Sunday, January 29, 2012
Saturday, January 28, 2012
The least of these...
Self-righteousness and critical judgement of others never leads to inner peace, rest, or happiness. Seems odd to post but it's something I saw and read. Just from observation an attitude of self-pity only brings bitterness and disdain of others you may never truly understand or know.
I thik my cousin was right when she posted about social coonections via online lead to a false sense of knowing someone. Reading some one's postings and taking them at full face value can lead to misunderstanding with no effort to really understand where the other person is coming from or what led them to certain conclusions.
Sadly, i've seen this played out to many times and to often have had people attempt to what they would consider "pour" into my life without having seen or spent anytime with me in recent months. By months I really mean a long consecutive amount that could add up to years and yet they preface their wisdom with "I love you."
Really? Then where have you been all the time prior?
This "revelation" is not something new and is the reason I've cut people out of my life since my return from Italy. Life is much more peaceful and simplier without those dramatics.
Yes, you're free to believe what you want but i'm also free to believe you don't need to be a part of my life. Harsh, maybe but it's truthful. I'm not going to offer apologize for believing or thinking as I do. That's not who I am and never has been...apologize for being ugly about it, sure but not apologizing for being honest about how I really feel.
Life is too precious and too short to spend it dwelling on what others think or believe which is why I'm not angry or bitter. I've just moved on and will contiue to do so to the best of my abilities.
So why write aout it? Because I believe there are varying stages of moving on and sometimes, especially for me, it's therapeutic to get my thoughts out and processed. Doesn't mean they're absoluetly right or will remain the same but it's part of an ever evolving humanity that is moved and changed by life's experiences.
Something I hope never changes. There will be those in my life who we will never agree on politics, or other issues but truly I consider opposing views and do learn from being challenged. Maybe not in the way you would like but I try to learn something from everyone who enters my life. For my MBA experience, i'm truly glad because my class was very diverse. I got the opportuniy to meet some really amazing people who will go on and accomplish amazing things in life. I'd rather focus on those opportunities to have my world colored by varying views than to sit and listen to the judgement and criticism.
At the end of the day, i only have to be at peace with my own thoughts, choices, and decisions. And if I'm not, I know tomorrow will be another day to try.
I thik my cousin was right when she posted about social coonections via online lead to a false sense of knowing someone. Reading some one's postings and taking them at full face value can lead to misunderstanding with no effort to really understand where the other person is coming from or what led them to certain conclusions.
Sadly, i've seen this played out to many times and to often have had people attempt to what they would consider "pour" into my life without having seen or spent anytime with me in recent months. By months I really mean a long consecutive amount that could add up to years and yet they preface their wisdom with "I love you."
Really? Then where have you been all the time prior?
This "revelation" is not something new and is the reason I've cut people out of my life since my return from Italy. Life is much more peaceful and simplier without those dramatics.
Yes, you're free to believe what you want but i'm also free to believe you don't need to be a part of my life. Harsh, maybe but it's truthful. I'm not going to offer apologize for believing or thinking as I do. That's not who I am and never has been...apologize for being ugly about it, sure but not apologizing for being honest about how I really feel.
Life is too precious and too short to spend it dwelling on what others think or believe which is why I'm not angry or bitter. I've just moved on and will contiue to do so to the best of my abilities.
So why write aout it? Because I believe there are varying stages of moving on and sometimes, especially for me, it's therapeutic to get my thoughts out and processed. Doesn't mean they're absoluetly right or will remain the same but it's part of an ever evolving humanity that is moved and changed by life's experiences.
Something I hope never changes. There will be those in my life who we will never agree on politics, or other issues but truly I consider opposing views and do learn from being challenged. Maybe not in the way you would like but I try to learn something from everyone who enters my life. For my MBA experience, i'm truly glad because my class was very diverse. I got the opportuniy to meet some really amazing people who will go on and accomplish amazing things in life. I'd rather focus on those opportunities to have my world colored by varying views than to sit and listen to the judgement and criticism.
At the end of the day, i only have to be at peace with my own thoughts, choices, and decisions. And if I'm not, I know tomorrow will be another day to try.
the big and the small
Today, I realized I'll hit my one year anniversary of employment with my healthsystem in February. My how time flies. So much has changed in just one year in both my professional and personal life.
I remember that first week wondering if I had made the right call by choosing healthcare as my concentration for both my master's degrees. I also remembering wondering if I had what it takes to make it in my line of work? There are days when I still wonder that.
