Life Lesson #2: “Father knows best”
Who hasn’t heard the term “Father knows best”? When I say this phrase, I’m talking in a figurative sense more than a literal one. I consider myself blessed to have an active father who has given me wisdom and direction throughout my life. My dad helped me with my science projects, changed out the brake pads on my first car, and hugged me when my feelings were hurt. His impact isn’t just about what he’s done for me, it includes the simple conversations on the way to school or a family vacation where he shared his views, shared his life’s journey with me. I was given a special place in his story: not only was I privileged to hear about his life happenings, but I was privy to a front row seat, watching his life played out like a movie on a big screen. It’s a rare thing to see someone’s life so up-close and to see words matched to action but that is how I’ve seen my dad’s life.
There are many words my dad has spoken to me. He’s never been one to tell me “this is what you need to do” But instead, his approach has been a gentle one. “If I were you, these are the things I’d consider…,” he’d say. He was never pushy, never overbearing, and never intrusive.
Even in moments when he’d offer a warning and I decided to go my own route and failed, he never gave me an “I told you so.” Instead, he gave me the freedom to learn on my own and he offered what he had willingly as I requested.
I consider myself doubly blessed because in addition to my dad, I also have mentors in my life, who impart wisdom in so many ways and throughout important key times in my life. For example, on one occasion I wasn’t sure about taking a promotion so I sat down with a close family friend who helped me weigh the pros and cons. Even as recent as last week, a healthcare mentor offered to sit down with me and provide some insight on a healthcare case I’m presenting at a case competition. Sometimes the words they offer are specific to situations or circumstances and sometimes they are just general to life.
The point isn’t that they’ve decided to share. Instead, the point is that I’ve chosen to listen.
A friend gave me a quote that states: “Wisdom is learning from experience, preferably your own.”
That quote has had a profound effect on my life and in how I approach life’s lessons. Not only did it affect how I approach my own life lessons but other’s life lessons, as well. It’s impacted how I select mentors in my life because you must be diligent in the selection of those you empower to have voice in your life. If your mentor’s intentions are wrong, they could potentially mislead you in life’s journey. Instead, you have to find those that genuinely love you, care about you, and wish to see you do well in this “crazy thing” called life.
After a relatively short-time of living life, I’ve learned that it is much easier to navigate roads lit with street lights. I liken mentors to the street lights in the road of life. They aren’t there to tell you which way to go. They exist to shed light on the road you’re traveling on. Be willing to learn and give place to mentors in your life so that when you travel, your road is as well lit as possible.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Life Lessons
With the onset of a new year, I decided to post something I developed in grad school titled "Life Lessons." It's a series of three life lessons that provides lumination to the path of my core values. So today, I share Life Lesson #1.
Once again, I find myself in unfamiliar territory with new faces and new places. I’m navigating through new terrain making sense of the winds of change that have blown me to West Texas. Starting a new journey is never easy but no matter where I go or what I do, I carry with me three major life lessons that continue to resonate throughout my voyage. When the going gets tough, I revert to these lessons and without fail, in a short time, find I’m pulling myself up by the boot straps better able to face any trial or situation.
Life Lesson #1: Hard work always pays off
I had just gotten off the phone with my admissions counselor who delivered both the good and the bad news. The good news was that I had been accepted to Angelo State University. The bad news, however, was that after all the back-and-forth between not one, not two, but multiple schools, my indecisiveness had caught up to me. My dad told me as a little girl that “you always reap what you sow” and I saw this coming to fruition with a 2.18 GPA.
"How did I allow this to happen?" I thought to myself. I’m a bright, smart girl who finished high school with honors as a Texas Scholar and a 4.0 GPA.
But here I am several years later with a diverse work history behind me and little education to show for it. Angelo State was not my first choice but due to circumstances outside of my control, it was my only choice. So those first few years I loathed my position. Instead of taking advantage of it, I threw those opportunities down the proverbial toilet.
Approaching the end of my twenty’s, I started to realize I would never advance to a position where I could realize my full potential without a college degree. It was in that moment that I decided my only option was to roll up my sleeves and get to work. This time it was different. I had a plan and I was determined. I knew I didn’t have the option of playing around and so semester by semester; Dean’s List by Dean’s List; I worked hard to slowly improve my GPA.
One of my life-long dreams was to visit Italy: something about the landscape and the history that enamored me. Naturally when I found out about the study abroad program, my eyes lit up. “What a great opportunity,” I thought until I saw the requirements. My current GPA wasn’t enough to get me into the program, but it was still summer and I felt my summer grades could be enough to push me into the realm of meeting requirements. I diligently worked on my application, updated my resume, and put my best foot forth.
My summer grades were in the process of being posted when I was notified I got an interview for the program! My luck was turning; or so I thought. The interview went great and then another month went by without notice. I contacted the Program Director to inquire and was told the program was waiting to review my fall grades which were to be posted within the next few weeks.
Would it be enough to gain me admissions into the program?
I was very nervous because by then I had discovered over 200 students had applied and only 45 were given interviews. After the interviews, only 20 undergraduate and 7 graduate students would be accepted into the program. So my odds were approximately 1 in 10 and not favorable.
It was just a few weeks before Christmas and since it was winter break, I wasn’t in the habit of checking my school email. On that day for some reason, I decided to check. I noticed that I had several messages one of them sent that very morning from the Program Director. My heart started racing and pounding and I sat there staring at the screen for what felt like eternity. Not wanting to open the email for fear it would contain the news I did not want to hear and then wanting to open it simply to find out.
I was oscillating and the suspense inside was building. I thought I might have a heart attack when I heard a familiar click. I didn’t even realize it but I had double-clicked on the email causing it to opening. I didn’t want to look but there was the message staring me in the face. So I briefly scanned the email but was so nervous I couldn’t make out what it said.
So slowly, I began reading line by line. I got to the part that said, “After reviewing your application and considering your interview, I’m please to extend to you an invitation to participate in the 2009 Italy/Greece Study abroad program.” The remainder of the email was logistics and as far as I knew read, “blah, blah, blah!” It was then that it hit me. I screamed, got out of my seat, and jumped up and down like a crazy woman! “I was in!” was all I could say when I called my parents to give them the news.
Not only did I receive acceptance into the program but I was awarded a full scholarship which paid for everything except for $1,000 in tuition. When I received my summer financial aid award, I discovered I was given $1,000 in a grant which would cover my remaining tuition fees. It was a perfect graduation gift. I’d walk in the May commencement with my last six hours obtained through the Italy/Greece summer program. After spending a month in Italy and Greece, I’d come home to my degree and a 3.17 GPA! What a perfect way to end my undergraduate career!
I have never felt more proud of my hard work. I’d witnessed that indeed hard work reaps rewards and benefits. Sometimes these benefits are tangible and sometimes they’re intangible.
Luckily for me, this reward was tangible and fulfilled a life-long dream!
Once again, I find myself in unfamiliar territory with new faces and new places. I’m navigating through new terrain making sense of the winds of change that have blown me to West Texas. Starting a new journey is never easy but no matter where I go or what I do, I carry with me three major life lessons that continue to resonate throughout my voyage. When the going gets tough, I revert to these lessons and without fail, in a short time, find I’m pulling myself up by the boot straps better able to face any trial or situation.
Life Lesson #1: Hard work always pays off
I had just gotten off the phone with my admissions counselor who delivered both the good and the bad news. The good news was that I had been accepted to Angelo State University. The bad news, however, was that after all the back-and-forth between not one, not two, but multiple schools, my indecisiveness had caught up to me. My dad told me as a little girl that “you always reap what you sow” and I saw this coming to fruition with a 2.18 GPA.
"How did I allow this to happen?" I thought to myself. I’m a bright, smart girl who finished high school with honors as a Texas Scholar and a 4.0 GPA.
But here I am several years later with a diverse work history behind me and little education to show for it. Angelo State was not my first choice but due to circumstances outside of my control, it was my only choice. So those first few years I loathed my position. Instead of taking advantage of it, I threw those opportunities down the proverbial toilet.
Approaching the end of my twenty’s, I started to realize I would never advance to a position where I could realize my full potential without a college degree. It was in that moment that I decided my only option was to roll up my sleeves and get to work. This time it was different. I had a plan and I was determined. I knew I didn’t have the option of playing around and so semester by semester; Dean’s List by Dean’s List; I worked hard to slowly improve my GPA.
