on my heart right now. School thus far has been manageable and every day I learn how to better use my time and prepare for future exams, its been a sort of learning curving and one that’s not been too painful to bear but lessons needed to be learned early on. Then there’s my sis and the situation with her husband who’s been really sick. They are moving forward with a very risky transplant procedure in Oct/Nov. If it works which we believe and pray that it will, then he’ll lead a normal life again! I don’t want to think about if it doesn’t.
The family is gearing up for that major surgery. My parents will be outta pocket for a couple of weeks to be there with my sis, cary, and the nephews. Rightly so. My bro and I will remain in Texas on stand-by if you will: ready to travel up there if needed. I pray and hope that everything goes well not for my sake or even the sake of my family…but for my sister and nephews. They need Cary and even though, heaven forbid, something happens, I know they will be ok…I know they are much better with Cary here. Those boys need their father and I know my sister loves Cary dearly. It goes without saying that we want my sister to be happy and they’ve certainly been through their fair share of rough times.
I need to acknowledge the grace I’ve seen displayed by my sister. For everything they have been through, i've seen my sister remain and continue to remain faithful and steadfast as a wife, mother, sister, daughter, etc. I’ve seen her live out her vows of "in sickness and in health." She’s stepped up to the plate and up to the challenge to do what is best for her family and they have both made hard and painful decisions so early in life. I have no doubts that when Cary pulls through this surgery, they will live a long and blessed life together. Not because they’ve gotten through the worst of situations but because God saw them through and through it all has brought them closer together. No one could understand and appreciate health and participating in daily activities like sitting down to eat a meal better than Cary could or even taking his boys to play in the park.
I hear my oldest nephew talk about his Dada and I can hear in his voice, the love he has for his daddy. Its unwavering, its genuine, and its innocent. Timothy deserves to know his daddy and Cary deserves to see his little boy grow up, my sister deserves to see the boys in her life grow up to be strong men spurred and taught by their daddy.
It is no secret that my bro-in-law and I often clash. My sister says its because we’re so much alike and when she first told me that I thought to myself “oh heck no!” but once I got over myself, I realized she is right. Sure there are things he does that drive me crazy but he deserves my respect for the simple fact that he’s a human being and a child of God.
At the end of the day, I know that he loves my sister and all that he’s done has been in what he feels was in their best interest. They have to live their lives and far be it for me to judge what is right or wrong for them. I’d hope that if I ever were in similar shoes I’d have their unconditional love and support and so that’s what I feel I can best give to them now in this moment…without judgment or condemnation. Love. Because it is patient, it is kind, it does not boast in self, but looks to the interest of others. It is gentle and it endures all things. No greater example exist than the love given to us through Jesus on the cross.
That situation puts my measely drama into perspective and trust me there has been some drama. I have to consider what is really important and the petty dumb stuff doesn’t equate one iota of beans to life and death and eternity. It has an incredible way of bringing humility in the most needed moments and it can draw you out of yourself to see the big picture and what really matters.
So today I encourage you to tell the people you love exactly how you feel about them. Do something special, send them a note, send flowers, do something kind for someone…life is but a vapor and we are here for just a short time. We’re not guaranteed tomorrow and though we may think/feel we are invincible: we have a frailty that is mortal. Like all who have gone before us, physical death will knock on our door at its appointed time for we all are destined to face it. But once having walked through that door, what will we face then? It reminds me to make these moments county and to do nothing out of selfish ambition but to take into account the gifts and blessings given to me not to be held closely but to share selflessly with those around me and those I love.
Hoping that your sat is bright and sunny and that no matter what’s going on in your day or life that you see God’s love.
The trip home was mostly a blur. My primo slept most of the way and I had a three hour karaoke session by myself so I don’t really remember much of the trip plus the two Excedrin’s I had taken before leaving. I had that foggy feeling which was fading but still had a slight aching in the back of my head. No longer ridden with that throbbing, piercing frontal lobe pain pounding on my forehead. Seriously I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.
I’m back in Angelo and I was planning on driving to San Antonio tomorrow and take care of some stuff at the dealership. But given the current state of my head, decided that move was not so favorable. Well really, a brief conversation with my dad convinced me otherwise. Not that it took much but you know Dad gives you some advice, its usually best to take it: at least that’s been my experience.
So I decided to spend the day hanging around here. There are some things I can take care of and I was able to pull some more stuff that I need to take back with me to LBK. So at least I can say I was somewhat productive. Though this trip is not about productivity. Its about giving myself a mental break from all the insanity that grad school can bring. Sometimes you just gotta step away. I’m not saying its unmanageable because it totally is…but just saying I have more on my plate than I sometimes realize.