But a year later, my department has undergone some major changes. Some unexpected, others necessary and still daily we face new challenges. Something I hope never changes. And I hope the day never arrives when I think I've learned it all or have it all figured out. Maybe to have more understanding but it's the challenges that cause us to dig deep, investigate, and cause us to grow and learn.
To be comfortable isn't an option.
The most valuable lesson I've learned this year is that comfort in my line of work can be a dangerous thing. We should constantly be challenging oursleves to do and be better. There's always room for improvement and so that's the path I'm chasing down...
I've learned alot in this last year and looking back to when I started I could've never imagined the road i'd travel down. Oddly, enough - what my job has taught me most is about the important things in life...not promotions, not titles, not money...but life.
Strangely enough, those lessons have been reinforced in my personal life as well. Many of you know about the medical journey my bro-in-law has been on and that he's been given a grim prognosis. So in this year, we've had to and are facing the concept of life and death.
Cary turned 30 this year so he's not very old depending on what side of that number you're on and your concept of old!
So given this complex journey for my family, I take that experience with me to my job. I try to remember that families are dealing with complex issues when I see them in the hall. It's very much changed my approach and understanding of the people we serve. I guess you could say that its brought humanity to my work.
This journey has been bittersweet and even now there's much uncertainty. Some days all we can do is to take one day, one moment at a time.
I remember that first week wondering if I had made the right call by choosing healthcare as my concentration for both my master's degrees. I also remembering wondering if I had what it takes to make it in my line of work? There are days when I still wonder that.
But a year later, my department has undergone some major changes. Some unexpected, others necessary and still daily we face new challenges. Something I hope never changes. And I hope the day never arrives when I think I've learned it all or have it all figured out. Maybe to have more understanding but it's the challenges that cause us to dig deep, investigate, and cause us to grow and learn.
To be comfortable isn't an option.
The most valuable lesson I've learned this year is that comfort in my line of work can be a dangerous thing. We should constantly be challenging oursleves to do and be better. There's always room for improvement and so that's the path I'm chasing down...
I've learned alot in this last year and looking back to when I started I could've never imagined the road i'd travel down. Oddly, enough - what my job has taught me most is about the important things in life...not promotions, not titles, not money...but life.
Strangely enough, those lessons have been reinforced in my personal life as well. Many of you know about the medical journey my bro-in-law has been on and that he's been given a grim prognosis. So in this year, we've had to and are facing the concept of life and death.
Cary turned 30 this year so he's not very old depending on what side of that number you're on and your concept of old!
So given this complex journey for my family, I take that experience with me to my job. I try to remember that families are dealing with complex issues when I see them in the hall. It's very much changed my approach and understanding of the people we serve. I guess you could say that its brought humanity to my work.
This journey has been bittersweet and even now there's much uncertainty. Some days all we can do is to take one day, one moment at a time.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
the town I live in
Well hello 2012! Last time I wrote was I don't remember when and I honestly meant to write and update on the latest happenings. But things got crazy over the Christmas holidays. For starters, my bro-in-law ended 2011 and started 2012 in the hospital. He gave us a real scare! He's still in the hospital and slowly recovering so we appreciate any prayers you can send up on his behalf!
ok so I thought the crazy drama would end there but it didn't...and to be honest, I'm not really concerned with any of it so we won't discuss it. But Ricardo and I did spend the most time, we've ever spent together as in the same city...same vicinity, etc...you get it?
He spent Christmas break in Lubbock. So after the festivities with both our families, we made the trek with Miss Fancy in tow to Lubbock. This was huge for a number of reasons but mainly because this would be the test to see if our relationship works because it works or if it works because we live so far away from each other! lol
I laugh about this but I was probably just as serious/scared about the results as Ricardo was. Mainly because we were closing in on our two year anniversary. According to our early plans, we should've been married by now but for one reason or another just hadn't gone in that direction.
Looking back, I think it was for good reason. There are just some things that sometimes need to happen to naturally evolve you to the place you need to be for certain life events to be in their right timing.
anyhow..there is no speculation about marriage, etc so don't go drawing conclusions or making assumptions. what is fact is that Ricardo and I celebrated two years together and it was good. we were able to reflect on the last two years and if anyone tells you that relationships are clear cut and simple, stay away from their advice cause they've been drinking from the "lala land" punch bowl.
relationships are anything but and for some odd reason it finally clicked that there are no right or wrong answers to relationships but that it really is about honesty, communication, trust, and vulnerability.
Ricardo and I passed the can we live in the same vicinity test and honestly, it was nice to have him close by. so we're working on remedying the whole "living half way across the state from one another" situation. that makes me happy...and honestly, i'm happy with where we are and how our relationship has naturally progressed.
