More than enough

Normally, I try to send Merry Christmas greetings to the people in my life. This year has been hectic and dramatic beyond any of our imaginations with circumstances and situations outside of our controls. So needless to say, personal Merry Christmas messages have not been a priority.

Despite all the challenges, Ricardo and I committed early on to doing what we could to make this Christmas memorable for our loved ones: simply because we love them. The only way to describe my a sentiments is that "my cup over flows." I think Ricardo and I are blessed with incredible parents who have taught us the value of family. Parents who sacrifice and have sacrificed to give us a better life than they were afforded. They built on the knowledge bestowed to them by their parents and have added to it their own. I know we will do the same with our own children one day.

I think this Christmas was different for us for a number of reasons and we realized early on that we'd need to put our own feelings and sentiments aside for the benefit of those we love so dearly.

In the end, we had a great time and got some much needed family time. Or at least I know that I did! I'm sure Ricardo would agree. Just that our families as a whole have and are facing some tough situations.

My sister is dealing on a regular basis with the medical care of y brother-in-law an jut when we think relief has been provided something happens and we find the situation has taken two steps back.

It's hard to watch your loved ones endure that kind of disappointment. I pray for relief often. I can see my sisters sustaining grace is her beautiful, innocent boys. Oh they can be a handful indeed, are rowdy and rambunctious but they are every bit sweet and hilarious.

Today they ganged up on one of their cats, Pepper. They brought her over and after almost squeezing her guts out and laughing over my protests to leave her alone, I managed to pin them down long enlighten to yell: "Pepper, RUN!"

The boys escaped my grip and scamper off. Soon I heard the youngest tell the oldest, "you go that way and I'll go this way! Then we'll twap her!"

So they come running into the living room and I grabbed them both giving Pepper enough time to escape the room. So the run behind the sofa and Tim says to Peter "I got PEPPER"!

They both fall to the ground behind the couch at my dad's feet and he stares down. To my dad I say, "free the cat!" He looks up laughing and says she's gone! The boys get partially up enough where I see they have their arms wrapped around each and the youngest says, "no I got Pepper!" And smacks the older on the back. They're back on the floor wrestling when I realize they've captured each other! So Papa to the rescue to split up the impromptu wrestling match before a WWE match could ensue!

We attempted to make cake pops but partially into the decorating I realized they were just interested in eating the cake pops! And the decorating was a ploy to get close enough to eat them! I should've known better.

But all those things are why I love them so!

Christmas was good to us this year and while its over all to soon. I was definitely glad to spend time with my family!

Tomorrow I return to a partial week of work...that is a topic for another post. Not to mention, Ricardo and I celebrate three years together next week!

Hoping you had a great Christmas! Hold tight your loved ones life is not guaranteed!




This has been an incredible, emotional year.

Beyond measure...

Finally completing the big move this weekend as I complete the full transition to my new city. As of Monday, I'll have completed 7 weeks with my new organization. Time has literally flown by!

I wish I could say more about my new city but the transition has been a bit unusual. Mainly because I have little furniture so most of my belongs are still in suitcases and boxes.

Not to mention since i'm carrying two residences through the start of next year, I wasn't exactly in a hurry to make the complete transition. Lets be honest: I don't think I could've within the two week constraints I initially had. So this has been a bit drawn out but necessary and it's allowed me to give some much needed time to my family.

It's a huge contributor to why I moved where I did. Cary's doing better in hospice care though he spends quite a bit of time sleeping. His pain seems to be better managed and we're grateful. Still working to manage the boys understanding and expectations of what's to come: not something anyone is looking forward too. But we're grateful for the time Cary has here.

I spend a lot of time thinking about what's to come and whether that process will be slow or quick. Spend time praying for my sister and my nephews for peace, understanding, and strength but mostly I pray for Cary. Not easy to explain what I pray specifically for or about and not something that should be shared publicly but I can say most of the time, it's about surrendering to God knows what's best not just for myself but for our family. I often ask for God to do what He deems best and for the grace to know what is His will.

