I've been working on this post for something like 3 months. Life has ben hectic and its about to ramp up for the next few weeks. I have lots of travel on the books from now until October not to mention Kids Fun Fest. I'm the Marketing Committee Chair for a children's clinic and that includes promoting a new annual fundraiser. There's pressure but great excitement and once I get my bearings this week - I'll hit the ground running with this project.
We've already been going a million a miles a minute celebrating my mom's bday and travel to spend time with my sister and her family.
So I thought this might be a poignant time to post this one.
Through the years, I've been through a number of leadership development courses and even now as I'm being groomed for leadership in the future, I've been reading alot about communication, communication styles, etc. We all know how individual we are and that yes some people tend to gravitate towards certain communication styles but there's so much more that goes into the complexity that is communication.
I have a few examples.
Well, when I talk about Ricardo and I - I could give numerous examples. But I remember I'd just gone through a leadership development class where we'd discussed different communication styles and personalities. What I took from that class was that we shouldn't become chamelions becoming like those we are communicating with but should "adapt" our styles - staying true to who we are - but maybe changing our methods of approach. Something sorta clicked because I've known this but it just made alot of sense to me.
I've had communication challenges before and my own personality often presents its own challenges because inevitable I'll rub someone the wrong way or come across as being overtly agressive. Should I apologize for that, I think not but I do need to be accountable for my actions and words. I just cant go around slaying people in my "right" to be who I am...temperance - something I'm not great but working on.
So then shortly after - I read an article from the Harvard Business Review about "emotional inlligence" defined as "ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups." Emotional intelligence is something that most executives excel in.
Interesting I thought to myself.
My challenge to myself is to really take my skills, knowledge, and abilities to the next step. Well, this "emotional intelligence" happens to b an area I need work in. So wouldnt it be that likely that I'd be challenged in that way. I could name the number of events but I fear those involved would feel like I betrayed them so I wont.
So i'll just give an example that often happens with Ricardo and I. We've been together just over 2 years and you'd think oh wow - they know each other. Yeah, just getting to the tip of the iceberg there. I look at my parents relationship and they've been married almost 40 years and yeah they're still learning about one another...in fact, i'm still learning about myself and coming into my own (not an easy task). I've had the luxury of having my path "paved" and just recently began to step out of those expectations. It's challenging but its been good and I believe making me a better person.
Doing the hard.
I've spent alot of time trying to avoid the challenges when I should just embrace them. They are going to come, there's no stopping them. Miscommunication will happen. I'll become upset. What I've learned is that most disagreements or discenssions occur due to a communication error. So it behooves us to stretch out that olive branch and try to clarify. Now given that some people will always miscontrue or refuse to see that the intention is not what they thought it would be and refuse to apologize or make nice because "they were right" and that's just how it is. These folks arent going to bend and will think what they want to think.
You can't change anyone else but you. Can't control anything except what's in the immediacy of you. So why spend effort in trying...its impossible. Someone has to be willing to reciprocate coming to concensus and to meeting you halfway for it to happen. I'm not saying you should attempt tries but there are times when the right thing to do is just walk away.
Harder said than done but some people's views will never change.
So that brings me to another point about what we say vs. what we do. Probably the biggest challenge of all. You can have an "ideal" and say that you believe in it but really are more in love with romanticsm of the ideal but not really embracing the ideal. What you do immediately confirms or denies what you say. I find myself often contradicting what I say and what I do which is why I work really hard at making sure I can follow through and that I'm focused on those relationships which are of utmost importance to me.
I can often be stressed thin and across multiple fronts. so know this I have to be careful what I commit myself to and where I devote my time. that being said one of my priorities is my relationship is Ricardo so I tend to not like confrontation but have learned that I need to embrace it and that conversations that may appear to be tough when approached in spirit of true honesty and humility that something beautiful often comes of it. The experience in itself is beautiful because of what we can learn from it.
The most beautiful relationships I've known often stem from moments like that where we were able to bridge a gap of division and come to a consensus. Instead of opposing diversity, I've treid to embrace it in my life. We cann all learn from each other but the choice is our own. Isnt that what helps us to grow?
so next time you face a challenge or miscommunication, step back for a moment and see if the miscommuincation is due to something on your part and if there's something you could do to make things right or clarify...make the effort even if it may hurt your pride because you just might learn something from it.
