The little things...

Written last Sunday (3/10): Last week in my world was grueling. Not in a way that was heavy just stressful and demanding. In light of everything else, it paled in comparison.

I think it's easy to blame responses we have on our "tough" or "stressful" weeks at work. A few years ago, I may have come home and crawled into bed. Instead, I shrugged it off and enjoyed a nice date with Ricardo. We went to a new movie theater to see Oz The Great and Powerful.

Sitting in a nice comfy recliner, we ordered dinner and enjoyed a night out. We were both tired from long weeks but graciously Ricardo indulged me this treat. Saturday found me painting a vase at Cafet Monet! So excited to see the final result on Friday!

I made a quick trip home to see my folks. Most people would visit friends or engage in a hobby or do nothing after a tough week and perhaps I'd normally be one of them. Lately, we've had a lot going on in our family. I spend a lot of time traveling to be with them even though I'm in this great city. I don't regret it, it's just part of this season in my life.

I'm an older sister and no matter how old my siblings are: I will always attempt to look out for them and also respect their space and choices in life. We're all very different and have different outlooks on life: it's just who we are and part of being adult siblings is respecting those differences. It can be hard but I think the bigger picture for me is just wanting to see them safe and happy. What can I say: I'm a protective mexican sister! I think I've always been transparent about my family and what they mean to me. I work hard to have meaningful relationships and work hard to maintain them.

Some of you have been more present than others and certainly there's nothin wrong with that, that's just where life has taken us. I have this love hate relationship with Facebook for that reason. So many of you have shared your life's experiences with me via the social experiment that is Facebook. It's allowed me to connect and re-connect with those of you I might not have been afforded the opportunity to, otherwise. It's beautiful in that regard. Others have taken a lazy route to rely on Facebook for the inner workings of my life. A fallacy because while I work hard to be true and loyal to myself in h writings and posts: I if d high value on keeping some things private only shared in face to face interaction. So for that I think Facebook can give a false sense of feeling that you really know someone by their FB posts.

For many reasons, I don't discuss or air certain parts of my life on FB. My relationship with Ricardo is certainly one. Do I love this man and want people to know know he's a part of my world: sure. I don't feel that every aspect is privy to all eyes.

I also work hard to protect my sometimes pointed comments when something in my life has irritated or upset me and try to remain as ambiguous as possible because sometimes it can hurt those you care most about in your life.

Fast forward to tonight (3/15):

Another tough week fighting an upper respiratory crud, allergies, massive sinus headaches, and mocos! Boooo to mocos! I spent most of the week playing catch up and feelin like there want enough time in the day!

But I did get my vase and I'm please with the results: so pretty to me!

So I'd like to talk about giving. I've live by the philosophy that you reap what you sow: always! Often time I'm moved to give my time and when able my finances. My view: God's blessed me with more than I could ever imagine possible; allowed some of my greatest dreams to come tue and the things in my life possible: others have poured into my life and blessed me so the greatest way to honor them is to give back to those in need.

So I give in whatever way I feel God leading. I'd had a conversation with God about giving without expectation of return. Then I heard a sermon on the radio and a lot of songs and had conversations with other about giving without the expectation of return - giving just to be a blessing to someone else.

It's also amazing how when you do give God always makes provision for needs. I believe we have to be good stewards of those things entrusted to our care.

So I'd like to present you with an opportunity to bless a few folks that I personally know would benefit greatly from your gifts.

The first is Jeff Peters from San Angelo. He was diagnosed with leukemia and Lord willing has a donor for a bone marrow transplant later this month. His story and how you can help can be found at: www.pray4jeff.com

I know Jeff because in the late 90's we played in a band together. Jeff is the real deal and has a head after God's. he'd give you the shirt of his own back if you needed it and is just about one of the best listeners I've ever known! Through this journey he's remained optimistic and hopeful pointing attributing it all to God's glory!