Oddly or not: through those prayers which I offer up on behalf of my family speak daily to me. I'm reminded that life is: fleeting, none of us is guaranteed tomorrow, to make each moment count, don't get hung up on the petty things... I'm able to see the beautiful blessings in my life and the opportunity to be in relationships to affect positive meaning now. No positive outcome comes from me - i'm not capable - but from God as I'm just a vessel.

It's not just my sister's situation but also that of so many around me. Dealing with life, death, painful challenges, and choices in life. It reminds me that we are all of human spirit and that we all face challenges on a daily basis.

This reality challenges me to better as a person and in my relationships each day. I'm grateful for that and grateful to be part of a community of honest individuals.

Life is not easy and the challenges test us...but I'm most thankful that we don't have to go it alone. If there is any goodness in my life, any certainty of faith, any strength in what cannot be seen; it is to the testament of what I've witnessed God do in the lives of the people I know and in my own life.

It has come after walking through valleys of darkness with dwindling hope but only a small glimmer of light knowing God has seen me through it...that He fulfills His promises: that joy does come after the mourning. It is through those experiences that have built my faith in knowing that God WILl see us through.

We've not been promised that it wouldn't be painful that we wouldn't cry but we've been promised we wouldn't go at it or be alone...there is a light that is with us always. Though it may be but a glimmer, it's enough to let us know it us indeed there.

Sometimes that light is via God himself and often its through others. I'm grateful for it and for knowing that we can trust in it.

That faith gives me the courage to face each day and to do what needs to be done. It provides courage and strength, peace and understanding but most of all love: which conquers all - never lacks for anything and guides our hearts.

So glad Cary's able to celebrate another year of life. Happy Birthday Cary!

Not fair

Today I'm having difficulty writing this one. It has been a while since I last posted and its been crazy since. The end of this week will find me one month in with my new employer along with being in my new city.

I've spent one weekend here and it looks like more of the same for November....and then the holidays will be upon us.

Where does the time go?

My life has been turned upside down in a way that is good and in some ways it's great; in others I'm still struggling to find my routine. Partially because I'm not completely moved in.

I think psychologically that makes me feel like I'm still living in two places. So strange to me...

So there's been a few things happen that I'd like I write about but the most pressing is in regards to really good friends of mine's child. Needless to say prognosis isn't looking well though nothing has been definitive as of now. Still running test and a likely diagnosis won't be made for several weeks.

However, what the dr's "feel" it might be doesn't look good. I pray for something other than what the 'likelihood' may be and that some other root cause may be discovered: but I try to be a realist and so for now I encourage my friends to live in the now.

In my prayers, I've struggled with what to ask for and have found myself asking God why? it seems rhetorical to ask but that is where my heart is. Such a sweet angel and my friends who have been through so much already...I have no answers and that will probably remain the case.

The reality is that it's not important to know why and for me the pressing question is how can I help?

Even more so, it's a reminder why this field chose me. I don't deliver direct care to patients but in many cases the work I does guides the system and leadership to do more with existing resources and to make improvements on how health care is delivered. It's a very small role in a greater picture.

By far I do not consider myself or even place myself in the same category as those clinical folks who provide direct care in patients. They are in my opinion true heroes. Healthcare is precocious due to the nature of dealing with human lives. That is the "product" so to speak and it's difficult and amazing to understand the complexities of the human body.

We are so wonderfully created...and in the end I truly believe God has the last say so...in every case.

The mysteries of God are so far beyond my understanding that in moments like these I can only give thanks for what is being done in the "unseen."

I do not know what lies ahead for my dear friends: but I pray that joys does come in the mourning and that they have joy in the everyday little things of life.

Today is Halloween...kids will dress in costumes and no doubt over indulge in candy.