I’ve been a bit tunneled vision about school in the last year or so and rightly so as that’s been my current “life’s assignment” so yes I should be focused on it. At the same time, there’s a lot going on back home and with my sis and close friends. So I guess I feel divided at time and helpless to help because my attentions and energies are driven by education right now. It takes a bit more effort to “be there.” I gladly do it because I love these people dearly. The time away provides for a refreshment and clarity to see the big picture and what’s really important in life. Let’s you see those people who are there because they love you not because they want something from you. It’s enlightening in that sense and allows you to return with drive and a renewed energy.
There are a few things that weigh heavily on my heart right now. School thus far has been manageable and every day I learn how to better use my time and prepare for future exams, its been a sort of learning curving and one that’s not been too painful to bear but lessons needed to be learned early on. Then there’s my sis and the situation with her husband who’s been really sick. They are moving forward with a very risky transplant procedure in Oct/Nov. If it works which we believe and pray that it will, then he’ll lead a normal life again! I don’t want to think about if it doesn’t.
The family is gearing up for that major surgery. My parents will be outta pocket for a couple of weeks to be there with my sis, cary, and the nephews. Rightly so. My bro and I will remain in Texas on stand-by if you will: ready to travel up there if needed. I pray and hope that everything goes well not for my sake or even the sake of my family…but for my sister and nephews. They need Cary and even though, heaven forbid, something happens, I know they will be ok…I know they are much better with Cary here. Those boys need their father and I know my sister loves Cary dearly. It goes without saying that we want my sister to be happy and they’ve certainly been through their fair share of rough times.
I need to acknowledge the grace I’ve seen displayed by my sister. For everything they have been through, i've seen my sister remain and continue to remain faithful and steadfast as a wife, mother, sister, daughter, etc. I’ve seen her live out her vows of "in sickness and in health." She’s stepped up to the plate and up to the challenge to do what is best for her family and they have both made hard and painful decisions so early in life. I have no doubts that when Cary pulls through this surgery, they will live a long and blessed life together. Not because they’ve gotten through the worst of situations but because God saw them through and through it all has brought them closer together. No one could understand and appreciate health and participating in daily activities like sitting down to eat a meal better than Cary could or even taking his boys to play in the park.
I hear my oldest nephew talk about his Dada and I can hear in his voice, the love he has for his daddy. Its unwavering, its genuine, and its innocent. Timothy deserves to know his daddy and Cary deserves to see his little boy grow up, my sister deserves to see the boys in her life grow up to be strong men spurred and taught by their daddy.
It is no secret that my bro-in-law and I often clash. My sister says its because we’re so much alike and when she first told me that I thought to myself “oh heck no!” but once I got over myself, I realized she is right. Sure there are things he does that drive me crazy but he deserves my respect for the simple fact that he’s a human being and a child of God.
At the end of the day, I know that he loves my sister and all that he’s done has been in what he feels was in their best interest. They have to live their lives and far be it for me to judge what is right or wrong for them. I’d hope that if I ever were in similar shoes I’d have their unconditional love and support and so that’s what I feel I can best give to them now in this moment…without judgment or condemnation. Love. Because it is patient, it is kind, it does not boast in self, but looks to the interest of others. It is gentle and it endures all things. No greater example exist than the love given to us through Jesus on the cross.
That situation puts my measely drama into perspective and trust me there has been some drama. I have to consider what is really important and the petty dumb stuff doesn’t equate one iota of beans to life and death and eternity. It has an incredible way of bringing humility in the most needed moments and it can draw you out of yourself to see the big picture and what really matters.
So today I encourage you to tell the people you love exactly how you feel about them. Do something special, send them a note, send flowers, do something kind for someone…life is but a vapor and we are here for just a short time. We’re not guaranteed tomorrow and though we may think/feel we are invincible: we have a frailty that is mortal. Like all who have gone before us, physical death will knock on our door at its appointed time for we all are destined to face it. But once having walked through that door, what will we face then? It reminds me to make these moments county and to do nothing out of selfish ambition but to take into account the gifts and blessings given to me not to be held closely but to share selflessly with those around me and those I love.
Hoping that your sat is bright and sunny and that no matter what’s going on in your day or life that you see God’s love.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
what I hope in and for most
It’s much too late but this song is on my mind amongst other things. A lot of realizations and shifting of understandings: it’s miraculous in many ways. I’ve been thinking and praying for one situation in particular. You know that I’m not one to divulge too much in terms of certain subjects. So I approach this one in an abstract aspect but also in an introspective one.
