hard to explain

i've been on this sheryl crow/hillson/kari jobe sort of musical kick. most notably i just got through watching "I still believe" I've included the link in case you want to check it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydE32Z_I0TY

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time
I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe

it made me think about lofty ideals and then it got me wondering about this term "lofty ideal."
so i looked up lofty and here's what webster had to say about it.

1 a : elevated in character and spirit : noble b : elevated in status : superior2 : having a haughty overbearing manner : supercilious3 a : rising to a great height : impressively high b : remote, esoteric4 : having full-bodied, firm, and resilient textile fibers

i looked up idea and again here's what webster has to say about it:

1 : existing as an archetypal idea2 a : existing as a mental image or in fancy or imagination only; broadly : lacking practicality b : relating to or constituting mental images, ideas, or conceptions3 a : of, relating to, or embodying an ideal b : conforming exactly to an ideal, law, or standard : perfect — compare real 2b(3) 2b(3)4 : of or relating to philosophical idealism

so a lofty ideal is basically an existing mental image or imagination only lacking practicality that is elevated in spirit and character? i can see why lofty ideals receive such negative connotations.

i know you're probably asking what is up with the contemplative word usage? lol. oh if you only knew. i see people around me hurting as a result of "lofty ideals" which are not their own. life does not always hand us the deck of cards we hope for, nor does it unfold exactly as we wish.

there are those who say "if its mean to be it will be" as they passive sit by and wait for a grand epiphany to reveal itself. then there are those who actively seek to find an answer. if you're a believer then you know that when you seek God Jeremiah 29:13 says "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." it can't be some half-hearted search.

i can only say from my own experiences that answers dont always come in the form we expect or anticipate. sometimes what we really need to adjust is our expectations. in the last few months, i've been privy to learn some valuable lessons in relationships with the people i love so dear and even those that drive me crazy. they've been welcomed lessons and in alot of ways my views and heart has made a dramatic shift. the risk of loving others is that they may not love you back in the same way. its not an easy thought to accept or to think about.

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time
I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly
You won't give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe

isnt that what we all want. the relationship where the other says "i won't give up on you." we live in a day and age where generations are so focused on self and what i can gain, what I can receive, what you can give to me and do for me. it's sad. because love is not about self...it is selfless. it thinks of the other and places their needs, wants, and desires before it's own. that is what i shall believe in. i know exist because there's one who sacrificed His only son so that I could have a relationship with Him. i'm eternally grateful for that and continue to learn more what that love looks like everyday.

its not been an easy journey...well, actually yes it was once i laid my own pride aside and acknowledged that i know very little indeed. like today's bus ride to no where. yes i hopped on a bus and ended up clear across the other side of town. i sat a bit dumb-founded but at the same time i have to say it was a bit of an adventure as well. so i get back to where i started and realize that there was something learned from that excursion. no risk, no reward. it made me think about encumbrances and what would keep me from asking "Where does this bus go to?" pride....plain and simple. i could've avoided it if i had asked someone "where does this bus go to?" but it is a lesson well learned and next time i will ask.

there are lots of things in this life that i know nothing about. but at the end of the day, i hope to run this race and run it well. working on laying aside the "weights" cause no matter the outcomes of any of the situations i'm in, the only place to be is in God's perfect will.

Hebrews 12:1
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,