I think if my own nephews and I'm grateful. While I think it's a bit selfish: I'm extremely grateful for their health because the situation my friends find themselves in could easily be any one of us.

So tonight as you tuck your little ones in bed; be grateful for every moment you have with them. Even the ones where you think you might go crazy or they make you angry because for a time; they are yours.

Today my heart is sad for what my friends are enduring. My prayers for them are perpetual and in my own life I'm taking stock once again of what's important in life. Stuff will be stuff but relationships are where it's at.

I did get to visit my friends last night. Ricardo was with me and I can't help but be reminded of "child-like" faith. This little one was laughing and trying to choke out and karate chop her dad!

There was no worry, no anxiety...just focused interest on the movie that was playing. She's a cutie pie...and I know very loved by those around her. She is every bit of both her parents. That is amazing to me and seems to be the greatest of life's miracles: to parent a child.

So this situation makes all the crazy things going on really insignificant. It's almost a constant reminded with everything going on with my bro-in-law and sister.

It's one of the main reasons I took the plunge and moved to a new city halfway across the state: to be closer. i'll have my nephews at least one weekend a month and so this Tia is busy planning activities for them. All too quickly they'll be grown!

Embrace the now: live in the now and drink in every moment no matter how seemingly insignificant it may be. Life's ever evolving ways will lead us to new seasons and places in life in little time. Always wishing and prayin for the best.

changes

Thought I'd take a minute to write before I met the apartment locator. Yes, today is the day where (hopefully) I find somewhere to live so that I'm not completely homeless while I'm in the new city!

Super excited and a little nervous but everyone I've met so far has been extremely nice and friendly! Gives me great comfort.

The last few weeks, I've tracked more than 2,500 miles. It's been grueling and exhausting but well worth the travel. I think if anything I've realized to being part of people's lives sometimes requires sacrifices and they are ones I would gladly make. More about priorities and for me: I've really been focusing on being good to the people I love and letting them know that I care about them.

So gladly I traveled to help with decorations for my Godmother's daughter and to be the Maid of Honor in my bff's wedding! and even taking my mom to see the nephews and getting some time with them.

Moving closer is going to let me spend more time with them while they're little and when it counts most (in my opinion). I'm excited about that...beyond elated.

Though I'm sad to leave my brother, we still have TTU games and heck no I'm not missing any home games! GUNS UP!

So yeah, these days its hard for me to keep track of which city I'm in but I have the luxury of moving about something that might not be afforded for too much longer! I will say that I am very happy and very ready to be in one singular spot for a while!

Needless to say, I have the arduous task of packing up my apartment. Something I thought would be pretty simple: but I've found hard to do. Mainly because it means saying goodbye and while saying hello to the new job, new coworkers, new work environment, new surroundings is exciting: its also bittersweet.

I've had such a great boss for the last year and half or so....a great mentor. I'd gotten comfortable with my job and what was expected of me and while there's always more to learn; I know this next step is the right one. Need to continue building on the experience and knowledge I've gained.

Official

It's official - Starting in October I'll be joining Seton Family Healthcare! So excited about this new opportunity and because I'll finally be in the same city as my Sweetie! Seton Family Healthcare is part of a larger network, Ascension Health with over 87,000 employees and facilities located in 15 states including the District of Columbia. Ascension is also the largest Catholic-sponsored healthcare system and largest non-profit system. Couldn't be prouder to join an incredible organization!

If You Want Me To

popstars and politics

I'm so not a fan of Taylor Swift's live voice - though recently I heard her and was actually impressed. Either way, she is a brilliant song writer even if she writes about the same things over and over.

But I do like this song...so it's part of tonight's post.

I watched both the RNC and the DNC because like many - I'm an undecided voter. Well I was an undecided voter. I think I've made my choice but rather not say who I'm casting my ballot for. Just going to say - get out and vote this fall!