The next is a friend I went to jr high with and her son Keegan. Keegan is in need of a service animal and his dad was recently deployed. You can find their story and make a donation here: http://www.gofundme.com/MiracleforKeegan

Keegan's mom, Becky, and I have remained in contact via Facebook and as I've posted about my sister and brother-in-law she's sent me notes to say they've been in her prayers and she's always asked me how they are doing! Her actions mirror the words "more than you ever know" by Watermark!

Finally, my good friends, Anthony and Crystal, discovered their daughter has a rare genetic mutation and has been tentatively diagnosed with AT.

Defined:

ABOUT ATAXIA-TELANGIECTASIA

Ataxia-telangiectasia, or A-T, is a rare genetic disease that attacks children, causing progressive loss of muscle control, immune system problems, and a high rate of cancer.

What is A-T?

A-T affects a large variety of systems in the body, causing symptoms that affect health and daily living.

You can learn more about the disease here: http://www.atcp.org/page.aspx?pid=3642

In the months to come, I'll be working with friends and family to support fundraising activities to support them as they seek necessary medical care for their daughters chronic condition.

This is important to me because Zaria isn't even 7 yet and the life expectancy with this disease is somewhere in the late 20's to early 30's. Anthony and Crystal will likely have a hard journey ahead with specific modifications needed like moving into a single story dwelling. If you're interested in helping with our efforts, you can inbox me on Facebook or shoot me an email at lmleyva@suddenlink.net.

I've known Anthony since I was in 7th grade and apart from my cousins and Jackie and family camp friends - he's one of m oldest friends. He harasses me like a brother too!

Please consider helping one of these friends. Blessings have a way of returning to you in unexpected ways! Even when you don't expect it.

Blessings to all!

Ps - included pictures of the before and after at Cafe Monet!

Site seeing

Words

Sometimes we just need a little inspiration.

More than you'll ever know

So appreciative of all the messages and prayers offered on behalf of my family. Last week was rough but as always God has seen us through its end.

His Grace is always sufficient and for the blessing of you we call friends and family, there are no words or actions to appropriately express all the love we have felt from you.

Your prayers mean so much to us during moments of decision making when wisdom is needed or just having tough moments.

Just wanted you to know that yes there is power in prayer. I'm hopin to go deeper in a post in the near future.

For now, it is late. I'll expand more tomorrow, but just had to say thank you and express our gratitude!

I can honestly say that your encouragement and prayers have helped us in so many ways. From my own personal experiences, they keep me safe in my crazy travels and often resolve issues that would take up much time. This allows me to help my sister with my nephews or take my mom for the weekend.

I know my Dad's family is grieving but in time there will also be healing. More importantly, we're not alone.

The bible talks about three cords are stronger than one and never had that been more evident in my life than now. I see how God allowed us to experience tough seasons in preparation for this one. At the time, those tough seasons did t make much sense.

My nephews bring much joy to all our lives and I can see why God gave them to my sister. Their crazy zany personalities are beyond endearing and just when I think they might drive me mad and test my patience they will say and do the most silliest things that you cant help but laugh. They teach us not to sweat the small things and to be sure to treasure them as well.

Today my nephews said, "Mimi thank you for taking us to the park and McDonald's" made me smile because for a brief moment I saw their goofy smiles and watched them be normal kids! I often think they teach me more than I teach them!

Difficult decisions are on the horizon. So please pray for wisdom, that others would not judge, and if they're going to then that they would keep their judgements to themselves.

There are no easy or clear cut solutions.

Again thank you for all your prayers and thoughts! It's encouragement and support beyond our expectations and imaginations and it continues to sustain us!

With lots of love and returned blessings!
Laura

Stomp

This is all I got tonight.

Heaven hear me now

This week has been a rough one for a number of reasons but mostly because we lost three loved ones within the week.

I head home Friday to pay my respects to the family. Praying and sending love and as always reflecting.

Seems odd given its been almost a year after her death but the song on my heart has been "I Look To You" by Whitney Houston.

The loss of a loved one whether young or old will always compel one to take stock of their own life and to reflect to make those sometime necessary adjustments.

I've realized something about these seasons of life just as quickly as they come: they leave. I don't understand any of the why's or how's...it's not within my logical understanding to be able to explain but deep in my heart I've had to reconcile "it's well with my soul."

