Thursday, January 31, 2013
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Heaven hear me now
This week has been a rough one for a number of reasons but mostly because we lost three loved ones within the week.
I head home Friday to pay my respects to the family. Praying and sending love and as always reflecting.
Seems odd given its been almost a year after her death but the song on my heart has been "I Look To You" by Whitney Houston.
The loss of a loved one whether young or old will always compel one to take stock of their own life and to reflect to make those sometime necessary adjustments.
I've realized something about these seasons of life just as quickly as they come: they leave. I don't understand any of the why's or how's...it's not within my logical understanding to be able to explain but deep in my heart I've had to reconcile "it's well with my soul."
You know - sometimes it seems that to reconcile that statement looks impossible. But reconciliation like seasons has a funny way of sneaking up on you.
I logically can't make sense of the journey my sisters family has been on and is still on. At times, it is heartbreaking. I say that from the view of a sister watching her baby sister shoulder her family through illness through what we would consider "too young." I watch my mom and dad often feeling helpless to take and shoulder solely a burden to prevent my sister from incurring its potential scars and hurts.
I've not really spoken to this because in my family we all have roles. I've seen that when one of us is weak someone steps up to be strong. Where does my help come from? It comes from The Lord. That is the only reasoning I have for being held together so tightly woven as a family, for peace that passes all understanding, for standing strong...
It doesn't mean that we don't hurt or that we don't feel deeply. But it means our trust is in The Lord. Knowing that because of past experience and because of who we know God to be that he'll see us thru.
I think that's why this song, "I look to you" resonates with me now. This week my grandfather lost his brother, sister, and bro-in-law (his sister who passed's husband).
Unbelievable
With each call from my mom, I was stunned. It's a reminder to make the most of each moment but to also let those you love know that you love them and to express that love daily.
We shouldn't take relationships for granted.
I remember the first time I had a conversation with my oldest nephew about dying and the concept of death. He was scared. I remember reassuring him that no matter what we would be there - we would see him, his brother, and his mama through. I think about how much I love those boys and what I wouldn't give for them and to protect their innocence and purity to be children.
Trust me, I'd "cut you" if anyone tried to mess with them. But that's what an auntie's love is for, no? How much more is my sisters! And ultimately how much more is Gods for us? It's unfathomable....
More so during these trying times.
I'm so very grateful for the people in my life and for the opportunities I've been given to develop meaningful relationships with you. Nothing means more than when you share your life with me in conversation or time!
I've often told Ricardo I don't ever want to lose perspective if that - how meaningful these relationships are that are a part of our Daily lives. No matter where we go or what we achieve in life may we never forget that it's about relationships not stuff, not accolades, not recognition, not monetary advancement...
No money, no accolade, no promotion, no recognition could ever replace those deep relationships cultivated over time spent together.
Of all the lessons I ever hope to impart it would be to live well to run the race and when I'm called home to go as gracefully and peacefully know I did all to run my race and to share with others love, grace, and mercy not because it comes from myself but because it is Gods grace and Gods mercy and His peace that has taken residence in my life.
Hard to believe that that is what I want given all my "get that corn outta my face" brassy no punches held approach at times. It is what makes me me and as I've often said there is usually little "in-between" ground.
I'm a work in progress as we all are...
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Clarity
Thinking of some friends tonight: tomorrow their lives could potentially change in a number of ways.
I'm listening to Matt Redmon's 10,000 Reasons. This song is as ever bittersweet in these moments as it ever could be. Between the illnesses afflicting my own family and a number of friends to unimaginable and unforeseen drama as people in our lives make decisions potentially harmful to others.
My logical mind wants to ask "where is He? And why hasn't He appeared" but my spiritual mind know better to ask. I know He's with us even when I want to curse those that bring harm to those I love...amazingly and miraculous God brings mercy (something I'm incapable of accomplishing myself).
Doesn't mean I'm not stirred to anger or disappointment or even hurt but that its tempered with "rose stained glasses" muted in a way that allows us to "be still." Just like the Father....to quiet us with love.
Cause in the end that's all we have.
The deeper the love the more painfully felt is the affliction. Whatever it may be.
I've stopped trying to reason the how's, why's, and where's and only know enough to know that HE IS STILL very much in control.
10,000 reasons for my heart to find
Bless the Lord O my soul
O my soul
[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/10000-reasons-lyrics-matt-redman.html ]
I could dwell on the reasons not to but there are too many reasons that compel me.