One of my life-long dreams was to visit Italy: something about the landscape and the history that enamored me. Naturally when I found out about the study abroad program, my eyes lit up. “What a great opportunity,” I thought until I saw the requirements. My current GPA wasn’t enough to get me into the program, but it was still summer and I felt my summer grades could be enough to push me into the realm of meeting requirements. I diligently worked on my application, updated my resume, and put my best foot forth.
My summer grades were in the process of being posted when I was notified I got an interview for the program! My luck was turning; or so I thought. The interview went great and then another month went by without notice. I contacted the Program Director to inquire and was told the program was waiting to review my fall grades which were to be posted within the next few weeks.
Would it be enough to gain me admissions into the program?
I was very nervous because by then I had discovered over 200 students had applied and only 45 were given interviews. After the interviews, only 20 undergraduate and 7 graduate students would be accepted into the program. So my odds were approximately 1 in 10 and not favorable.
It was just a few weeks before Christmas and since it was winter break, I wasn’t in the habit of checking my school email. On that day for some reason, I decided to check. I noticed that I had several messages one of them sent that very morning from the Program Director. My heart started racing and pounding and I sat there staring at the screen for what felt like eternity. Not wanting to open the email for fear it would contain the news I did not want to hear and then wanting to open it simply to find out.
I was oscillating and the suspense inside was building. I thought I might have a heart attack when I heard a familiar click. I didn’t even realize it but I had double-clicked on the email causing it to opening. I didn’t want to look but there was the message staring me in the face. So I briefly scanned the email but was so nervous I couldn’t make out what it said.
So slowly, I began reading line by line. I got to the part that said, “After reviewing your application and considering your interview, I’m please to extend to you an invitation to participate in the 2009 Italy/Greece Study abroad program.” The remainder of the email was logistics and as far as I knew read, “blah, blah, blah!” It was then that it hit me. I screamed, got out of my seat, and jumped up and down like a crazy woman! “I was in!” was all I could say when I called my parents to give them the news.
Not only did I receive acceptance into the program but I was awarded a full scholarship which paid for everything except for $1,000 in tuition. When I received my summer financial aid award, I discovered I was given $1,000 in a grant which would cover my remaining tuition fees. It was a perfect graduation gift. I’d walk in the May commencement with my last six hours obtained through the Italy/Greece summer program. After spending a month in Italy and Greece, I’d come home to my degree and a 3.17 GPA! What a perfect way to end my undergraduate career!
I have never felt more proud of my hard work. I’d witnessed that indeed hard work reaps rewards and benefits. Sometimes these benefits are tangible and sometimes they’re intangible.
Luckily for me, this reward was tangible and fulfilled a life-long dream!
Premature panic
i've been debating about whether or not to post this one. its late and i should be asleep especially since i was up so early this morning. i had an odd dream which woke me at 6am and left me in a state of sadness. so my dilemna relates to how do i discuss the dream without giving all the particulars.
its going to be a vague description and with a disclaimer: do not to try and decipher what situation i'm talking about.
ok so as many of you know, there have been a lot of dramatic events in my life. some brought on by my own actions and some by the actions of others. in this dream i was reunited with a group of people. in fact i didnt understand the significance of the dream until i was listening to my ipod later...the whole dream left me in a funk.
ok back to the dream...so i was reunited with this group of people to talk about where we were in terms of today since whatever happened so many years ago. i hadnt been with this group of people in quite a while so it was really awkward and the reunion happened very much like real world or road rules reunion but instead of being televised it was being broadcast on the radio. so our listening audience couldnt actually see what was transpiring.
so in the dream, i was the character that everyone was waiting to see reactions in terms of my appearance. our host of the radio program introduced me and i was seated oppostie part of the group. it was weird awkward and the first question asked, the host asked me what i had learned since going our separate ways...i remember starting to tell him how back then i was unable to see how truly talented those individuals are....and to see what was in front of me but that it had been one of the best experiences of my life. at that point mid-sentence two of the guest got up and packed a bag and left...shaking my hand, refusing to hug me before leaving.
it stung...and i realized that no matter what i had learned from the experience the damage done due to actions and not thinking through the situation were the consequences of what i was experiencing in the present. and so they left without explanation leaving a stunned studio.
it was at that point i woke up to a wet face not realizing that while i was crying in my dream i was crying in my sleep in the physical.
the whole dream sequence was jarring...and yes left me very puzzled like why now after all this time.
then while i was contemplating the whole thing, "apololgize" by one republic came on the ipod. it was too late to apologize for the things i've done or said and no matter how much i tried...things would never ever be the same. does it make me sad? yes...but i think it serves as a poignant lesson today.
no matter how much i want to act out foolishly, i go back to this understanding that some actions/words carry us across the "too late" line. yes, sometimes in relationships we can take things to a point of no return. then where do you go from there?
ive tried to remember this in regards to my own actions and words and understanding. i think thats why i often want to set things right so quickly after i know i have erred. i dont want to hear the words, its too late to apologize.
so why all of this now?
just reminded me why grace and mercy are so imperative to my relationships of today. relationships are a two way street and there's nothing you can do to implore to other party to give or be present in the relationship the way you really want.
in the last few weeks, ive gotten back on track in terms of my own personal development. focusing on the things i need to do to better myself as a person. not an easy feat by any means but at the same time, i have to know i gave everything i could to succeed.
ive learned more about myself in this last semester...learned that the fighter in me still strives on...and that im not one to give less than 110%...just not in my nature. im not always completely successful but im working on gleaning as much as i can from any stituation/relationship to carry that knowledge with me into the next situation/relationship.
in short, the last few weeks have been about preservation and redesign. seems odd because none of it is a derivative of drama or crisis...just a natural evoluation in the state of things..
2010 has been amazing. some of the hardest and greatest situations i have ever faced and while 2011 is fast approaching...im doing what i can to soak up the last moments of 2010. to savor the beauty of quiet moments of time spent with friends and loved ones and to give what i can as necessary.
Ricardo and I will celebrate our one year anniversary come early next week....its a beautiful way to welcome 2011...i know this next year will bring alot of changes...but i can honestly say im not scared and ready to embrace what life will bring...im holdin on tight, not letting go...
so i started the year with a new beginning and am ending it with one as well...only fitting to say hello to the new beginning.
its going to be a vague description and with a disclaimer: do not to try and decipher what situation i'm talking about.
ok so as many of you know, there have been a lot of dramatic events in my life. some brought on by my own actions and some by the actions of others. in this dream i was reunited with a group of people. in fact i didnt understand the significance of the dream until i was listening to my ipod later...the whole dream left me in a funk.
ok back to the dream...so i was reunited with this group of people to talk about where we were in terms of today since whatever happened so many years ago. i hadnt been with this group of people in quite a while so it was really awkward and the reunion happened very much like real world or road rules reunion but instead of being televised it was being broadcast on the radio. so our listening audience couldnt actually see what was transpiring.
so in the dream, i was the character that everyone was waiting to see reactions in terms of my appearance. our host of the radio program introduced me and i was seated oppostie part of the group. it was weird awkward and the first question asked, the host asked me what i had learned since going our separate ways...i remember starting to tell him how back then i was unable to see how truly talented those individuals are....and to see what was in front of me but that it had been one of the best experiences of my life. at that point mid-sentence two of the guest got up and packed a bag and left...shaking my hand, refusing to hug me before leaving.
it stung...and i realized that no matter what i had learned from the experience the damage done due to actions and not thinking through the situation were the consequences of what i was experiencing in the present. and so they left without explanation leaving a stunned studio.
it was at that point i woke up to a wet face not realizing that while i was crying in my dream i was crying in my sleep in the physical.
the whole dream sequence was jarring...and yes left me very puzzled like why now after all this time.
then while i was contemplating the whole thing, "apololgize" by one republic came on the ipod. it was too late to apologize for the things i've done or said and no matter how much i tried...things would never ever be the same. does it make me sad? yes...but i think it serves as a poignant lesson today.
no matter how much i want to act out foolishly, i go back to this understanding that some actions/words carry us across the "too late" line. yes, sometimes in relationships we can take things to a point of no return. then where do you go from there?
ive tried to remember this in regards to my own actions and words and understanding. i think thats why i often want to set things right so quickly after i know i have erred. i dont want to hear the words, its too late to apologize.
so why all of this now?
just reminded me why grace and mercy are so imperative to my relationships of today. relationships are a two way street and there's nothing you can do to implore to other party to give or be present in the relationship the way you really want.
in the last few weeks, ive gotten back on track in terms of my own personal development. focusing on the things i need to do to better myself as a person. not an easy feat by any means but at the same time, i have to know i gave everything i could to succeed.
ive learned more about myself in this last semester...learned that the fighter in me still strives on...and that im not one to give less than 110%...just not in my nature. im not always completely successful but im working on gleaning as much as i can from any stituation/relationship to carry that knowledge with me into the next situation/relationship.
in short, the last few weeks have been about preservation and redesign. seems odd because none of it is a derivative of drama or crisis...just a natural evoluation in the state of things..
