i've been wanting to write this one for a while but lately its been a little hectic. ok not just a little, more like beyond-my-wildest-imagination insane.
i promise i'm not a study-holic but if you've followed my facebook or tweets...then you're probably thinking "does she do anything besides study?" in this week alone, i planned a bday dinner for my mother, baked her a cake, and started working on my grad invites and will finish them up over the weekend all while trying to recover from an upper respiratory infection/brochitis. i'm asthmatic so it takes me a couple of weeks to get over those things once they've gone full blown.
so i'm still truckin along, determined to finish the semester strong. things like baking a cake or making cookies are more like stress relievers because i can let my creativity flow. uhmmm ok so, i gotta warn ya'. i might rant and rave in this one. my words have been inspired by this semesters activities and in recent days a specific situation.
alright, so we all know that in college yes you are often placed in groups and inevitably there's always that one person, for lack of a better word, the slacker. the one who thinks they can coast and free-load off of everyone else's hard work and dedication.
maybe the idea that everyone should carry their share of the load is a sort of "group utopia," an abstract idealistic of group philosophy? i can hope and wish can't i?
so what is it in us that gives some the desire to work hard and the others to slack and free-load? i'm not gonna say that i'm the hardest work on the planet cause i've had my moments of "slackerism." i will say that moments of slacking are not common and are usually induced by fatigue and/or exhaustion. it could also be that i think i work harder than i really do?
maybe that's the abstract idealism that "no one else works harder than we do."
i grew up in a home where i was taught that hard work in deed pays off. even if does not reap the rewards we think it will, the satisfaction of giving your all and doing your best is enough to make the effort worthwhile.
this is how i describe my parents. if any work ethic i possess, i owe it to my parents for instilling in me a desire to give my all and to do my best. for teaching me that there is pride in hard work even if there are no rewards and that is how i've approached most things in my life.
it is why i study all the time or am writing a paper or working on this or working on that. it is why i streamlined my life of activities and commitments a few years ago to dedicate my time to this linger goal called educational attainment.
i've worked hard for to earn my grades in the last two years and i have moments of "will it be enough" since i've not yet heard word regarding my law school application. but i stop my thoughts and remind myself that i can take pride in my efforts regardless of the fruits rewarded. i know what i've put into the work and know what i've gained as a result. what does it matter if no one else knows?
its this work ethic that won't let me slack in the remaining few weeks before graduating and leaving to italy/greece with a study abroad program. my living room is strewn with books and notes, evidence of my recent activities.
i dont know what life will be like once this pace subsides. i've thought about it. actually, its more like dreamed about it. God has been really good to me in that He's provided brackets of time to rest and relax enough to sustain me.
surprisingly i'm not the frazzled state i would normally be, maybe that's because i'm not working this time around so it feels more manageable or maybe its because i realize that i could be working and i realize that i can tolerate the present state a bit longer.
either way, light is at the end of the tunnel. one thing i can be sure of is that i'll take with me this "work ethic." i realized i'm a bit of a work horse. as in, i wont stop till i drop dead. it wasnt until the other night that i realized my parents are the same way. they wont give up until the jobs one. i've seen them display that in their careers, education, family life, and ministries.
one of the things i'm determined to do is take a family vacay. well, two actually. one with extended family and the other with my parents and siblings. not sure where or for how long, but a vacation it will be.
so what brought on all this talk of hard work? with all the insanity that is the semester, one of my groups had homework due. needless to say one group member was assigned less problems than the remainder of us in the group. everyone managed to finish their problems except for the person who was assigned the least amount of problems....no that person completed 1 problem. 1!!!!!
no comment....
so anyhow i leave you with a few final words
To have striven, to have made the effort, to have been true to certain ideals - this alone is worth the struggle. ~ William Penn
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
to infinity and beyond
I realize that its been a while since i've posted here and I had promised to post more regularly. Well this is my attempt to do so. Decided to re-post some items i'd previously posted at myspace/facebook so here we go. I've revised this blog and added some new thoughts to it as well.
i've been enjoying the winter break. delving back into some familar territory and taking on some new tasks. so far its been interesting. i've probably blogged about this before but i revisit this topic because its something i'm dealing with in the now. i've had this funny take on where i'm at. i have moments where i chose to be silent and moments where i voice my thoughts and opinions but mostly, i've silently observed. i've felt there have been lessons i needed to learn without interruption by my sometimes premature thoughts.
i've written about being judged or being judged by what others say rather than actual interaction or experience with that person. often times my lack of interaction is apparently enough to "confirm" what others have been told so rather than find out for themselves i'm labeled this or that and treated with a bit of disdain or indifference. you'd think no big deal because people of the world do it all the time right? well its certainly not expected by people of faith...yet there it is. as clear as day. judgement set upon me based upon something that happened several years ago or some miscommunication that occurred ages ago.
what happened to the the belief in the power of God to change people for the better? i realize that i have to apply that concept in my own life. Those that i've felt have bitterly betrayed me at various moments of my life, forgiveness and a renewed view of those individuals must be found. We've all wronged each other now and again. It happens but that's the beauty of love...it foregoes those transgressions and resides/abounds in forgiveness at least unconditional love does. Thats the kind of love spoken about in the bible, the kind of love as believers we've been called to practice.