For instance, the sound of my nickname spoken by my two small nephews or a simple, "Mimi- you know what? I love you."
A love that is innocent and pure in its intention that has yet to learn the darkness of the world and that we would gladly give our lives to protect from what we all know is a harsh reality.
Balancing reality and optimism has never been an easy feat but I've realized these are rare opportunities to teach and be taught about loving God regardless of our circumstances.
After all, I wouldn't be here today wouldn't of accomplished anything if t wasn't for His ever enduring love and grace. He is rich in love and slow to anger something I ask him to do daily in me but which does not at times come so easily.
It is the frailty of being human... To do what we do not want to do as Paul talked about. Frailty in that our bodies sometimes become sick with illness. We face tragedies of life taken too soon or other challenges of cards unfairly dealt at least it seems.
in these moments, I ask God to show grace and favor on my close friends walking through what has to be a most if not THE most challenging moments of their lives.
My mind can't fathom their situation. Words fail me to describe.
It's easy to love when things are good. Easy to give praise but the challenge is to give praise when things don't go our way: when we receive news we don't want to hear...
I can't help by thing of Job. He lost what seemed to be everything...
How often do we feel the same?
In these last few months, I've attempted to simplify my life.
Not an easy task but slowly I'm seein that the stuff of life is just stuff; the substance of life is life itself and those relationships we have with others.
It most clearly has been the driving factor behind how and where I've invested my time and energies. I've had a lot of people speak "into my life" regarding my involvement or lack of involvement in ministry... Because in many ways I have attempted to slip silently behind the scenes.
Much if this was done purposely and with a clear understanding of why and how: not accidental or spurred by perceptions of misleading as some have presumptuously assumed.
I knew that when I returned to school that school is where my energies were to be focused and those that know me well, know I don't like to give anything half effort.
I didn't realize that pulling away to focus on "education" was actually preparation to be available to my family and most definitely to friends in need. It's not what I would consider traditional minister...there is decidedly no apparent visual of participation but that's not why we're called...to be recognized.
It's not why we give relentless hours in service to those we love so dearly. I see my vocation largely my calling in life and while many will never understand, it's not meant for anyone else to understand...something I never quite really understood - why some would feel the need to push upon someone their own "perceptions" I was once told that what one speaks to you should always confirm what the Holy Spirit has already confirmed in your spirit.
I couldn't agree more...and there have been those who's words have not agreed. Hard for some to swallow...but if you're just a messenger then why should you be upset?
I can't help but laugh at that...because some will never understand the intention of that statement.
I won't apologize for where I've been or where I've focused my time and energy. I can only say that it has been guided by what was planted into my life by so many across many years. There are words never to be forgotten and understanding so deeply imparted I could never say thanks enough.
i'd love to share more but my intention is not to hurt others and until those experiences can be worded in a way that will help others they should be held safely close.
I'm ever grateful for these days and all the wonderfully difficult opportunities to better understand and learn unconditional love.
I've thought of how painful this season has been and realize it is because of how deeply we love. I'm reminded that God loved us so deeply that He sacrificed what He loved most: a part of who He is and who He loved most - His Son....
For that alone is reason enough to "bless The Lord oh my soul"
Dwelling on His love today and how I can reflect more of it in my own life...praying that sharing this part of my journey blesses others.
I'm listening to Matt Redmon's 10,000 Reasons. This song is as ever bittersweet in these moments as it ever could be. Between the illnesses afflicting my own family and a number of friends to unimaginable and unforeseen drama as people in our lives make decisions potentially harmful to others.
My logical mind wants to ask "where is He? And why hasn't He appeared" but my spiritual mind know better to ask. I know He's with us even when I want to curse those that bring harm to those I love...amazingly and miraculous God brings mercy (something I'm incapable of accomplishing myself).
Doesn't mean I'm not stirred to anger or disappointment or even hurt but that its tempered with "rose stained glasses" muted in a way that allows us to "be still." Just like the Father....to quiet us with love.
Cause in the end that's all we have.
The deeper the love the more painfully felt is the affliction. Whatever it may be.
I've stopped trying to reason the how's, why's, and where's and only know enough to know that HE IS STILL very much in control.
10,000 reasons for my heart to find
Bless the Lord O my soul
O my soul
[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/10000-reasons-lyrics-matt-redman.html ]
I could dwell on the reasons not to but there are too many reasons that compel me.