I finally realized I just needed to sit back and enjoy where we are at. It won't always be like this and time is short. that's been the major lesson as of late (given my bro-in-laws health situation). you cant take anything for granted.
i've done some travelling with my brother in the last month. so we've had lots of conversations about life and living. Ricardo and I have talked about it as well. I dont know how long my time on earth will be, but if I'm called home - I want to be able to look back at my life and know that I did what I could and should, took advantage of every opportunity afforded me, that I loved deeply - loved hard - with deep meaningful relationships leaving nothing unsaid. I want all that so that I could go in peace knowing it was my time to go.
peace is a funny thing because it's not something that arrives with huge fanfare. no it quietly creeps in and is what puts our souls at ease and calms our fears. it gives us hope that everything is going to be ok. doesnt leave us in a frantic state but leaves us calm with understanding. it is the peace that passes all understanding. that is what I wish for those that i love deeply who are in my life: peace.
its what i feel about Ricardo, feel and know about our future together and what I have about where i'm at now and what I need to be doing to prepare for my future. i trust 2012 to be in God's hands and know that whatever we face, we'll face together as a family. we'll laugh, cry, be silent but we WILL be. God's promised to never leave us alone and I find that so true now in my family life and the things my family is enduring.
I have such hope for my sister and her family...for my two nephews whom I love and adore. their smiles mean the world to me. I never knew that two little boys could completely turn my world upside down but they along with Ricardo in differing ways have stolen my heart.
2011 was the year of endings and beginnings. 2012 will bring additional changes both welcomed and not so welcoming. but that is life. a cycle of seasons. the point is to find the joy and beauty in each season for it will endure but a brief moment.
Ecclesiastes reminds us that there is a moment for all things. for joy, laughter, sorrow, sadness, giving, mourning, etc. so take time in this moment to live, embrace, and put your brave face on. for the next season is already on its way.
ok so I thought the crazy drama would end there but it didn't...and to be honest, I'm not really concerned with any of it so we won't discuss it. But Ricardo and I did spend the most time, we've ever spent together as in the same city...same vicinity, etc...you get it?
He spent Christmas break in Lubbock. So after the festivities with both our families, we made the trek with Miss Fancy in tow to Lubbock. This was huge for a number of reasons but mainly because this would be the test to see if our relationship works because it works or if it works because we live so far away from each other! lol
I laugh about this but I was probably just as serious/scared about the results as Ricardo was. Mainly because we were closing in on our two year anniversary. According to our early plans, we should've been married by now but for one reason or another just hadn't gone in that direction.
Looking back, I think it was for good reason. There are just some things that sometimes need to happen to naturally evolve you to the place you need to be for certain life events to be in their right timing.
anyhow..there is no speculation about marriage, etc so don't go drawing conclusions or making assumptions. what is fact is that Ricardo and I celebrated two years together and it was good. we were able to reflect on the last two years and if anyone tells you that relationships are clear cut and simple, stay away from their advice cause they've been drinking from the "lala land" punch bowl.
relationships are anything but and for some odd reason it finally clicked that there are no right or wrong answers to relationships but that it really is about honesty, communication, trust, and vulnerability.
Ricardo and I passed the can we live in the same vicinity test and honestly, it was nice to have him close by. so we're working on remedying the whole "living half way across the state from one another" situation. that makes me happy...and honestly, i'm happy with where we are and how our relationship has naturally progressed.
I finally realized I just needed to sit back and enjoy where we are at. It won't always be like this and time is short. that's been the major lesson as of late (given my bro-in-laws health situation). you cant take anything for granted.
i've done some travelling with my brother in the last month. so we've had lots of conversations about life and living. Ricardo and I have talked about it as well. I dont know how long my time on earth will be, but if I'm called home - I want to be able to look back at my life and know that I did what I could and should, took advantage of every opportunity afforded me, that I loved deeply - loved hard - with deep meaningful relationships leaving nothing unsaid. I want all that so that I could go in peace knowing it was my time to go.
peace is a funny thing because it's not something that arrives with huge fanfare. no it quietly creeps in and is what puts our souls at ease and calms our fears. it gives us hope that everything is going to be ok. doesnt leave us in a frantic state but leaves us calm with understanding. it is the peace that passes all understanding. that is what I wish for those that i love deeply who are in my life: peace.
its what i feel about Ricardo, feel and know about our future together and what I have about where i'm at now and what I need to be doing to prepare for my future. i trust 2012 to be in God's hands and know that whatever we face, we'll face together as a family. we'll laugh, cry, be silent but we WILL be. God's promised to never leave us alone and I find that so true now in my family life and the things my family is enduring.
