from few days ago

So here I am up at 6am on a sat morning: writing a note about who knows what? Oh wait, it was about my migraine, that’s right.

The trip home was mostly a blur. My primo slept most of the way and I had a three hour karaoke session by myself so I don’t really remember much of the trip plus the two Excedrin’s I had taken before leaving. I had that foggy feeling which was fading but still had a slight aching in the back of my head. No longer ridden with that throbbing, piercing frontal lobe pain pounding on my forehead. Seriously I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.

I’m back in Angelo and I was planning on driving to San Antonio tomorrow and take care of some stuff at the dealership. But given the current state of my head, decided that move was not so favorable. Well really, a brief conversation with my dad convinced me otherwise. Not that it took much but you know Dad gives you some advice, its usually best to take it: at least that’s been my experience.

So I decided to spend the day hanging around here. There are some things I can take care of and I was able to pull some more stuff that I need to take back with me to LBK. So at least I can say I was somewhat productive. Though this trip is not about productivity. Its about giving myself a mental break from all the insanity that grad school can bring. Sometimes you just gotta step away. I’m not saying its unmanageable because it totally is…but just saying I have more on my plate than I sometimes realize.

I’ve been a bit tunneled vision about school in the last year or so and rightly so as that’s been my current “life’s assignment” so yes I should be focused on it. At the same time, there’s a lot going on back home and with my sis and close friends. So I guess I feel divided at time and helpless to help because my attentions and energies are driven by education right now. It takes a bit more effort to “be there.” I gladly do it because I love these people dearly. The time away provides for a refreshment and clarity to see the big picture and what’s really important in life. Let’s you see those people who are there because they love you not because they want something from you. It’s enlightening in that sense and allows you to return with drive and a renewed energy.

There are a few things that weigh heavily on my heart right now. School thus far has been manageable and every day I learn how to better use my time and prepare for future exams, its been a sort of learning curving and one that’s not been too painful to bear but lessons needed to be learned early on. Then there’s my sis and the situation with her husband who’s been really sick. They are moving forward with a very risky transplant procedure in Oct/Nov. If it works which we believe and pray that it will, then he’ll lead a normal life again! I don’t want to think about if it doesn’t.

The family is gearing up for that major surgery. My parents will be outta pocket for a couple of weeks to be there with my sis, cary, and the nephews. Rightly so. My bro and I will remain in Texas on stand-by if you will: ready to travel up there if needed. I pray and hope that everything goes well not for my sake or even the sake of my family…but for my sister and nephews. They need Cary and even though, heaven forbid, something happens, I know they will be ok…I know they are much better with Cary here. Those boys need their father and I know my sister loves Cary dearly. It goes without saying that we want my sister to be happy and they’ve certainly been through their fair share of rough times.

I need to acknowledge the grace I’ve seen displayed by my sister. For everything they have been through, i've seen my sister remain and continue to remain faithful and steadfast as a wife, mother, sister, daughter, etc. I’ve seen her live out her vows of "in sickness and in health." She’s stepped up to the plate and up to the challenge to do what is best for her family and they have both made hard and painful decisions so early in life. I have no doubts that when Cary pulls through this surgery, they will live a long and blessed life together. Not because they’ve gotten through the worst of situations but because God saw them through and through it all has brought them closer together. No one could understand and appreciate health and participating in daily activities like sitting down to eat a meal better than Cary could or even taking his boys to play in the park.

I hear my oldest nephew talk about his Dada and I can hear in his voice, the love he has for his daddy. Its unwavering, its genuine, and its innocent. Timothy deserves to know his daddy and Cary deserves to see his little boy grow up, my sister deserves to see the boys in her life grow up to be strong men spurred and taught by their daddy.

It is no secret that my bro-in-law and I often clash. My sister says its because we’re so much alike and when she first told me that I thought to myself “oh heck no!” but once I got over myself, I realized she is right. Sure there are things he does that drive me crazy but he deserves my respect for the simple fact that he’s a human being and a child of God.

At the end of the day, I know that he loves my sister and all that he’s done has been in what he feels was in their best interest. They have to live their lives and far be it for me to judge what is right or wrong for them. I’d hope that if I ever were in similar shoes I’d have their unconditional love and support and so that’s what I feel I can best give to them now in this moment…without judgment or condemnation. Love. Because it is patient, it is kind, it does not boast in self, but looks to the interest of others. It is gentle and it endures all things. No greater example exist than the love given to us through Jesus on the cross.

That situation puts my measely drama into perspective and trust me there has been some drama. I have to consider what is really important and the petty dumb stuff doesn’t equate one iota of beans to life and death and eternity. It has an incredible way of bringing humility in the most needed moments and it can draw you out of yourself to see the big picture and what really matters.

So today I encourage you to tell the people you love exactly how you feel about them. Do something special, send them a note, send flowers, do something kind for someone…life is but a vapor and we are here for just a short time. We’re not guaranteed tomorrow and though we may think/feel we are invincible: we have a frailty that is mortal. Like all who have gone before us, physical death will knock on our door at its appointed time for we all are destined to face it. But once having walked through that door, what will we face then? It reminds me to make these moments county and to do nothing out of selfish ambition but to take into account the gifts and blessings given to me not to be held closely but to share selflessly with those around me and those I love.

Hoping that your sat is bright and sunny and that no matter what’s going on in your day or life that you see God’s love.