You know - sometimes it seems that to reconcile that statement looks impossible. But reconciliation like seasons has a funny way of sneaking up on you.

I logically can't make sense of the journey my sisters family has been on and is still on. At times, it is heartbreaking. I say that from the view of a sister watching her baby sister shoulder her family through illness through what we would consider "too young." I watch my mom and dad often feeling helpless to take and shoulder solely a burden to prevent my sister from incurring its potential scars and hurts.

I've not really spoken to this because in my family we all have roles. I've seen that when one of us is weak someone steps up to be strong. Where does my help come from? It comes from The Lord. That is the only reasoning I have for being held together so tightly woven as a family, for peace that passes all understanding, for standing strong...

It doesn't mean that we don't hurt or that we don't feel deeply. But it means our trust is in The Lord. Knowing that because of past experience and because of who we know God to be that he'll see us thru.

I think that's why this song, "I look to you" resonates with me now. This week my grandfather lost his brother, sister, and bro-in-law (his sister who passed's husband).

Unbelievable

With each call from my mom, I was stunned. It's a reminder to make the most of each moment but to also let those you love know that you love them and to express that love daily.

We shouldn't take relationships for granted.

I remember the first time I had a conversation with my oldest nephew about dying and the concept of death. He was scared. I remember reassuring him that no matter what we would be there - we would see him, his brother, and his mama through. I think about how much I love those boys and what I wouldn't give for them and to protect their innocence and purity to be children.

Trust me, I'd "cut you" if anyone tried to mess with them. But that's what an auntie's love is for, no? How much more is my sisters! And ultimately how much more is Gods for us? It's unfathomable....

More so during these trying times.

I'm so very grateful for the people in my life and for the opportunities I've been given to develop meaningful relationships with you. Nothing means more than when you share your life with me in conversation or time!

I've often told Ricardo I don't ever want to lose perspective if that - how meaningful these relationships are that are a part of our Daily lives. No matter where we go or what we achieve in life may we never forget that it's about relationships not stuff, not accolades, not recognition, not monetary advancement...

No money, no accolade, no promotion, no recognition could ever replace those deep relationships cultivated over time spent together.

Of all the lessons I ever hope to impart it would be to live well to run the race and when I'm called home to go as gracefully and peacefully know I did all to run my race and to share with others love, grace, and mercy not because it comes from myself but because it is Gods grace and Gods mercy and His peace that has taken residence in my life.

Hard to believe that that is what I want given all my "get that corn outta my face" brassy no punches held approach at times. It is what makes me me and as I've often said there is usually little "in-between" ground.

I'm a work in progress as we all are...

Clarity

Thinking of some friends tonight: tomorrow their lives could potentially change in a number of ways.

I'm listening to Matt Redmon's 10,000 Reasons. This song is as ever bittersweet in these moments as it ever could be. Between the illnesses afflicting my own family and a number of friends to unimaginable and unforeseen drama as people in our lives make decisions potentially harmful to others.

My logical mind wants to ask "where is He? And why hasn't He appeared" but my spiritual mind know better to ask. I know He's with us even when I want to curse those that bring harm to those I love...amazingly and miraculous God brings mercy (something I'm incapable of accomplishing myself).

Doesn't mean I'm not stirred to anger or disappointment or even hurt but that its tempered with "rose stained glasses" muted in a way that allows us to "be still." Just like the Father....to quiet us with love.

Cause in the end that's all we have.

The deeper the love the more painfully felt is the affliction. Whatever it may be.

I've stopped trying to reason the how's, why's, and where's and only know enough to know that HE IS STILL very much in control.

10,000 reasons for my heart to find
Bless the Lord O my soul
O my soul
[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/10000-reasons-lyrics-matt-redman.html ]

I could dwell on the reasons not to but there are too many reasons that compel me.

For instance, the sound of my nickname spoken by my two small nephews or a simple, "Mimi- you know what? I love you."

A love that is innocent and pure in its intention that has yet to learn the darkness of the world and that we would gladly give our lives to protect from what we all know is a harsh reality.