In recent weeks, I’ve seen some people that I care about deeply go through some really difficult situations regarding relationships. Some married, some single…nevertheless when it involves matters of the heart, answers and sometimes what happens in those relationships is not easy to understand or swallow.
Relationships present a new batch of challenges apart from dealing with your own. It’s not just you, you gotta contend with though often times dealing with ourselves is painful and difficult enough. No, throw- in another person who’s thoughts, beliefs, understandings, and perspectives might be sooo very different from your own.
You’re not only in a new situation but now you’re learning about this new person in your life. Their likes, dislikes, pet peeves, where they come from, what they believe, their hopes, their dreams, their greatest failures, and the their greatest achievements. It’s a bit intensive at times but its those small quiet moments when you just are and can just be with that person that pull you through the rough and tumble.
Maybe it’s the anticipation of their phone call or its not till you hear their voice that the excitement bubbles and the butterflies flutter. Whatever it is that excites you about that person, its unique to you and its unique to them. So why is it that some of those relationships work, while others don’t?
Is it that one person wanted it more than the other or maybe that it just wasn’t meant to be (if you believe in fate)? Personally, I believe in destiny and thinkg we sometimes fail to see what we need to see. We’re all looking for love and as Kenny put it, some of us “in all the wrong places.” However, some of us are looking in the right place and still we’ve not yet found “what we’re looking for.”
What is it exactly that we’re looking for?
The love that looks beyond our faults and fights to survive, the kind of love that’s kind and patient graced with understanding and mercy so that despite the obstacles you are facing, it perseveres. Looking at marriages and the world today, its hard to believe that kind of loves still exists.
Call me the hopeless romantic but I believe that it does.
4Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
It’s so easy to hope and pray for this kind of love but all too often we forget that we get what we give (the principle of reaping what you sow). Do we love in the way we desire to be loved? Do we love this deeply?
Oh but what about the risks you may ask? Yes there are risks. Life, in itself, may be a risk to some. I go back to diving into the deep. The choices are to live life safe and secure never to be hurt -sheltered by our own protective barriers or to trust God to do all of that for us allowing us to leap from the board and dive into the deep dark waters giving all that we can and finding beauty in where we are and what we see.
I was driving out on the highway in West Texas around sunset.
I don’t know if you’ve ever watched or seen a West Texas sunset but it has got to be one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. Definitely one of the more profound ones.
The colors are just amazing and with the barren landscape you can see for miles and miles. The array of colors is incredible and could never be accurately captured by a photor or paiting. Its those sunsets that make me think of my creator.
You may believe or not believe but to me: this is His way of romancing me - romancing us - and showing me that He loves me - showing us that He loves us. I am stirred by moments like those and by nature's beauty in a way that leaves me in bewilderment, awe, and at peace. Its as if He says "its going to be ok" through a sunset or in nature's beauty that quiets my heart and allows me to take a deep breath and let go of what plagues me. Even when a storm brews (literally and figuratively), I know that I’m safe in His hands and that I can trust Him fully in ALL things.
I may not understand fully the things of this life such as why or when life will bring its greatest gifts or its darkest moments. I just know that through it all I’m never alone, never left to face what I cannot bear alone. It’s because of that knowledge that I can dive into the deep and succumb to the waters embraced and enveloped in a cleansing of the heart, soul, and mind. Renewed and embraced in love, I can face those moments in life that make my heart erupt or makes it want to burst. It is what quiets my soul and soothes my heart: letting me know that peace has arrived.
However things may go in this life: what I believe in most is that He will “never give up on me” and because of that “I shall believe.”
"I Shall Believe"
Come to me now
And lay your hands over me
Even if it's a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe
I'm broken in two
And I know you're on to me
That I only come home
When I'm so all alone
But I do believe
That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe
Open the door
And show me your face tonight
I know it's true
No one heals me like you.
And you hold the key
Never again would I turn away from you
I'm so heavy tonight
But your love is alright
And I do believe
That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly
You won't give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe
In recent weeks, I’ve seen some people that I care about deeply go through some really difficult situations regarding relationships. Some married, some single…nevertheless when it involves matters of the heart, answers and sometimes what happens in those relationships is not easy to understand or swallow.
Relationships present a new batch of challenges apart from dealing with your own. It’s not just you, you gotta contend with though often times dealing with ourselves is painful and difficult enough. No, throw- in another person who’s thoughts, beliefs, understandings, and perspectives might be sooo very different from your own.