Forgiveness is one of those areas that does not come easy to most. In fact, its one of those topics that seems most hardest to practice. We (as in human tendencies) tend to harbor those ill feelings towards those who have wronged us. Maybe its because we think/feel that vindication is served when we enact our angry or upset feelings towards our perpetrator. but its not...our harbored ill feelings can do damage to others but really they do the most damage to ourselves. forgiveness of others is key to moving on to a new place and key to brining freedom in life. how can we expect God's forgiveness when we dont extend it ourselves?
there's a freedom that comes when we forgive those who have failed us or wronged us. it allows us to move forward and to progress in the journey of faith. forgiveness is a choice. it is not something we wake up to and just happens. rather its a conscious choice that we make to move forward and past whatever inequity inacted against our person. in that conscious colletive choice, because its not just a matter of the mind to decide but in heart and spirit, we leave the past in the past and walk in the present. in that choice is where we make our greatest progress. progress can be a funny thing because sometimes from our vantage point it doesnt seem that we are making any progress at all.
it isnt until we look back at the mile markers in our lives to see how far we've really travelled that we can finally realize that yes we have made progress in the journey of faith. that somehow where we've been and what we've been through has propelled us to a new place or a new seasons. half the time we dont even realize it has occured. instead we find ourselves awakening to something unfamilar. takes us a minute to realize that yes we have moved into something new.
that seems to be where i've found myself. a new unfamilar place.
i have my own list of wrong-doings and mistakes. actions i sometimes wish i had though through more carefully or words i wish i had chosen more selectively. but for better or worse they have been enacted into being. they cant be taken back, cant be retracted, or ignored as if they didnt exist. instead i can only move forward from them, remembering the consquences they brought. that may be the greatest reason why i pause in reaction to whatever may be happening in life.
takes me a moment to realize that yes...its a hard moment in life but like all things, it will pass. we are not exempt from the hard times or from trying times. but instead of dwelling on where we are or what is happening we can take comfort in knowing who is seeing us through it and knowing we are never alone through it.
its been a long time coming given all the things that life threw my way in the past couple of years. there've been moments where i've felt like i didnt have the strength to endure the challenges i was facing. yet God always provided. i finally took the much needed hiatus i'd been trying to take. it was a hiatus to just be still and clear my mind and life from voices and situations that had become such distractions. i wasnt sure what that would look like or entail. while i'd like to say my experience was successful, i can only say that i learned much from the experience.
in the last few days, i've had some really encouraging conversations that have reminded me of life's purpose and the journey. its amazing how God works in that way and how He speaks to us through different mediums. sometimes its through a friends words, sometimes its the testimony of someone elses life, sometimes its through scripture or something we read or hear....the point is that we have to key in to hear His voice. not necessarily an easy thing to do. but when you're hungry you'll wait and you'll listen...
i'm excited for 2009. just the myriad of conversations and the many new doors opening. its exciting and sometimes a bit overwhelming but i go back to trusting what i know...and that is that i'll never be led astray. everything has worked out even when it didnt seem like it would and i trust that God is fully in control. i'm not worried about the road ahead or the choices that need to be made. as always they will be made when they need to be made and in just the right instance i'll know the choice that must be chosen. God has always been faithful that way.
There is a peace that transcends all understanding. With that peace we can face any trial, challenge, or mountain thrown our way and we can do it with confidence. Its because of unconditional love that we are able to tap into that peace. so i leave with what love is and what it is not so that when we come face to face with it we can clearly see it and know it.
1 Corinthians 13
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. i'm so grateful that it always trust, alwas hopes, and always perseveres.
i've been enjoying the winter break. delving back into some familar territory and taking on some new tasks. so far its been interesting. i've probably blogged about this before but i revisit this topic because its something i'm dealing with in the now. i've had this funny take on where i'm at. i have moments where i chose to be silent and moments where i voice my thoughts and opinions but mostly, i've silently observed. i've felt there have been lessons i needed to learn without interruption by my sometimes premature thoughts.
i've written about being judged or being judged by what others say rather than actual interaction or experience with that person. often times my lack of interaction is apparently enough to "confirm" what others have been told so rather than find out for themselves i'm labeled this or that and treated with a bit of disdain or indifference. you'd think no big deal because people of the world do it all the time right? well its certainly not expected by people of faith...yet there it is. as clear as day. judgement set upon me based upon something that happened several years ago or some miscommunication that occurred ages ago.
what happened to the the belief in the power of God to change people for the better? i realize that i have to apply that concept in my own life. Those that i've felt have bitterly betrayed me at various moments of my life, forgiveness and a renewed view of those individuals must be found. We've all wronged each other now and again. It happens but that's the beauty of love...it foregoes those transgressions and resides/abounds in forgiveness at least unconditional love does. Thats the kind of love spoken about in the bible, the kind of love as believers we've been called to practice.