But of course if you take pride in yourself then go ahead and be stubborn and stick to your guns....before long your circle will eventually include clones of yourself.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Sunday, April 15, 2012
"Holy emails, Batman!"
I'd begun working on a post about miscommunication which I will post shortly, but between developing that post life took some crazy turns. Let me update you.
Sometime before Easter, I got an upper respiratory infection. So I saw my PCP and was prescribed some meds and by the following week I was back in business...then I contracted an eye infection.
Another round of antibiotic eyedrops followed and again a few days later....tip-top shape. But then my bro-in-law was readmitted to the hospital. We weren't sure if he was going to be released by Easter but he was and so an impromtu trip to San Antonio was put on the books.
All in all the trip was lots of fun and spending time with my nephews is always a joy to me.
So my bro-in-law ended up back in the hospital right after Easter. He's now home on palliative care.
this is the part we've dreaded most.
Many people have asked me what he has...its not an easy question to answer. He's had well over a dozen surgeries since 2005. He had been diagnosed with acid reflux and then I believe IBS and then something with his gall bladder. The first surgery removed his gall bladder.
However, the real problem was a congenital defect in a duct in his pancreas. That problem wasnt discovered until a year after his gall bladder had been removed. A year later, his pancreas had suffered major irreprable damage.
Long story short, Cary ended up meeting a specialist in Minneapolis who said he'd eventually need an Auto Islet Cell Transplant. The doc expected this to occur in about 5 to 10 years but it was only a year later that Cary went under the knife again.
This time his spleen, appendix, and pancreas were removed. The Islet cells were harvested from his pancreas and injected into his liver. Worst case scenario, Cary would be a diabetic for the rest of his life. We almost lost him twice in recovery and docs rescitated him...opened him back up and found a blood vessel/vein had not been repaired. In essence Cary was bleeding out. They fixed it and Cary began a long road of recovery. The doc thought this route would give Cary at least another 10-15 years of life.
About a year later we discovered that the Islet cells in his live had died...and Cary was now diabetic but on top of that issue - his endocrine system was out of sync and he was self-dehdydrating about every 6 weeks. He gave us several scares during that time as his blood pressure would drop and he'd lose consciousness.
Fast-forward to last August when his Dr told him he was now suffering from liver failure complicated by the fact he's also now diabetic and he isnt a viable candidate for a liver transplant. Probably the hardest news to date. My sister and Cary went through the difficult tasks of making funeral arrangements.
Not uncommon when you get up there in age, but completely out of sequence for a 30 year old.
I remember my nephew saying to us, "maybe God can heal my Daddy..." it was heartbreaking because we believe that God can, but the question is will He? I certainly do not understand God's plan for this situation. Dont completely understand why my sister, bro-in-law, and small nephews were chosen to walk down this road.
It is one of the hardest journeys any of us has endured in life to date. We have no answers and instead can only trust that whatever it is that God is doing will work to the good of those who love Him. Yes we've been through some very tough situations but I can say without doubt that no matter what God has seen us through them ALL.
And in that, there is this very odd and unexplainable peace. We know this is what the bible talks about as the "peace that passes all understanding."
We dont know how much time Cary has with us. All we know is that we have to make the most of each moment. We have to make this time count and there's no time to wallow in self-pity or sadness. For my two small nephews sake, life must continue.
That is where my priorities have shifted - to my sister, bro-in-law, and nephews. Tougher days will come - no one is exempt from them. But together we will endure because three strands are better than one.
It's that understanding which allows me to maintain focus and perspective and it reminds me to make the most of my relationships. Because time is fleeting and at the end of this life, all the valuables and riches mean nothing if our lives are empty of meaningful relationships, compassion, and love.
Regardless valuables and riches are not the end all-be-all and what do I gain to have all the "stuff" of life but to miss out on meaningful relationships and love?
I understand what John Piper meant when he said "dont buy intot he trap of the american dream." It was to meant to be about the attainment of stuff...because that goal can never be fully accomplished. New stuff is created every day adding to the never-ending cycle of "new stuff"....but our opportunity for love and relationships is completely attainable and brings the greatest satisfaction and fulfillment.
I know this everytime my nephews hug me, when they crawl into bed with me, or even when we share pancakes or waffles...its the small things that bring the greatest joy.