You’re not only in a new situation but now you’re learning about this new person in your life. Their likes, dislikes, pet peeves, where they come from, what they believe, their hopes, their dreams, their greatest failures, and the their greatest achievements. It’s a bit intensive at times but its those small quiet moments when you just are and can just be with that person that pull you through the rough and tumble.
Maybe it’s the anticipation of their phone call or its not till you hear their voice that the excitement bubbles and the butterflies flutter. Whatever it is that excites you about that person, its unique to you and its unique to them. So why is it that some of those relationships work, while others don’t?
Is it that one person wanted it more than the other or maybe that it just wasn’t meant to be (if you believe in fate)? Personally, I believe in destiny and thinkg we sometimes fail to see what we need to see. We’re all looking for love and as Kenny put it, some of us “in all the wrong places.” However, some of us are looking in the right place and still we’ve not yet found “what we’re looking for.”
What is it exactly that we’re looking for?
The love that looks beyond our faults and fights to survive, the kind of love that’s kind and patient graced with understanding and mercy so that despite the obstacles you are facing, it perseveres. Looking at marriages and the world today, its hard to believe that kind of loves still exists.
Call me the hopeless romantic but I believe that it does.
4Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
It’s so easy to hope and pray for this kind of love but all too often we forget that we get what we give (the principle of reaping what you sow). Do we love in the way we desire to be loved? Do we love this deeply?
Oh but what about the risks you may ask? Yes there are risks. Life, in itself, may be a risk to some. I go back to diving into the deep. The choices are to live life safe and secure never to be hurt -sheltered by our own protective barriers or to trust God to do all of that for us allowing us to leap from the board and dive into the deep dark waters giving all that we can and finding beauty in where we are and what we see.
I was driving out on the highway in West Texas around sunset.
I don’t know if you’ve ever watched or seen a West Texas sunset but it has got to be one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. Definitely one of the more profound ones.
The colors are just amazing and with the barren landscape you can see for miles and miles. The array of colors is incredible and could never be accurately captured by a photor or paiting. Its those sunsets that make me think of my creator.
You may believe or not believe but to me: this is His way of romancing me - romancing us - and showing me that He loves me - showing us that He loves us. I am stirred by moments like those and by nature's beauty in a way that leaves me in bewilderment, awe, and at peace. Its as if He says "its going to be ok" through a sunset or in nature's beauty that quiets my heart and allows me to take a deep breath and let go of what plagues me. Even when a storm brews (literally and figuratively), I know that I’m safe in His hands and that I can trust Him fully in ALL things.
I may not understand fully the things of this life such as why or when life will bring its greatest gifts or its darkest moments. I just know that through it all I’m never alone, never left to face what I cannot bear alone. It’s because of that knowledge that I can dive into the deep and succumb to the waters embraced and enveloped in a cleansing of the heart, soul, and mind. Renewed and embraced in love, I can face those moments in life that make my heart erupt or makes it want to burst. It is what quiets my soul and soothes my heart: letting me know that peace has arrived.
However things may go in this life: what I believe in most is that He will “never give up on me” and because of that “I shall believe.”
"I Shall Believe"
Come to me now
And lay your hands over me
Even if it's a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe
I'm broken in two
And I know you're on to me
That I only come home
When I'm so all alone
But I do believe
That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe
Open the door
And show me your face tonight
I know it's true
No one heals me like you.
And you hold the key
Never again would I turn away from you
I'm so heavy tonight
But your love is alright
And I do believe
That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly
You won't give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe
realizations
the last couple of weeks have been ... well ... a little hard to put into words. they've had their bright and shining, quiet, bleak and sad moments. to put in terms of reality: that is life, no?
my ipod is on random shuffle so right now Sara Bareilles's "Many the miles" is on. you can check out the lyrics hereL http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/sarabareilles/manythemiles.html .
its so appropriate and i'm not talking literally but figuratively.
the initial part of the move to Lubbock seemed like it would be a walk in the park....oh Jesus help me: I couldn't be more wrong. It's been beautifully painful. Not because of a singular experience or that it hasnt been easy. Relatively speaking, its more like those beautifully painful experiences were ordained for this time and this place. its humbling to say the least but more like being broken. we know that this is a wonderful beautiful but not easy or painless process.
yet that is the junction in the road that I am at. learning new things everyday and truly understanding why i see things a certain way or feel a certain way about stuff. its the next level of growing up or at least that's what I call it. the living situation is nice. i see that my study abroad experiece prepared me for it.
