Chief’s Kingdom

Someone said to me “oh you cheer for the Chiefs because Pat Mahomes went to Tech….you drink that TTU cool-aid..” I replied, “that’s part of it but it’s a lot deeper than that.”

Now I’m no football expert but I know enough to be dangerous and I know more about the respective teams I cheer for. I’ve never believed in having phony alliances or finicky loyalty. 

First let me explain the TTU alliance. It’s true I did my graduate work at TTU and have two (2) Master’s degrees from TTU. 

But I’m also a legacy alumna. My dad obtained his Bachelor’s and Master’s there. My brother has his MBA from there and my mom took several graduate level courses but ultimately obtained her Masters in Supervision (education) from Angelo State where I obtained my Bachelor’s degree. I have at least five cousins who attended and four who finished their degrees there. So I’m a legacy alumna in the truest sense. I’ve always been proud to rep the red and black. 

Given the family connection , after my dad finished his graduate work, he started buying us season tickets around the mid-to-late 2000’s to attend games as a family. So every other weekend was spent going to home games in Lubbock. My bro started grad school after my dad finished so it was a good excuse to go see him. After my bro graduated, I joined him in Lubbock and we continued attending games. Though by then, my mom dropped out of the family outing and would watch from my bro’s house or my apt but she dropped us off and picked us up. So TTU football has long been part of our family tradition. We stopped with season tickets when we were going out to Houston more often and when I moved to Austin. Got more and more difficult to travel the 6+ hrs every other weekend. But we faithfully watch and catch a games as we’re able. We at least check in on the scores whether it be football, basketball, or baseball! 

When Ricardo and I married, neither one of us had a team we cheered for in the NFL. We were neutral for the first few years. But then Pat got drafted and our dear friend Chris got sick. He was a die hard Chief’s fan. He was a Boomer Sooner too…we overlook that! But it was the year Chris got sick. We watched a Chief’s game with him as we talked about his condition and outcome. He was always hopefully and ever trustful that God had a plan. My husband told him, “we don’t have a team. Maybe we’ll cheer for the Chiefs?” I remember his smile when my husband told him that. 

We know alot of folks cover us in prayer but if anyone’s words have had such a significant impact on our marriage, it’s Chris’s words… his actions conveyed thru stories by his wife. His humility and willingness to make things right. I often hear Chris’s words to me “Sister grace…sister grace…” He understood grace far more intimately than I think I will ever understand myself. I’m not naturally merciful or give grace freely…as I’ve aged I’ve learned. My husband has most definitely helped me with that. He’s also tested me more times than I can recount…but in the hard moments when I think, this is too hard…I hear those words “Sister….grace….”

And so cheering for the Chiefs while there’s some truth in the TTU Alumni loyalty…it’s also in memory of our dear friend. I have no doubt had he survived cancer, we woulda taken our first cruise with him and his wife. I’m sure there’s plenty more wisdom he would’ve imparted and prayers sown on our behalf…

So when the Chiefs win we think of our friend and how he gifted us the remembrance of Grace in our marriage but also the gift of cheering for the Chief’s Kingdom! It’s something Ricardo and I do together. It’s how we spend time together and time in fellowship with others in our circle. Chief’s Kingdom to me is a gift of grace! 

Thank you Chris (more than you could know) and we know we’ll see you again! #ChiefsKingdom

Has it really been that long?

I think the last time I posted was a year ago. Boy life sure does look different. A lot happening in our household as of late. Around this time last year, my sister was settling in to her new home. She decided to move her family back to our home town in late June. Pretty incredible how, once again, things have pretty much laid themselves out. We know it’s providence and no coincidence. She got her home on the market and they close soon. Her boys are with my folks, making the transition and getting ready to start a new school year at their former school. Given everything that has transpired over this last year, I have no clue what this upcoming year is going to be like. 

We had a nephew graduate this year, our niece settling in to her second year of marriage. My sister’s wrapping up her move. My brother is happily in a relationship and we like her too. My in-laws are celebrating their postponed 50th anniversary and we’re likely headed back to our offices sometime in 2022. 

Early in our relationship, we really tried to cater to our families. I think I’ve written about our first year married. My boss gave me some good advice during that year. He said do what makes you guys happy, family can get over it. We learned he was right. No one will ever understand what is best for us but us. And at every turn, where we’ve had to make hard decisions about a number of things, we’ve been either on the same page or nearing the same page. 