So my prayer is that Cary be given time - time to be with his boys and my sister - time to make precious memories - and that he not suffer.
Everything else I leave in God's hands because I dont know what the ending to this story should be. My knowledge and insight is limited. My scope of understanding is limited. So I leave the answers to the only one who truly knows. My faith, hope, and peace rests there...
Sometime before Easter, I got an upper respiratory infection. So I saw my PCP and was prescribed some meds and by the following week I was back in business...then I contracted an eye infection.
Another round of antibiotic eyedrops followed and again a few days later....tip-top shape. But then my bro-in-law was readmitted to the hospital. We weren't sure if he was going to be released by Easter but he was and so an impromtu trip to San Antonio was put on the books.
All in all the trip was lots of fun and spending time with my nephews is always a joy to me.
So my bro-in-law ended up back in the hospital right after Easter. He's now home on palliative care.
this is the part we've dreaded most.
Many people have asked me what he has...its not an easy question to answer. He's had well over a dozen surgeries since 2005. He had been diagnosed with acid reflux and then I believe IBS and then something with his gall bladder. The first surgery removed his gall bladder.
However, the real problem was a congenital defect in a duct in his pancreas. That problem wasnt discovered until a year after his gall bladder had been removed. A year later, his pancreas had suffered major irreprable damage.
Long story short, Cary ended up meeting a specialist in Minneapolis who said he'd eventually need an Auto Islet Cell Transplant. The doc expected this to occur in about 5 to 10 years but it was only a year later that Cary went under the knife again.
This time his spleen, appendix, and pancreas were removed. The Islet cells were harvested from his pancreas and injected into his liver. Worst case scenario, Cary would be a diabetic for the rest of his life. We almost lost him twice in recovery and docs rescitated him...opened him back up and found a blood vessel/vein had not been repaired. In essence Cary was bleeding out. They fixed it and Cary began a long road of recovery. The doc thought this route would give Cary at least another 10-15 years of life.
About a year later we discovered that the Islet cells in his live had died...and Cary was now diabetic but on top of that issue - his endocrine system was out of sync and he was self-dehdydrating about every 6 weeks. He gave us several scares during that time as his blood pressure would drop and he'd lose consciousness.
Fast-forward to last August when his Dr told him he was now suffering from liver failure complicated by the fact he's also now diabetic and he isnt a viable candidate for a liver transplant. Probably the hardest news to date. My sister and Cary went through the difficult tasks of making funeral arrangements.
Not uncommon when you get up there in age, but completely out of sequence for a 30 year old.
I remember my nephew saying to us, "maybe God can heal my Daddy..." it was heartbreaking because we believe that God can, but the question is will He? I certainly do not understand God's plan for this situation. Dont completely understand why my sister, bro-in-law, and small nephews were chosen to walk down this road.
It is one of the hardest journeys any of us has endured in life to date. We have no answers and instead can only trust that whatever it is that God is doing will work to the good of those who love Him. Yes we've been through some very tough situations but I can say without doubt that no matter what God has seen us through them ALL.
And in that, there is this very odd and unexplainable peace. We know this is what the bible talks about as the "peace that passes all understanding."
We dont know how much time Cary has with us. All we know is that we have to make the most of each moment. We have to make this time count and there's no time to wallow in self-pity or sadness. For my two small nephews sake, life must continue.
That is where my priorities have shifted - to my sister, bro-in-law, and nephews. Tougher days will come - no one is exempt from them. But together we will endure because three strands are better than one.
It's that understanding which allows me to maintain focus and perspective and it reminds me to make the most of my relationships. Because time is fleeting and at the end of this life, all the valuables and riches mean nothing if our lives are empty of meaningful relationships, compassion, and love.
Regardless valuables and riches are not the end all-be-all and what do I gain to have all the "stuff" of life but to miss out on meaningful relationships and love?
I understand what John Piper meant when he said "dont buy intot he trap of the american dream." It was to meant to be about the attainment of stuff...because that goal can never be fully accomplished. New stuff is created every day adding to the never-ending cycle of "new stuff"....but our opportunity for love and relationships is completely attainable and brings the greatest satisfaction and fulfillment.
I know this everytime my nephews hug me, when they crawl into bed with me, or even when we share pancakes or waffles...its the small things that bring the greatest joy.
So my prayer is that Cary be given time - time to be with his boys and my sister - time to make precious memories - and that he not suffer.