I have such hope for my sister and her family...for my two nephews whom I love and adore. their smiles mean the world to me. I never knew that two little boys could completely turn my world upside down but they along with Ricardo in differing ways have stolen my heart.
2011 was the year of endings and beginnings. 2012 will bring additional changes both welcomed and not so welcoming. but that is life. a cycle of seasons. the point is to find the joy and beauty in each season for it will endure but a brief moment.
Ecclesiastes reminds us that there is a moment for all things. for joy, laughter, sorrow, sadness, giving, mourning, etc. so take time in this moment to live, embrace, and put your brave face on. for the next season is already on its way.
Monday, November 21, 2011
pizza boxes + starbucks' coffee cups = epic saves
ever have a monday you wish you could rewind and start over? I've just had one thing after another happen these last few weeks.
today I had another major epic fail...it involved walking and a starbucks' coffee cup.
the morning started off foggy, dreary, cold, and wet. that should've been my warning sign.
so i get to work and get to working on a few things and then realized that I had a 1pm meeting at one of our other campuses. my co-worker and I decided to grab a quick lunch and then head over to our meeting.
no big deal - except it was starting to drizzle by the time we finished lunch.
sign number 2.
we make it over to our one o'clock meeting and decided to grab some starbucks downstairs before heading to our 2:30pm appointment. no big deal. i was craving a chai tea latte.
we run downstairs - grab starbucks and start to head back to the elevators...
that's when it happened...
the epic fail.
i could feel my left foot start to slip out from under me and just as i thought i was recovering from my slip, my ankle rolled. the descent down began....so i've got a portfolio in one arm with my purse on my shoulder and my coffee cup in the other...
i started to panic looking at my portfolio and coffee cup wondering which one I should sacrifice.
i'd completely lost my footing and didnt know what to do so i just went with the motion - landing on my side taking out my foot, leg, arm, and elbow...
I stood up - got my bearings and realized i'd slid down the hall on my hip and had spilled some chai tea on my slacks...luckily i was wearing black.
the adrenaline pumping through my veins kept me from feeling the impending pain. it wasnt until i sat through my meeting and then stood up that i realized how big of an epic fail that was...and how hard i had fallen.
however, i managed to save the majority of my chai tea....it must be a skill because i've also had a similar incident involving a pizza box. same sort of circumstances...except this time it wasn't missed steps causing my fall.
either way I feel like I strained my core (which I already injured in a car accident several years ago). I'm sore in places that were a bit surprising like my side, forearm, and shoulder. didn't necessarily hit those parts when I hit the ground but my body tensed up.
yeah - so ready for wed to be here. not to mention my car battery died and i need to get it over to the shop to get it replaced because while i'm handy - i'm not that handy. that's presented some challenges. and there's been a slew of other things i'd rather not discuss. just to say there's been alot of disappointment and just when I feel like i'm starting to tread water - boom - something else happens.
just trying to keep my head up and take care of myself so that I wont fall apart (emotionally or physically). there's been alot going on that I've not talked about...just to say that today was hard. hard on a number of fronts.
the upside is that i know time is about seasons and while this season may endure longer than I'd like and may be the hardest, I know a new one will eventually arrive. so i'm focusing my energy on seeking out the silver lining in the cloud.
my main concern is my back which I had a bulging disc during the summer which had been healing up nicely. a little concerned about what tomorrow will feel like getting out of bed. thinking i may feel like I was in a car accident which makes sense since I did take a pretty hard fall.
well ladies and gents - off to ice the ankle and hip - and break out the bengay....
today I had another major epic fail...it involved walking and a starbucks' coffee cup.
the morning started off foggy, dreary, cold, and wet. that should've been my warning sign.
so i get to work and get to working on a few things and then realized that I had a 1pm meeting at one of our other campuses. my co-worker and I decided to grab a quick lunch and then head over to our meeting.
no big deal - except it was starting to drizzle by the time we finished lunch.
sign number 2.
we make it over to our one o'clock meeting and decided to grab some starbucks downstairs before heading to our 2:30pm appointment. no big deal. i was craving a chai tea latte.
we run downstairs - grab starbucks and start to head back to the elevators...
that's when it happened...
the epic fail.
i could feel my left foot start to slip out from under me and just as i thought i was recovering from my slip, my ankle rolled. the descent down began....so i've got a portfolio in one arm with my purse on my shoulder and my coffee cup in the other...
i started to panic looking at my portfolio and coffee cup wondering which one I should sacrifice.
i'd completely lost my footing and didnt know what to do so i just went with the motion - landing on my side taking out my foot, leg, arm, and elbow...