Forgiveness is one of those areas that does not come easy to most. In fact, its one of those topics that seems most hardest to practice. We (as in human tendencies) tend to harbor those ill feelings towards those who have wronged us. Maybe its because we think/feel that vindication is served when we enact our angry or upset feelings towards our perpetrator. but its not...our harbored ill feelings can do damage to others but really they do the most damage to ourselves. forgiveness of others is key to moving on to a new place and key to brining freedom in life. how can we expect God's forgiveness when we dont extend it ourselves?
there's a freedom that comes when we forgive those who have failed us or wronged us. it allows us to move forward and to progress in the journey of faith. forgiveness is a choice. it is not something we wake up to and just happens. rather its a conscious choice that we make to move forward and past whatever inequity inacted against our person. in that conscious colletive choice, because its not just a matter of the mind to decide but in heart and spirit, we leave the past in the past and walk in the present. in that choice is where we make our greatest progress. progress can be a funny thing because sometimes from our vantage point it doesnt seem that we are making any progress at all.
it isnt until we look back at the mile markers in our lives to see how far we've really travelled that we can finally realize that yes we have made progress in the journey of faith. that somehow where we've been and what we've been through has propelled us to a new place or a new seasons. half the time we dont even realize it has occured. instead we find ourselves awakening to something unfamilar. takes us a minute to realize that yes we have moved into something new.
that seems to be where i've found myself. a new unfamilar place.
i have my own list of wrong-doings and mistakes. actions i sometimes wish i had though through more carefully or words i wish i had chosen more selectively. but for better or worse they have been enacted into being. they cant be taken back, cant be retracted, or ignored as if they didnt exist. instead i can only move forward from them, remembering the consquences they brought. that may be the greatest reason why i pause in reaction to whatever may be happening in life.
takes me a moment to realize that yes...its a hard moment in life but like all things, it will pass. we are not exempt from the hard times or from trying times. but instead of dwelling on where we are or what is happening we can take comfort in knowing who is seeing us through it and knowing we are never alone through it.
its been a long time coming given all the things that life threw my way in the past couple of years. there've been moments where i've felt like i didnt have the strength to endure the challenges i was facing. yet God always provided. i finally took the much needed hiatus i'd been trying to take. it was a hiatus to just be still and clear my mind and life from voices and situations that had become such distractions. i wasnt sure what that would look like or entail. while i'd like to say my experience was successful, i can only say that i learned much from the experience.
in the last few days, i've had some really encouraging conversations that have reminded me of life's purpose and the journey. its amazing how God works in that way and how He speaks to us through different mediums. sometimes its through a friends words, sometimes its the testimony of someone elses life, sometimes its through scripture or something we read or hear....the point is that we have to key in to hear His voice. not necessarily an easy thing to do. but when you're hungry you'll wait and you'll listen...
i'm excited for 2009. just the myriad of conversations and the many new doors opening. its exciting and sometimes a bit overwhelming but i go back to trusting what i know...and that is that i'll never be led astray. everything has worked out even when it didnt seem like it would and i trust that God is fully in control. i'm not worried about the road ahead or the choices that need to be made. as always they will be made when they need to be made and in just the right instance i'll know the choice that must be chosen. God has always been faithful that way.
There is a peace that transcends all understanding. With that peace we can face any trial, challenge, or mountain thrown our way and we can do it with confidence. Its because of unconditional love that we are able to tap into that peace. so i leave with what love is and what it is not so that when we come face to face with it we can clearly see it and know it.
1 Corinthians 13
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. i'm so grateful that it always trust, alwas hopes, and always perseveres.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Country First
I wasn't sure if I was going to blog about the election but I decided that there were a few things I wanted to voice.
This particular election was a bit bittersweet for me. First, I was soooo happy to see the record turnout and to see so many Americans participating in this important process. It made a obvious difference in this particular election. I was truly elated to hear that people felt their vote was represented and their voice was heard because truly it was heard.
I've not talked alot about who I was going to vote for. Though if you asked me, I'd gladly tell you with no reservations. I'm not a democrat as some people assume. Partly because of a die hard republican family influence but also because there are certain ideals that I identify more closely to with the Republican Party. There are ideals that I just can't seem to accept from the democrat party position regarding certain and specific issues.
Next which is truly remarkable to me, I didnt think I'd see the day when a bi-racial president would be elected. I know this may be in part of where I live and the environment that I come from but I am so absolutely amazed. As a minority and as a female I think it definitely sends the message that yes anything is possible in America. Did I think our country was ready for this kinda of move? No, I didn't but apparently i was wrong.
And so we have our first bi-racial President. It truly is history in the making and for those of us involved in the process, we can live to tell our children and grandchildren about it. Tell them how grant park became jubilation park and what we were thinking in the moments when the election was called. Tell them about the celebration that insued not just in america but also around the world. I cannot imagine what Dr King's response would be to this victory. The emotions I felt watching Rev Jesse Jackson in tears listening to Obama deliver his victory speech...it made me proud to be an american.
I don't necessarily agree with Jesse Jackson's strong arm tactics regarding race or agree with his approach...but I certainly could not deny him that moment. Just think, to be part of a civil rights movement in the way that he has, to fight a struggle for as long as he has fought, and then to see the time and the moment when they had reached what they considered the promise land is beyond any words that could give that moment the justice it so rightly deserves.
While my own people have not endured those kinds of struggle, so many have endured others struggles such as to be accepted, to learn a new language, and in many cases the right to be here legally. It has most definitely stirred me to re-consider the direction of my own legal career and the issue of immigration which i take up serious residence with. I've witnessed first-hand the difficulty that some encounter in the process of trying to become a citizen.