For instance, the sound of my nickname spoken by my two small nephews or a simple, "Mimi- you know what? I love you."
A love that is innocent and pure in its intention that has yet to learn the darkness of the world and that we would gladly give our lives to protect from what we all know is a harsh reality.
Balancing reality and optimism has never been an easy feat but I've realized these are rare opportunities to teach and be taught about loving God regardless of our circumstances.
After all, I wouldn't be here today wouldn't of accomplished anything if t wasn't for His ever enduring love and grace. He is rich in love and slow to anger something I ask him to do daily in me but which does not at times come so easily.
It is the frailty of being human... To do what we do not want to do as Paul talked about. Frailty in that our bodies sometimes become sick with illness. We face tragedies of life taken too soon or other challenges of cards unfairly dealt at least it seems.
in these moments, I ask God to show grace and favor on my close friends walking through what has to be a most if not THE most challenging moments of their lives.
My mind can't fathom their situation. Words fail me to describe.
It's easy to love when things are good. Easy to give praise but the challenge is to give praise when things don't go our way: when we receive news we don't want to hear...
I can't help by thing of Job. He lost what seemed to be everything...
How often do we feel the same?
In these last few months, I've attempted to simplify my life.
Not an easy task but slowly I'm seein that the stuff of life is just stuff; the substance of life is life itself and those relationships we have with others.
It most clearly has been the driving factor behind how and where I've invested my time and energies. I've had a lot of people speak "into my life" regarding my involvement or lack of involvement in ministry... Because in many ways I have attempted to slip silently behind the scenes.
Much if this was done purposely and with a clear understanding of why and how: not accidental or spurred by perceptions of misleading as some have presumptuously assumed.
I knew that when I returned to school that school is where my energies were to be focused and those that know me well, know I don't like to give anything half effort.
I didn't realize that pulling away to focus on "education" was actually preparation to be available to my family and most definitely to friends in need. It's not what I would consider traditional minister...there is decidedly no apparent visual of participation but that's not why we're called...to be recognized.
It's not why we give relentless hours in service to those we love so dearly. I see my vocation largely my calling in life and while many will never understand, it's not meant for anyone else to understand...something I never quite really understood - why some would feel the need to push upon someone their own "perceptions" I was once told that what one speaks to you should always confirm what the Holy Spirit has already confirmed in your spirit.
I couldn't agree more...and there have been those who's words have not agreed. Hard for some to swallow...but if you're just a messenger then why should you be upset?
I can't help but laugh at that...because some will never understand the intention of that statement.
I won't apologize for where I've been or where I've focused my time and energy. I can only say that it has been guided by what was planted into my life by so many across many years. There are words never to be forgotten and understanding so deeply imparted I could never say thanks enough.
i'd love to share more but my intention is not to hurt others and until those experiences can be worded in a way that will help others they should be held safely close.
I'm ever grateful for these days and all the wonderfully difficult opportunities to better understand and learn unconditional love.
I've thought of how painful this season has been and realize it is because of how deeply we love. I'm reminded that God loved us so deeply that He sacrificed what He loved most: a part of who He is and who He loved most - His Son....
For that alone is reason enough to "bless The Lord oh my soul"
Dwelling on His love today and how I can reflect more of it in my own life...praying that sharing this part of my journey blesses others.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
More than enough
Normally, I try to send Merry Christmas greetings to the people in my life. This year has been hectic and dramatic beyond any of our imaginations with circumstances and situations outside of our controls. So needless to say, personal Merry Christmas messages have not been a priority.
Despite all the challenges, Ricardo and I committed early on to doing what we could to make this Christmas memorable for our loved ones: simply because we love them. The only way to describe my a sentiments is that "my cup over flows." I think Ricardo and I are blessed with incredible parents who have taught us the value of family. Parents who sacrifice and have sacrificed to give us a better life than they were afforded. They built on the knowledge bestowed to them by their parents and have added to it their own. I know we will do the same with our own children one day.
I think this Christmas was different for us for a number of reasons and we realized early on that we'd need to put our own feelings and sentiments aside for the benefit of those we love so dearly.
In the end, we had a great time and got some much needed family time. Or at least I know that I did! I'm sure Ricardo would agree. Just that our families as a whole have and are facing some tough situations.
My sister is dealing on a regular basis with the medical care of y brother-in-law an jut when we think relief has been provided something happens and we find the situation has taken two steps back.