2010 has been amazing. some of the hardest and greatest situations i have ever faced and while 2011 is fast approaching...im doing what i can to soak up the last moments of 2010. to savor the beauty of quiet moments of time spent with friends and loved ones and to give what i can as necessary.
Ricardo and I will celebrate our one year anniversary come early next week....its a beautiful way to welcome 2011...i know this next year will bring alot of changes...but i can honestly say im not scared and ready to embrace what life will bring...im holdin on tight, not letting go...
so i started the year with a new beginning and am ending it with one as well...only fitting to say hello to the new beginning.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
hello....
ok so i'm headed to Austin later this morning to see Ricardo and spend Christmas Eve with him as his family. I know you're thinking, Kenny Rogers? what is up with that...but there's a story behind it. Just had to post it because it totally cracked me up. As for the second video....this song had been on my brain for like two days and I couldnt remember the words...and then I finally remembered part and was able to pick out the song from there....so here it is...I discovered I need more 80's music....will remedy that after the new year. for now...its snoozeville...up bright and early!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
The best show ever!
Alright...so this blog pays homage to two of my best friends. My most recent one and my bff from junior high. This posting is a departure from my usual posts...and definitely far from my last post. But bear with me...this is kinda where I'm at right now.
Surrounded by friends and family and loved ones, so I only feel it's completely appropriate. You may choose to disagree...thats ok. The whole reason for this blog is because my awesome boyfriend bought me tickets to see New Kids on the Block and Back Street Boys in June. I saw New Kids on the Block with my best friend, Angie, about two years ago in Dallas...and well I just need to talk about that experience! LOL.
ok so my bff, Smange, as I call her - and I were attending the show in Dallas with my cousin and some of her friends. My cousin, Jenn, who basically grew up with me is more like a sister than a cousin. So I can remember dancing in my living room watching MTV to New Kids videos like "dance party USA" style. Yes, we were dorks...that's not the point. so when we got a chance to go as adults, we jumped on that gravin train like it was the last stop to paris! LOL.
simply because, we had mexican mamas and there was no way they were going to take us to a New Kids concert when we were kids. in fact, i dont think I ever remember either of them going out of town by themselves. odd...but anyhow...back to the story...so no concerts for us when they were young.
the announcement of that tour and new album was like..."dude we have to go!" so we got tickets and were on our way.
my bff, Smange, and I got a parking pass across from the venue and arrived early to check out Lady Gaga (who at the time, we had no clue who that was), and Natasha Bedingfield. Now, I will note that alot of these ladies seemed our age or older! and so many of them were sportin their 80's/90's New Kids buttons and denim jackets and 80's garb...it was hilarious...
Smange and I looked at each other, who were dressed semi-trendy for the 2000's(LOL!), and gave each other the "oh no she didn't" look.
so lady Gaga comes on and we noted that she needed a longer skirt...then Natasha and we both like her music...so we were bobbin our heads along to her music...some ladies were standing and dancing to her songs...and we noted very few men...who were either gay (not meant in a derogatory tone) or were forced to attend by significant other.
(didnt I write about this experience before?)
ok so back to the story. the house lights suddenly went out and outta the speaker box barks a deep voice along with music...ARE - YOU - REA-DY? and so by this point everyone is on their feet and starting to cheer....and just about that time...stage lights go up and the crowd goes wild and I'm wanting to go wild but since my BFF and I had been playing it cool..thought if I go crazy am I going to look like a huge dork? so I'm just about to turn to my BFF to note her reaction, when I see that she threw caution to the wind and was going NUTS, screaming and jumpin up and down...and so I tossed my arms up on the air in resignation and thought "what the heck?" and joined in!!! LOL...
OMG - that was seriously the most fun I had ever had at a show! We sang along, cheered, jumped up and down, danced...had a seriously awesome time. We were in the car and said to each other "no one will ever be able to understand this experience except for those who were there!" lol...
So when my boyfriend offered me a chance to see them again! I jumped at it...and so that is how my junior high bestie, Jackie, enters this picture...she and I had gone our separate ways and through some Divine intervention she has re-entered my life. Its been a great and awesome thing and I really love her like my sister. So she and I will be catching New Kids and Back Street Boys in June. We saw John Mayer in Houston at the end of the summer and had a great time. I can only imagine what this show will be like!
I gotta say, its amazing to have her back in my life...she knows my family really well...and there's something about having someone in your life that know so much of your history. They understand where you come from and why you are who you are today. The same can be said of my boyfriend, Ricardo. He knows where I've come from and why I am who I am today. You dont have to give any back story or explain in details...they've seen you live life in that way and were witnesses to what you've become.
Now for me...both Jackie and Ricardo were absent for a portion of my life and re-entered here recently...but they still captured a part of my life that has significance.
As for Jackie, omg....we have some seriously random conversations. She's honest...about as honest as anyone can get. She doesn't front and tells you like it is. I appreciate that in a number of ways. And we have lots and lots of memories together. We did go to junior high and high school together. so I think its only fitting to attend this show with her!
I've been listening to the old stuff from New Kids and some of the new stuff....nostalgic! LOL
alright...so now that i'm totally pumped about a show that is more than 6 months away....on the agenda this week is to finish up christmas preparations..and get ready to spend Christmas with family and friends.
going to Austin to spend Christmas Eve with Ricardo's family and then, he and I are headed back to West Texas to spend time with my family. This is our first Christmas and I'm very excited that we get to spend it together. We decided to do Thanksgiving solo with each of our families so this will be something new! Excited to share these last few moments with Ricardo as we started 2010 together! Quite literally...our official first date was Jan 1, 2010! I love him deeply and am so glad that he's a part of my life!
Sleep is on this agenda for now...taking my precious nephew, Timothy to the movies tomorrow!
Surrounded by friends and family and loved ones, so I only feel it's completely appropriate. You may choose to disagree...thats ok. The whole reason for this blog is because my awesome boyfriend bought me tickets to see New Kids on the Block and Back Street Boys in June. I saw New Kids on the Block with my best friend, Angie, about two years ago in Dallas...and well I just need to talk about that experience! LOL.
ok so my bff, Smange, as I call her - and I were attending the show in Dallas with my cousin and some of her friends. My cousin, Jenn, who basically grew up with me is more like a sister than a cousin. So I can remember dancing in my living room watching MTV to New Kids videos like "dance party USA" style. Yes, we were dorks...that's not the point. so when we got a chance to go as adults, we jumped on that gravin train like it was the last stop to paris! LOL.
simply because, we had mexican mamas and there was no way they were going to take us to a New Kids concert when we were kids. in fact, i dont think I ever remember either of them going out of town by themselves. odd...but anyhow...back to the story...so no concerts for us when they were young.
the announcement of that tour and new album was like..."dude we have to go!" so we got tickets and were on our way.
my bff, Smange, and I got a parking pass across from the venue and arrived early to check out Lady Gaga (who at the time, we had no clue who that was), and Natasha Bedingfield. Now, I will note that alot of these ladies seemed our age or older! and so many of them were sportin their 80's/90's New Kids buttons and denim jackets and 80's garb...it was hilarious...
Smange and I looked at each other, who were dressed semi-trendy for the 2000's(LOL!), and gave each other the "oh no she didn't" look.
so lady Gaga comes on and we noted that she needed a longer skirt...then Natasha and we both like her music...so we were bobbin our heads along to her music...some ladies were standing and dancing to her songs...and we noted very few men...who were either gay (not meant in a derogatory tone) or were forced to attend by significant other.