Balancing reality and optimism has never been an easy feat but I've realized these are rare opportunities to teach and be taught about loving God regardless of our circumstances.

After all, I wouldn't be here today wouldn't of accomplished anything if t wasn't for His ever enduring love and grace. He is rich in love and slow to anger something I ask him to do daily in me but which does not at times come so easily.

It is the frailty of being human... To do what we do not want to do as Paul talked about. Frailty in that our bodies sometimes become sick with illness. We face tragedies of life taken too soon or other challenges of cards unfairly dealt at least it seems.

in these moments, I ask God to show grace and favor on my close friends walking through what has to be a most if not THE most challenging moments of their lives.

My mind can't fathom their situation. Words fail me to describe.

It's easy to love when things are good. Easy to give praise but the challenge is to give praise when things don't go our way: when we receive news we don't want to hear...

I can't help by thing of Job. He lost what seemed to be everything...

How often do we feel the same?

In these last few months, I've attempted to simplify my life.

Not an easy task but slowly I'm seein that the stuff of life is just stuff; the substance of life is life itself and those relationships we have with others.

It most clearly has been the driving factor behind how and where I've invested my time and energies. I've had a lot of people speak "into my life" regarding my involvement or lack of involvement in ministry... Because in many ways I have attempted to slip silently behind the scenes.

Much if this was done purposely and with a clear understanding of why and how: not accidental or spurred by perceptions of misleading as some have presumptuously assumed.

I knew that when I returned to school that school is where my energies were to be focused and those that know me well, know I don't like to give anything half effort.

I didn't realize that pulling away to focus on "education" was actually preparation to be available to my family and most definitely to friends in need. It's not what I would consider traditional minister...there is decidedly no apparent visual of participation but that's not why we're called...to be recognized.

It's not why we give relentless hours in service to those we love so dearly. I see my vocation largely my calling in life and while many will never understand, it's not meant for anyone else to understand...something I never quite really understood - why some would feel the need to push upon someone their own "perceptions" I was once told that what one speaks to you should always confirm what the Holy Spirit has already confirmed in your spirit.

I couldn't agree more...and there have been those who's words have not agreed. Hard for some to swallow...but if you're just a messenger then why should you be upset?

I can't help but laugh at that...because some will never understand the intention of that statement.

I won't apologize for where I've been or where I've focused my time and energy. I can only say that it has been guided by what was planted into my life by so many across many years. There are words never to be forgotten and understanding so deeply imparted I could never say thanks enough.

i'd love to share more but my intention is not to hurt others and until those experiences can be worded in a way that will help others they should be held safely close.

I'm ever grateful for these days and all the wonderfully difficult opportunities to better understand and learn unconditional love.

I've thought of how painful this season has been and realize it is because of how deeply we love. I'm reminded that God loved us so deeply that He sacrificed what He loved most: a part of who He is and who He loved most - His Son....

For that alone is reason enough to "bless The Lord oh my soul"

Dwelling on His love today and how I can reflect more of it in my own life...praying that sharing this part of my journey blesses others.

More than enough

Normally, I try to send Merry Christmas greetings to the people in my life. This year has been hectic and dramatic beyond any of our imaginations with circumstances and situations outside of our controls. So needless to say, personal Merry Christmas messages have not been a priority.

Despite all the challenges, Ricardo and I committed early on to doing what we could to make this Christmas memorable for our loved ones: simply because we love them. The only way to describe my a sentiments is that "my cup over flows." I think Ricardo and I are blessed with incredible parents who have taught us the value of family. Parents who sacrifice and have sacrificed to give us a better life than they were afforded. They built on the knowledge bestowed to them by their parents and have added to it their own. I know we will do the same with our own children one day.

I think this Christmas was different for us for a number of reasons and we realized early on that we'd need to put our own feelings and sentiments aside for the benefit of those we love so dearly.

In the end, we had a great time and got some much needed family time. Or at least I know that I did! I'm sure Ricardo would agree. Just that our families as a whole have and are facing some tough situations.

