A calling

To my recollection, I don't think I've ever talked about why I chose healthcare in the course of my MBA education. For as long as I can remember I've been told that I have a "calling" in ministry and I suppose that to a degeree that is right. But then again, don't we all if we believe in the tenets of the Gospel of Christ AND the faith of Christian living?

Over the years, I've learned that some are called to full-time ministry, others to be bi-vocational, and others to what I term as secular ministry. Doesn't the world need Christian hair dressers/stylist who listen to people's problems and can pray for them instead of the usual "gossip shop" stereo-types? or Mechanics who can help a family in need, or HVAC Technicians who assist churches in emergencies....or writers, doctors, lawyers, teachers, etc....who in some way challenge us to be better people and meet the needs of others so that doors may open for what i've come to know as "sacred moments."

I'm a strong proponent of education...just about any kind of education from technical schools to junior colleges all the way to doctoral programs...we should promote education but I also feel we should challenge students to find their passion in life, find their calling in life.

A calling in life....

Something I think I had been searching for, for quite some time...I've never felt completely at home solely in ministry circles or even in just my vocational ones until I came into healthcare. Like most I don't believe in coincidences; just as I don't believe that Ricardo came into my life when he did.

I believe that when I set out on the journey to complete my education I set out on a journey to discover my destiny or calling in life.

I never thought in a million years that my logical and statistically-driven professor would make the connection for me on my very first day of class or even that a situation in my professional career would lead me to a job at Blue Cross Blue Shield (in what some would consider an entry level job). This "entry level" job would lay a strong foundation in my understanding of healthcare and it's delivery that ultimately wuuld guide my path to pursuing an education in health organization management/healthcare administration.

I would've never imagined it possible but that's exactly how it happened...

The first words my professor spoke to us that first class were: "I'm not looking for students looking to collect a paycheck, or looking to gain fame: I'm looking for students who see healthcare as a calling."

At that moment, I felt that eerily familiar feeling I get when I know that God's trying to get my attention and instantly thought "I think I've found what I've been searching for."

From there this calling has been affirmed in more ways than one...i've since gone on to work for a childn's non-profit clinic...continued to help them in terms of fundraising, etc....because I strongly believe in their mission.

My brother now serves on their board of directors...and this weekend they'll kick off a fundraiser that he and I assisted in developing which I hope and pray will become annual event for them! They've done all of the hard work and I'll continue to support them as I can and am able. They (LCHC Clinic staff and administrators) taught me some very important and valuable lessons that I will carry with me thru my career and have given me a strong foundation of purpose.

Then there's my newest work experience. One which I am super excited about. It's a rare opportunity to join a strategy team so young in my career but as always God opened the right doors at the very right time. My previous experiences played into this new opportunity and oddly enough this eclectic collection of work experiences would play to my benefit in this position.

I work for a faith-based organization and while it's not the denomination I adhere to, this organizations promotes a Christ-centered mission. Meetings open with prayers and reflections...verses are read over loud speakers and our mission, to bring whole body healing, is always mentioned.

It's been here in this position that I'm seeing my potential realized and all my talents put to use and where I'm experiencing growth in understanding the connection between my faith and work.

I was nominated to particiapate in a leadership program of connecting your faith and work. It has been one of the most eye-opening experiences and the first time I publicly acknowledged my story of how I came across my calling in life.

We were asked to bring an artifact..and I chose two pictures....one of my parents and me when I was a little girl and one of my deceased grandmother..

Why those two pictures?

You see my parents nurtured the journey of finding my calling even when I felt I was flailing about in life....they never gave up and always encouraged me to pursue what they could see in me that I could not see for myself...i owe them my life in this regard....but more so for their patients as I stumbled in my journey...and for their support as I began to discover exactly what that is.

The second for my grandmother who fought and succumbed to a battle with colon cancer. During the course of her treatment, I saw how she was treated with dignity and grace by all who cared for her. I witnessed how that medical condition forever changed the make-up and composition of my family and then there's my uncle who didnt have access to healthcare. The tragic lack of medical attention took his life far too young and once again our family composition changed and with it a part of my mother...

I don't wish the latter example of my uncle for anyone and wish for all patients to be treated with love, dignity, and respect...just like my grandmother received...so those two pictures sit in my office to remind me of my purpose and calling...so that each day I'm challenged to give my very best with that understanding that patients lives hang in the balance...someone's mother, father, grandmother, or uncle...

Finally, my bro-in-law who has defied the logic of modern medicine with multiple surgeries and a transplant now dealing with deteriorating health. All of these events have changed my view of medicine, the practice and delivery of.