(didnt I write about this experience before?)
ok so back to the story. the house lights suddenly went out and outta the speaker box barks a deep voice along with music...ARE - YOU - REA-DY? and so by this point everyone is on their feet and starting to cheer....and just about that time...stage lights go up and the crowd goes wild and I'm wanting to go wild but since my BFF and I had been playing it cool..thought if I go crazy am I going to look like a huge dork? so I'm just about to turn to my BFF to note her reaction, when I see that she threw caution to the wind and was going NUTS, screaming and jumpin up and down...and so I tossed my arms up on the air in resignation and thought "what the heck?" and joined in!!! LOL...
OMG - that was seriously the most fun I had ever had at a show! We sang along, cheered, jumped up and down, danced...had a seriously awesome time. We were in the car and said to each other "no one will ever be able to understand this experience except for those who were there!" lol...
So when my boyfriend offered me a chance to see them again! I jumped at it...and so that is how my junior high bestie, Jackie, enters this picture...she and I had gone our separate ways and through some Divine intervention she has re-entered my life. Its been a great and awesome thing and I really love her like my sister. So she and I will be catching New Kids and Back Street Boys in June. We saw John Mayer in Houston at the end of the summer and had a great time. I can only imagine what this show will be like!
I gotta say, its amazing to have her back in my life...she knows my family really well...and there's something about having someone in your life that know so much of your history. They understand where you come from and why you are who you are today. The same can be said of my boyfriend, Ricardo. He knows where I've come from and why I am who I am today. You dont have to give any back story or explain in details...they've seen you live life in that way and were witnesses to what you've become.
Now for me...both Jackie and Ricardo were absent for a portion of my life and re-entered here recently...but they still captured a part of my life that has significance.
As for Jackie, omg....we have some seriously random conversations. She's honest...about as honest as anyone can get. She doesn't front and tells you like it is. I appreciate that in a number of ways. And we have lots and lots of memories together. We did go to junior high and high school together. so I think its only fitting to attend this show with her!
I've been listening to the old stuff from New Kids and some of the new stuff....nostalgic! LOL
alright...so now that i'm totally pumped about a show that is more than 6 months away....on the agenda this week is to finish up christmas preparations..and get ready to spend Christmas with family and friends.
going to Austin to spend Christmas Eve with Ricardo's family and then, he and I are headed back to West Texas to spend time with my family. This is our first Christmas and I'm very excited that we get to spend it together. We decided to do Thanksgiving solo with each of our families so this will be something new! Excited to share these last few moments with Ricardo as we started 2010 together! Quite literally...our official first date was Jan 1, 2010! I love him deeply and am so glad that he's a part of my life!
Sleep is on this agenda for now...taking my precious nephew, Timothy to the movies tomorrow!
Friday, December 17, 2010
Candyland and cheating
I was supposed to arrive until sometime mid-week, next week but things have gotten a bit crazy and I decided I needed to spend time with my family. I know the time is coming where I'll be back in the "real work" world so three weeks home will be a rare if obsolete occurrence.
Things are still a bit dicey where my bro-in-law is concerned regarding his health. So I figured it would help to have an extra set of hands around to run errands, watch the boys, help with whatever, and just be around. Hence, the trip home.
Of course, Senorita Poochies is just elated. She hasn't left my side since my arrival. She's a happy cat.
As for the holiday season while most have been busy shopping and buying gifts, I'd been busy packing, finishing school projects, filling out fellowship applications, and going to interviews. It's been a bit exhausting and in the midst of all that, I realized that I'll be graduating next semester.
On facebook, I had posted this quote: "Live simply, Laugh often, Love deeply." To which someone else replied, "Love deeply, but do not get in the deep end." Reminded me of a sermon I heard and an interesting conversation that followed with one of my closest friends. I believe it was Louie Giglio talking about not staying in the "Kiddie pool" but diving into the deep.
There's a risk involved. It certainly is not for the faint of heart and there's the possiblity that some under current could sweep you under. The "kiddie pool" is safe and secure but it is limiting as well.
In the same token, there's a beauty involved in the experience something you could never achieve in the "kiddie pool."
reminds me of certain types of coy that only grow as big as their environment will allow. So the larger the environment, the larger the fish can grow.
I believe it is the same with us...that if we remain in the "kiddie pool."
I go back to the conversation of diving into the deep I had with my best friend. We both felt the experience of diving into the deep was well worth the risk.
Love deeply.
I've thought alot about that phrase. Thought about it from the standpoint of humanity and from the standpoint of a Christian. The last few weeks have brought many diverse conversations across my path. Conversations about faith and about those who profess faith. It reminded me of a song and a quote. It's an issue that's been prevalent in my life and in conversations in recent weeks.
"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle." Brennan Manning
I can't say that I'm absolved from this conversation. I remember making a comment about something I witnessed someone say/do and I was reminded "he's still a man" and not "infallable." It made me think...made me consider the standards to which I and so many I know hold others to. Yes, I certainly believe there should be accountability but what happens when someone feels they're responsbile for holding you accountable but they've had no real presence in your life in over two years...and then there's the issue of humility.
I say this because I've witnessed people I care about waivering between belief and non-belief, to be treated and judged in a manner that contradicts "love your neighbor as yourself." I've seen few attempt to build a relationship and develop understanding of someone who's beliefs may differ from their own. For that reason, I've maintained an arm's length distance and during this time, that i've truly come to see who cares for me and for what reasons.
Those that truly love me have made the effort to find out the happenings of my life. They have invested time and without judgement have listened and offered understanding.
I now know what Voddie Baucham meant by the fact that if we share faith, we share because we want the people we love to share in our joy, love, comfort, and understanding....not because we see people as projects and numbers marked on the belt of "those we've won for Christ."
This is not to say that all I've witnessed have acted in this manner...no..i go back to humilty. I'm reminded of Phillipians 2...and yes, I have seen this lived out in action and in love by some amazing people. People not afraid to admit their limitations and to be honest about where they fail. People who have shared in earnest and in hopes of growing together.
I can say that these honest and real relationships have been a guiding light in cloudy moments and moments when I felt my hope was wanning. Not in who I believe God to be or what I believe He is capable of doing, or in who He is in my life....no...my doubt has rested in the bride of Christ, His church.
Despite that, I've seen glimmering lights of hope of people struggling to understand, struggling to grow...but pressing forward attempting to win the race that is set before them. To those who continue to carry on without judgement but in love, I commend you...and thank you.
Thank you because you've helped me to understand that I dont have to "wear" a Jesus badge and shove my beliefs down people's throats...and helped me to understand that it comes back to love...and of this....
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
To the loves in my life but to specifically one, thank you for your patients, thank you for keeping no record of wrong, thank you for protecting, for trusting, for hoping and for preserving....thank you for loving me in truth...and in understanding...and in grace. I'm eternally grateful and hope that in your honor I do the same for others.
Things are still a bit dicey where my bro-in-law is concerned regarding his health. So I figured it would help to have an extra set of hands around to run errands, watch the boys, help with whatever, and just be around. Hence, the trip home.
Of course, Senorita Poochies is just elated. She hasn't left my side since my arrival. She's a happy cat.
As for the holiday season while most have been busy shopping and buying gifts, I'd been busy packing, finishing school projects, filling out fellowship applications, and going to interviews. It's been a bit exhausting and in the midst of all that, I realized that I'll be graduating next semester.
On facebook, I had posted this quote: "Live simply, Laugh often, Love deeply." To which someone else replied, "Love deeply, but do not get in the deep end." Reminded me of a sermon I heard and an interesting conversation that followed with one of my closest friends. I believe it was Louie Giglio talking about not staying in the "Kiddie pool" but diving into the deep.
There's a risk involved. It certainly is not for the faint of heart and there's the possiblity that some under current could sweep you under. The "kiddie pool" is safe and secure but it is limiting as well.
In the same token, there's a beauty involved in the experience something you could never achieve in the "kiddie pool."
reminds me of certain types of coy that only grow as big as their environment will allow. So the larger the environment, the larger the fish can grow.
I believe it is the same with us...that if we remain in the "kiddie pool."