i'm grateful for new relationships and friends and re-kindled friendships. so very thankful for all the prayers and words of encouragement. i'm settling into a sort of routine: a school routine for sure. i've managed to figure out that my cousin, Amy, was 110% correct about golashes. I'm investing in a pair soon and possibly a canoe or raft. It floods like crazy around here. i'm more comfortable about getting around on campus and most especially about which bus goes where and how often. i also feel a little dumb because it took me a few days to figure out that the Student Union Building is what everyone refers to as the SUB. ok that was not rocket science! lol.
this new grad school experience has made me soooo appreciative of my undergrad education. I feel like i definitely got my money's worth and more.
for the most part in any free time i've had, i've tried to partake in some arts and crafts. i didnt bring any of that stuff with me so i had to purchase a new glue gun, but rest assured it will be put to good use! i've been paintining and working on the decor of my new place. gotta say its really peaceful here and i'm sooo happy with the choice made. it's a relief on so many levels as there are soooo many things to think about in this new living situation: things that i really took for granted - i might add. i'm much more keenly aware of my surroundings.
i'm also looking for a job. yes, its time to re-enter the job market. I figured 16 months was too long. i had forgotten just how time consuming it can be! good news is that i do have an interview next week...so i'm praying about it and will go from there.
i've been listening to Sixpence alot lately....and Kari Jobe and Hillsong.
tomorrow is another TTU home game and i'm thrilled! will take a break in the studying for the festivities as my parents will be here. will be interesting for sure. i also visit a new church this sunday: excited about that for sure!
ok so i leave you with, its what's playing...lovely night and wonderful dreams to you all.
"Don't dream its over"
There is freedom within
There is freedom without
Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
There's a battle ahead
Many battles are lost
But you'll never reach the end of the road
While you're traveling with me
CHORUS:
Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they won't win
Now I'm towing my car
There's a hole in the roof
My possessions are causing me suspicion but there's no proof
In the paper today
Tales of war and of waste
But you turn right over to the TV page
CHORUS
Now I'm walking again
To the beat of a drum
And I'm counting the steps to the door of your heart
Only shadows ahead
Barely clearing the roof
Get to know the feeling of liberation and relief
CHORUS REPEAT UNTIL FADE:
Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
my ipod is on random shuffle so right now Sara Bareilles's "Many the miles" is on. you can check out the lyrics hereL http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/sarabareilles/manythemiles.html .
its so appropriate and i'm not talking literally but figuratively.
the initial part of the move to Lubbock seemed like it would be a walk in the park....oh Jesus help me: I couldn't be more wrong. It's been beautifully painful. Not because of a singular experience or that it hasnt been easy. Relatively speaking, its more like those beautifully painful experiences were ordained for this time and this place. its humbling to say the least but more like being broken. we know that this is a wonderful beautiful but not easy or painless process.
yet that is the junction in the road that I am at. learning new things everyday and truly understanding why i see things a certain way or feel a certain way about stuff. its the next level of growing up or at least that's what I call it. the living situation is nice. i see that my study abroad experiece prepared me for it.
i'm grateful for new relationships and friends and re-kindled friendships. so very thankful for all the prayers and words of encouragement. i'm settling into a sort of routine: a school routine for sure. i've managed to figure out that my cousin, Amy, was 110% correct about golashes. I'm investing in a pair soon and possibly a canoe or raft. It floods like crazy around here. i'm more comfortable about getting around on campus and most especially about which bus goes where and how often. i also feel a little dumb because it took me a few days to figure out that the Student Union Building is what everyone refers to as the SUB. ok that was not rocket science! lol.
this new grad school experience has made me soooo appreciative of my undergrad education. I feel like i definitely got my money's worth and more.
for the most part in any free time i've had, i've tried to partake in some arts and crafts. i didnt bring any of that stuff with me so i had to purchase a new glue gun, but rest assured it will be put to good use! i've been paintining and working on the decor of my new place. gotta say its really peaceful here and i'm sooo happy with the choice made. it's a relief on so many levels as there are soooo many things to think about in this new living situation: things that i really took for granted - i might add. i'm much more keenly aware of my surroundings.
i'm also looking for a job. yes, its time to re-enter the job market. I figured 16 months was too long. i had forgotten just how time consuming it can be! good news is that i do have an interview next week...so i'm praying about it and will go from there.
i've been listening to Sixpence alot lately....and Kari Jobe and Hillsong.
tomorrow is another TTU home game and i'm thrilled! will take a break in the studying for the festivities as my parents will be here. will be interesting for sure. i also visit a new church this sunday: excited about that for sure!
ok so i leave you with, its what's playing...lovely night and wonderful dreams to you all.