My sister is dealing on a regular basis with the medical care of y brother-in-law an jut when we think relief has been provided something happens and we find the situation has taken two steps back.

It's hard to watch your loved ones endure that kind of disappointment. I pray for relief often. I can see my sisters sustaining grace is her beautiful, innocent boys. Oh they can be a handful indeed, are rowdy and rambunctious but they are every bit sweet and hilarious.

Today they ganged up on one of their cats, Pepper. They brought her over and after almost squeezing her guts out and laughing over my protests to leave her alone, I managed to pin them down long enlighten to yell: "Pepper, RUN!"

The boys escaped my grip and scamper off. Soon I heard the youngest tell the oldest, "you go that way and I'll go this way! Then we'll twap her!"

So they come running into the living room and I grabbed them both giving Pepper enough time to escape the room. So the run behind the sofa and Tim says to Peter "I got PEPPER"!

They both fall to the ground behind the couch at my dad's feet and he stares down. To my dad I say, "free the cat!" He looks up laughing and says she's gone! The boys get partially up enough where I see they have their arms wrapped around each and the youngest says, "no I got Pepper!" And smacks the older on the back. They're back on the floor wrestling when I realize they've captured each other! So Papa to the rescue to split up the impromptu wrestling match before a WWE match could ensue!

We attempted to make cake pops but partially into the decorating I realized they were just interested in eating the cake pops! And the decorating was a ploy to get close enough to eat them! I should've known better.

But all those things are why I love them so!

Christmas was good to us this year and while its over all to soon. I was definitely glad to spend time with my family!

Tomorrow I return to a partial week of work...that is a topic for another post. Not to mention, Ricardo and I celebrate three years together next week!

Hoping you had a great Christmas! Hold tight your loved ones life is not guaranteed!




This has been an incredible, emotional year.

Beyond measure...

Finally completing the big move this weekend as I complete the full transition to my new city. As of Monday, I'll have completed 7 weeks with my new organization. Time has literally flown by!

I wish I could say more about my new city but the transition has been a bit unusual. Mainly because I have little furniture so most of my belongs are still in suitcases and boxes.

Not to mention since i'm carrying two residences through the start of next year, I wasn't exactly in a hurry to make the complete transition. Lets be honest: I don't think I could've within the two week constraints I initially had. So this has been a bit drawn out but necessary and it's allowed me to give some much needed time to my family.

It's a huge contributor to why I moved where I did. Cary's doing better in hospice care though he spends quite a bit of time sleeping. His pain seems to be better managed and we're grateful. Still working to manage the boys understanding and expectations of what's to come: not something anyone is looking forward too. But we're grateful for the time Cary has here.

I spend a lot of time thinking about what's to come and whether that process will be slow or quick. Spend time praying for my sister and my nephews for peace, understanding, and strength but mostly I pray for Cary. Not easy to explain what I pray specifically for or about and not something that should be shared publicly but I can say most of the time, it's about surrendering to God knows what's best not just for myself but for our family. I often ask for God to do what He deems best and for the grace to know what is His will.

Oddly or not: through those prayers which I offer up on behalf of my family speak daily to me. I'm reminded that life is: fleeting, none of us is guaranteed tomorrow, to make each moment count, don't get hung up on the petty things... I'm able to see the beautiful blessings in my life and the opportunity to be in relationships to affect positive meaning now. No positive outcome comes from me - i'm not capable - but from God as I'm just a vessel.

It's not just my sister's situation but also that of so many around me. Dealing with life, death, painful challenges, and choices in life. It reminds me that we are all of human spirit and that we all face challenges on a daily basis.

This reality challenges me to better as a person and in my relationships each day. I'm grateful for that and grateful to be part of a community of honest individuals.

Life is not easy and the challenges test us...but I'm most thankful that we don't have to go it alone. If there is any goodness in my life, any certainty of faith, any strength in what cannot be seen; it is to the testament of what I've witnessed God do in the lives of the people I know and in my own life.

It has come after walking through valleys of darkness with dwindling hope but only a small glimmer of light knowing God has seen me through it...that He fulfills His promises: that joy does come after the mourning. It is through those experiences that have built my faith in knowing that God WILl see us through.