It's hard to watch your loved ones endure that kind of disappointment. I pray for relief often. I can see my sisters sustaining grace is her beautiful, innocent boys. Oh they can be a handful indeed, are rowdy and rambunctious but they are every bit sweet and hilarious.
Today they ganged up on one of their cats, Pepper. They brought her over and after almost squeezing her guts out and laughing over my protests to leave her alone, I managed to pin them down long enlighten to yell: "Pepper, RUN!"
The boys escaped my grip and scamper off. Soon I heard the youngest tell the oldest, "you go that way and I'll go this way! Then we'll twap her!"
So they come running into the living room and I grabbed them both giving Pepper enough time to escape the room. So the run behind the sofa and Tim says to Peter "I got PEPPER"!
They both fall to the ground behind the couch at my dad's feet and he stares down. To my dad I say, "free the cat!" He looks up laughing and says she's gone! The boys get partially up enough where I see they have their arms wrapped around each and the youngest says, "no I got Pepper!" And smacks the older on the back. They're back on the floor wrestling when I realize they've captured each other! So Papa to the rescue to split up the impromptu wrestling match before a WWE match could ensue!
We attempted to make cake pops but partially into the decorating I realized they were just interested in eating the cake pops! And the decorating was a ploy to get close enough to eat them! I should've known better.
But all those things are why I love them so!
Christmas was good to us this year and while its over all to soon. I was definitely glad to spend time with my family!
Tomorrow I return to a partial week of work...that is a topic for another post. Not to mention, Ricardo and I celebrate three years together next week!
Hoping you had a great Christmas! Hold tight your loved ones life is not guaranteed!
This has been an incredible, emotional year.
Despite all the challenges, Ricardo and I committed early on to doing what we could to make this Christmas memorable for our loved ones: simply because we love them. The only way to describe my a sentiments is that "my cup over flows." I think Ricardo and I are blessed with incredible parents who have taught us the value of family. Parents who sacrifice and have sacrificed to give us a better life than they were afforded. They built on the knowledge bestowed to them by their parents and have added to it their own. I know we will do the same with our own children one day.
I think this Christmas was different for us for a number of reasons and we realized early on that we'd need to put our own feelings and sentiments aside for the benefit of those we love so dearly.
In the end, we had a great time and got some much needed family time. Or at least I know that I did! I'm sure Ricardo would agree. Just that our families as a whole have and are facing some tough situations.
My sister is dealing on a regular basis with the medical care of y brother-in-law an jut when we think relief has been provided something happens and we find the situation has taken two steps back.
It's hard to watch your loved ones endure that kind of disappointment. I pray for relief often. I can see my sisters sustaining grace is her beautiful, innocent boys. Oh they can be a handful indeed, are rowdy and rambunctious but they are every bit sweet and hilarious.
Today they ganged up on one of their cats, Pepper. They brought her over and after almost squeezing her guts out and laughing over my protests to leave her alone, I managed to pin them down long enlighten to yell: "Pepper, RUN!"
The boys escaped my grip and scamper off. Soon I heard the youngest tell the oldest, "you go that way and I'll go this way! Then we'll twap her!"
So they come running into the living room and I grabbed them both giving Pepper enough time to escape the room. So the run behind the sofa and Tim says to Peter "I got PEPPER"!
They both fall to the ground behind the couch at my dad's feet and he stares down. To my dad I say, "free the cat!" He looks up laughing and says she's gone! The boys get partially up enough where I see they have their arms wrapped around each and the youngest says, "no I got Pepper!" And smacks the older on the back. They're back on the floor wrestling when I realize they've captured each other! So Papa to the rescue to split up the impromptu wrestling match before a WWE match could ensue!
We attempted to make cake pops but partially into the decorating I realized they were just interested in eating the cake pops! And the decorating was a ploy to get close enough to eat them! I should've known better.
But all those things are why I love them so!
Christmas was good to us this year and while its over all to soon. I was definitely glad to spend time with my family!
Tomorrow I return to a partial week of work...that is a topic for another post. Not to mention, Ricardo and I celebrate three years together next week!
Hoping you had a great Christmas! Hold tight your loved ones life is not guaranteed!
This has been an incredible, emotional year.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Beyond measure...
Finally completing the big move this weekend as I complete the full transition to my new city. As of Monday, I'll have completed 7 weeks with my new organization. Time has literally flown by!