But I digress so now I'll return to the topic of this blog which is the election. I voted for one democratic candidate because I know him and felt confident that he was the best candidate. I found it interesting to hear, read, and see the response to this newly elected president. For some I was most appreciative of their responses and for others I was completely mortified. so let's start with the responses I was appreciative about.
A friend of mine is an attorney in North Carolina. He wrote a very poignant blog that I identified with. I appreciate his insight but more importantly how gracious he was to President Elect Obama. He is after all what I would consider a staunch Republican. It is that sort of attitude and approach that I think as Republicans and as Americans that we should engage our fellow Democrat Americans. This is the reason we live in this land...we are able to choose freely what we believe and choose who to identify with. Those are the freedoms fought for us by the generations who have gone before us.
The second comes from a friend of mine. I've obtained his permission to re-post his thoughts. So here are his "Ten Thoughts on the Election."
1. There seems to be this thought that African-Americans in this country voted for Barak Obama because of he was an African-American. I sincerely hope this is not the case.If someone stated they were NOT going to vote for a person based on the color of their skin, that would be racist, right? Would it not also be racist to say that someone WAS going to vote for someone based on the color of their skin?
2. If you are making a point about the election, or people’s reaction to it, using foul language only makes you sound less intelligent. It is one thing to curse in day-to-day life, but when presenting your views in written form for others to view, you only hurt your own point by cursing.
3. While I do not condone the “America is dooooomed” philosophy that I have been hearing for the past 20 hours, nor do I find it fitting that Obama supporters should call them “whiners”.Seriously? Then what do you call all of that complaining we heard from the left for the past eight years?
4. I believe it behooves all American citizens, regardless of who you voted for, to give Barak a fair chance. If policies are enacted that you do not agree with, if laws are passed that you find unacceptable, by all means, express your opinion, but stating that our country is doomed, or that he is going to be a horrible president before he has even been sworn in is a little premature.
5. Does anyone ever remember a more gracious losing candidate than John McCain? I realize we often think the latest thing to happen also makes it best, but I do not remember any of the three losing candidates of my lifetime giving such a gracious concession speech. His speech was definitely a good step on reuniting our country after 20 years of being divided.
6. If it takes the nation electing a leader who shares your values for you to be proud of your country, please examine what you really view America to be. If you are in a club that you are only proud to be in when 53% of the club agrees with you, then maybe that isn’t the club for you. That goes the other way, if America elects a president you don’t agree with, and you lose pride in what she is, than perhaps you weren’t really proud of what America really is.
7. Republicans controlled two of the three branches of government for 6 of the last 8 years. They controlled all three for 4 of the last 8. For most of this time, Democrats have stated how they could do it better and have pointed out, often times in a very divisive manner, how they could do better. It is time to stop talking and start doing. Democrats hold the majority in both congressional houses and have the presidency. After all that talk about change and all the finger-pointing, the biggest mistake would be to get nothing done.
8. Right now we stand as a country divided. CNN shows that the popular vote was split 53% to 46% in favor of Barak Obama. That is a 7% difference. Not really as big as the Electoral College makes it sound. That means that a large portion of this country did not vote for our next president. We as a nation need to do what we can to stand together, instead of standing to the right, or the left of an imaginary line. This will not happen easily or overnight, but berating people of the other side does nothing to aid that cause. America is great because of our differences. We all know this. However, it seems that people on the left are having a hard time respecting the difference of the person on the right, and vice versa. This problem is on both sides.
9. Just a quick one here….how come the best two speeches of the entire campaign were done AFTER the campaign was finished? I guess when they aren’t trying to be politicians any longer, these are pretty good guys.
10. What can you do if you are a republican and you are unhappy about the election? Well first of all, complaining changes nothing. Nor does declaring for succession. However, there will be another election, in just two years, for senate and congressional seats. If you are really unhappy about the current balance of power, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Republicans could regain control of one or two of the houses in 2010. Call your local Republican party and see what you can do or educate yourself so that you can better educate others on the REAL issues. Complaining does nothing.
To expound negatively on the gain of one party is to exponentially increase the size of loss for the losing party. What I have read and seen in regards to responses of fellow Republicans is disheartening. I have several friends who are alum from Baylor and are minorities so I'm sure this article will also sadden them as well. I've heard the responses from what I consider to be ignorant and immature people throwing temper tantrums because their candidate didnt win.
Winning and losing is a part and fact of life. We win some and we lose some. we do not always win, do not always get our way, and I believe that it is in our losses that true character is developed and defined. The voice of america has spoken and has called for change. Unless the Republican Party can move forward and develop policies that are relevant to the needs of america then we will continue to see Democrat victories in the years to come. To be mature is to accept the outcome of this race and move forward in a way that is positive and beneficial to all americans.
While I know that my statements may be idealistic and are sometimes far from reality. I can hope and pray that we will progress as people and unify under the common identity as Amercians.
As Christians, the Bible says we are to submit to the authorities of the land. President Elect Obama will represent to us the authority of this land. He deserves our respect and we should be responsible in respecting the privilege he has earned to be the leader of the free world. Our responsibility now is to pray for him and our nation as we move forward and to positively contribute to our communities and the nation as a whole. May God bless america and may He bless those of you who read this. It is with much love, gratitude, and patriotism as an hispanic christian american that I write this.
