it is a quiet overcast, beautiful day here in west texas.
hard to believe that i'm here. that finally..i've arrived to this point. achieving my undergrad work was such a long hard road that i often wondered "will i ever get there?" of course, i knew the answer to that and knew that God would definitely see me through. it's amazing to look back on the road and to see the progression from two years ago. they seem so far away (the years).
time is no respector of age, race, or position. it moves forward regardless of the circumstances regardless of where we may be or how we may feel. so there is no wonder that yes i am here now just alot of amazement and wonder.
so many things happening in my life right now and sooo many changes. i'd felt a little overwhelmed but that seems to have subsided. i'm not one to lay down in the face of a challenge and as always God has awakened an inner strength that i sometimes forget i possess...not because of me but because of who He is and who He has been in my life. i've also remembered that all my crazy life experiences and hardships have not been without reason. i dont hold on to those experiences in the same way but have allowed them to bring lessons i so very much need in these next few weeks.
there are many decisions to be made from what colors should i use in decorating my new home to what should my concentration be. i sometimes feel my head spins with so many decisions to make but i quickly bring that into a surrender and allow my heart to be quieted by God's gentleness. its been good, very good.
i'm waiting for my parents to arrive with my furniture. pretty excited about that since the place looks pretty bare at this point.
(written 08/16/09)
amazing how your perspective and view can change so suddenly. i'd been grappling with alot of decisions that need to be made pretty quickly. instead of going into a tizzy, i quieted my heart and listened. i've always trusted God to lead me in the right direction but over the course of a crazy summer i'd lost my way in that trust. with alot of moments to myself in these last few days, i've been found and am embarking on a familar road once again.
there are things that are different about this time around and so naturally some things will change. i was reminded of all the promises God has given us and in the right moment, heard what I needed to hear. i'm not anxious, not worried, not even occuppied by any of it but instead find myself in rest. its beautiful and amazing. i know there will be many tough moments to come. God never promised life would be easy and that i will be put to the test but I rest assured in whom i can turn to and trust. God is always faithful and through the course of my life HE has never ever left me. That i know to the core of my soul and spirit.
grad school orientation was very interesting and i'm pretty excited about this coming year. not sure what all it will bring but i know that I am here with reason and purpose and not for the ones i may have previously thought.
i've also come to realize just how blessed I am to have the parents I have. I mean who would load all my stuff, bring to my apt, unload it, and start to unpack it for you other than a paid mover? that's exactly what my parents did so that I could focus on orientation and other matters. i know they love me and know our relationship is evolving which is an awesome thing to see. i'm also glad to be close to my bro. should be interesting to see how that plays out but we always have a good time together.
alright so this is the song that's been prevalent in my life these last few days. something from Bethany Dillon.
"All I Need"
When the day is done
And there's no one else around
While I'm lying here in bed
You're in my heart, You're in my head
You're all I need, You're all I need
There are a million voices
Calling out my name
But You're the One I want to hear
So make the others disappear
You are all I need when I'm surrounded
You are all I need if I'm by myself
You fill me when I'm empty
There is nothing else
You're all I need
When the morning comes
And Your mercy is renewed
There's a fire in my bones
I'm not afraid to go alone
You're all I need You're all I need
The sun on my face I hear
You whisper loud
You're still the God that opens seas
Every flower, even me
You're all I need You're all I need
I'm drawn to everything that You do
Nothing compares with You
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