I go back to the conversation of diving into the deep I had with my best friend. We both felt the experience of diving into the deep was well worth the risk.
Love deeply.
I've thought alot about that phrase. Thought about it from the standpoint of humanity and from the standpoint of a Christian. The last few weeks have brought many diverse conversations across my path. Conversations about faith and about those who profess faith. It reminded me of a song and a quote. It's an issue that's been prevalent in my life and in conversations in recent weeks.
"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle." Brennan Manning
I can't say that I'm absolved from this conversation. I remember making a comment about something I witnessed someone say/do and I was reminded "he's still a man" and not "infallable." It made me think...made me consider the standards to which I and so many I know hold others to. Yes, I certainly believe there should be accountability but what happens when someone feels they're responsbile for holding you accountable but they've had no real presence in your life in over two years...and then there's the issue of humility.
I say this because I've witnessed people I care about waivering between belief and non-belief, to be treated and judged in a manner that contradicts "love your neighbor as yourself." I've seen few attempt to build a relationship and develop understanding of someone who's beliefs may differ from their own. For that reason, I've maintained an arm's length distance and during this time, that i've truly come to see who cares for me and for what reasons.
Those that truly love me have made the effort to find out the happenings of my life. They have invested time and without judgement have listened and offered understanding.
I now know what Voddie Baucham meant by the fact that if we share faith, we share because we want the people we love to share in our joy, love, comfort, and understanding....not because we see people as projects and numbers marked on the belt of "those we've won for Christ."
This is not to say that all I've witnessed have acted in this manner...no..i go back to humilty. I'm reminded of Phillipians 2...and yes, I have seen this lived out in action and in love by some amazing people. People not afraid to admit their limitations and to be honest about where they fail. People who have shared in earnest and in hopes of growing together.
I can say that these honest and real relationships have been a guiding light in cloudy moments and moments when I felt my hope was wanning. Not in who I believe God to be or what I believe He is capable of doing, or in who He is in my life....no...my doubt has rested in the bride of Christ, His church.
Despite that, I've seen glimmering lights of hope of people struggling to understand, struggling to grow...but pressing forward attempting to win the race that is set before them. To those who continue to carry on without judgement but in love, I commend you...and thank you.
Thank you because you've helped me to understand that I dont have to "wear" a Jesus badge and shove my beliefs down people's throats...and helped me to understand that it comes back to love...and of this....
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
To the loves in my life but to specifically one, thank you for your patients, thank you for keeping no record of wrong, thank you for protecting, for trusting, for hoping and for preserving....thank you for loving me in truth...and in understanding...and in grace. I'm eternally grateful and hope that in your honor I do the same for others.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Christmas time is here...
So today was pretty rough. Alot on my plate right now. I'm trying to stay as focused as I can to finish out the week. Also have an interiew tomorrow so definitely need to be focused for that. Due to the high levels of stress and anxiety I was feeling, I decided a trip to the gym was in order. Managed to get in 3.5 miles and while it wasnt exactly easy I have to admit that it actually felt good to be back and so i'm hopin it'll become a bit more regular. It helps ease stress...and right now, things are a bit crazy in alot of different ways.
Not prepared to talk about any of it but I'm hopin that things turn around soon. Starting to feel that what was once within grasp is now slipping through my fingers. Nothing makes sense...i'm trying to remember that the holiday seasonness adds another dimension to it all. All I can say is that I'll be glad to be around family for the next few weeks.
Strange how things can shift from one moment to another...but i'm reminded that life is fragile and it should be lived and embraced. so i'm putting my "brave face" on moving forward. it's really all I can do. to stay where I am means I'm not growing..not making an effort.
tomorrow is another day, another chance at hope..
Not prepared to talk about any of it but I'm hopin that things turn around soon. Starting to feel that what was once within grasp is now slipping through my fingers. Nothing makes sense...i'm trying to remember that the holiday seasonness adds another dimension to it all. All I can say is that I'll be glad to be around family for the next few weeks.
Strange how things can shift from one moment to another...but i'm reminded that life is fragile and it should be lived and embraced. so i'm putting my "brave face" on moving forward. it's really all I can do. to stay where I am means I'm not growing..not making an effort.
tomorrow is another day, another chance at hope..
Thursday, December 2, 2010
balancing act
It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. Used to be a frequent occurrence and school, family, friends, and my new love have occupied alot of my time. After reading through some of my post I realized, it's been a healthy outlet to share experiences.
Life has taken some really unexpected turns in the last year. Kind of obvious to be reflective at this time of year. At the same time in less than five months, I'll be embarking on another new journey that hopefully will lead me to a new part of the state. Hopefully closer to my sweetie...
So I don’t even know really where to begin. School for once does not feel quite as overwhelming as it has in the past and maybe that has something to do with the fact that I’m working and have a special someone in my life.
Life also has taken on new meaning and that's primarily due to all the things that have happened in this last year. I find it amazing how life's circumstances change you and change how you view the world. Not talking in a bad way necessarily but I think regardless of what you face you just gotta know who you are and keep your head up.
You might be misunderstood, mistaken, misread...in the end the people who really love you will take the time and effort to try and find you out. Get to the core of what you mean or who you are or what you're trying to convey. Can’t say that that effort relieves you of being responsible for your communication. No it means you gotta be real to those you find in your inner circle.
There was a point and time when I was too concerned with what others thought and I felt that concern start to shift around the time I left to Italy. I think Italy was liberating in that sense and it gave me the courage I needed to face my first semester in a new town. Allowed me to root myself apart from my family and existing circles.
I cant say that everyone in my life has been happy about that but in the end, I’m living this life and when I stand before the creator - I alone will give an account for what I've done with what I’ve been given - no one else will stand with me...and so people can say this or that and think this or that but in the end I think what really matters is knowing I did what I could with what I had. Doesn’t mean I’m exempt from making mistakes.
I think sometimes people fear mistakes as failure but I think it’s the willingness to get up from the mistakes that defines true success. I’m not saying that I purposely set out to make mistakes, in fact, I’d rather avoid them. Takes me back to a quote given to me: "wisdom is learning from experience preferably not your own."
That’s one of the things that I’ve seen changed most. In the course of my life I’ve been leading in one way or another and for the first time in a long time, I’m not leading anything. It’s been odd and awkward but what I’ve learned from that experience is that sometimes you need to learn to be a follower because sometimes you just aren't suited for a particular position and it takes both leaders and followers to make organizations work. Anything new will be awkward at first but then you begin to find your place....
So this time of my life is about being a student...it hasn’t been easy for sure.
Trying to balance school, work, family, and my relationship with Ricardo. I can say that I’m blessed in that my family is close and values education so I’ve had alot of support from them. Ricardo has been pretty amazing as well and I’m glad that we share those similar values.
The difficulty has come in balancing time...because he and I live so far apart - it creates challenges if you will...but at the same time, I don’t think I would change any of it. I think it's been necessary...not liked... but beneficial to us both.
I’ve begun the great job search as all graduates eventually embark upon. Can’t say it’s been fun but interesting to see all the opportunities out there. I know the right one will open up at the right time so I’m patiently waiting.
At the same time, I think this is a unique time in my life and one that I shouldn’t rush through. I’m taking a two week break at the end of the semester to spend with family and friends and of course, I’ve carved out some special time with Ricardo as we celebrate our one year anniversary.
Where Ricardo is concerned - the journey has been pretty amazing - not just in that I find it completely amazing to see how to people make a relationship work but in how people share their lives with one another in a way that no other two people in the world have. It’s unique to that experience and in that I find a true beauty. it hasn’t been "walks in the park" at all times as we both bring our own set of challenges to the table...but it’s been insightful in that I’ve learned more about myself in this year than I ever thought was possible.
I can remember sitting on the ferry going from Brindisi to Patras the summer of 2009 - just before Ricardo entered my life. You see, he's not a new fixture that I just stumbled upon, but someone who came into my life way back in 1997. Then after a summer and some miscommunication, he departed...it sometimes goes that way, no? I think it wouldn’t have worked out between us if we had become more than friends. No I think we were best left as friends wanting more at the end of summer of '97.
I had stumbled upon him prior to my departure to Italy on facebook but had no contact with him. He wasn’t in my thoughts as I was in Italy/Greece. No, I was taking in the experience with a fresh set of eyes and excitement and what I was thinking about was my upcoming move to attend grad school at Tech.
