There are only 16 minutes left to Christmas Day. I can't believe my last post was Dec 18th! It's been busy and hectic and with the two little ones - hard to get some alone time to write a blog. I'll gladly sacrifice blog time for time with those two little ones - my nephews.
i'm waiting for some security features to update on my laptop so i figured i'd try to get in a quick note before making the long trek back to Texas tomorrow. it will be two days of traveling to make it back to west texas. as sad as I am to leave, its kinda bitter sweet to head back to angelo. will be there for just a few days. need to run back north to take care of a few things back home.
home...its getting complicated to define where that is exactly. i feel a bit nomadic. i guess home will always be at my parents house - though i'm trying to make my current residence "home." hard to do when you're never there! lol....for now, its quite ok...not really trying to develop in roots there. don't get me wrong - i love life there but it seems that life is shifting once again and this time around i have a solid peace about things. again a need for annonymity - just have to say i'm much, much, much appreciative of the key players involved in the game.
been alot of lessons about timing and alot of sorting through stuff in this last semester. figurative and literally. just have to say that sometimes - we're so bent on taking a position that in our refusal to move in any direction - we fail to see the situation from a different angle which reveals what we really need to know. i'm not talking about any one situation just to say that i cant control anyone but myself. so what others choose to believe or not to believe - i cant control. can't make them love me, can't make them feel differently about me...cant change their minds about what they want to say...can't make them believe in me.
it's liberating because for once I feel like i'm not working so hard at trying to make others happy or others any of the above i just listed....no, instead i feel like life has a new lease if you will because its about doing what i feel i'm supposed to be doing in this world. right now the plan is law school - but it is something i'm praying through and definitely thinking through...its three years of my life.
my time with my nephew has shown me that yes - someday - i do want to be a mom and someday - i do want a family. my time with them has also taught me about timing and the art of time. everything has its time as ecclesiastes so poignantly points out. so instead of trying to rush through to the next phase/season of life - i'm doing what i can to embrace and enjoy the current one.
despite all the drama's life has wrought and all the crazy things happening in the lives of people i love. i can honestly say that life is sweet, very sweet. i'm excited for this spring semester and though i'm not a super fan of my current living location - hey - it is what it is and i've got just a year and a half left there so why not make the most of it?
i think this shift/change started with the changing of my concentration. feel so much better about that choice. i've learned that the greater the risk, the greater the rewards. i mean that was basically what we talked about in finance for the duration. risk...i thought about it...thought about those things that sometimes hold me back from really moving forward. will talk more about that later but just to say that i realized - i dont want to live life and look back and think what if...i tend to be a risk taker and in recent years have been more calculated about taking risk but sometimes i think you just gotta close your eyes and dive in. lol...
while its exhilirating, it can also be terrifying as heck! and sometimes i think to myself - are you sure you know what you're doing? most of the time the answer is no...but hey it makes life interesting none the less...and truly one day i will write a book about all my crazy life experiences.
that brings me back to the 5k training...yeah...need to definitely get back to that. so will set up some training sessions when i make my quick trip back to the north...gonna get back into a routine and get disciplined.
i ate way to many cookies here...i've been like a cookie monster and all because i was feenin' cookies all semester. so completely odd and strange but no more cookies for me... :( - yes i'm sad about it...but cookies are not good - even though they taste so delicious!
Just have to say i'm looking forward to the New Year for sooo many reasons. i'm not sure how much winter we have much left but something about the thought of spring in the air that makes me smile...well..that's not the only thing...again with the annonymity - its necessary. But if you're reading this as i'm sure you will - i'm much appreciative of you - for your enduring patients - and what you add to my life - you know who you are. ;)
so yes...hoping to sleep well tonight. i've been a bit darth-vader-ish. neglected to mention that after i arrived i came down with a cold or sinus/allergy stuff. everything's clear so i'm bankin on the sinus/allergy/asthma stuff that sometimes catches up to me when i've not really rested and well that's definitely been the case this week.
i will say that i'm glad to have this time with my folks...and time with my sis and her family. wish my bro coulda made it but all things happen for a reason. i'm certain.
i'm sad to leave my sister and her family. will miss hearing "mimi, mimi" so early in the morning. their little boy voices and the sounds of little feet runnin around or coming up the stairs...those boys have taught me just how much family means to me and what a priority it is to me in my life. i know that in large - i am who i am because of them...what i've learned from them and how they challenge me...the lessons never stop and as long as i'm living and breathing - i know that i'll continue learning about living life and the meaning of it.
as always - on the road again...
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