In this line of work, it becomes easy to see patients just as numbers or percentages or as cost and revenues...but that is a very clinic approach but the truth of the matter is that patients are people with families and loved ones. For each strategical recommendation or analysis I conduct, I take that reminder with me which challenges me to give my best knowing someone's loved one could be affected.

I hope that is my opportunity to affect positive change to the benefit of all...and that is how I approach my everyday work..so very thankful to work in a place that welcomes prayer and encourages sacred moments with patients.

Unreal

I thought today was going to start like most weeks with the exception that my bro-in-law has been hospitalized. With each hospital visit it gets scarier and scarier...I started a new leadership development class at work and had been looking forward to it for some time.

It's the first work experience where i've been able to truly express my faith without fear or repercussion: for that I'm most grateful. Again I feel my life's calling confirmed...but no sooner had I returned to my office when I discovered some jarring new.

I'm not at liberty to go into details but I find myself in the land of unknowns...I have no cue as to what the next few months will bring but it's also kind of exciting?

I'd been praying about some next few steps and this type of situation just might be the answer i've been seeking. I can only say that time will tell and I'm content to roll up my selves and get to work.

And then there's the hoping and praying for my sister's husband to have a recovery...

Can't really speak to the situation but just to say i'm trying to figure out how to best support my family. That's my focus and my heart right now..better days will come-this I know but it doesn't make the painful moments any easier....

My next post will be about epic fails!

acquaintances not forgotten

this week was an odd one.

last weekend I found myself in Austin with Ricardo who took me to see my nephews and sister. I always love spending time with all of them. It had been a while since I'd seen my sister and nephews and the time was much needed even if it was only for a few short hours.

we'll make the trip again next weekend for Timothy's birthday party! Definitely looking forward to that...

last Saturday I learned about the deaths of old acquaintances...acquaintances, i'd not seen for a long while. brought up some mixed emotions. these guys were young - fairly young - but then again death is no respecter of age, race, or position.

I have several close friends, who knew these guys fairly well and so it's been hard to see them hurting and go through mourning but it's also a very stark reminder that we should make the most of each day and to not leave words, feelings, and thoughts unspoken.

fast forward to mid-week, we learn of Steve Jobs passing....

I think about how his innovation changed how we interact, how we obtain information, and how it changed many industries including mine - healthcare. when we demo new software for our system - we always ask - is there an app? most of our physicians have iphones, droids, or ipads...the ipad/tablet is a tool of EMR's and the delivery of healthcare services. it's because of Steve Jobs innovation that we have a mouse an graphic interface as my brother reminded me yesterday over dinner...so many accomplishments and yet he too was not exempt from death...it is a destination we all will arrive at.

it's that reminder that will sort your priorities and change how you live life. the scare we had with my mom two summer's ago was enough for me. maybe it's age/maturity - but everything surrounding those events caused me to evaluate which relationships are important and why. I can honestly say that that reflection changed my approach in many relationships. Some I completely cut out of my life and others I try and extend as much grace as I can.

there's more I'd like to say but i've not yet processed through it all. just to say that i'm beginning to see things i' not seen before...or rather begun to understand them...some of them good and some of them not so good. so it feels like a season of pruning. don't jump to assumptions here...those in the know, know what I'm talking about.

i'm most grateful for the stable forces in my life...namely my parents, close friends, and Ricardo...their love and support have helped to steady the helm in the midst of rocky storms...

even now, as I adjust into the work world - i'm grateful for their support as I experience growing pains. it's an exciting time because like everyone else - i dont know what the future will bring...

so i continue to live each moment as best i can and to make sure the people i love know how i feel...tomorrow is the Texas Tech vs A & M game. pretty excited about it since my parents will be in town. always enjoy spending time with them!

sleepless night

a collection

“Sometimes when you innovate, you make mistakes. It is best to admit them quickly, and get on with improving your other innovations.”

“Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me … Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful… that’s what matters to me.”

“We’ve gone through the operating system and looked at everything and asked how can we simplify this and make it more powerful at the same time.”

“Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren’t used to an environment where excellence is expected.”

“I want to put a ding in the universe.”

“I was worth over $1,000,000 when I was 23, and over $10,000,000 when I was 24, and over $100,000,000 when I was 25, and it wasn’t that important because I never did it for the money.”

“The only problem with Microsoft is they just have no taste. They have absolutely no taste. And I don’t mean that in a small way, I mean that in a big way, in the sense that they don’t think of original ideas, and they don’t bring much culture into their products.”

“My job is to not be easy on people. My job is to make them better.”

“We made the buttons on the screen look so good you’ll want to lick them.”