I wish I could say more about my new city but the transition has been a bit unusual. Mainly because I have little furniture so most of my belongs are still in suitcases and boxes.
Not to mention since i'm carrying two residences through the start of next year, I wasn't exactly in a hurry to make the complete transition. Lets be honest: I don't think I could've within the two week constraints I initially had. So this has been a bit drawn out but necessary and it's allowed me to give some much needed time to my family.
It's a huge contributor to why I moved where I did. Cary's doing better in hospice care though he spends quite a bit of time sleeping. His pain seems to be better managed and we're grateful. Still working to manage the boys understanding and expectations of what's to come: not something anyone is looking forward too. But we're grateful for the time Cary has here.
I spend a lot of time thinking about what's to come and whether that process will be slow or quick. Spend time praying for my sister and my nephews for peace, understanding, and strength but mostly I pray for Cary. Not easy to explain what I pray specifically for or about and not something that should be shared publicly but I can say most of the time, it's about surrendering to God knows what's best not just for myself but for our family. I often ask for God to do what He deems best and for the grace to know what is His will.
Oddly or not: through those prayers which I offer up on behalf of my family speak daily to me. I'm reminded that life is: fleeting, none of us is guaranteed tomorrow, to make each moment count, don't get hung up on the petty things... I'm able to see the beautiful blessings in my life and the opportunity to be in relationships to affect positive meaning now. No positive outcome comes from me - i'm not capable - but from God as I'm just a vessel.
It's not just my sister's situation but also that of so many around me. Dealing with life, death, painful challenges, and choices in life. It reminds me that we are all of human spirit and that we all face challenges on a daily basis.
This reality challenges me to better as a person and in my relationships each day. I'm grateful for that and grateful to be part of a community of honest individuals.
Life is not easy and the challenges test us...but I'm most thankful that we don't have to go it alone. If there is any goodness in my life, any certainty of faith, any strength in what cannot be seen; it is to the testament of what I've witnessed God do in the lives of the people I know and in my own life.
It has come after walking through valleys of darkness with dwindling hope but only a small glimmer of light knowing God has seen me through it...that He fulfills His promises: that joy does come after the mourning. It is through those experiences that have built my faith in knowing that God WILl see us through.
We've not been promised that it wouldn't be painful that we wouldn't cry but we've been promised we wouldn't go at it or be alone...there is a light that is with us always. Though it may be but a glimmer, it's enough to let us know it us indeed there.
Sometimes that light is via God himself and often its through others. I'm grateful for it and for knowing that we can trust in it.
That faith gives me the courage to face each day and to do what needs to be done. It provides courage and strength, peace and understanding but most of all love: which conquers all - never lacks for anything and guides our hearts.
So glad Cary's able to celebrate another year of life. Happy Birthday Cary!
I wish I could say more about my new city but the transition has been a bit unusual. Mainly because I have little furniture so most of my belongs are still in suitcases and boxes.
Not to mention since i'm carrying two residences through the start of next year, I wasn't exactly in a hurry to make the complete transition. Lets be honest: I don't think I could've within the two week constraints I initially had. So this has been a bit drawn out but necessary and it's allowed me to give some much needed time to my family.
It's a huge contributor to why I moved where I did. Cary's doing better in hospice care though he spends quite a bit of time sleeping. His pain seems to be better managed and we're grateful. Still working to manage the boys understanding and expectations of what's to come: not something anyone is looking forward too. But we're grateful for the time Cary has here.
I spend a lot of time thinking about what's to come and whether that process will be slow or quick. Spend time praying for my sister and my nephews for peace, understanding, and strength but mostly I pray for Cary. Not easy to explain what I pray specifically for or about and not something that should be shared publicly but I can say most of the time, it's about surrendering to God knows what's best not just for myself but for our family. I often ask for God to do what He deems best and for the grace to know what is His will.
Oddly or not: through those prayers which I offer up on behalf of my family speak daily to me. I'm reminded that life is: fleeting, none of us is guaranteed tomorrow, to make each moment count, don't get hung up on the petty things... I'm able to see the beautiful blessings in my life and the opportunity to be in relationships to affect positive meaning now. No positive outcome comes from me - i'm not capable - but from God as I'm just a vessel.
It's not just my sister's situation but also that of so many around me. Dealing with life, death, painful challenges, and choices in life. It reminds me that we are all of human spirit and that we all face challenges on a daily basis.
