finally home....

Alot on my mind tonight.

I'd started writing a post a few weeks ago but for some reason couldn't get past the title. I'd titled it "Sometimes you need a little direction."

Life has been just insane and I'm beginning to see this is my "new" normal. I've stopped asking if it could get any more crazy...because usually that's about the time that things take a turn at crazy blvd and I-think-I-might-lose-my-mind drive. I feel like the crazy in my life is to build up a tolerance.

I've dealt with more crazy in the last three weeks than I'd like to deal with for the remainder of my life.

I guess I should revisit this mantra that I've had for a while...that my life wasn't meant for the easy road or to do the easy things but to do the hard things...to dive into the ocean instead of wading in the kiddie pool. The crazy brings an assortment of colors to my "crayon" box....I know one of you specifically will get my reference. Yes...I suppose that without the crazy and the CRAZIES...my life would be a stark white pallet. Sometimes its the stark white against the pallet of color that is most beautiful. I try to remind myself of that when I start to be overwhelmed...

Even through the chaotic, hectic, and crazy...I'm grateful that God has given me a centered calm...a peace to maintain my wits and to remember in the end, He's in control. Do things turn out like i'd hope? sometimes...sometimes they turn out better....and so I trust that what I think may be best is not always what is best...but God knows..He always knows best.

I suppose that's why this time in life seems so very bittersweet. While parts of life are moving into these beautifully colored new seasons, there's also this part of life that is coming full-circle. I've not mentioned my grandfather or his failing health. The changes are visible. He'd gone from being this strong and determined man to spending most days sleeping. It's natural...it's what's supposed to happen when you're body begins to slowly wind down for the process that each of us will face when we go from this life to the next.

As a believer there is something so mystical and beautiful about the transition but in the same moment because of our humanity something so painful and sad. I love my grandfather and while I'd love him to stay, I know that in his present state he cannot. God didn't design us that way.

There are so many things I could say about my grandfather but more than anything, I'm so grateful for the opportunity the Lord provided that I could know them better both my grandfather and grandmother. As a family, we are where we are, blessed with what we have because of the sacrifices of my grandparents. We could say that they could have done this or that better...but the bottom line is that hindsight is always 20/20. For now...the past is the past, what I chose to carry forward is goodness...memories of laughter, stories that i'll pass on to my children, and a legacy that will propel me in my work.

My grandfather was an immigrant to the US. He came here in hopes of something better for his children. Both he and my grandmother made sacrifices to start a life here with hope. I pray that they see that hope in their children and grandchildren. I owe who I am and who I've become in large part to my grandparents. I've seen the driving force of hard work to reap what you sow, living modest lives with a focus on relationships not material things, being good to all people especially your neighbors, and appreciating the small things in life.

So the memories that mean most to me....I'd have to say the one that comes most prominently to mind is being a child with my cousins. We'd often stay while our parents were running errands or for me, I'd stay with my grandparents after school. My grandfather would give us $.50 and eventually $1.00 to walk to the store just a block from their house. He was always generous and often would watch to see that we made it to and back from the store.

The other is my grandfather and his bananas! Oh how he loved bananas! You knew you were someone special if he offered you one. My nephews love bananas as well...I can hear my nephew asking him if he can have a banana...and my grandfather offering him one.


Always amazed me to see four generations of Leyva's in one room...I think it's after hearing their stories of struggles and yes some were even exaggerated (by my grandpa nonetheless!). I had an opportunity as I was working on my undergrad degrees to have lunch with them about once a week. I'll be forever grateful for that time. I got a rare glimpse into their every day lives and heard stories of their lives in Mexico and their migration to the US.

They worked hard to provide for their children to give them an opportunity at education...I believe this is their legacy. They feared God and they loved as best they could with what they knew...but if it weren't for them and their shoulders which we stand on, I don't think we'd seen modeled hard work, persistence, dedication, or have instilled in us elements of being stubborn, angered by social injustices, or driven to succeed for a greater cause. Those are all elements, principals, and values sown by our grandparents.

Maybe they'll never know exactly what they've given us, but almost over 10 bachelor, 5 masters, and 2 doctoral degrees...I hope they can see the fruit of their labor and be proud of the seeds they've sown. They've sown seeds in faith. My grandmother prays for each of us and always before we left her home she blessed us!

What I'll miss most is seeing the twinkle in my Grandather's eyes when my nephews would visit. He just got a kick out of how my nephews pronounced Buelo (Abuelo) and Buela (Abuela). He genuinely loved their affection and I could see that it brings/brought alot of joy to both of them.


I hope...

No

I know he's gonna have that same smile when he finally makes it home.

Prayers for our family, always appreciated!