I've been working on this post for something like 3 months. Life has ben hectic and its about to ramp up for the next few weeks. I have lots of travel on the books from now until October not to mention Kids Fun Fest. I'm the Marketing Committee Chair for a children's clinic and that includes promoting a new annual fundraiser. There's pressure but great excitement and once I get my bearings this week - I'll hit the ground running with this project.
We've already been going a million a miles a minute celebrating my mom's bday and travel to spend time with my sister and her family.
So I thought this might be a poignant time to post this one.
Through the years, I've been through a number of leadership development courses and even now as I'm being groomed for leadership in the future, I've been reading alot about communication, communication styles, etc. We all know how individual we are and that yes some people tend to gravitate towards certain communication styles but there's so much more that goes into the complexity that is communication.
I have a few examples.
Well, when I talk about Ricardo and I - I could give numerous examples. But I remember I'd just gone through a leadership development class where we'd discussed different communication styles and personalities. What I took from that class was that we shouldn't become chamelions becoming like those we are communicating with but should "adapt" our styles - staying true to who we are - but maybe changing our methods of approach. Something sorta clicked because I've known this but it just made alot of sense to me.
I've had communication challenges before and my own personality often presents its own challenges because inevitable I'll rub someone the wrong way or come across as being overtly agressive. Should I apologize for that, I think not but I do need to be accountable for my actions and words. I just cant go around slaying people in my "right" to be who I am...temperance - something I'm not great but working on.
So then shortly after - I read an article from the Harvard Business Review about "emotional inlligence" defined as "ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups." Emotional intelligence is something that most executives excel in.
Interesting I thought to myself.
My challenge to myself is to really take my skills, knowledge, and abilities to the next step. Well, this "emotional intelligence" happens to b an area I need work in. So wouldnt it be that likely that I'd be challenged in that way. I could name the number of events but I fear those involved would feel like I betrayed them so I wont.
So i'll just give an example that often happens with Ricardo and I. We've been together just over 2 years and you'd think oh wow - they know each other. Yeah, just getting to the tip of the iceberg there. I look at my parents relationship and they've been married almost 40 years and yeah they're still learning about one another...in fact, i'm still learning about myself and coming into my own (not an easy task). I've had the luxury of having my path "paved" and just recently began to step out of those expectations. It's challenging but its been good and I believe making me a better person.
Doing the hard.
I've spent alot of time trying to avoid the challenges when I should just embrace them. They are going to come, there's no stopping them. Miscommunication will happen. I'll become upset. What I've learned is that most disagreements or discenssions occur due to a communication error. So it behooves us to stretch out that olive branch and try to clarify. Now given that some people will always miscontrue or refuse to see that the intention is not what they thought it would be and refuse to apologize or make nice because "they were right" and that's just how it is. These folks arent going to bend and will think what they want to think.
You can't change anyone else but you. Can't control anything except what's in the immediacy of you. So why spend effort in trying...its impossible. Someone has to be willing to reciprocate coming to concensus and to meeting you halfway for it to happen. I'm not saying you should attempt tries but there are times when the right thing to do is just walk away.
Harder said than done but some people's views will never change.
So that brings me to another point about what we say vs. what we do. Probably the biggest challenge of all. You can have an "ideal" and say that you believe in it but really are more in love with romanticsm of the ideal but not really embracing the ideal. What you do immediately confirms or denies what you say. I find myself often contradicting what I say and what I do which is why I work really hard at making sure I can follow through and that I'm focused on those relationships which are of utmost importance to me.
I can often be stressed thin and across multiple fronts. so know this I have to be careful what I commit myself to and where I devote my time. that being said one of my priorities is my relationship is Ricardo so I tend to not like confrontation but have learned that I need to embrace it and that conversations that may appear to be tough when approached in spirit of true honesty and humility that something beautiful often comes of it. The experience in itself is beautiful because of what we can learn from it.
The most beautiful relationships I've known often stem from moments like that where we were able to bridge a gap of division and come to a consensus. Instead of opposing diversity, I've treid to embrace it in my life. We cann all learn from each other but the choice is our own. Isnt that what helps us to grow?
so next time you face a challenge or miscommunication, step back for a moment and see if the miscommuincation is due to something on your part and if there's something you could do to make things right or clarify...make the effort even if it may hurt your pride because you just might learn something from it.
But of course if you take pride in yourself then go ahead and be stubborn and stick to your guns....before long your circle will eventually include clones of yourself.
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