no guarantees

tonight I write a bit conflicted.

today has been a crazy day. the weather has wreaked havoc across Texas and I thought I'd be headed to my home town tomorrow but roads wont be thawed out by then. I may be leaving saturday morning.

there's lots going on. more than I care to share tonight but there is one topic heavy on my mind. it's caused me to re-think alot of aspects of my life.

i got a call from a good friend late this afternoon letting me know that his tia had passed away. from all appearances it would seem that I'd be concerned for my friend but it goes much deeper than that. in fact, my concern is for the entire family that lovingly took me in, in a time of need while living in San Antonio.

all of this was a long time ago and though some relationships have changed, i maintained friendships/brotherhood with Bert and Manny. they looked out for me when I lived in San Antonio. Took care of thing my dad would normally take care of and they taught me the backroads of San Antonio so that if I ever got lost I could get "unlost." and so during my time, these two boys (now men) because like brothers to me.

there have been riffs and disagreements along the way, but their Tia Elena played a unique role in my life. I dont think I understood what that was until I reflected on her part in my life tonight. You see, she gave me nurturing and love when I needed it most. when I was away from my family and unsure what to do, when lifee threw me questions I didnt know how to answer or what to do: she in her gentle but firm voice gave way to wisdom and reason. she maintained a light on my path that allowed me to remain open to my faith despite all the things I thought were happening around me.

while living in san antonio my life crumbled around me in so many very different ways and when I returned back home the summer of 2002, very much crushed and broken in spirit, i didnt know if i'd survive. what i didnt realize is that Tia Elena planted something in me...she sowed a seed that would in its own time germinate and grow into something beautiful. it was only with the passing of time and the living of life that I could truly appreciated and understand what she deposited in my life.

i consider her a mentor and pillar of faith in my own walk. i saw her live out her words and her faith...there were those that had their doubts but never Tia Elena...she held on to the promises God gave her and trusted Him to be her strength.

I looked through pictures of her and in everyone she has that glowing smile...and behind the smile - there is a peace....a peace that passes all understanding that we all know only comes from God...comes from walking hand and hand with Him, in having faith and complete trust....that is how I knew and know Tia Elena....she had a childlike faith and trusted no matter how painful that all things work to the good of those that love and trust and follow the Lord. That is her legacy and her life....that she ran the race and in the end was received by the Father with the words "well done my child, you have run the race well, you have finished, and you are home."

Just the short time I spent with Tia Elena and her family, I came to realize just how close and tight the family was and is. It's something I always and continue to respect and when I think of what family should it, it is the example I look to. No matter what, they are there for one another. So I know that they hurt in missing her presence but because of their faith, I know they rejoice in knowing that Jesus is her home.

I'm not able to be with them as they celebrate her life...but even still her life speaks to mine. It is a reminder that our days are numbered that life is frail and that we must be grateful for every moment of life.

Life is but a vapor.

She loved her family and she loved God and to her dying breath I know that she gave Him glory for her life.

For all that she taught me, prayed for me, shared with me...I am ever grateful. She is sown into the frabic of who I am and what I believe about God. She taught me about being hospitable and what it is to love unconditionally. She wasnt without faults but she was honest about them.

She was like the tree planted by the streams of water. She was gentle and she was firm...and she was strong in faith and we can will all rest in knowing that the day will come when we will see her again and rejoice together the miracles and work of God the Father.

There is something to be said about love...true love...and I go back to what I know about it.


3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.



The Message
1 Corinthian 13:4-8
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies.

It's caused me to think about the way I love others.