“Click. Boom. Amazing!”

“You can’t just ask customers what they want and then try to give that to them. By the time you get it built, they’ll want something new.”

“Design is not just what it looks like and feels like. Design is how it works.”

“A lot of companies have chosen to downsize, and maybe that was the right thing for them. We chose a different path. Our belief was that if we kept putting great products in front of customers, they would continue to open their wallets.”

“Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower.”

Steve Jobs

One day at a time...

Living in West Texas has presented me with some harsh challenges. These challenges are called allergies and asthma. Oh joy! The good news is that I'm starting to see some relief in terms of treatment but it's taken some really aggressive measures.

I was set to start my PhD program in October and decided to take a break from educational pursuits. Instead, I've decided to focus on my career and revisit the PhD option in another six months. I've spent the last four years dedicated to educational pursuits so I think a break is necessary.

I've slowly settled into my career/job and have to say that I love what I do. My work environment is amazingly awesome and I work with some really great people that challenge me to be better and teach me something new each day. What more could I ask for?

well just one thing...and that's to be closer to Ricardo...

All about timing, all about timing.

The big news for the moment is getting ready for the oldest nephew's birthday in a few weeks. He's turning 6 and has informed each of us including Ricardo that we need to attend his birthday party! lol...toooooo cute!

They've moved and to protect their anonymity won't say where but just to say its somewhere very familiar. My parents miss them like crazy but at the same time, this move was necessary and in the end beneficial.

Closing in on another weekend and the weather is slowing starting to resemble Fall.

Let the travels begin!

So I finally realized the one good thing about finally graduuating and entering the "real world" is that you make real money that let's you go on "real" vacations! Now mind you, we're not living the life of luxury but I'd say that staying at the Omni in San Francisco is definitely moving up.

So we're at the airport waiting for our execu-ride to pick us up. Ricardo's flight got delayed in Denver which sorta set off a chain of events which have landed us here at starbuck's. It's quite ok except that here, it's about ten in the morning and we're still on Texas time which is just after noon - so our panza's are growling. We will remedy that shortly.

We have a full but fun itinerary including two baseball games and a tour coupled by some prospects for some great food! Super excited about being here and more excited to cheer my bro on as he runs the marathon! Glad to share this experience with two of my favorite guys!

Will post pics when I get a chance.

nothing like this...

I've been listening to Sugarland and Rascal Flatts here lately. These last few weeks have been odd in the way of adjusting to a new kind of life. Life beyond education. For the last four years, my life quite literally was dictated by school and that goal.

Having seen the completion of that goal a few weeks ago was a whirlwind of activities. It was great to celebrate but it was in the midst of one party after another. We celebrated my mom's 60th b-day with a successful surprise party! My dad has always emphasized to us to live life in the present. Don't wait until its too late to express how you feel or to share in memories. So we shared with our family and close friends the joy of my mom and her life.

Graduation followed a few short weeks later along with my youngest nephew's bday! Hard to believe he's three now! I've tried to spend more time with them. They teach me more than I thought possible.

Given all the activities, Ricardo and I decided to spend Memorial Weekend in the Hub City. So even though I've lived here for almost two years, I'd not yet been up to Amarillo. So we took a short day trip up to see the Cadillac Ranch and eat dinner at The Big Texan. All in all it was a really good visit (perhaps one of our longer visits) and so I was sad to see him off.

Those two weeks between graduation and Memorial Weekend were a sort of decompression week. So these last few have been about adjusting to life apart from school. No longer in the demands of required readings or projects or even papers, I've turned my focus to applying my education to my job. It was been an interesting journey and what's next and where lay somewhere on the horizon. I'm not sure and while I know decisions will need to be made at some point. For now, I'm happy getting my feet wet and starting a new race. I love what I do and feel I'm in the right place at the right time. Making sure to take advantage of the opportunities and to learn what I need to carry with me to success in the future.

Poison and Wine...

reflections with smiles

Finally taking some time to gather my thoughts about the last few weeks. I'd spent the last two years of my life devoted to an accomplishment I thought would never arrive. Yet just like with the guarantee of time passing, it came and it's gone. Time is no respecter of age, race, or position.

I made sure to take a few moments to enjoy and absorb what was happening around me because I knew all too soon the moment would be gone. Of course, there was drama...(chuckles)...I mean when is there not?

I'd decided a while back that I can't really change that (the fact that there will be drama) but can only change how I approach and deal with drama. With Ricardo's help, I've evolved to focus my attention and efforts on the things that really and should matter.

so a little random but i'm gonna take off on a tangent here.