May we look back at this historical moment in time and know that we did all that we could to make our world a better place. Above the political divisions and factions, we are americans and even though this was a Republican slogan I feel it holds true now more than ever, let us graciously move forward...remembering
"Country First"
Thursday, October 2, 2008
that is sooooo not attractive.
It's been a while since I posted a blog here. So i'm back to give an update and share some thoughts. It's been about two months since I posted so alot has happened. I'm back in school full-time. When I say full-time, its more like full-time with over-time hours. I have 18 hours at Angelo State and 7 hours with Dallas telecollege (working on boosting my GPA). It's crazy insane for sure but not as bad as I thought it was going to be be. In fact, since I'm not working, its been as enjoyable as it could possibly be. But even despite the insanity, I'm the happiest I've been in a very long while.
I've taken on some new endeavors and am venturing back into some familar territories. For one. I've started organizational work again. I was a bit anti-organizational for a while. Well really, I was just anti-people for a while. Kept a really really tight circle. But i've been venturing beyond that and it's been a welcomed change. I've meet some really interesting people.
The GMAT/LSAT are fast approaching and while I dont feel completely ready to tackle them, I want to get them over with. Been working on applications and scholarship essays. It's waaay more time consuming than I ever imagined possible. But to fulfill a dream, it's worth every effort.
There is something I'd like to adress in today's blog. The reason i'm addressing it now is because I had this crazy experience yesterday. I was driving home down a major street in my town when I stopped at a stop light. So this dude in a muscle car pulls up next to me. As the light turns green he revs his engine and races from the starting line like we were battling in the Nascar bush series. So we get to the next light and the same darn thing. What the heck. so as i'm driving down this stretch in the road, racing up to me he comes with this loud engine...and i thought to myself, "that is so not attractive." seriously...i'm gonna swap my car for a more mature audience cause i'm too old for street racing. where are the nice mature single men of the world? this has been a sort of dilemna for me only because i've gotten alot of "you look so young" cant believe how old I really am verbage.
I try to keep it fresh and funky, but fresh and funky is gettin me a whole lot of "oh I dont even think so." I should count my blessings and thank my parents for youthful genetics cause someday when i'm super old, i'm gonna be glad I dont look super old. lol.
but despite looking young, due to the change in schedule I gained like 5 lbs since quitting work. not muy bueno. so i'm back to consistent running and eating healthier as soon as i'm better. (i've had this terrible sinus/allergy thing going on). anyhow. after spending some time with my oldest nephew, i decided if i want to keep up with that kid then i need to be in a healthier condition. this whole process has been sort of a roller coaster with great moments of achievement and then lapses in the process because of a crazy schedule or change in life. but the reality is that being healthy is about living a healthy lifestyle and that sometimes takes a little planning and organization.
life has been so fast paced lately that the easiest thing to do is pick up fast food on the way home. not to mention i have classes on a couple of days during the lunch hour. so that brings a whole new sort of challenges. but despite changes in schedule, i need to figure out something that will work for me.
alright so that's about it for now.
I've taken on some new endeavors and am venturing back into some familar territories. For one. I've started organizational work again. I was a bit anti-organizational for a while. Well really, I was just anti-people for a while. Kept a really really tight circle. But i've been venturing beyond that and it's been a welcomed change. I've meet some really interesting people.
The GMAT/LSAT are fast approaching and while I dont feel completely ready to tackle them, I want to get them over with. Been working on applications and scholarship essays. It's waaay more time consuming than I ever imagined possible. But to fulfill a dream, it's worth every effort.
There is something I'd like to adress in today's blog. The reason i'm addressing it now is because I had this crazy experience yesterday. I was driving home down a major street in my town when I stopped at a stop light. So this dude in a muscle car pulls up next to me. As the light turns green he revs his engine and races from the starting line like we were battling in the Nascar bush series. So we get to the next light and the same darn thing. What the heck. so as i'm driving down this stretch in the road, racing up to me he comes with this loud engine...and i thought to myself, "that is so not attractive." seriously...i'm gonna swap my car for a more mature audience cause i'm too old for street racing. where are the nice mature single men of the world? this has been a sort of dilemna for me only because i've gotten alot of "you look so young" cant believe how old I really am verbage.
I try to keep it fresh and funky, but fresh and funky is gettin me a whole lot of "oh I dont even think so." I should count my blessings and thank my parents for youthful genetics cause someday when i'm super old, i'm gonna be glad I dont look super old. lol.
but despite looking young, due to the change in schedule I gained like 5 lbs since quitting work. not muy bueno. so i'm back to consistent running and eating healthier as soon as i'm better. (i've had this terrible sinus/allergy thing going on). anyhow. after spending some time with my oldest nephew, i decided if i want to keep up with that kid then i need to be in a healthier condition. this whole process has been sort of a roller coaster with great moments of achievement and then lapses in the process because of a crazy schedule or change in life. but the reality is that being healthy is about living a healthy lifestyle and that sometimes takes a little planning and organization.
life has been so fast paced lately that the easiest thing to do is pick up fast food on the way home. not to mention i have classes on a couple of days during the lunch hour. so that brings a whole new sort of challenges. but despite changes in schedule, i need to figure out something that will work for me.
alright so that's about it for now.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
and we're off....
it's a little insane right now. getting ready for finals tomorrow. so i've been studying my brains to oblivion. have homework due as well. plus getting ready for this shin-dig in lubbock aka my cousin's graduation. i haven't packed and am not planning on it until tomorrow after finals.