"Don't dream its over"
There is freedom within
There is freedom without
Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
There's a battle ahead
Many battles are lost
But you'll never reach the end of the road
While you're traveling with me
CHORUS:
Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they won't win
Now I'm towing my car
There's a hole in the roof
My possessions are causing me suspicion but there's no proof
In the paper today
Tales of war and of waste
But you turn right over to the TV page
CHORUS
Now I'm walking again
To the beat of a drum
And I'm counting the steps to the door of your heart
Only shadows ahead
Barely clearing the roof
Get to know the feeling of liberation and relief
CHORUS REPEAT UNTIL FADE:
Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
hard to explain
i've been on this sheryl crow/hillson/kari jobe sort of musical kick. most notably i just got through watching "I still believe" I've included the link in case you want to check it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydE32Z_I0TY
That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time
I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe
it made me think about lofty ideals and then it got me wondering about this term "lofty ideal."
so i looked up lofty and here's what webster had to say about it.
1 a : elevated in character and spirit : noble b : elevated in status : superior2 : having a haughty overbearing manner : supercilious3 a : rising to a great height : impressively high b : remote, esoteric4 : having full-bodied, firm, and resilient textile fibers
i looked up idea and again here's what webster has to say about it:
1 : existing as an archetypal idea2 a : existing as a mental image or in fancy or imagination only; broadly : lacking practicality b : relating to or constituting mental images, ideas, or conceptions3 a : of, relating to, or embodying an ideal b : conforming exactly to an ideal, law, or standard : perfect — compare real 2b(3) 2b(3)4 : of or relating to philosophical idealism
so a lofty ideal is basically an existing mental image or imagination only lacking practicality that is elevated in spirit and character? i can see why lofty ideals receive such negative connotations.
i know you're probably asking what is up with the contemplative word usage? lol. oh if you only knew. i see people around me hurting as a result of "lofty ideals" which are not their own. life does not always hand us the deck of cards we hope for, nor does it unfold exactly as we wish.
there are those who say "if its mean to be it will be" as they passive sit by and wait for a grand epiphany to reveal itself. then there are those who actively seek to find an answer. if you're a believer then you know that when you seek God Jeremiah 29:13 says "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." it can't be some half-hearted search.
i can only say from my own experiences that answers dont always come in the form we expect or anticipate. sometimes what we really need to adjust is our expectations. in the last few months, i've been privy to learn some valuable lessons in relationships with the people i love so dear and even those that drive me crazy. they've been welcomed lessons and in alot of ways my views and heart has made a dramatic shift. the risk of loving others is that they may not love you back in the same way. its not an easy thought to accept or to think about.
That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time
I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly
You won't give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe
isnt that what we all want. the relationship where the other says "i won't give up on you." we live in a day and age where generations are so focused on self and what i can gain, what I can receive, what you can give to me and do for me. it's sad. because love is not about self...it is selfless. it thinks of the other and places their needs, wants, and desires before it's own. that is what i shall believe in. i know exist because there's one who sacrificed His only son so that I could have a relationship with Him. i'm eternally grateful for that and continue to learn more what that love looks like everyday.
its not been an easy journey...well, actually yes it was once i laid my own pride aside and acknowledged that i know very little indeed. like today's bus ride to no where. yes i hopped on a bus and ended up clear across the other side of town. i sat a bit dumb-founded but at the same time i have to say it was a bit of an adventure as well. so i get back to where i started and realize that there was something learned from that excursion. no risk, no reward. it made me think about encumbrances and what would keep me from asking "Where does this bus go to?" pride....plain and simple. i could've avoided it if i had asked someone "where does this bus go to?" but it is a lesson well learned and next time i will ask.
there are lots of things in this life that i know nothing about. but at the end of the day, i hope to run this race and run it well. working on laying aside the "weights" cause no matter the outcomes of any of the situations i'm in, the only place to be is in God's perfect will.
Hebrews 12:1
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,
That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time
I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe
it made me think about lofty ideals and then it got me wondering about this term "lofty ideal."
so i looked up lofty and here's what webster had to say about it.