This reality challenges me to better as a person and in my relationships each day. I'm grateful for that and grateful to be part of a community of honest individuals.
Life is not easy and the challenges test us...but I'm most thankful that we don't have to go it alone. If there is any goodness in my life, any certainty of faith, any strength in what cannot be seen; it is to the testament of what I've witnessed God do in the lives of the people I know and in my own life.
It has come after walking through valleys of darkness with dwindling hope but only a small glimmer of light knowing God has seen me through it...that He fulfills His promises: that joy does come after the mourning. It is through those experiences that have built my faith in knowing that God WILl see us through.
We've not been promised that it wouldn't be painful that we wouldn't cry but we've been promised we wouldn't go at it or be alone...there is a light that is with us always. Though it may be but a glimmer, it's enough to let us know it us indeed there.
Sometimes that light is via God himself and often its through others. I'm grateful for it and for knowing that we can trust in it.
That faith gives me the courage to face each day and to do what needs to be done. It provides courage and strength, peace and understanding but most of all love: which conquers all - never lacks for anything and guides our hearts.
So glad Cary's able to celebrate another year of life. Happy Birthday Cary!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Not fair
Today I'm having difficulty writing this one. It has been a while since I last posted and its been crazy since. The end of this week will find me one month in with my new employer along with being in my new city.
I've spent one weekend here and it looks like more of the same for November....and then the holidays will be upon us.
Where does the time go?
My life has been turned upside down in a way that is good and in some ways it's great; in others I'm still struggling to find my routine. Partially because I'm not completely moved in.
I think psychologically that makes me feel like I'm still living in two places. So strange to me...
So there's been a few things happen that I'd like I write about but the most pressing is in regards to really good friends of mine's child. Needless to say prognosis isn't looking well though nothing has been definitive as of now. Still running test and a likely diagnosis won't be made for several weeks.
However, what the dr's "feel" it might be doesn't look good. I pray for something other than what the 'likelihood' may be and that some other root cause may be discovered: but I try to be a realist and so for now I encourage my friends to live in the now.
In my prayers, I've struggled with what to ask for and have found myself asking God why? it seems rhetorical to ask but that is where my heart is. Such a sweet angel and my friends who have been through so much already...I have no answers and that will probably remain the case.
The reality is that it's not important to know why and for me the pressing question is how can I help?
Even more so, it's a reminder why this field chose me. I don't deliver direct care to patients but in many cases the work I does guides the system and leadership to do more with existing resources and to make improvements on how health care is delivered. It's a very small role in a greater picture.
By far I do not consider myself or even place myself in the same category as those clinical folks who provide direct care in patients. They are in my opinion true heroes. Healthcare is precocious due to the nature of dealing with human lives. That is the "product" so to speak and it's difficult and amazing to understand the complexities of the human body.
We are so wonderfully created...and in the end I truly believe God has the last say so...in every case.
The mysteries of God are so far beyond my understanding that in moments like these I can only give thanks for what is being done in the "unseen."
I do not know what lies ahead for my dear friends: but I pray that joys does come in the mourning and that they have joy in the everyday little things of life.
Today is Halloween...kids will dress in costumes and no doubt over indulge in candy.
I think if my own nephews and I'm grateful. While I think it's a bit selfish: I'm extremely grateful for their health because the situation my friends find themselves in could easily be any one of us.
So tonight as you tuck your little ones in bed; be grateful for every moment you have with them. Even the ones where you think you might go crazy or they make you angry because for a time; they are yours.
Today my heart is sad for what my friends are enduring. My prayers for them are perpetual and in my own life I'm taking stock once again of what's important in life. Stuff will be stuff but relationships are where it's at.
I did get to visit my friends last night. Ricardo was with me and I can't help but be reminded of "child-like" faith. This little one was laughing and trying to choke out and karate chop her dad!
There was no worry, no anxiety...just focused interest on the movie that was playing. She's a cutie pie...and I know very loved by those around her. She is every bit of both her parents. That is amazing to me and seems to be the greatest of life's miracles: to parent a child.
So this situation makes all the crazy things going on really insignificant. It's almost a constant reminded with everything going on with my bro-in-law and sister.
It's one of the main reasons I took the plunge and moved to a new city halfway across the state: to be closer. i'll have my nephews at least one weekend a month and so this Tia is busy planning activities for them. All too quickly they'll be grown!