I stood up - got my bearings and realized i'd slid down the hall on my hip and had spilled some chai tea on my slacks...luckily i was wearing black.
the adrenaline pumping through my veins kept me from feeling the impending pain. it wasnt until i sat through my meeting and then stood up that i realized how big of an epic fail that was...and how hard i had fallen.
however, i managed to save the majority of my chai tea....it must be a skill because i've also had a similar incident involving a pizza box. same sort of circumstances...except this time it wasn't missed steps causing my fall.
either way I feel like I strained my core (which I already injured in a car accident several years ago). I'm sore in places that were a bit surprising like my side, forearm, and shoulder. didn't necessarily hit those parts when I hit the ground but my body tensed up.
yeah - so ready for wed to be here. not to mention my car battery died and i need to get it over to the shop to get it replaced because while i'm handy - i'm not that handy. that's presented some challenges. and there's been a slew of other things i'd rather not discuss. just to say there's been alot of disappointment and just when I feel like i'm starting to tread water - boom - something else happens.
just trying to keep my head up and take care of myself so that I wont fall apart (emotionally or physically). there's been alot going on that I've not talked about...just to say that today was hard. hard on a number of fronts.
the upside is that i know time is about seasons and while this season may endure longer than I'd like and may be the hardest, I know a new one will eventually arrive. so i'm focusing my energy on seeking out the silver lining in the cloud.
my main concern is my back which I had a bulging disc during the summer which had been healing up nicely. a little concerned about what tomorrow will feel like getting out of bed. thinking i may feel like I was in a car accident which makes sense since I did take a pretty hard fall.
well ladies and gents - off to ice the ankle and hip - and break out the bengay....
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Thursday, November 10, 2011
epic fails
i've been promising this one for a while and even though I know some of you would like to see pics - I cannot oblige.
I've actually had quite a few epic fails in the last few weeks. one being - breaking my small toe on my foot. i was trying to take out some christmas decorations. the incident involved a collapsing stack of folding chairs, a concert step, and a chancla bearing foot. hence, a broken toe.
ok so prior to that i failed to use my better judgement i decided to take matters into my own hands...i'm talking about my hair. i was tired of my super long bangs and made the erroneous decision to cut them (GASP).
not one of my better choices and trust me, i've been paying the price since...
so now my self-cut has forced me to get my hair professionally cut. AGH! and i was trying to grow it out.
logical reason would dictate that if I wanted to grow my hair out then I wouldn't of cut it. but it was one of those days were frustration overpowered my logical reasoning and before I knew it the snip snip of my scissors had done their dirty deed.
the lesson learned - leave these kinds of things to the professionals!
hence the EPIC FAIL
I narrowly escaped the "female mullet." God save me!
either way, i will not cut my hair..at least not anytime in the near future and/or until this recent memory has faded into the oblivion.
I've actually had quite a few epic fails in the last few weeks. one being - breaking my small toe on my foot. i was trying to take out some christmas decorations. the incident involved a collapsing stack of folding chairs, a concert step, and a chancla bearing foot. hence, a broken toe.
ok so prior to that i failed to use my better judgement i decided to take matters into my own hands...i'm talking about my hair. i was tired of my super long bangs and made the erroneous decision to cut them (GASP).
not one of my better choices and trust me, i've been paying the price since...
so now my self-cut has forced me to get my hair professionally cut. AGH! and i was trying to grow it out.
logical reason would dictate that if I wanted to grow my hair out then I wouldn't of cut it. but it was one of those days were frustration overpowered my logical reasoning and before I knew it the snip snip of my scissors had done their dirty deed.
the lesson learned - leave these kinds of things to the professionals!
hence the EPIC FAIL
I narrowly escaped the "female mullet." God save me!
either way, i will not cut my hair..at least not anytime in the near future and/or until this recent memory has faded into the oblivion.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
too soon
tonight was a harsh reality of what is to come. i'm not sure how much has been made public but many of you know my bro-in-law had a major transplant about two years ago. his health is now deteriorating and the family is preparing for a tough road ahead.
we'd been told this day would come but i don't think we ever expected it to come so quickly. we all know that death is part of the life cycle but until you're faced with it, you really don't comprehend the far reaching impact it has on loved ones.
i see it now...and am slowly understanding the impact this life event will have on my sister and the two little boys I love so much. i don't know what could be more heartbreaking than to see your loved ones hurting.
my oldest nephew called me tonight...he'd been crying and he's begun to understand the toll this illness is and will have on his Daddy. in the same conversation, i saw the innocence of his heart and the hope that God could fix his daddy.