On the ferry - I remember staring out into the water as the sun set thinking "somewhere out there is the man of my dreams" and for a moment I wondered what he was doing and where he was. Clueless that he'd soon walk into my life or rather I’d walk into his at a coffee shop (he was there before me). So after I returned, I was a bit surprised when we ended up chatting for a bit on facebook.
That chance encounter/chat on facebook led to us meeting up and having a friendly cup of coffee at a local Austin coffee shop. At the time, I had no idea where that cup of coffee was going to lead and at first, we remained just friends. He shared a bit of his life with me and me with him. But our communication slowly began to increase and the conversations seemed longer and at times a bit more in-depth...
I didn’t realize that my feelings had changed until I had some life drama and the first person I wanted to call was him not because I had feelings for him necessarily but because I found value in his friendship. That’s when I realized that he was more than just a friend....that he was someone I wanted to share my life with but I wasn’t quite sure how he felt.
We had already planned to spend some time together at the start of the New Year but a friend of mine unexpectedly invited me to visit Austin with her and her husband before our scheduled visit. I remember texting him to see if he'd mind seeing me two weekends instead of just one. Lol....and I remember how elated I was to read his response.
And so it was set - he'd meet me and my friends, and then he and I would have dinner alone and then he'd return me to my friend. usually when it comes to things like that (first dates) - I tend to be a bit formal and guarded in what I call "on-stage" Laura - not quite the laid back, silly girl some of my friends know well. But for some reason I found his presence relaxing (that hasn’t changed even now). It was like I had an open invitation to just be me. And so that's how it started....a relaxed dinner where I slouched (something I seem to do only when I’m extremely comfortable).
It was easy to share with him and over the course of dinner things changed between us and over the course of the weekend we became more than just friends. It seems strange to me the things that I remember - for instance I remember being nervous about seeing him the following weekend after we decided to see each other exclusively.
Our road has been interesting since then...and we've had many laughs over silly things we've said or done...I’ve even witnessed him as he busted out in random dance (one of my favorite memories of him)! Lol.
My life wouldn't have been the same if he wasn’t in it. I’m grateful for that....grateful for the way he challenges me and the ways that he's caused me to grow.
My relationship with him has caused me to reflect on my past and the moments where I was wounded and had healed but realized I hadn’t completely let go. Sometimes you want to hold on to those moments as if to say "look at my war wounds/hear my story"...but reliving those moments too often can make you bitter and angry...
Takes me back to the ferry going to Patras. I remember letting go of my anxieties concerning the future. I made a choice to bravely face what was to come and to give it my best. I think the same goes for letting go of old wounds. It’s best to watch them peacefully and willingly float away - letting them be just a memory no longer empowered by presence.
I think that's what I most cherish about where I live and how my life is lived. There’s the abundance availability of peace. I come home to a quiet apartment that is comfortable and warm and have beautiful people in my life that embrace me in truth, love, and comfort. Reminds me of drinking hot chocolate on a cold winter day that it warms your soul. Similar affect....and the same goes with Ricardo.
I’ve been trying to blaze through this time but now see it with a new pair of eyes as something to be cherished and used wisely. I think so often in life we work and work to get to the next season or the next level that we fail to stop and see the beauty in the current one.
I can say that that is where I’m at. Taking a few moments to enjoy life in the present...letting go of the past and allowing the future to come when necessary but walking in the now and taking in every moment.
The song I posted below has no relevance to the posting just something I was listening to as I wrote this latest episode. I will say that there's amazing beauty in living life drama free...the word I’m working with this week is transparency and diligence...that may be my next posting.
Headed home for a few days. Hoping to get in at least a couple of runs at KOA but we shall see...depends on whether or not the little ones (nephews) wear me out. I’m determined to get my parents tree and lights up though...
I love Christmas...love this time of year....sad that I’m missing carol of lights but looking forward to some hot chocolate and good conversation with friends back home. Love abounds sometimes in ways we don’t understand or can’t see.
Life has taken some really unexpected turns in the last year. Kind of obvious to be reflective at this time of year. At the same time in less than five months, I'll be embarking on another new journey that hopefully will lead me to a new part of the state. Hopefully closer to my sweetie...
So I don’t even know really where to begin. School for once does not feel quite as overwhelming as it has in the past and maybe that has something to do with the fact that I’m working and have a special someone in my life.
Life also has taken on new meaning and that's primarily due to all the things that have happened in this last year. I find it amazing how life's circumstances change you and change how you view the world. Not talking in a bad way necessarily but I think regardless of what you face you just gotta know who you are and keep your head up.
You might be misunderstood, mistaken, misread...in the end the people who really love you will take the time and effort to try and find you out. Get to the core of what you mean or who you are or what you're trying to convey. Can’t say that that effort relieves you of being responsible for your communication. No it means you gotta be real to those you find in your inner circle.
There was a point and time when I was too concerned with what others thought and I felt that concern start to shift around the time I left to Italy. I think Italy was liberating in that sense and it gave me the courage I needed to face my first semester in a new town. Allowed me to root myself apart from my family and existing circles.
I cant say that everyone in my life has been happy about that but in the end, I’m living this life and when I stand before the creator - I alone will give an account for what I've done with what I’ve been given - no one else will stand with me...and so people can say this or that and think this or that but in the end I think what really matters is knowing I did what I could with what I had. Doesn’t mean I’m exempt from making mistakes.
I think sometimes people fear mistakes as failure but I think it’s the willingness to get up from the mistakes that defines true success. I’m not saying that I purposely set out to make mistakes, in fact, I’d rather avoid them. Takes me back to a quote given to me: "wisdom is learning from experience preferably not your own."
That’s one of the things that I’ve seen changed most. In the course of my life I’ve been leading in one way or another and for the first time in a long time, I’m not leading anything. It’s been odd and awkward but what I’ve learned from that experience is that sometimes you need to learn to be a follower because sometimes you just aren't suited for a particular position and it takes both leaders and followers to make organizations work. Anything new will be awkward at first but then you begin to find your place....
So this time of my life is about being a student...it hasn’t been easy for sure.
Trying to balance school, work, family, and my relationship with Ricardo. I can say that I’m blessed in that my family is close and values education so I’ve had alot of support from them. Ricardo has been pretty amazing as well and I’m glad that we share those similar values.
The difficulty has come in balancing time...because he and I live so far apart - it creates challenges if you will...but at the same time, I don’t think I would change any of it. I think it's been necessary...not liked... but beneficial to us both.
I’ve begun the great job search as all graduates eventually embark upon. Can’t say it’s been fun but interesting to see all the opportunities out there. I know the right one will open up at the right time so I’m patiently waiting.
At the same time, I think this is a unique time in my life and one that I shouldn’t rush through. I’m taking a two week break at the end of the semester to spend with family and friends and of course, I’ve carved out some special time with Ricardo as we celebrate our one year anniversary.
Where Ricardo is concerned - the journey has been pretty amazing - not just in that I find it completely amazing to see how to people make a relationship work but in how people share their lives with one another in a way that no other two people in the world have. It’s unique to that experience and in that I find a true beauty. it hasn’t been "walks in the park" at all times as we both bring our own set of challenges to the table...but it’s been insightful in that I’ve learned more about myself in this year than I ever thought was possible.
I can remember sitting on the ferry going from Brindisi to Patras the summer of 2009 - just before Ricardo entered my life. You see, he's not a new fixture that I just stumbled upon, but someone who came into my life way back in 1997. Then after a summer and some miscommunication, he departed...it sometimes goes that way, no? I think it wouldn’t have worked out between us if we had become more than friends. No I think we were best left as friends wanting more at the end of summer of '97.
I had stumbled upon him prior to my departure to Italy on facebook but had no contact with him. He wasn’t in my thoughts as I was in Italy/Greece. No, I was taking in the experience with a fresh set of eyes and excitement and what I was thinking about was my upcoming move to attend grad school at Tech.
On the ferry - I remember staring out into the water as the sun set thinking "somewhere out there is the man of my dreams" and for a moment I wondered what he was doing and where he was. Clueless that he'd soon walk into my life or rather I’d walk into his at a coffee shop (he was there before me). So after I returned, I was a bit surprised when we ended up chatting for a bit on facebook.