i've never been so ready to take a test in all my life. if that wasn't dramatic enough for me, i finished all my "paperwork" to take the LSAT in December and the GMAT in November. About a month apart. Figured i could use the extra time for the LSAT. not sure how its gonna turn out, but what i do know is I have to give it my best shot. can't leave any avenue unexhausted.
i applied for an international study program for next summer. but i also found out about a program to China over Christmas break. i applied so we'll see how that goes.
working on wrapping up my last course with Dallas telecollege as well. might re-take a bio course just to help my GPA but i'm debating. i have a massive amount of hours for the fall...so we'll see.
only two weeks before classes start up again. i'm excited for once. mainly because since i've spent more time in the business building i feel a bit more invested. been visiting my professors a bit more which isnt something i did too often on account of working full-time. it's kinda nice. i feel like i'm having the college experience i never had. and of course that would be due to my own doing but its nice to have education on the forefront of the priority list for a change.
all in all, i feel like this goal is completely attainable. just alot of variables left in the mix that are completely out of my control. and this is where my faith in Jesus comes in. at the same time, i'm ok with whatever the road may lay before me. i've survived through worse so i'm happy to be where i am because of those experiences.
i attribute any sort of wisdom to aging and finally coming to my senses...listening to my accountability partner of long ago. sometimes it is better to rely on the experiences of others rather than experiencing it yourself.
i'm watching Transformers for the kamillionth time. trying to decompress my brain.
these next few weeks will be a celebration of sorts. i'm excited about it all....but i'm really excited about the approaching fall. because that leads us to Christmas. oh how i love Christmas.
i had some more toughts i wanted to focus on but seriously...my brain is fried.
i've never been so ready to take a test in all my life. if that wasn't dramatic enough for me, i finished all my "paperwork" to take the LSAT in December and the GMAT in November. About a month apart. Figured i could use the extra time for the LSAT. not sure how its gonna turn out, but what i do know is I have to give it my best shot. can't leave any avenue unexhausted.
i applied for an international study program for next summer. but i also found out about a program to China over Christmas break. i applied so we'll see how that goes.
working on wrapping up my last course with Dallas telecollege as well. might re-take a bio course just to help my GPA but i'm debating. i have a massive amount of hours for the fall...so we'll see.
only two weeks before classes start up again. i'm excited for once. mainly because since i've spent more time in the business building i feel a bit more invested. been visiting my professors a bit more which isnt something i did too often on account of working full-time. it's kinda nice. i feel like i'm having the college experience i never had. and of course that would be due to my own doing but its nice to have education on the forefront of the priority list for a change.
all in all, i feel like this goal is completely attainable. just alot of variables left in the mix that are completely out of my control. and this is where my faith in Jesus comes in. at the same time, i'm ok with whatever the road may lay before me. i've survived through worse so i'm happy to be where i am because of those experiences.
i attribute any sort of wisdom to aging and finally coming to my senses...listening to my accountability partner of long ago. sometimes it is better to rely on the experiences of others rather than experiencing it yourself.
i'm watching Transformers for the kamillionth time. trying to decompress my brain.
these next few weeks will be a celebration of sorts. i'm excited about it all....but i'm really excited about the approaching fall. because that leads us to Christmas. oh how i love Christmas.
i had some more toughts i wanted to focus on but seriously...my brain is fried.
still havent found what i'm looking for
four whole sale distributors, five phone calls, seven emails, ten hours of internet searches, and six days later...i still can't locate a particular Gerbera daisy i'm looking for. this would be the flowers i need for my cousins graduation luncheon. i'm waiting to hear back from a contact in Miami and worse case scenario, i'll be ordering a mixed box and picking out what i need.
i could probably get them from a distributor in Lubbock but this particular distributor requires me to have a special permit which i dont have because i dont do the party planning/floral decor thing all that often. but i'm considering getting one. might come in handy. plus i've had more inquiries about weddings and parties...so thinking of taking this hobby to the next level. its been alot of fun putting this latest party together.
working .. up some last minute items and then packing it so we'll be ready to go thursday evening. gonna get to see my bro again. dude...had agreat time with him this weekend. went by too fast though.
slowly starting to get over this "cold" probably sound worse than i feel.
classes are coming to an end with finals on thurs. (AGH!)
i'm feelin a bit laid back about it all. just cause i'm like eh, what can i do. study and pray i do well. waiting on word for a few things and working on getting some projects finished up around here. if i can get done what i'm hopin too. it'll be nice.
hard to believe in just two weeks, i'll be back to the school grind. new schedule, new professors, some new classmates. been good so far and i'm gettin to know some of my professors. i dont think i've ever spent that much time at school. so in that way i think it's good. i feel a bit more invested in my educational career. looking at a few options.
also getting back to music. decided to make a couple of purchases related to that. the first being a new acoustic guitar. going to upgrade...and no, not to something super fancy like a high end taylor/martin. no, i'm going with a Breedlove thanks to my good friend Eli. the second is another Roland keybord. i have a Korg triton and just dont love it the way i loved my jv-80. yeah that ole skool! lol....so i need to do a bit more research of the roland i want but nothing to intense. just a basic model with a few particular "sounds" that i'm looking at. i wrote a few songs but kinda strayed from music for a while. i think its time to go back and that requires a clean organized workspace.