I believe that God can and in His infinite wisdom will do what He is going to do. It would indeed be a miracle because of everything my bro-in-law has been through...but my nephew is still to young to understand that these last two years have been a miracle in themselves.
We're not dwelling on what is to come but dwelling on today and now...doing what we can now to make these moments count. For me, it is a challenge because I live so far away - but I'm doing what I can to be there, support, and love my sister, bro-in-law, and nephews...
these aren't only my sentiments but also of those who love my sister and her family and then those of my immediate family. just over a year ago, i didn't think my immediate family would ever be the same - strange how situations like this will draw you close and put into perspective the things that really matter.
there are, in fact, many unknowns right now...not just in this situation but in my life. so i cant really see into next week or next month. i can only see right now and this moment...and i'm trusting that the rest is in God's hands. its all i know to do and all i can do...
We've heard it said before: death is no respecter of age, race, or position...and we are not guaranteed tomorrow. so never leave words and/or feelings unsaid: live each day as if it was your last.
the challenge now - is to live each day in its fullest and provide as much stability as possible for my sis and her family. to let my nephews know they're going to be taken care of, they're loved, and its ok to talk about their feelings.
to say i was prepared for tonight's conversation with my nephew is a HUGE understatement but i learned something from my bro-in-laws grace shown in his conversation with my nephew. the road will not be easy but we can rest in knowing that the Father will see us through...and that in Him - death is not the finality: it's merely the goodnight.
we'd been told this day would come but i don't think we ever expected it to come so quickly. we all know that death is part of the life cycle but until you're faced with it, you really don't comprehend the far reaching impact it has on loved ones.
i see it now...and am slowly understanding the impact this life event will have on my sister and the two little boys I love so much. i don't know what could be more heartbreaking than to see your loved ones hurting.
my oldest nephew called me tonight...he'd been crying and he's begun to understand the toll this illness is and will have on his Daddy. in the same conversation, i saw the innocence of his heart and the hope that God could fix his daddy.
I believe that God can and in His infinite wisdom will do what He is going to do. It would indeed be a miracle because of everything my bro-in-law has been through...but my nephew is still to young to understand that these last two years have been a miracle in themselves.
We're not dwelling on what is to come but dwelling on today and now...doing what we can now to make these moments count. For me, it is a challenge because I live so far away - but I'm doing what I can to be there, support, and love my sister, bro-in-law, and nephews...
these aren't only my sentiments but also of those who love my sister and her family and then those of my immediate family. just over a year ago, i didn't think my immediate family would ever be the same - strange how situations like this will draw you close and put into perspective the things that really matter.
there are, in fact, many unknowns right now...not just in this situation but in my life. so i cant really see into next week or next month. i can only see right now and this moment...and i'm trusting that the rest is in God's hands. its all i know to do and all i can do...
We've heard it said before: death is no respecter of age, race, or position...and we are not guaranteed tomorrow. so never leave words and/or feelings unsaid: live each day as if it was your last.
the challenge now - is to live each day in its fullest and provide as much stability as possible for my sis and her family. to let my nephews know they're going to be taken care of, they're loved, and its ok to talk about their feelings.
to say i was prepared for tonight's conversation with my nephew is a HUGE understatement but i learned something from my bro-in-laws grace shown in his conversation with my nephew. the road will not be easy but we can rest in knowing that the Father will see us through...and that in Him - death is not the finality: it's merely the goodnight.
Friday, October 14, 2011
A calling
To my recollection, I don't think I've ever talked about why I chose healthcare in the course of my MBA education. For as long as I can remember I've been told that I have a "calling" in ministry and I suppose that to a degeree that is right. But then again, don't we all if we believe in the tenets of the Gospel of Christ AND the faith of Christian living?
Over the years, I've learned that some are called to full-time ministry, others to be bi-vocational, and others to what I term as secular ministry. Doesn't the world need Christian hair dressers/stylist who listen to people's problems and can pray for them instead of the usual "gossip shop" stereo-types? or Mechanics who can help a family in need, or HVAC Technicians who assist churches in emergencies....or writers, doctors, lawyers, teachers, etc....who in some way challenge us to be better people and meet the needs of others so that doors may open for what i've come to know as "sacred moments."
