I realize that its been a while since i've posted here and I had promised to post more regularly. Well this is my attempt to do so. Decided to re-post some items i'd previously posted at myspace/facebook so here we go. I've revised this blog and added some new thoughts to it as well.
i've been enjoying the winter break. delving back into some familar territory and taking on some new tasks. so far its been interesting. i've probably blogged about this before but i revisit this topic because its something i'm dealing with in the now. i've had this funny take on where i'm at. i have moments where i chose to be silent and moments where i voice my thoughts and opinions but mostly, i've silently observed. i've felt there have been lessons i needed to learn without interruption by my sometimes premature thoughts.
i've written about being judged or being judged by what others say rather than actual interaction or experience with that person. often times my lack of interaction is apparently enough to "confirm" what others have been told so rather than find out for themselves i'm labeled this or that and treated with a bit of disdain or indifference. you'd think no big deal because people of the world do it all the time right? well its certainly not expected by people of faith...yet there it is. as clear as day. judgement set upon me based upon something that happened several years ago or some miscommunication that occurred ages ago.
what happened to the the belief in the power of God to change people for the better? i realize that i have to apply that concept in my own life. Those that i've felt have bitterly betrayed me at various moments of my life, forgiveness and a renewed view of those individuals must be found. We've all wronged each other now and again. It happens but that's the beauty of love...it foregoes those transgressions and resides/abounds in forgiveness at least unconditional love does. Thats the kind of love spoken about in the bible, the kind of love as believers we've been called to practice.
Forgiveness is one of those areas that does not come easy to most. In fact, its one of those topics that seems most hardest to practice. We (as in human tendencies) tend to harbor those ill feelings towards those who have wronged us. Maybe its because we think/feel that vindication is served when we enact our angry or upset feelings towards our perpetrator. but its not...our harbored ill feelings can do damage to others but really they do the most damage to ourselves. forgiveness of others is key to moving on to a new place and key to brining freedom in life. how can we expect God's forgiveness when we dont extend it ourselves?
there's a freedom that comes when we forgive those who have failed us or wronged us. it allows us to move forward and to progress in the journey of faith. forgiveness is a choice. it is not something we wake up to and just happens. rather its a conscious choice that we make to move forward and past whatever inequity inacted against our person. in that conscious colletive choice, because its not just a matter of the mind to decide but in heart and spirit, we leave the past in the past and walk in the present. in that choice is where we make our greatest progress. progress can be a funny thing because sometimes from our vantage point it doesnt seem that we are making any progress at all.
it isnt until we look back at the mile markers in our lives to see how far we've really travelled that we can finally realize that yes we have made progress in the journey of faith. that somehow where we've been and what we've been through has propelled us to a new place or a new seasons. half the time we dont even realize it has occured. instead we find ourselves awakening to something unfamilar. takes us a minute to realize that yes we have moved into something new.
that seems to be where i've found myself. a new unfamilar place.
i have my own list of wrong-doings and mistakes. actions i sometimes wish i had though through more carefully or words i wish i had chosen more selectively. but for better or worse they have been enacted into being. they cant be taken back, cant be retracted, or ignored as if they didnt exist. instead i can only move forward from them, remembering the consquences they brought. that may be the greatest reason why i pause in reaction to whatever may be happening in life.
takes me a moment to realize that yes...its a hard moment in life but like all things, it will pass. we are not exempt from the hard times or from trying times. but instead of dwelling on where we are or what is happening we can take comfort in knowing who is seeing us through it and knowing we are never alone through it.
its been a long time coming given all the things that life threw my way in the past couple of years. there've been moments where i've felt like i didnt have the strength to endure the challenges i was facing. yet God always provided. i finally took the much needed hiatus i'd been trying to take. it was a hiatus to just be still and clear my mind and life from voices and situations that had become such distractions. i wasnt sure what that would look like or entail. while i'd like to say my experience was successful, i can only say that i learned much from the experience.
in the last few days, i've had some really encouraging conversations that have reminded me of life's purpose and the journey. its amazing how God works in that way and how He speaks to us through different mediums. sometimes its through a friends words, sometimes its the testimony of someone elses life, sometimes its through scripture or something we read or hear....the point is that we have to key in to hear His voice. not necessarily an easy thing to do. but when you're hungry you'll wait and you'll listen...
i'm excited for 2009. just the myriad of conversations and the many new doors opening. its exciting and sometimes a bit overwhelming but i go back to trusting what i know...and that is that i'll never be led astray. everything has worked out even when it didnt seem like it would and i trust that God is fully in control. i'm not worried about the road ahead or the choices that need to be made. as always they will be made when they need to be made and in just the right instance i'll know the choice that must be chosen. God has always been faithful that way.
There is a peace that transcends all understanding. With that peace we can face any trial, challenge, or mountain thrown our way and we can do it with confidence. Its because of unconditional love that we are able to tap into that peace. so i leave with what love is and what it is not so that when we come face to face with it we can clearly see it and know it.
1 Corinthians 13
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. i'm so grateful that it always trust, alwas hopes, and always perseveres.
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