Embrace the now: live in the now and drink in every moment no matter how seemingly insignificant it may be. Life's ever evolving ways will lead us to new seasons and places in life in little time. Always wishing and prayin for the best.
I've spent one weekend here and it looks like more of the same for November....and then the holidays will be upon us.
Where does the time go?
My life has been turned upside down in a way that is good and in some ways it's great; in others I'm still struggling to find my routine. Partially because I'm not completely moved in.
I think psychologically that makes me feel like I'm still living in two places. So strange to me...
So there's been a few things happen that I'd like I write about but the most pressing is in regards to really good friends of mine's child. Needless to say prognosis isn't looking well though nothing has been definitive as of now. Still running test and a likely diagnosis won't be made for several weeks.
However, what the dr's "feel" it might be doesn't look good. I pray for something other than what the 'likelihood' may be and that some other root cause may be discovered: but I try to be a realist and so for now I encourage my friends to live in the now.
In my prayers, I've struggled with what to ask for and have found myself asking God why? it seems rhetorical to ask but that is where my heart is. Such a sweet angel and my friends who have been through so much already...I have no answers and that will probably remain the case.
The reality is that it's not important to know why and for me the pressing question is how can I help?
Even more so, it's a reminder why this field chose me. I don't deliver direct care to patients but in many cases the work I does guides the system and leadership to do more with existing resources and to make improvements on how health care is delivered. It's a very small role in a greater picture.
By far I do not consider myself or even place myself in the same category as those clinical folks who provide direct care in patients. They are in my opinion true heroes. Healthcare is precocious due to the nature of dealing with human lives. That is the "product" so to speak and it's difficult and amazing to understand the complexities of the human body.
We are so wonderfully created...and in the end I truly believe God has the last say so...in every case.
The mysteries of God are so far beyond my understanding that in moments like these I can only give thanks for what is being done in the "unseen."
I do not know what lies ahead for my dear friends: but I pray that joys does come in the mourning and that they have joy in the everyday little things of life.
Today is Halloween...kids will dress in costumes and no doubt over indulge in candy.
I think if my own nephews and I'm grateful. While I think it's a bit selfish: I'm extremely grateful for their health because the situation my friends find themselves in could easily be any one of us.
So tonight as you tuck your little ones in bed; be grateful for every moment you have with them. Even the ones where you think you might go crazy or they make you angry because for a time; they are yours.
Today my heart is sad for what my friends are enduring. My prayers for them are perpetual and in my own life I'm taking stock once again of what's important in life. Stuff will be stuff but relationships are where it's at.
I did get to visit my friends last night. Ricardo was with me and I can't help but be reminded of "child-like" faith. This little one was laughing and trying to choke out and karate chop her dad!
There was no worry, no anxiety...just focused interest on the movie that was playing. She's a cutie pie...and I know very loved by those around her. She is every bit of both her parents. That is amazing to me and seems to be the greatest of life's miracles: to parent a child.
So this situation makes all the crazy things going on really insignificant. It's almost a constant reminded with everything going on with my bro-in-law and sister.
It's one of the main reasons I took the plunge and moved to a new city halfway across the state: to be closer. i'll have my nephews at least one weekend a month and so this Tia is busy planning activities for them. All too quickly they'll be grown!
Embrace the now: live in the now and drink in every moment no matter how seemingly insignificant it may be. Life's ever evolving ways will lead us to new seasons and places in life in little time. Always wishing and prayin for the best.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
changes
Thought I'd take a minute to write before I met the apartment locator. Yes, today is the day where (hopefully) I find somewhere to live so that I'm not completely homeless while I'm in the new city!
Super excited and a little nervous but everyone I've met so far has been extremely nice and friendly! Gives me great comfort.
The last few weeks, I've tracked more than 2,500 miles. It's been grueling and exhausting but well worth the travel. I think if anything I've realized to being part of people's lives sometimes requires sacrifices and they are ones I would gladly make. More about priorities and for me: I've really been focusing on being good to the people I love and letting them know that I care about them.
So gladly I traveled to help with decorations for my Godmother's daughter and to be the Maid of Honor in my bff's wedding! and even taking my mom to see the nephews and getting some time with them.
Moving closer is going to let me spend more time with them while they're little and when it counts most (in my opinion). I'm excited about that...beyond elated.
Though I'm sad to leave my brother, we still have TTU games and heck no I'm not missing any home games! GUNS UP!