1 a : elevated in character and spirit : noble
i looked up idea and again here's what webster has to say about it:
1 : existing as an archetypal idea2 a : existing as a mental image or in fancy or imagination only; broadly : lacking practicality b : relating to or constituting mental images, ideas, or conceptions3 a : of, relating to, or embodying an ideal
so a lofty ideal is basically an existing mental image or imagination only lacking practicality that is elevated in spirit and character? i can see why lofty ideals receive such negative connotations.
i know you're probably asking what is up with the contemplative word usage? lol. oh if you only knew. i see people around me hurting as a result of "lofty ideals" which are not their own. life does not always hand us the deck of cards we hope for, nor does it unfold exactly as we wish.
there are those who say "if its mean to be it will be" as they passive sit by and wait for a grand epiphany to reveal itself. then there are those who actively seek to find an answer. if you're a believer then you know that when you seek God Jeremiah 29:13 says "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." it can't be some half-hearted search.
i can only say from my own experiences that answers dont always come in the form we expect or anticipate. sometimes what we really need to adjust is our expectations. in the last few months, i've been privy to learn some valuable lessons in relationships with the people i love so dear and even those that drive me crazy. they've been welcomed lessons and in alot of ways my views and heart has made a dramatic shift. the risk of loving others is that they may not love you back in the same way. its not an easy thought to accept or to think about.
That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time
I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly
You won't give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe
isnt that what we all want. the relationship where the other says "i won't give up on you." we live in a day and age where generations are so focused on self and what i can gain, what I can receive, what you can give to me and do for me. it's sad. because love is not about self...it is selfless. it thinks of the other and places their needs, wants, and desires before it's own. that is what i shall believe in. i know exist because there's one who sacrificed His only son so that I could have a relationship with Him. i'm eternally grateful for that and continue to learn more what that love looks like everyday.
its not been an easy journey...well, actually yes it was once i laid my own pride aside and acknowledged that i know very little indeed. like today's bus ride to no where. yes i hopped on a bus and ended up clear across the other side of town. i sat a bit dumb-founded but at the same time i have to say it was a bit of an adventure as well. so i get back to where i started and realize that there was something learned from that excursion. no risk, no reward. it made me think about encumbrances and what would keep me from asking "Where does this bus go to?" pride....plain and simple. i could've avoided it if i had asked someone "where does this bus go to?" but it is a lesson well learned and next time i will ask.
there are lots of things in this life that i know nothing about. but at the end of the day, i hope to run this race and run it well. working on laying aside the "weights" cause no matter the outcomes of any of the situations i'm in, the only place to be is in God's perfect will.
Hebrews 12:1
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,
Thursday, August 27, 2009
ipods and alarms
i'm finally starting to settle in to the new place.
the last few weeks have been hectic with grad school orientation. while i wasnt looking forward to any of it, i can say that I see the benefits behind it. i'm even glad that it was required because at the very least i got to know some of my classmates. i definitely feel more connected to the community of MBA grad students here.
a few months ago, i could never have imagined that life would look like it does now. its interesting and so completely different than i expected. different in a good way but just adjusting to so many changes and making so many important decisions. making life changing decisions is never easy but i can say that i have peace about so many things happening right now.
life is a day by day adventure.
today's adventure was a bit painful cause of something going on with my left eye. it was not fun...but i'm glad to say that i'm better. talked with my sis, the pharmacist, and she super hooked me up with some recommendations. so i'm doing better.
also thanks to my best friend, Smange. i'm hooked on a miley cyrus song - which is crazy funny! i'm out for "party in the USA!" i just gotta say sometimes you need to be silly and crazy...makes life so much more interesting.
in the clouds....
the last few weeks have been hectic with grad school orientation. while i wasnt looking forward to any of it, i can say that I see the benefits behind it. i'm even glad that it was required because at the very least i got to know some of my classmates. i definitely feel more connected to the community of MBA grad students here.
a few months ago, i could never have imagined that life would look like it does now. its interesting and so completely different than i expected. different in a good way but just adjusting to so many changes and making so many important decisions. making life changing decisions is never easy but i can say that i have peace about so many things happening right now.
life is a day by day adventure.
today's adventure was a bit painful cause of something going on with my left eye. it was not fun...but i'm glad to say that i'm better. talked with my sis, the pharmacist, and she super hooked me up with some recommendations. so i'm doing better.
also thanks to my best friend, Smange. i'm hooked on a miley cyrus song - which is crazy funny! i'm out for "party in the USA!" i just gotta say sometimes you need to be silly and crazy...makes life so much more interesting.
in the clouds....