Everything else I leave in God's hands because I dont know what the ending to this story should be. My knowledge and insight is limited. My scope of understanding is limited. So I leave the answers to the only one who truly knows. My faith, hope, and peace rests there...
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
a battlefield
the upcoming post about miscommunication has taken longer than I expected.
however, my grandfather is now home (such a relief). But my bro-in-law is still hospitalized and his condition appears to be worsening. we have a visit on the books for Easter weekend so i'm hoping to get in a visit to see him. just need to be sure I don't have a cold or some other ailment.
my mind consistently moves towards thinking about my sister when I'm not needed to focus on work or some other task at hand. I wish that I lived closer. The summer will prove to be busy and work travel will pick up. it's bittersweet because while i enjoy traveling - it means a weekend away from my family.
i dont know what's on the horizon and for now all I can do is to take one day at a time. i tell my sister that all the time: one day, one moment.
however, my grandfather is now home (such a relief). But my bro-in-law is still hospitalized and his condition appears to be worsening. we have a visit on the books for Easter weekend so i'm hoping to get in a visit to see him. just need to be sure I don't have a cold or some other ailment.
my mind consistently moves towards thinking about my sister when I'm not needed to focus on work or some other task at hand. I wish that I lived closer. The summer will prove to be busy and work travel will pick up. it's bittersweet because while i enjoy traveling - it means a weekend away from my family.
i dont know what's on the horizon and for now all I can do is to take one day at a time. i tell my sister that all the time: one day, one moment.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Random thoughts
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” - Steve Jobs
I had to start this post with that quote... Life has been full of "circle of life" type events as of late. I'm working on a miscommunications focused blog but haven't had time to organize my thoughts around the subject just yet.
So the Steve Jobs quote, well my brother-in-law is having another surgery tomorrow and my grandfather is still recovering from a stroke. I've been faced with varying family dynamics which add to the complications. But I'm discovering this is life....change is inevitable.
I hope to finish up my miscommunications blog tomorrow. Should be interesting...
I had to start this post with that quote... Life has been full of "circle of life" type events as of late. I'm working on a miscommunications focused blog but haven't had time to organize my thoughts around the subject just yet.
So the Steve Jobs quote, well my brother-in-law is having another surgery tomorrow and my grandfather is still recovering from a stroke. I've been faced with varying family dynamics which add to the complications. But I'm discovering this is life....change is inevitable.
I hope to finish up my miscommunications blog tomorrow. Should be interesting...
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Uncertainty
There are days when I wonder if I'm ever going to see the light at the end of the tunnel. After getting an upper respiratory infection, I'd consciously decided to eliminate unnecessary stress. There are still too many unknowns which are completely out of my control.
I'm trying to maintain an optimistic outlook but just as I feel the sun is coming out something happens leaving me feeling sucker punched. My grace and patients have run out and I'm at the point where I feel I've done all that I could.
I've sort of throw myself into my work which is partially therapeutic but brings a whole other level of unknowns. It gives me a chance to take a break from some of life's happenings as of late.
Some of you know by now that my grandfather was hospitalized and was readmitted yesterday. We're waiting to hear what the next few steps are gonna be. It's a but unexpected and that coming off the heels of my brother-in-laws recent readmission.
Something has to change soon. I've consciously moved towards healthier eating and have managed to get a few workouts in. Just working at adjusting my schedule and manage my health better.
To boot, I've started doing some spring cleaning. Decided my life has stuff I need to purge. Both literally and figuratively. Like so many times before, I feel I'm on the cusp of making some major decisions in so many areas of my life. Not easy but all part of being an adult.
.
I'm trying to maintain an optimistic outlook but just as I feel the sun is coming out something happens leaving me feeling sucker punched. My grace and patients have run out and I'm at the point where I feel I've done all that I could.
I've sort of throw myself into my work which is partially therapeutic but brings a whole other level of unknowns. It gives me a chance to take a break from some of life's happenings as of late.
Some of you know by now that my grandfather was hospitalized and was readmitted yesterday. We're waiting to hear what the next few steps are gonna be. It's a but unexpected and that coming off the heels of my brother-in-laws recent readmission.
Something has to change soon. I've consciously moved towards healthier eating and have managed to get a few workouts in. Just working at adjusting my schedule and manage my health better.