Cause if you gripe about where we are as a nation but didnt vote, I could very well call you out on it.

so major traveling on the books...i'll be home approximately 16 days this month. unbelievable. trips include cali, dfw, galveston, austin, and angelo. lord help me! seriously gonna be living outta' a suitcase!

so I recorded the MTV Video Music Awards...not impressed. btw - did Alicia Keys bust her pants? randomnocity!

also, decided to blog about the upcoming political season but will do that when I've had some time to reflect on both the RNC and DNC conventions - yes I watched both...

I have some evolving thoughts about the exchange of rhetoric between the two parties. One thing I've come to realize is that I'm much more liberal than I'd ever given myself credit for but it shouldnt come as a surprise. I've never really been one to really play it safe or be conservative. I'm just not geared that way.

If anything as I've aged, I've gotten better at tempering that progressiveness with insight and that's only something I've learned by the grace of God and from my mentors. I'm so appreciative of both the personal and professional mentors placed in my life and in my path. I learn from them every day.

The goal is to become a better person each day and there are some days where I fail miserably at it. Not because of ability but because of willingness. Those of you who know me, know that I can dig my heels in the sand and be as stubborn as a burro...I don't deny it. It's sometimes a strength, sometimes a weakness. So I try to take a few steps back and evaluate what's going on and whether or not I need to give.

You can ask Ricardo about that - he's had plenty of experience with it. Lucky for me, he's a patient and secure man.

alright - gotta finish packing. grrrr..not my favorite thing to do!

only you...

No official announcements for now but just to say that life is moving along nicely! I'm hoping things will be different by Christmas. We're slowly getting there and things look promising.

Just enjoying what time I have left. Football season kicks off this weekend. The parentals will be here and should be lots of fun! You know how I feel about TTU football and of course being season ticketholders makes it a family affair!

Have a fundraising event mid-October so much of my free-time has been consumed with marketing/publicity activities. I'm excited for the event but it's definitely alot of hardwork. Glad to be working with an active team that makes getting task accomplished so much easier!

Have more travel with a trip to California and then travel around the state. BFF gets married at the end of Sept so lots to do before then including a bachelorette weekend! whooo hooo!

so much to do so little time! trying to work running back into the schedule. have a feeling it will help with the generalized stress, focus, and asthma. Gotta love work health screens to put things into perspective. I'm working on a post about that. Just thinking through what I want to share about that. Needless to say, I was stoked coming back from Italy after dropping over 20 lbs. Walking over 6 miles a day will do that to you.

Not happy about the grad school weight I've put on. My problem is carbs and sweets. I cant say no to bread, tortillas, or pastery to save me life. My crazy schedule doesnt help either. Sleep - shhhhheeezzzz. It's all over the map. So I'm working on getting myself back into a schedule and watching what I eat. Not easy is all I'm going to say. Oh and toss in travel in there.

Needless to say, I've committed myself to doing a half-marathon in December. I'm beginning to ask myself "what was I thinking?" But I'm one of those - works best under pressure. Silly I know. So I'm putting imaginary pressure on myself! And I'm thinking of investing in insanity. I have a couple of friends who swear by it.

Alright - its time for mimis! I know I've already posted this one before but it's worth a second post...yes, i'm ghetto like that along with my unncessary elipses. I'm addicted to them like my backspace button! (Those of you who know me well know what I'm talkin' 'bout!) PLAYA' LAKES BABY!

Where it all began...

Tonight I thought I'd provide you with some insight as to why I began this blog and where the title of it came from. If you've already played the video then you know that it comes from Joy William's "Say Goodbye" song lyrics.

So where to begin with this one...

There'd been a period in my life where I'd been through some really traumatic events. Things said, things done that completely blew my mind. How and why I didn't completely walk out on faith perplexes me to this day. I think it's largely in part that I've always separated the things people of faith do from the originator of faith. If anything, it's been the originator of faith (or at least what I consider to be) that has seen me through those really tough times.