So yeah, these days its hard for me to keep track of which city I'm in but I have the luxury of moving about something that might not be afforded for too much longer! I will say that I am very happy and very ready to be in one singular spot for a while!
Needless to say, I have the arduous task of packing up my apartment. Something I thought would be pretty simple: but I've found hard to do. Mainly because it means saying goodbye and while saying hello to the new job, new coworkers, new work environment, new surroundings is exciting: its also bittersweet.
I've had such a great boss for the last year and half or so....a great mentor. I'd gotten comfortable with my job and what was expected of me and while there's always more to learn; I know this next step is the right one. Need to continue building on the experience and knowledge I've gained.
Super excited and a little nervous but everyone I've met so far has been extremely nice and friendly! Gives me great comfort.
The last few weeks, I've tracked more than 2,500 miles. It's been grueling and exhausting but well worth the travel. I think if anything I've realized to being part of people's lives sometimes requires sacrifices and they are ones I would gladly make. More about priorities and for me: I've really been focusing on being good to the people I love and letting them know that I care about them.
So gladly I traveled to help with decorations for my Godmother's daughter and to be the Maid of Honor in my bff's wedding! and even taking my mom to see the nephews and getting some time with them.
Moving closer is going to let me spend more time with them while they're little and when it counts most (in my opinion). I'm excited about that...beyond elated.
Though I'm sad to leave my brother, we still have TTU games and heck no I'm not missing any home games! GUNS UP!
So yeah, these days its hard for me to keep track of which city I'm in but I have the luxury of moving about something that might not be afforded for too much longer! I will say that I am very happy and very ready to be in one singular spot for a while!
Needless to say, I have the arduous task of packing up my apartment. Something I thought would be pretty simple: but I've found hard to do. Mainly because it means saying goodbye and while saying hello to the new job, new coworkers, new work environment, new surroundings is exciting: its also bittersweet.
I've had such a great boss for the last year and half or so....a great mentor. I'd gotten comfortable with my job and what was expected of me and while there's always more to learn; I know this next step is the right one. Need to continue building on the experience and knowledge I've gained.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Official
It's official - Starting in October I'll be joining Seton Family Healthcare! So excited about this new opportunity and because I'll finally be in the same city as my Sweetie!
Seton Family Healthcare is part of a larger network, Ascension Health with over 87,000 employees and facilities located in 15 states including the District of Columbia. Ascension is also the largest Catholic-sponsored healthcare system and largest non-profit system.
Couldn't be prouder to join an incredible organization!
Monday, September 10, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
popstars and politics
I'm so not a fan of Taylor Swift's live voice - though recently I heard her and was actually impressed. Either way, she is a brilliant song writer even if she writes about the same things over and over.
But I do like this song...so it's part of tonight's post.
I watched both the RNC and the DNC because like many - I'm an undecided voter. Well I was an undecided voter. I think I've made my choice but rather not say who I'm casting my ballot for. Just going to say - get out and vote this fall!
Cause if you gripe about where we are as a nation but didnt vote, I could very well call you out on it.
so major traveling on the books...i'll be home approximately 16 days this month. unbelievable. trips include cali, dfw, galveston, austin, and angelo. lord help me! seriously gonna be living outta' a suitcase!
so I recorded the MTV Video Music Awards...not impressed. btw - did Alicia Keys bust her pants? randomnocity!
also, decided to blog about the upcoming political season but will do that when I've had some time to reflect on both the RNC and DNC conventions - yes I watched both...
I have some evolving thoughts about the exchange of rhetoric between the two parties. One thing I've come to realize is that I'm much more liberal than I'd ever given myself credit for but it shouldnt come as a surprise. I've never really been one to really play it safe or be conservative. I'm just not geared that way.
If anything as I've aged, I've gotten better at tempering that progressiveness with insight and that's only something I've learned by the grace of God and from my mentors. I'm so appreciative of both the personal and professional mentors placed in my life and in my path. I learn from them every day.
The goal is to become a better person each day and there are some days where I fail miserably at it. Not because of ability but because of willingness. Those of you who know me, know that I can dig my heels in the sand and be as stubborn as a burro...I don't deny it. It's sometimes a strength, sometimes a weakness. So I try to take a few steps back and evaluate what's going on and whether or not I need to give.
You can ask Ricardo about that - he's had plenty of experience with it. Lucky for me, he's a patient and secure man.
alright - gotta finish packing. grrrr..not my favorite thing to do!
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