I'm a strong proponent of education...just about any kind of education from technical schools to junior colleges all the way to doctoral programs...we should promote education but I also feel we should challenge students to find their passion in life, find their calling in life.
A calling in life....
Something I think I had been searching for, for quite some time...I've never felt completely at home solely in ministry circles or even in just my vocational ones until I came into healthcare. Like most I don't believe in coincidences; just as I don't believe that Ricardo came into my life when he did.
I believe that when I set out on the journey to complete my education I set out on a journey to discover my destiny or calling in life.
I never thought in a million years that my logical and statistically-driven professor would make the connection for me on my very first day of class or even that a situation in my professional career would lead me to a job at Blue Cross Blue Shield (in what some would consider an entry level job). This "entry level" job would lay a strong foundation in my understanding of healthcare and it's delivery that ultimately wuuld guide my path to pursuing an education in health organization management/healthcare administration.
I would've never imagined it possible but that's exactly how it happened...
The first words my professor spoke to us that first class were: "I'm not looking for students looking to collect a paycheck, or looking to gain fame: I'm looking for students who see healthcare as a calling."
At that moment, I felt that eerily familiar feeling I get when I know that God's trying to get my attention and instantly thought "I think I've found what I've been searching for."
From there this calling has been affirmed in more ways than one...i've since gone on to work for a childn's non-profit clinic...continued to help them in terms of fundraising, etc....because I strongly believe in their mission.
My brother now serves on their board of directors...and this weekend they'll kick off a fundraiser that he and I assisted in developing which I hope and pray will become annual event for them! They've done all of the hard work and I'll continue to support them as I can and am able. They (LCHC Clinic staff and administrators) taught me some very important and valuable lessons that I will carry with me thru my career and have given me a strong foundation of purpose.
Then there's my newest work experience. One which I am super excited about. It's a rare opportunity to join a strategy team so young in my career but as always God opened the right doors at the very right time. My previous experiences played into this new opportunity and oddly enough this eclectic collection of work experiences would play to my benefit in this position.
I work for a faith-based organization and while it's not the denomination I adhere to, this organizations promotes a Christ-centered mission. Meetings open with prayers and reflections...verses are read over loud speakers and our mission, to bring whole body healing, is always mentioned.
It's been here in this position that I'm seeing my potential realized and all my talents put to use and where I'm experiencing growth in understanding the connection between my faith and work.
I was nominated to particiapate in a leadership program of connecting your faith and work. It has been one of the most eye-opening experiences and the first time I publicly acknowledged my story of how I came across my calling in life.
We were asked to bring an artifact..and I chose two pictures....one of my parents and me when I was a little girl and one of my deceased grandmother..
Why those two pictures?
You see my parents nurtured the journey of finding my calling even when I felt I was flailing about in life....they never gave up and always encouraged me to pursue what they could see in me that I could not see for myself...i owe them my life in this regard....but more so for their patients as I stumbled in my journey...and for their support as I began to discover exactly what that is.
The second for my grandmother who fought and succumbed to a battle with colon cancer. During the course of her treatment, I saw how she was treated with dignity and grace by all who cared for her. I witnessed how that medical condition forever changed the make-up and composition of my family and then there's my uncle who didnt have access to healthcare. The tragic lack of medical attention took his life far too young and once again our family composition changed and with it a part of my mother...
I don't wish the latter example of my uncle for anyone and wish for all patients to be treated with love, dignity, and respect...just like my grandmother received...so those two pictures sit in my office to remind me of my purpose and calling...so that each day I'm challenged to give my very best with that understanding that patients lives hang in the balance...someone's mother, father, grandmother, or uncle...
Finally, my bro-in-law who has defied the logic of modern medicine with multiple surgeries and a transplant now dealing with deteriorating health. All of these events have changed my view of medicine, the practice and delivery of.
In this line of work, it becomes easy to see patients just as numbers or percentages or as cost and revenues...but that is a very clinic approach but the truth of the matter is that patients are people with families and loved ones. For each strategical recommendation or analysis I conduct, I take that reminder with me which challenges me to give my best knowing someone's loved one could be affected.
I hope that is my opportunity to affect positive change to the benefit of all...and that is how I approach my everyday work..so very thankful to work in a place that welcomes prayer and encourages sacred moments with patients.