That chance encounter/chat on facebook led to us meeting up and having a friendly cup of coffee at a local Austin coffee shop. At the time, I had no idea where that cup of coffee was going to lead and at first, we remained just friends. He shared a bit of his life with me and me with him. But our communication slowly began to increase and the conversations seemed longer and at times a bit more in-depth...
I didn’t realize that my feelings had changed until I had some life drama and the first person I wanted to call was him not because I had feelings for him necessarily but because I found value in his friendship. That’s when I realized that he was more than just a friend....that he was someone I wanted to share my life with but I wasn’t quite sure how he felt.
We had already planned to spend some time together at the start of the New Year but a friend of mine unexpectedly invited me to visit Austin with her and her husband before our scheduled visit. I remember texting him to see if he'd mind seeing me two weekends instead of just one. Lol....and I remember how elated I was to read his response.
And so it was set - he'd meet me and my friends, and then he and I would have dinner alone and then he'd return me to my friend. usually when it comes to things like that (first dates) - I tend to be a bit formal and guarded in what I call "on-stage" Laura - not quite the laid back, silly girl some of my friends know well. But for some reason I found his presence relaxing (that hasn’t changed even now). It was like I had an open invitation to just be me. And so that's how it started....a relaxed dinner where I slouched (something I seem to do only when I’m extremely comfortable).
It was easy to share with him and over the course of dinner things changed between us and over the course of the weekend we became more than just friends. It seems strange to me the things that I remember - for instance I remember being nervous about seeing him the following weekend after we decided to see each other exclusively.
Our road has been interesting since then...and we've had many laughs over silly things we've said or done...I’ve even witnessed him as he busted out in random dance (one of my favorite memories of him)! Lol.
My life wouldn't have been the same if he wasn’t in it. I’m grateful for that....grateful for the way he challenges me and the ways that he's caused me to grow.
My relationship with him has caused me to reflect on my past and the moments where I was wounded and had healed but realized I hadn’t completely let go. Sometimes you want to hold on to those moments as if to say "look at my war wounds/hear my story"...but reliving those moments too often can make you bitter and angry...
Takes me back to the ferry going to Patras. I remember letting go of my anxieties concerning the future. I made a choice to bravely face what was to come and to give it my best. I think the same goes for letting go of old wounds. It’s best to watch them peacefully and willingly float away - letting them be just a memory no longer empowered by presence.
I think that's what I most cherish about where I live and how my life is lived. There’s the abundance availability of peace. I come home to a quiet apartment that is comfortable and warm and have beautiful people in my life that embrace me in truth, love, and comfort. Reminds me of drinking hot chocolate on a cold winter day that it warms your soul. Similar affect....and the same goes with Ricardo.
I’ve been trying to blaze through this time but now see it with a new pair of eyes as something to be cherished and used wisely. I think so often in life we work and work to get to the next season or the next level that we fail to stop and see the beauty in the current one.
I can say that that is where I’m at. Taking a few moments to enjoy life in the present...letting go of the past and allowing the future to come when necessary but walking in the now and taking in every moment.
The song I posted below has no relevance to the posting just something I was listening to as I wrote this latest episode. I will say that there's amazing beauty in living life drama free...the word I’m working with this week is transparency and diligence...that may be my next posting.
Headed home for a few days. Hoping to get in at least a couple of runs at KOA but we shall see...depends on whether or not the little ones (nephews) wear me out. I’m determined to get my parents tree and lights up though...
I love Christmas...love this time of year....sad that I’m missing carol of lights but looking forward to some hot chocolate and good conversation with friends back home. Love abounds sometimes in ways we don’t understand or can’t see.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
getting down to the wire
i'm just now past the half-way mark in terms of the fall semester. hard to believe that more than 8 weeks has passed since the start of school and monday will find us in November.
NOVEMBER!
where did the time go? it seems like yesterday I was buying books for the fall semester (at a small fortune at that!). Now, I'm less than 6 weeks to go with the end in my sights! not yet breathing the all-too-familiar sigh of relief - that will have to wait.
the fall semester had an interesting start and brought a new set of challenges. it also marked a year that i've been in my current city and though I didnt spend much time here during the summer....i've come to appreciate what is now my home. i realize it's not permanent and all too soon i'll be packing up this place and moving somewhere new.
i can say that this city has been good for me. it was good to be close to my family for the duration i was but that was a season of its own. This time is a new season. i'd been torn between family and school almost feeling like i was leaving my family for school. it made the last year hard and with alot of home-sick moments.
this last year has been a year of growth and as hard as it has been, i'm appreciative. appreciative because i was able to see things i'd never though imagineable...able to try new things and see new things...and understand new things.
i fell in love with what i do and know i'm in the right place at the right time. from the moment Dr Huerta spoke the words "i'm looking for students who see healthcare as a calling," I got it...and it resonated deep within. it was the door i'd been waiting for and now it was finally opened.
so timidly, i stepped through the doorway and i've not looked back since.
i've been busy since then working an internship with a children's clinic: working on grant projects/funding proposals, quality improvement projects, and learning the inner workings of a clinic. my work has been part-time and if i had any regret it is that i wish the position was full-time. not because of pay or benefits or anything like that...but simply because i feel there are pieces i miss when i'm away. i absolutely respect the administrators i've gotten to work with and their insight and knowledge has opened up a new realm to me that i find really fascinating. they are the teachers and i am the student. i try to soak up as much as i can and trust me there's lots to learn.
my class schedule is a bit odd...for the fall semester my core classes were divided into mini-semesters...so i had for 8 weeks the second the next 8 weeks. meaning - i have three hours completed already. my health organization course is being conducted executive-style so we meet only two weekends in the semester...the second class meeting is coming up in a few short weeks and on the final day of class we will be testing for our Six Sigma Green Belt Certification. (AGH!) i also have human resource management and we meet one night a week...so i have just five more class meetings and two of those are for presentations...yes..the semester is coming to a fast close!
i register next week for the spring - MY FINAL SEMESTER! (AGH a second time!!!) lol. i'll have 13 hrs and the schedule looks pretty nice for now.
what's next?
your guess is probably as good as mine...i applied to one FELLOWSHIP....yes just one. why? this particular fellowship starts June 2011 and is with an organization i'm interested in working with. I'll know in the next few weeks whether i made the first cut in the selection round. if not....then i have an option to stay where i'm at and work and apply for a fellowship starting in Jan 2012 or to look for something full-time somewhere else...its not really time to make that decision so i'm not thinking to much about it.
for me, in my life, these kinds of things usually happen very quickly...dont know exactly how to explain it but when the right opportunity reveals itself - then the process of getting there is usually escalated. as always, i'll have done my homework and figured out my options before then...just to be prepared...but until then...my plans are just speculations nothing set in stone.
as for family...well i'm not going to say much here other than my mom is doing much better and my bro-in-law should be home soon (from his latest and hopefully last surgery!). i have alot of respect and love for both my parents. i've seen them do things that go beyond my own understanding of abilities but that's because they're parents and as of yet, i am not. i can say that their love and support has been amazing...even in crisis they manage to maintain a peace and composure that i learn from every day. at the same time, alot has changed and as usual i wont get into the details but just to say i think it's ok. not good, not bad....its ok...in alot of ways its been liberating.
for the first time, i see what my parents want for me and why they do or say the things they do...and i see where it comes from. for that i'm grateful...and while i may not always choose what they want or do what they think i should....they give me freedom to make those choices for myself. i'm doubly grateful for that...i think this understanding has made our relationship stronger in a way i cant describe. watching my mother recover from the summer has been an experience as well and i realize just how fragile we are....so, i'm trying to make the most of every moment given to me and to spend my time with the people i love most. spend my energies where they count the most....cant' say i've been completely successful but each day is a new opportunity to try...
i'm not going to speak to any specific situation here...but just to say that sometimes we judge people without really knowing them or their intentions...and we assume certain things as facts that may come from third parties that may or may not know or have the correct perspective about things that are happening. unfortunately, i can say that this has occurred in my life...it saddens me in a number of ways. at the same time, you can’t make people love you, can’t make them understand or see where you are coming from because once they've determined things are what they think they are...its almost next to impossible to convince them things are other than what they are determined to think...and i feel it’s pointless to try but also feel if they aren't willing to seek out the truth then do they really genuinely care about you?