I read through that last paragraph and it seems to be down-played but trust me...it was probably one of the hardest times of my life and one of the toughest experiences to walk through. It was a major "avalanche" of activities that really caused me to start looking more inwardly and with that I withdrew. Withdrew in the most severe way and really kept people at an arms length. It would take close to five years before I begin opening the shutters to even let people see in. It's strange to me but I've heard my friends talk about how I have this uncanny way of withdrawing and you can see it happening. You can feel the distance in a palpable way - I've never been one to hide very easily my general sense of being. I mean I either want you around or I don't and I wont pretend to the contrary. It's not pretty I know but it's a result of life experiences and I have to work at it every day and probably will for the rest of my life. Rather I should say - God's worked through that issue with me.

He's brought about the right people at the right time that have helped to draw me into what I would say is the "light." That's really where my blogging emerged from.

It was an honest effort to be transparent and to vocalize my thoughts and feelings. I'd not been really good at that for most of my life. Mainly because there'd always been the expectation to "hold it together" to "lead" to "be the example." Being the oldest of three didn't help that cause nor did my assertive personality.

I've sort of always been launched into leadership roles and have always been involved in organizational leadership in one way or another - through non-profits I've worked with or have been asked to assist - both service oriented but mainly faith-based.

I think I've written before that it was like a pendulum...I had swung so far over to the right that my natural disposition when the dust had settled was to swing in the other direction. That has been where I've resided for the last several years of my life and why I almost completely disappeared from leadership and anything related to a leadership role.

Until Italy/Greece and Texas Tech...and of course with time - because it does indeed heal all wounds.

Looking back - I dont know that I would've or could've done things differently just that I learned a very clear, sharp, and painful lesson that we have the innate ability to wound people not just by our words, but by our actions, our attitudes, and our assumptions.

I was lucky that I had a great and so very understanding support system behind me as I walked through that dark time in my life. I don't think they ever understood what I dealt with our how deeply wounded I really was. Yes - it stemmed from one specific event and one specific person that grew and snowballed and involved more people then ever needed to be necessary. But the reality is that even before that wound was inflicted there was a deeper one that had been inflicted and I'd chosen to forget it. To bury it deep in the abyss of recollection so that I didn't have to remember and didn't have to deal with it.

However there was something that I didn't know, much like an untreated wound that is left to fester, that wound would affect my perception and responses.

When I left San Antonio - my pastor at the time said - I feel like you're running from something - I see you running from something. I think he thought I was running from something in the immediate but what he didn't know was that I had come to San Antonio in an attempt to run away from something.

And when I returned home, that's when the real journey began. It was a journey that would ultimately begin the healing process. There's no need to go into the details of the when and what I certainly won't publicly for so many reasons but just to say when I feel led to share - there's almost certainly a reason to do so.

God has been ever so faithful and in those moments when I didn't understand the journey or the purpose - I trusted. I still do.

I've learned so much since then...learning that's it's ok to keep somethings private and sacred and okay to share others. That we're all on a journey and whatever lessons i've learned from my past - the greatest is that I never wish to inflict on others the kind of pain that was inflicted upon me.

I don't think those individuals would or could ever understand the depths of it and that's not really what's important anyhow. Truly - it has guided and shaped my understanding of forgiveness what it is and what it should truly look life and I think if ever there was grace and mercy in my life extended, its been only by God's grace and because I'm reminded of those painful moments when seemingly none was extended to me.

Lord knows that I lack mercy and it always falls the lowest in scoring my spiritual gifts! Lol... My natural disposition is almost always retribution for those who harm me or my family. Ask Angie my bff, shes always wanted to make me shirt that says I'll kill you. And Ricardo talks about my laser eyes! So i have to work hard at focusing on the principle you reap what you sow!

Doesn't mean that I'm good at it, but it means that I make every effort to try.