To boot, I've started doing some spring cleaning. Decided my life has stuff I need to purge. Both literally and figuratively. Like so many times before, I feel I'm on the cusp of making some major decisions in so many areas of my life. Not easy but all part of being an adult.
.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
gimme a cupcake
after this crazy week, I really needed the downtime of this weekend. I've literally been on the road most weekends since before Christmas. Looks like I'll be spending the month of March home with Ricardo heading this way to visit.
that man is a Godsend.
exhaustion is a funny thing and often I don't realize it's toll until i'm literally knocked off my feet like last week with an upper respiratory infection and then this week it was an eye infection. the dangers of working in a hospital.
i've worked to break my habit of touching my face, eyes, mouth, etc...because I had a nasty outbreak of a rash which I found out was due to the fact that I'm allergic to certain kinds of toothpaste.
oh man - me and these allergies.
I'm hoping the allergy shots start kicking in soon. immunotherapy shots does not equal fun that's for sure and they not only affect my schedule but my pocketbook! agh!
that's been my life in an nutshell for the last few weeks...being sick. no bueno and no fun. :(
so I took a brief moment today to examine why the illness and the craziness that is my life. some things I have absolutely no control - other things I can do something about. i realized my life needs some adjustments because in many ways i've not yet adjusted to post grad-school life.
not to mention that I have this crazy work ethic. i'm not married and dont have kids so its all too easy for me to lose myself in my work. not healthy I know...but its something I already know about myself and something I have to stay on top of. i dont think its a bad thing just about finding balance. luckily, i have a great mentor/boss who reminds me of the important things in life. he's got a great perspective about these things. makes me grateful for where i'm at and the position I'm in.
so another area taking a toll on the whole crazy work ethic/illness episode is my house. as in i still have christmas packed up but sitting in my living room. yeah - definitely need to get it shipped out to storage and clean my apt. i have piles of clean clothes and towels, and bedding that i've not been able to get put away...
so i think this weekend and the next few to come will bring with them some spring cleaning...out with the old to make room for whata i've already got! lol....dont need anymore new.
with the whole actual "spring cleaning" i figured that I should do some figurative spring cleaning and i've got a list going. time to roll up the sleeves and "Do work, Son!"
with that - sleep is calling.
peace, love, and sweet dreams world
that man is a Godsend.
exhaustion is a funny thing and often I don't realize it's toll until i'm literally knocked off my feet like last week with an upper respiratory infection and then this week it was an eye infection. the dangers of working in a hospital.
i've worked to break my habit of touching my face, eyes, mouth, etc...because I had a nasty outbreak of a rash which I found out was due to the fact that I'm allergic to certain kinds of toothpaste.
oh man - me and these allergies.
I'm hoping the allergy shots start kicking in soon. immunotherapy shots does not equal fun that's for sure and they not only affect my schedule but my pocketbook! agh!
that's been my life in an nutshell for the last few weeks...being sick. no bueno and no fun. :(
so I took a brief moment today to examine why the illness and the craziness that is my life. some things I have absolutely no control - other things I can do something about. i realized my life needs some adjustments because in many ways i've not yet adjusted to post grad-school life.
not to mention that I have this crazy work ethic. i'm not married and dont have kids so its all too easy for me to lose myself in my work. not healthy I know...but its something I already know about myself and something I have to stay on top of. i dont think its a bad thing just about finding balance. luckily, i have a great mentor/boss who reminds me of the important things in life. he's got a great perspective about these things. makes me grateful for where i'm at and the position I'm in.
so another area taking a toll on the whole crazy work ethic/illness episode is my house. as in i still have christmas packed up but sitting in my living room. yeah - definitely need to get it shipped out to storage and clean my apt. i have piles of clean clothes and towels, and bedding that i've not been able to get put away...
so i think this weekend and the next few to come will bring with them some spring cleaning...out with the old to make room for whata i've already got! lol....dont need anymore new.
with the whole actual "spring cleaning" i figured that I should do some figurative spring cleaning and i've got a list going. time to roll up the sleeves and "Do work, Son!"
with that - sleep is calling.
peace, love, and sweet dreams world
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Everyday love...
I'm in San Antonio with my Sweetie this weekend. Nice to be back on the old stompin' grounds. Nice to see how far you've come from where you've been...and as always to see old friends. Looking forward to the rest and relaxation!
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