so working on that...and changing some environmental issues...like changing out from carpet to wood floors. changing colors and schemes....etc. i'm excited and the organization keeps me from feeling flustered and chaotic. i'll have to post pics of the new work space. the other major project is to get rid of the excess i currently possess...and that's on a few fronts. we won't delve into that just now. just feelin the need to get rid of some stuff...both in possessions and in other realms.
had an interesting experience recently. brought me to a new place and an "enlightened" place. interesting...can't go into too much details. i fear i'd hurt someone's feelings. i know, i know...not usually a concern for me. i dont want to be too obvious what i'm talking about. just to say that my "beliefs" continue to be moved into a better direction. frustrating at the same time cause i think to myself..."boy that was hypocritical" but i also have to think.."hmmm, how many times have i worn that shoe?"
cuts a little deeper and with more pain when you realize your thought applies to your own life at some point. and well that's what i mean about my beliefs being moved in better directions. at the same time, i think what i'm struggling with most is finding that place of authenticity vs being how others think i should be and by that i mean in regards to relating to others. i've been thinking about Jesus and his love for all people. yet, i'm also struck with the fact that he was so angry with the vendors in the temple.
it's an arena i'm not quite ready to blog. Just on the cusp of that issue. either way...i have to say that i definitely feel i'm where i need to be and doing what i need to be doing. it's a good feeling and the peace seriously does pass all understanding.
i could probably get them from a distributor in Lubbock but this particular distributor requires me to have a special permit which i dont have because i dont do the party planning/floral decor thing all that often. but i'm considering getting one. might come in handy. plus i've had more inquiries about weddings and parties...so thinking of taking this hobby to the next level. its been alot of fun putting this latest party together.
working .. up some last minute items and then packing it so we'll be ready to go thursday evening. gonna get to see my bro again. dude...had agreat time with him this weekend. went by too fast though.
slowly starting to get over this "cold" probably sound worse than i feel.
classes are coming to an end with finals on thurs. (AGH!)
i'm feelin a bit laid back about it all. just cause i'm like eh, what can i do. study and pray i do well. waiting on word for a few things and working on getting some projects finished up around here. if i can get done what i'm hopin too. it'll be nice.
hard to believe in just two weeks, i'll be back to the school grind. new schedule, new professors, some new classmates. been good so far and i'm gettin to know some of my professors. i dont think i've ever spent that much time at school. so in that way i think it's good. i feel a bit more invested in my educational career. looking at a few options.
also getting back to music. decided to make a couple of purchases related to that. the first being a new acoustic guitar. going to upgrade...and no, not to something super fancy like a high end taylor/martin. no, i'm going with a Breedlove thanks to my good friend Eli. the second is another Roland keybord. i have a Korg triton and just dont love it the way i loved my jv-80. yeah that ole skool! lol....so i need to do a bit more research of the roland i want but nothing to intense. just a basic model with a few particular "sounds" that i'm looking at. i wrote a few songs but kinda strayed from music for a while. i think its time to go back and that requires a clean organized workspace.
so working on that...and changing some environmental issues...like changing out from carpet to wood floors. changing colors and schemes....etc. i'm excited and the organization keeps me from feeling flustered and chaotic. i'll have to post pics of the new work space. the other major project is to get rid of the excess i currently possess...and that's on a few fronts. we won't delve into that just now. just feelin the need to get rid of some stuff...both in possessions and in other realms.
had an interesting experience recently. brought me to a new place and an "enlightened" place. interesting...can't go into too much details. i fear i'd hurt someone's feelings. i know, i know...not usually a concern for me. i dont want to be too obvious what i'm talking about. just to say that my "beliefs" continue to be moved into a better direction. frustrating at the same time cause i think to myself..."boy that was hypocritical" but i also have to think.."hmmm, how many times have i worn that shoe?"
cuts a little deeper and with more pain when you realize your thought applies to your own life at some point. and well that's what i mean about my beliefs being moved in better directions. at the same time, i think what i'm struggling with most is finding that place of authenticity vs being how others think i should be and by that i mean in regards to relating to others. i've been thinking about Jesus and his love for all people. yet, i'm also struck with the fact that he was so angry with the vendors in the temple.
it's an arena i'm not quite ready to blog. Just on the cusp of that issue. either way...i have to say that i definitely feel i'm where i need to be and doing what i need to be doing. it's a good feeling and the peace seriously does pass all understanding.
Monday, July 28, 2008
chicken noodle soup and gatorade
I'm not one of those people who needs exactly eight hours of sleep to function. I do better with either seven or nine. So this morning after seven I found it a bit odd that I struggled so hard to wake up more so than usual. I was also lagging behind and so was running a bit late because of it. But I ignored it until it hit me during Accounting. ish....just felt miserable.
well, i continued to ignore the awful icky sick feeling thinking oh i just slept wrong but as we were walking through Sam's, I realized my body was telling me I needed to slow down. so i came home tried to take a nap and started the usual gatorade/chicken noodle soup.
not a good time to be sick, though i dont think there ever is a good time.
what did make the day better is the new John Mayer tickets and shirts that came in. Got home from school and there they were waiting at home. so i'm praying and believing that whatever it is that i've got will go away just as fast as it came.