Over the years, I've learned that some are called to full-time ministry, others to be bi-vocational, and others to what I term as secular ministry. Doesn't the world need Christian hair dressers/stylist who listen to people's problems and can pray for them instead of the usual "gossip shop" stereo-types? or Mechanics who can help a family in need, or HVAC Technicians who assist churches in emergencies....or writers, doctors, lawyers, teachers, etc....who in some way challenge us to be better people and meet the needs of others so that doors may open for what i've come to know as "sacred moments."
I'm a strong proponent of education...just about any kind of education from technical schools to junior colleges all the way to doctoral programs...we should promote education but I also feel we should challenge students to find their passion in life, find their calling in life.
A calling in life....
Something I think I had been searching for, for quite some time...I've never felt completely at home solely in ministry circles or even in just my vocational ones until I came into healthcare. Like most I don't believe in coincidences; just as I don't believe that Ricardo came into my life when he did.
I believe that when I set out on the journey to complete my education I set out on a journey to discover my destiny or calling in life.
I never thought in a million years that my logical and statistically-driven professor would make the connection for me on my very first day of class or even that a situation in my professional career would lead me to a job at Blue Cross Blue Shield (in what some would consider an entry level job). This "entry level" job would lay a strong foundation in my understanding of healthcare and it's delivery that ultimately wuuld guide my path to pursuing an education in health organization management/healthcare administration.
I would've never imagined it possible but that's exactly how it happened...
The first words my professor spoke to us that first class were: "I'm not looking for students looking to collect a paycheck, or looking to gain fame: I'm looking for students who see healthcare as a calling."
At that moment, I felt that eerily familiar feeling I get when I know that God's trying to get my attention and instantly thought "I think I've found what I've been searching for."
From there this calling has been affirmed in more ways than one...i've since gone on to work for a childn's non-profit clinic...continued to help them in terms of fundraising, etc....because I strongly believe in their mission.
My brother now serves on their board of directors...and this weekend they'll kick off a fundraiser that he and I assisted in developing which I hope and pray will become annual event for them! They've done all of the hard work and I'll continue to support them as I can and am able. They (LCHC Clinic staff and administrators) taught me some very important and valuable lessons that I will carry with me thru my career and have given me a strong foundation of purpose.
Then there's my newest work experience. One which I am super excited about. It's a rare opportunity to join a strategy team so young in my career but as always God opened the right doors at the very right time. My previous experiences played into this new opportunity and oddly enough this eclectic collection of work experiences would play to my benefit in this position.
I work for a faith-based organization and while it's not the denomination I adhere to, this organizations promotes a Christ-centered mission. Meetings open with prayers and reflections...verses are read over loud speakers and our mission, to bring whole body healing, is always mentioned.
It's been here in this position that I'm seeing my potential realized and all my talents put to use and where I'm experiencing growth in understanding the connection between my faith and work.
I was nominated to particiapate in a leadership program of connecting your faith and work. It has been one of the most eye-opening experiences and the first time I publicly acknowledged my story of how I came across my calling in life.
We were asked to bring an artifact..and I chose two pictures....one of my parents and me when I was a little girl and one of my deceased grandmother..
Why those two pictures?
You see my parents nurtured the journey of finding my calling even when I felt I was flailing about in life....they never gave up and always encouraged me to pursue what they could see in me that I could not see for myself...i owe them my life in this regard....but more so for their patients as I stumbled in my journey...and for their support as I began to discover exactly what that is.
The second for my grandmother who fought and succumbed to a battle with colon cancer. During the course of her treatment, I saw how she was treated with dignity and grace by all who cared for her. I witnessed how that medical condition forever changed the make-up and composition of my family and then there's my uncle who didnt have access to healthcare. The tragic lack of medical attention took his life far too young and once again our family composition changed and with it a part of my mother...
I don't wish the latter example of my uncle for anyone and wish for all patients to be treated with love, dignity, and respect...just like my grandmother received...so those two pictures sit in my office to remind me of my purpose and calling...so that each day I'm challenged to give my very best with that understanding that patients lives hang in the balance...someone's mother, father, grandmother, or uncle...
Finally, my bro-in-law who has defied the logic of modern medicine with multiple surgeries and a transplant now dealing with deteriorating health. All of these events have changed my view of medicine, the practice and delivery of.
In this line of work, it becomes easy to see patients just as numbers or percentages or as cost and revenues...but that is a very clinic approach but the truth of the matter is that patients are people with families and loved ones. For each strategical recommendation or analysis I conduct, I take that reminder with me which challenges me to give my best knowing someone's loved one could be affected.
I hope that is my opportunity to affect positive change to the benefit of all...and that is how I approach my everyday work..so very thankful to work in a place that welcomes prayer and encourages sacred moments with patients.
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