I wouldn't and couldn't go back to try and make those relationships right. There was damage inflicted that makes them irreparable. I know, I know - God can make all things new and you're completely right. He can...but the truth of the matter is that while God can do those things-in my human frailty - I could never really ever forget and that would only lead to a lack of trust. What would relationships be without trust? Trust is something I have a hard time with and it's why i've never made any effort to go back to them. They've evolved to what they are and while it often saddens me - I'm not about living in the past.

Instead, I choose to focus on the now and trust my future to someone else.

This really is where Ricardo has played the greatest role in my life - relationship building. Sure he has quirks that drive me nuts as I do he but he's also about having healthy relationships. Never have I learned more about what that should look and feel like as I have from him. We're both passionate people and he's my perfect compliment. He calms me in a way that few can and he helps me to see the logic of my position and responses. So very un-Laura-like...lol. Truly - it is as iron sharpens iron.

He came along at the very right time when I was ready and willing to share parts of my life that I'd long kept hidden. Despite all of that - he loves the total package. Not parts, not pieces - he doesn't try to change things about me but embraces me as a whole. It's rare. Those in my inner circle know first hand how challenging I can be. Oh do they know...but the point there is that they know me.

Yes - i try to protect those in my life from my writings but sometimes they are caught in the line of fire and in a way that is sometimes unfair - for that I do apologize.

My writings have been an effort to share my thoughts, lessons learned, approaches to life as much as you possibly could through writing. They are the honest and raw thoughts in the moment of whatever is happening in my life.

I was told that in order to know where you are going, you have to know where you've been. These writings are an effort to "know where I've been." Sometimes they're reflective and sometimes they're not.

My prayer is that if in someway it provides some insight to something in your life then that's the icing on the cake..and even if its just encouragement or to say hey - this is where i've been and this is how i've made it through - not by my grace but by God's then even better.

In essence blogging was my beginning, it was my Genesis.

It only seems fitting that I would start this blog with Joy Williams "Say Goodbye" because in so many ways as I embarked on the new journey - I did say goodbye - I had to.

And just as Joy William's career evolved into something that's honest and sometimes raw such as "Poison and Wine" which so eloquently addresses the tensions in relationships...I hope that my life has evolved in that way as well. Raw isn't always pretty and it doesn't always feel great..but its in that state that we are the most malleable.

I'm forever grateful for those friends and family in my life who have loved me unconditionally and even when they didn't understand stood in the gap and were often the reason why I was able to move on to something so much better and that far exceeded anything that I ever knew could be. I will always be grateful.

They've taught me that we cant go about life carte blanche - that we should be accountable for our actions and words. By living their own lives, I've seen the greatest examples of love, grace, and mercy and know for that reason, they crossed my path.

It's ok to be where you are and to feel what you feel. Just know that emotions are fleeting and that in time they do change. In the end, treat others as you wish to be treated - I now understand clearly why this philosophy is the Golden Rule.

The One, The Only

Rarely, have I ever given anyone a glimpse as close into my relationship with Ricardo as I'm about to now. There are some areas in my life that I keep pretty private for a number of reasons. If you know me well, then you know the reasons why - no explanation needed. As far as Ricardo goes, there are some things that I think should remain between us (and they will) and others that I feel are worthy of sharing.

So I think I've told the story of how we met. I'll give you the abbreviated version. We met while we were both in college, he at Howard Payne - me at Angelo State (the first time around). We endured a brief friendship and eventually went our separate ways.

Some 13 years later right before I left for study abroad, we became friends on, of all places, facebook. You could say we reconnected but it wasnt until I returned that we chatted online one evening. The chats were somewhat sporadic but we eventually got together for coffee a few weeks later while I was on my "tour" of Texas.