as for the love of my life...we've had our moments as any relationship does...
what i can say is that he challenges me to be better and in so many ways and has helped me to see life through new lenses...gone are the rose stained glasses i'd been trying so hard to get rid of...sometimes we want to kid ourselves and pretend things are what we want them to be...its harder to see things as they really are. i can say that with mr casillas - its easier to see things as they really are and while some of the things i've been through have been beyond words - he's been amazingly incredible to see me through them. he's honest in a refreshing way and more than anything i've learned the beauty in resolution.
we are alike in many ways and in so many others he is my complete opposition. i've found that he brings a necessary balance to my life that at first i tried to fight and have now come to relish.
of course...when i want to tromp off and throw a frying pan at someone - he, the calm one, calls me back to sit and take deep breaths and talk through my feelings....oh the irony! lol...i love him for it...and yes there are moments when i want to throw a frying pan at him (and he knows this)...but lovingly and patiently he talks me through it until we come to an amicable resolve. who knew fighting could be so civilized!?! lol! come this january, he and i will close in on our year anniversary! i hope this only the first of many more to come...
alright dear ones....i'm driving bright and early and as usually i'm burning the midnight oil..maybe i should change the title of my blog to that....that seems to be when i write most of my blogs to begin with!
ah...i failed to mention washington, dallas, memphis, and chicago...i will in the next post which will be in a few days and not a few months! I promise!
life is too beautiful to waste of the shoulda', coulda', woulda's....but a little reflection now and thing keeps things in perspective...its the mile markers that keep us headed in the right direction.
NOVEMBER!
where did the time go? it seems like yesterday I was buying books for the fall semester (at a small fortune at that!). Now, I'm less than 6 weeks to go with the end in my sights! not yet breathing the all-too-familiar sigh of relief - that will have to wait.
the fall semester had an interesting start and brought a new set of challenges. it also marked a year that i've been in my current city and though I didnt spend much time here during the summer....i've come to appreciate what is now my home. i realize it's not permanent and all too soon i'll be packing up this place and moving somewhere new.
i can say that this city has been good for me. it was good to be close to my family for the duration i was but that was a season of its own. This time is a new season. i'd been torn between family and school almost feeling like i was leaving my family for school. it made the last year hard and with alot of home-sick moments.
this last year has been a year of growth and as hard as it has been, i'm appreciative. appreciative because i was able to see things i'd never though imagineable...able to try new things and see new things...and understand new things.
i fell in love with what i do and know i'm in the right place at the right time. from the moment Dr Huerta spoke the words "i'm looking for students who see healthcare as a calling," I got it...and it resonated deep within. it was the door i'd been waiting for and now it was finally opened.
so timidly, i stepped through the doorway and i've not looked back since.
i've been busy since then working an internship with a children's clinic: working on grant projects/funding proposals, quality improvement projects, and learning the inner workings of a clinic. my work has been part-time and if i had any regret it is that i wish the position was full-time. not because of pay or benefits or anything like that...but simply because i feel there are pieces i miss when i'm away. i absolutely respect the administrators i've gotten to work with and their insight and knowledge has opened up a new realm to me that i find really fascinating. they are the teachers and i am the student. i try to soak up as much as i can and trust me there's lots to learn.
my class schedule is a bit odd...for the fall semester my core classes were divided into mini-semesters...so i had for 8 weeks the second the next 8 weeks. meaning - i have three hours completed already. my health organization course is being conducted executive-style so we meet only two weekends in the semester...the second class meeting is coming up in a few short weeks and on the final day of class we will be testing for our Six Sigma Green Belt Certification. (AGH!) i also have human resource management and we meet one night a week...so i have just five more class meetings and two of those are for presentations...yes..the semester is coming to a fast close!
i register next week for the spring - MY FINAL SEMESTER! (AGH a second time!!!) lol. i'll have 13 hrs and the schedule looks pretty nice for now.
what's next?
your guess is probably as good as mine...i applied to one FELLOWSHIP....yes just one. why? this particular fellowship starts June 2011 and is with an organization i'm interested in working with. I'll know in the next few weeks whether i made the first cut in the selection round. if not....then i have an option to stay where i'm at and work and apply for a fellowship starting in Jan 2012 or to look for something full-time somewhere else...its not really time to make that decision so i'm not thinking to much about it.
for me, in my life, these kinds of things usually happen very quickly...dont know exactly how to explain it but when the right opportunity reveals itself - then the process of getting there is usually escalated. as always, i'll have done my homework and figured out my options before then...just to be prepared...but until then...my plans are just speculations nothing set in stone.
as for family...well i'm not going to say much here other than my mom is doing much better and my bro-in-law should be home soon (from his latest and hopefully last surgery!). i have alot of respect and love for both my parents. i've seen them do things that go beyond my own understanding of abilities but that's because they're parents and as of yet, i am not. i can say that their love and support has been amazing...even in crisis they manage to maintain a peace and composure that i learn from every day. at the same time, alot has changed and as usual i wont get into the details but just to say i think it's ok. not good, not bad....its ok...in alot of ways its been liberating.
for the first time, i see what my parents want for me and why they do or say the things they do...and i see where it comes from. for that i'm grateful...and while i may not always choose what they want or do what they think i should....they give me freedom to make those choices for myself. i'm doubly grateful for that...i think this understanding has made our relationship stronger in a way i cant describe. watching my mother recover from the summer has been an experience as well and i realize just how fragile we are....so, i'm trying to make the most of every moment given to me and to spend my time with the people i love most. spend my energies where they count the most....cant' say i've been completely successful but each day is a new opportunity to try...
i'm not going to speak to any specific situation here...but just to say that sometimes we judge people without really knowing them or their intentions...and we assume certain things as facts that may come from third parties that may or may not know or have the correct perspective about things that are happening. unfortunately, i can say that this has occurred in my life...it saddens me in a number of ways. at the same time, you can’t make people love you, can’t make them understand or see where you are coming from because once they've determined things are what they think they are...its almost next to impossible to convince them things are other than what they are determined to think...and i feel it’s pointless to try but also feel if they aren't willing to seek out the truth then do they really genuinely care about you?
as for the love of my life...we've had our moments as any relationship does...
what i can say is that he challenges me to be better and in so many ways and has helped me to see life through new lenses...gone are the rose stained glasses i'd been trying so hard to get rid of...sometimes we want to kid ourselves and pretend things are what we want them to be...its harder to see things as they really are. i can say that with mr casillas - its easier to see things as they really are and while some of the things i've been through have been beyond words - he's been amazingly incredible to see me through them. he's honest in a refreshing way and more than anything i've learned the beauty in resolution.
we are alike in many ways and in so many others he is my complete opposition. i've found that he brings a necessary balance to my life that at first i tried to fight and have now come to relish.
of course...when i want to tromp off and throw a frying pan at someone - he, the calm one, calls me back to sit and take deep breaths and talk through my feelings....oh the irony! lol...i love him for it...and yes there are moments when i want to throw a frying pan at him (and he knows this)...but lovingly and patiently he talks me through it until we come to an amicable resolve. who knew fighting could be so civilized!?! lol! come this january, he and i will close in on our year anniversary! i hope this only the first of many more to come...
alright dear ones....i'm driving bright and early and as usually i'm burning the midnight oil..maybe i should change the title of my blog to that....that seems to be when i write most of my blogs to begin with!
ah...i failed to mention washington, dallas, memphis, and chicago...i will in the next post which will be in a few days and not a few months! I promise!
life is too beautiful to waste of the shoulda', coulda', woulda's....but a little reflection now and thing keeps things in perspective...its the mile markers that keep us headed in the right direction.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Chicago
Like my buddy Jeff Peters once said, "rock on chicago!"
Chicago was good....i planned on writing a whole excerpt but unfortunately, i got to working on homework and now its late. I have a super early morning flight! (UGH) so I must get to sleep...will post once I've recouped.
i'll be home in the next 12 hrs.
Chicago was good....i planned on writing a whole excerpt but unfortunately, i got to working on homework and now its late. I have a super early morning flight! (UGH) so I must get to sleep...will post once I've recouped.
i'll be home in the next 12 hrs.
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