it doesnt help much that i have a major exam tomorrow. lucky for me, i decided to wisely spend my time this weekend studying a bit. the exam this morning seemed a bit easier thanks to the studying. trying to develop better study habits cause really i dont have many. in that way, schools sorta come easy, but i'm learning there are some subjects i need to spend my time with my nose in the books.
so supernerd laura is back to the books, chicken noodle soup, and gatorade! yips!
well, i continued to ignore the awful icky sick feeling thinking oh i just slept wrong but as we were walking through Sam's, I realized my body was telling me I needed to slow down. so i came home tried to take a nap and started the usual gatorade/chicken noodle soup.
not a good time to be sick, though i dont think there ever is a good time.
what did make the day better is the new John Mayer tickets and shirts that came in. Got home from school and there they were waiting at home. so i'm praying and believing that whatever it is that i've got will go away just as fast as it came.
it doesnt help much that i have a major exam tomorrow. lucky for me, i decided to wisely spend my time this weekend studying a bit. the exam this morning seemed a bit easier thanks to the studying. trying to develop better study habits cause really i dont have many. in that way, schools sorta come easy, but i'm learning there are some subjects i need to spend my time with my nose in the books.
so supernerd laura is back to the books, chicken noodle soup, and gatorade! yips!
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Simple joys
Friday! i woke up this morning and thought, today's gonna be crazy. can i get five more minutes of sleep? and then i realized that if i remained in bed any longer i was going to make myself late for class. today was a review for monday's test in stats. my noon class was cancelled which meant i'd be driving to Brownwood to see my sister before she went to work. my mom wanted to see the grandkids and see the new house.
the orginal plan was that we would stay overnight. however, i have two major tests next week. as much as i love my family and wanted to spend time with my sister. i knew if we didn't come back tonight then we wouldn't arrive until sometime tomorrow afternoon. forget being able to study there. i barely could go to the ladies room without my nephew beating down the door screaming "mimi, open the door! come out!" he's a bossy one that Timothy! LOL...serves me right. i'm getting a taste of my own medicine.
the highlight of my day was getting to sit and chat with my sister and spending some time with the kids. the kids were at daycare, so my mom and i decided to pick up the oldest and spend some time with him. which is exactly what we did. oh his cute little face that light up when he saw us. he yells, "Gee! MIMI! my gee's here!!!" why he calls my mom "Gee" no idea? so the first thing he says to me is how he's left us a present of his own, but not the good kind. aye! so he says "i get my stuff!" and off we go to collect his daily papers. and then off we go to his house to change him before running around. he's adorable.
we got to spend about an hour and half with him before his dad came home with Peter who is growing like a weed. he's up to 10 lbs now. amazing...just amazing. to think he entered this world weighing just four pounds and is now a healthy growing boy! he's already starting to pick his head up and staring around. they do grow really fast. which is why i'm the camera happy tia. twenty kajillion pics of the ninos!
well, we departed just after 6:30 pm. decided to stay in tonight on account of my early morning run. not to mention the stack of movies i have either rented or are from netflix. i think i'm a movie junkie. i started watching this movie and completely crashed out. like people talking to me and me wanting to respond in my head but not able to fully communicate verbally. what came out was mumbled jibberish. by the way, i do mumble sometimes.
anyhow...to switch gears a bit. my mom's doing great. getting adjusted to some new changes but its all for the better. she's recovering from surgery and we've had some funny moments in the process. my dad told the surgeon that my mother was crazy. shoulda seen her the day he brought her home. hijole. but i'm glad to see she's in better spirits. she wasn't exactly happy with us for making her go through with this surgery.
my dad left bright and early this morning. headed to the valley with the san angelo group that's part of TBM's disaster relief efforts there in wake of Hurricane Dolly. He was really excited to go and man, i have to say this is my dad's passion. helping people in need. that's why i love Angie's parents so much. for their genuine hearts, service to humanity, and their devotion to God.
I can remember ever so clearly sitting at a Pizza Hut or Frazoli's (the where doesnt matter much) with Smange's parents talking about faith and what it meant. I remember the tears in her Dad's eyes as he talked about what he was most passionate about. That was a defining moment in my life and's one of those moments I'll remember for the rest of my life.
When I feel like what I know and what should be fail me...I go back to that moment and remember that true unconditional love exists. That is the reason why i say they inspire and encourage me. That conversation always takes me to a place where I have no other alternative but to subtract my feelings, emotions, needs, desires, hurts, wishes, and wants from the equation always leading me to see a bigger picture outside of myself. It reminds me that it's a privilege to be part of a bigger family that surpasses blood relations. More than anything it takes me back to gratitude and that kind of gratitude leads to a humility that can't be adequately described by words. The closest that I can come to is one word.
Broken.
sitting here safely in my own home, having what i need and being afforded privileges i've been afforded: I can say i'm grateful. And so tonight my prayers go out to those folks affected by Dolly. I'm most grateful that this natural disaster wasn't to the extreme degree of Katrina, but i'm sure there are folks who's homes have sustained damage and loss. also i pray blessings for those selfless volunteers who are on the frontlines trying to meet basic needs like food, shelter, showers...and for the volunteers to come who will help with mudding units and reconstruction efforts. it's no surprise to me that Smange's parents are coordinating efforts there...so many prayers for strength and wisdom as they do the work they are called to do.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)