Heaven hear me now

This week has been a rough one for a number of reasons but mostly because we lost three loved ones within the week.

I head home Friday to pay my respects to the family. Praying and sending love and as always reflecting.

Seems odd given its been almost a year after her death but the song on my heart has been "I Look To You" by Whitney Houston.

The loss of a loved one whether young or old will always compel one to take stock of their own life and to reflect to make those sometime necessary adjustments.

I've realized something about these seasons of life just as quickly as they come: they leave. I don't understand any of the why's or how's...it's not within my logical understanding to be able to explain but deep in my heart I've had to reconcile "it's well with my soul."

You know - sometimes it seems that to reconcile that statement looks impossible. But reconciliation like seasons has a funny way of sneaking up on you.

I logically can't make sense of the journey my sisters family has been on and is still on. At times, it is heartbreaking. I say that from the view of a sister watching her baby sister shoulder her family through illness through what we would consider "too young." I watch my mom and dad often feeling helpless to take and shoulder solely a burden to prevent my sister from incurring its potential scars and hurts.

I've not really spoken to this because in my family we all have roles. I've seen that when one of us is weak someone steps up to be strong. Where does my help come from? It comes from The Lord. That is the only reasoning I have for being held together so tightly woven as a family, for peace that passes all understanding, for standing strong...

It doesn't mean that we don't hurt or that we don't feel deeply. But it means our trust is in The Lord. Knowing that because of past experience and because of who we know God to be that he'll see us thru.

I think that's why this song, "I look to you" resonates with me now. This week my grandfather lost his brother, sister, and bro-in-law (his sister who passed's husband).

Unbelievable

With each call from my mom, I was stunned. It's a reminder to make the most of each moment but to also let those you love know that you love them and to express that love daily.

We shouldn't take relationships for granted.

I remember the first time I had a conversation with my oldest nephew about dying and the concept of death. He was scared. I remember reassuring him that no matter what we would be there - we would see him, his brother, and his mama through. I think about how much I love those boys and what I wouldn't give for them and to protect their innocence and purity to be children.

Trust me, I'd "cut you" if anyone tried to mess with them. But that's what an auntie's love is for, no? How much more is my sisters! And ultimately how much more is Gods for us? It's unfathomable....

More so during these trying times.

I'm so very grateful for the people in my life and for the opportunities I've been given to develop meaningful relationships with you. Nothing means more than when you share your life with me in conversation or time!

I've often told Ricardo I don't ever want to lose perspective if that - how meaningful these relationships are that are a part of our Daily lives. No matter where we go or what we achieve in life may we never forget that it's about relationships not stuff, not accolades, not recognition, not monetary advancement...

No money, no accolade, no promotion, no recognition could ever replace those deep relationships cultivated over time spent together.

Of all the lessons I ever hope to impart it would be to live well to run the race and when I'm called home to go as gracefully and peacefully know I did all to run my race and to share with others love, grace, and mercy not because it comes from myself but because it is Gods grace and Gods mercy and His peace that has taken residence in my life.

Hard to believe that that is what I want given all my "get that corn outta my face" brassy no punches held approach at times. It is what makes me me and as I've often said there is usually little "in-between" ground.

I'm a work in progress as we all are...