I've written about forgiveness but its been a while since i've visited this subject. I guess I'm revisiting this topic cause sometimes its the hardest thing to do - to forgive. This last year has been somewhat tumultuous, to say the least, and not from the sources I'd normally expect either. If anything, I feel the family foundation I really need has been strengthened and for certain - my relationship with Ricardo has taught me much. (Ricardo's not perfect though some days I think he thinks he is! LOL..just kidding Love!) He's been exactly what I need.

Something about being around him that makes me or allows me to relax! He's calming in a way I don't completely understand but I so desperately need at times. Funny how that works.

hmmm so yeah back to forgiveness. not a concept you tend to learn completely about in one fell swoop. no, this topic is something that evolves over time or at least the understanding of it tends to reveal itself over time. I guess I didn't really understand a conversation I had had with Ricardo mid-summer last year until earlier this evening. Something he said finally clicked. sorta like an "ah ha" moment...ok exactly like an "ah ha" moment.

Graduation - had its fair share of stresses. But Ricardo said to me, "Focus on the things that are important, and enjoy this and celebrate your accomplishment. Don't let anything else get in the way of that." He was so right about that. There are things you can control and there are those things so far from your control...I had to just let them go. I was done spinning my wheels.

So I focused on the things I could do something about. So many people went above and beyond to make graduation what it was...that if something didn't get put out or didn't look the way I envisioned...who really cared? it was all beautiful and was completely amazing, and far better than I could have done myself!

The people that needed to be there were and in the end, I had such a great time! I cant spend my time worry about other people's concerns or drama. no...i want to enjoy life, want to embrace these moments. I can't live my life to please others. Something I learned through graduate school.

I know you're thinking how does business school give you an introspective insight. aren't you learning about crunching numbers and managing others? And to that I say, "exactly." Anytime you deal with others, you thrown in a complexity that is far beyond anything including quantum physics.

So what I learned at Texas Tech was a combination of business skills, understanding about the healthcare industry, and development of critical skills and continuous learning to help me succeed in my career. But I also learned a thing or two about interpersonal relationships and human nature. Not a likely place to learn, I know!

It was my ethics and leadership course that I was challenged to search myself, my beliefs, and values. Not an easy process and I had to deal with some "skeletons in the closet." But I discovered that each of us has the strength and ability to confront our deepest fears. It only takes a bit of courage.

This journey was interesting because for the most part I knew more or less where my values and morals stood...I just never took the time to truly define where those lines are. Those lines may never be truly defined but I at least have a strong foundation to start from. I understand what I value and why and in the end that will be the ethical guiding beacon.

Secondly, even though I knew this, I understood that we truly come from different backgrounds, understanding, and opinions. Whether we can work together is up to the people trying to work together. I think I saw this more drastically when I worked in group. Sure some group members busted their tails to fulfill their obligations, others just flat out bailed, and then you had the quasi - talk about how much work they were doing but really didn't do much but copy from others. Those are the ones you gotta watch out for cause they will sell you out!

Most of us in business school are ambitious and driven and aggressive! I mean that's the reason we're pursuing "higher education." The desire to prove that we can accomplish something. There may be other reasons but in the end, its why we "finish" business school. Given that common goal, its bound to bring about some discomfort and challenges.

So as I was listening to Kenny Rogers' "The Gambler" I realized, yes you gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run! Sometimes you gotta hold your ground, sometimes you give in, sometimes you compromise, and sometimes you just gotta get the heck outta dodge! Its the knowing part that is difficult.

In the end, I learned that we're all people wanting to succeed in life. We all have challenges, all have pasts, all have issues that we struggle with...but we're all human - with feelings! (ok some of us I truly wondered about!..thinking maybe it was just one feeling but still...feeling nonetheless)

Lets fast forward. It was during the course of  THIS week that I realized i'm on the cusp of something new and exciting. I've spent the last two years working towards this goal and had finally completed it and then had my 90 day evaluation for my new job. Even though it went well - i was still nervous about it. I mean someone is assessing your work and giving you feedback. So its the, am I fulfilling expectations - is my work quality - am I fitting into the culture - do i have what it takes?

i think for the first time in a while, i really understood that there's a whole world of possibilities out there. not that I'm moving to Europe or anything dramatic like that...but really the world is at our fingertips. it comes down to the choices we make. there are many opportunities but its our choice to take advantage of them. to do something with them.