So coffee which was only supposed to be a short visit, turned into a couple of hours. A week later, we had a "bad" date in San Antonio and then I met someone else. I'm not going to go into too much detail here because I dont think he deserves it and this post is about Ricardo. Needless to say, this person said to me...funny that most girls I date usually end up marrying the next guy they date. Now, I know why...I dont have words of flattery for this person and from what I learned about him from his own actions and words seems to "act" the part of a Christian though I didn't really see that lived out. Instead, I saw alot of selfish, self-serving, self-interested type behaviors...and this person was "supposed" to be textbook perfect. HA! Lucky for me, I was able to see through alot of the BS I was fed by this individual.

Everything about Ricardo seemed that he would be the wrong choice for me. Or at least that was the concern at the time...but as I got to know him better and learn more about who he is - I discovered he never puts up a front or airs. He is who He is at all times - good and bad...didnt try to hide anything...he was honest and while sometimes that didnt feel so nice, he was also genuine. so we continued a friendship while I endured my first semester at Tech.

It took a family situation over Thanksgiving that made me realize what he had become to me. I remember it like yesterday and remember thinking, why is he the first one I want to call about this? yet, he was...and from there something really amazing blossomed. I had some conflict about it but in the end I realized, "why am I wasting time with something that others say is perfect from me when I'm really the only one who knows what and who that should be..and why am I not investing more in this with Ricardo?"

I think that's when we talked more and text more...and even as I was spending Christmas in Indiana with my sister, we continued our long distance communication.

Amazingly - it was a friend who suggested I take a trip with her and her husband to Austin over New Years.

And so that's where it all began.

My friend was amazing and gave Ricardo and I the room we needed to discover what would be between us.

Our first date was really incredible not so much as to what we did but that I think for the first time, i was actually relaxed and completely myself.

If you ask him, he'll tell you "I never saw you slouch before." Yes, Miss Proper - slouched because I was that relaxed. It happens in rare occurences but mostly where I feel relaxed. I'd spent most of my life in some sort of leadership role and with my dad as a pastor - I always felt this need to be guarded.

I've seen some nastiness stuff go down - inside and outside the church and so my natural disposition is to be defensive. I've had people who I considered good friends do some really horrendous things and have had nasty things said about me...so I dont think its an excuse but that's just how it is. I'm working on that and Ricardo has alot to do with that.

So that's when it began...we decided that Sunday that we wanted an exclusive relationship and since then have been on a journey. I've never been of the opinion that relationships are romantic fairy tales and certainly in my life - it could never be that...or at least not life the movies. No, this is something so much better. Its real, its honest, its raw, and its something I can trust.

Does he drive me nuts? Sometimes but I think he's the only person that's ever been able to "calm" me and if you know me, then you know exactly what that means. He is strong and silent in a way that I need in my life. He's logical in moments when I'm emotional and he keeps me grounded in that way. We are alike in so many ways and so different in so many others...but one thing that I'm thankful for him, is that he's always supported me in my dreams, goals, and endeavors. He never deterred me from pursuing education or in job choices...no, he's been beyond supportive and has said I just want you to be happy - whatever that is.

Well, he has alot to do with that being happy part. I mean come on...I'm intense, can be broody, can be aggressive, overly assertive, and raw in a way that can be offensive. This I know about myself...and am not proud of but it is who I am. He knows it too and its probably not what he's craziest about, about me...

I've gotten the "what about marriage" question alot lately. I'll tell you what I tell everyone else. You'll have to take that up with Ricardo. He's the one that has to ask...and I'm sure you're thinking well what about you is that something you want. Of course it is, but in its right time and for now - i'm happy to be right where we are!

So about this man Ricardo! I think last night (his bday happy hour) says alot about him and the fact that so many turn out. He's honest in a way that sometimes people dont like. But what you see is what you get. I love his dedication to his family and that fact that he understands mine. He genuinely cares about people. He is indeed a gentle giant and the gentle giant that has won my heart. I'm so glad he has been my partner in crime for the last two and half years and I hope that we have many more to come.

Happy Birthday My Love! I wish you many more and am so glad for this last year!