We've not been promised that it wouldn't be painful that we wouldn't cry but we've been promised we wouldn't go at it or be alone...there is a light that is with us always. Though it may be but a glimmer, it's enough to let us know it us indeed there.

Sometimes that light is via God himself and often its through others. I'm grateful for it and for knowing that we can trust in it.

That faith gives me the courage to face each day and to do what needs to be done. It provides courage and strength, peace and understanding but most of all love: which conquers all - never lacks for anything and guides our hearts.

So glad Cary's able to celebrate another year of life. Happy Birthday Cary!

Not fair

Today I'm having difficulty writing this one. It has been a while since I last posted and its been crazy since. The end of this week will find me one month in with my new employer along with being in my new city.

I've spent one weekend here and it looks like more of the same for November....and then the holidays will be upon us.

Where does the time go?

My life has been turned upside down in a way that is good and in some ways it's great; in others I'm still struggling to find my routine. Partially because I'm not completely moved in.

I think psychologically that makes me feel like I'm still living in two places. So strange to me...

So there's been a few things happen that I'd like I write about but the most pressing is in regards to really good friends of mine's child. Needless to say prognosis isn't looking well though nothing has been definitive as of now. Still running test and a likely diagnosis won't be made for several weeks.

However, what the dr's "feel" it might be doesn't look good. I pray for something other than what the 'likelihood' may be and that some other root cause may be discovered: but I try to be a realist and so for now I encourage my friends to live in the now.

In my prayers, I've struggled with what to ask for and have found myself asking God why? it seems rhetorical to ask but that is where my heart is. Such a sweet angel and my friends who have been through so much already...I have no answers and that will probably remain the case.

The reality is that it's not important to know why and for me the pressing question is how can I help?

Even more so, it's a reminder why this field chose me. I don't deliver direct care to patients but in many cases the work I does guides the system and leadership to do more with existing resources and to make improvements on how health care is delivered. It's a very small role in a greater picture.

By far I do not consider myself or even place myself in the same category as those clinical folks who provide direct care in patients. They are in my opinion true heroes. Healthcare is precocious due to the nature of dealing with human lives. That is the "product" so to speak and it's difficult and amazing to understand the complexities of the human body.

We are so wonderfully created...and in the end I truly believe God has the last say so...in every case.

The mysteries of God are so far beyond my understanding that in moments like these I can only give thanks for what is being done in the "unseen."

I do not know what lies ahead for my dear friends: but I pray that joys does come in the mourning and that they have joy in the everyday little things of life.

Today is Halloween...kids will dress in costumes and no doubt over indulge in candy.

I think if my own nephews and I'm grateful. While I think it's a bit selfish: I'm extremely grateful for their health because the situation my friends find themselves in could easily be any one of us.

So tonight as you tuck your little ones in bed; be grateful for every moment you have with them. Even the ones where you think you might go crazy or they make you angry because for a time; they are yours.

Today my heart is sad for what my friends are enduring. My prayers for them are perpetual and in my own life I'm taking stock once again of what's important in life. Stuff will be stuff but relationships are where it's at.

I did get to visit my friends last night. Ricardo was with me and I can't help but be reminded of "child-like" faith. This little one was laughing and trying to choke out and karate chop her dad!

There was no worry, no anxiety...just focused interest on the movie that was playing. She's a cutie pie...and I know very loved by those around her. She is every bit of both her parents. That is amazing to me and seems to be the greatest of life's miracles: to parent a child.

So this situation makes all the crazy things going on really insignificant. It's almost a constant reminded with everything going on with my bro-in-law and sister.

It's one of the main reasons I took the plunge and moved to a new city halfway across the state: to be closer. i'll have my nephews at least one weekend a month and so this Tia is busy planning activities for them. All too quickly they'll be grown!

Embrace the now: live in the now and drink in every moment no matter how seemingly insignificant it may be. Life's ever evolving ways will lead us to new seasons and places in life in little time. Always wishing and prayin for the best.