for example, i could've stressed myself to a frenzy over stuff not being done for my graduation dinner...or whatever...but as i went home to change from setting things up and more so on my drive to the Spirit Arena...i took a couple of deep breaths on my 10 minute walk to the tunnel and holding area...I thought...this is a moment to cherish and to relish - a moment to savor. The last two years of my life's work have culminated in this...and culminated in finding a calling for my life that in itself is monumental. I want to celebrate that with my family, friends, and colleagues.

it was almost overwhelming if it hadn't been for my fellow classmates who I immediately saw and caused much excitement! We'd done it! We endured all the weekend classes, last minute changes in projects, Dr Huerta's quality bibles, and crazy schedules and projects...and in the end, we were walking away with not just an education to help us in our careers in healthcare but with something a bit deeper than that. No one understands better the struggles in this accomplishment and the hard work that was required better than my cohorts in my program.

i made some great friends at Tech - friends/colleagues I have no doubt I'll keep in contact with. these are people who impacted my life one way or another...classmates who understood the pain of schedules or projects...or helped me make light of my many trauma's! or told me about their own trauma's helping me see some of my mini-drama's really weren't that bad...it was sharing coffee or sharing scones from sugar brown's. or lunches provided courtesy of Dr Hoffman! and even going through the experience of graduate school...life continued. it didn't stop.

I'm reminded of Andy Grammer's song, "keep your head up"



life wasn't easy. even though my brother was close, we still went through our own growing pains of being in the same city. it's nice to have him around and to do dinner and then be able to go back to our respective houses! while focused on school, we lost an uncle, my mom was hospitalized twice, and there were many other family drama's I'll not delve into. Plus you add in trying to maintain friendships and family relationships and my relationship with Ricardo.

I had to lay out the priorities fast and often had to make tough choices. Lucky for me, Ricardo made so many of those choices easy. He understands the family priority that is important to me and he's generous in our time.

There were lots of times when it woulda been easy to say forget it. I'm tossing in the towel and going back home. But my mom and dad, bro/sis, Ricardo, and friends at every turn would said to me, "don't give up. do what you gotta do - but keep with school" I'm so glad that they did.

This accomplishment wasn't just about me. its about all those who encouraged me and in their own ways supported me while I made a go of it. i don't think i could ever repay my parents for the opportunity to pursue my dreams. i've seen them help each of us (my siblings and I) in our pursuits...and i see that our joy is their joy. words don't do justice to my gratitude for them!

then there's Ricardo...no matter what, he always encouraged me. i'm so grateful that he came into my life when he did...so glad that he's patient and understanding and secure in who he is. i love him for that. that man makes me laugh life no other! and even in moments when I was far too serious...he always helps me to see beyond myself and the moment I sometimes get lost in. he helps me navigate to a place where I can look and see things for what they really are.

so what's next? i've been asked this quite a bit...

i'm awaiting word on a doctoral program. no, not quiting my job but will work and completely my doctoral program at the same time. and yes, there's a logic to it all. i love my job and continue to learn something new each day. i cant say that i'll be there for an extended or even a short period of time...just that i'll be there until I realize it's time for me to not be there anymore. i'm just excited to be working with some great colleagues and mentors. it's a perfect place for me to be.

so what about forgiveness that I mentioned above?

i've learned that forgiveness often isnt for the benefit of the person we are forgiving but for our own forgiveness...because when we let anger and hurt linger without moving on to forgiveness, it leads to bitterness...and bitterness that leaves a bad taste not only in your own mouth but the mouth of others. it robs us of joy, robs us of the ability to truly celebrate the meaningful things in life, robs us of seeing beauty in everyday moments.

i don't want that life...dont want to spend life angry about things i cant control. i want to spend my time soakin in beautiful moments and enjoying life with those that i love...would rather spend my time trying to make this a better place and contribute positively to my community - to give something back that was given to me.

that's where i'm focusing my energies these days. i've seen far too many people dwell in the place of "what if's" and "if only's" coupled by resentment, anger, and bitterness. shrouded in past resentments often bars us from seeing truth and living in the moment. it causes us to rush through the moments in life we should let linger and soak in. forgiveness is the starting point on the road to healing and recovery...that's all i'm saying...

i'm sure that i have more to stay but its late and i have to be up early with my nephews...they have a tradition with my parents to eat pancakes together on sat morning. they've spent the night with us (i'm visiting) so it'll be pancakes bright and early cause they do not sleep in! LOL...i love those boys. they bring much joy to my life and are sweet and sour all in one! excited to hear "Mimi get up" at 7am on a saturday! they really are too cute and if anything - they remind me how awesome it is to get excited about the little things...like when the ice cream truck comes down our street!

oh and i do have a few trips on the books. it's the one perk of having a real job. you get vacations and get paid while you're on them! LOL