Friday, August 14, 2009
quietness of heart
(I wrote this portion a few days ago)
it is a quiet overcast, beautiful day here in west texas.
hard to believe that i'm here. that finally..i've arrived to this point. achieving my undergrad work was such a long hard road that i often wondered "will i ever get there?" of course, i knew the answer to that and knew that God would definitely see me through. it's amazing to look back on the road and to see the progression from two years ago. they seem so far away (the years).
time is no respector of age, race, or position. it moves forward regardless of the circumstances regardless of where we may be or how we may feel. so there is no wonder that yes i am here now just alot of amazement and wonder.
so many things happening in my life right now and sooo many changes. i'd felt a little overwhelmed but that seems to have subsided. i'm not one to lay down in the face of a challenge and as always God has awakened an inner strength that i sometimes forget i possess...not because of me but because of who He is and who He has been in my life. i've also remembered that all my crazy life experiences and hardships have not been without reason. i dont hold on to those experiences in the same way but have allowed them to bring lessons i so very much need in these next few weeks.
there are many decisions to be made from what colors should i use in decorating my new home to what should my concentration be. i sometimes feel my head spins with so many decisions to make but i quickly bring that into a surrender and allow my heart to be quieted by God's gentleness. its been good, very good.
i'm waiting for my parents to arrive with my furniture. pretty excited about that since the place looks pretty bare at this point.
(written 08/16/09)
amazing how your perspective and view can change so suddenly. i'd been grappling with alot of decisions that need to be made pretty quickly. instead of going into a tizzy, i quieted my heart and listened. i've always trusted God to lead me in the right direction but over the course of a crazy summer i'd lost my way in that trust. with alot of moments to myself in these last few days, i've been found and am embarking on a familar road once again.
it is a quiet overcast, beautiful day here in west texas.
hard to believe that i'm here. that finally..i've arrived to this point. achieving my undergrad work was such a long hard road that i often wondered "will i ever get there?" of course, i knew the answer to that and knew that God would definitely see me through. it's amazing to look back on the road and to see the progression from two years ago. they seem so far away (the years).
time is no respector of age, race, or position. it moves forward regardless of the circumstances regardless of where we may be or how we may feel. so there is no wonder that yes i am here now just alot of amazement and wonder.
so many things happening in my life right now and sooo many changes. i'd felt a little overwhelmed but that seems to have subsided. i'm not one to lay down in the face of a challenge and as always God has awakened an inner strength that i sometimes forget i possess...not because of me but because of who He is and who He has been in my life. i've also remembered that all my crazy life experiences and hardships have not been without reason. i dont hold on to those experiences in the same way but have allowed them to bring lessons i so very much need in these next few weeks.
there are many decisions to be made from what colors should i use in decorating my new home to what should my concentration be. i sometimes feel my head spins with so many decisions to make but i quickly bring that into a surrender and allow my heart to be quieted by God's gentleness. its been good, very good.
i'm waiting for my parents to arrive with my furniture. pretty excited about that since the place looks pretty bare at this point.
(written 08/16/09)
amazing how your perspective and view can change so suddenly. i'd been grappling with alot of decisions that need to be made pretty quickly. instead of going into a tizzy, i quieted my heart and listened. i've always trusted God to lead me in the right direction but over the course of a crazy summer i'd lost my way in that trust. with alot of moments to myself in these last few days, i've been found and am embarking on a familar road once again.
there are things that are different about this time around and so naturally some things will change. i was reminded of all the promises God has given us and in the right moment, heard what I needed to hear. i'm not anxious, not worried, not even occuppied by any of it but instead find myself in rest. its beautiful and amazing. i know there will be many tough moments to come. God never promised life would be easy and that i will be put to the test but I rest assured in whom i can turn to and trust. God is always faithful and through the course of my life HE has never ever left me. That i know to the core of my soul and spirit.
grad school orientation was very interesting and i'm pretty excited about this coming year. not sure what all it will bring but i know that I am here with reason and purpose and not for the ones i may have previously thought.
i've also come to realize just how blessed I am to have the parents I have. I mean who would load all my stuff, bring to my apt, unload it, and start to unpack it for you other than a paid mover? that's exactly what my parents did so that I could focus on orientation and other matters. i know they love me and know our relationship is evolving which is an awesome thing to see. i'm also glad to be close to my bro. should be interesting to see how that plays out but we always have a good time together.
alright so this is the song that's been prevalent in my life these last few days. something from Bethany Dillon.
"All I Need"
When the day is done
And there's no one else around
While I'm lying here in bed
You're in my heart, You're in my head
You're all I need, You're all I need
There are a million voices
Calling out my name
But You're the One I want to hear
So make the others disappear
You are all I need when I'm surrounded
You are all I need if I'm by myself
You fill me when I'm empty
There is nothing else
You're all I need
When the morning comes
And Your mercy is renewed
There's a fire in my bones
I'm not afraid to go alone
You're all I need You're all I need
The sun on my face I hear
You whisper loud
You're still the God that opens seas
Every flower, even me
You're all I need You're all I need
I'm drawn to everything that You do
Nothing compares with You
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)