We’ve really figured out where our lines in the sand are and what we’re willing or not willing to contend with. This summer we had to make a number of hard decisions. I used to think drama had to be included in that process but I’ve learned from my husband that simply is not true. We are capable of making rational healthy decisions as adults. If we’re both in agreement, we can move on and if not then we have to work to resolve those differences. In many instances, we stopped to reflect on history. History has informed many of our choices this season. Do we want to sit in a place of turmoil or let things go and move on to a more peaceful place? The later has won out every time. I’ve learned that people can and will hurt you but only to the extent that you let them. I’ve learned that hurt without provocation is a warning. In this current season, we’ve chosen to focus on nurturing healthy relationships.

Today is my birthday. This evening, I was chatting with a close family friend. I was struck by a few things but one was just reflection. I’ve know this lady a super long time!!! And I just reflected on where we were when we met and where we are today. I’m grateful for the people put in our lives who have taught us how to persevere in trial. It’s easy to have great people in your life when things are going well. It’s a beautiful commodity to have incredible people in your life when things aren’t going well. That’s what we’ve learned this season. The people who are really in our corner. 

We’ve had some falling outs and whatever the situation, I’ve learned to never wish ill’ly on those who you perceive have slighted you. You never really know what’s going on in their world and it may never be meant for you to know. But I do believe that whatever you put out into the world will comeback to you 7-fold. Call it karma, call it reaping what you sow…I’ve seen to fulfilled time and time again. So while my natural propensity might be towards exacting revenge, I fully know I don’t need to pursue that course of action because the powers that be will take care of every situation. The truth always comes out, it’s never hidden in the dark. 

We’ve also resolved to not be held to other people’s projections or assumptions. We don’t allow others to put their actions on us making all things our fault when some if not the majority of actions contributed came from another party. I can only be responsible for my own actions and if I’m truly sorry, I will apologize. But I won’t ever apologize for something I’m not sorry for. Call it defiance, call it whatever you want…honestly, it doesn’t matter to me. It’s a long held practice that holds me true to who I am and accountable to the things I do. More than a little tired of the pot calling the kettle black. 

Can you tell it’s been a heavy summer? 

I do believe reconciliation is always possible but reconciliation doesn’t necessarily mean things continue as they were before. I’ve always felt that you can “cross lines in the sand” that can never be taken back. It’s why when I act or speak I’m fully prepared to deal with and accept the consequences of those choices. I don’t pretend to be nice or to be kind though I do work at trying to be those things. But my human frailty causes me to fail miserably at times. It’s why my husband will tell you frankly “she can be the kindest and most generous person you know and she can be horrifically mean.” Does it mean I shouldn’t strive to be better, no? It just means I’m human. We all are. I try to keep that in mind when reconciliation is at stake. I don’t know where some of our relationships will go especially those that have been in limbo for a very long time. What I can say is we have firmly decided what we will or will not tolerate and that is what ultimately leads us. We treasure peace of mind and tranquility and we are much more keenly aware that life is but a vapor and we are on borrowed time. 

I’m grateful to see another year of life. Grateful for the really incredible people and family in our lives. We don’t dwell on the things out of our control. There are many, many more changes coming this year. But change has come in different forms for most of our lives. From experience I know we can rage against it or embrace it but either way, it will still arrive. 

One of the hard changes this last year was losing our beloved, Lulu. She got progressively ill throughout July and reached a point where her body was not capable of sustaining her life. I loved her uniquely. I chose her to be adopted into our family and while she loved, Ricardo, I always considered her my baby. She leaves behind her fury brother Duncan, who has had some difficulties adjusting. But he’s such a sweet boy with a very different personality. We’re taking time to grieve Lulu and to love on Duncan. Loss has a way of making you grateful for what you have. So in this season, I’m most grateful for my own nucleus of a family: Ricardo and Duncan. Ricardo is not only my husband, he is my partner, my friend, and my most trusted confidant. His birthday is in 9 days. 

Due to COVID and Lulu’s passing, we’ve opted for small family gatherings. Ricardo’s will include a few others but I’ve asked for a low key celebration with my immediate family. Sometimes you just need to be encircled by that kind of love. If anything I’ve learned in this season, is how important that love can be as a pillar to stand you up when you cannot on your own strength. We’ve been in a season of mourning and grieving and I suspect will be in one for a while longer. Yes she was a fury family member but she’s not the only thing we mourn in this season. 

What I am most assured of is that this season is for a time and that a new season will arrive. Not worried about what is to come or how things will resolve. I’ve seen this played out before in my life. It’s all in the perfect and capable hands of one who is greater and that allows us to rest at night and for the moment, give thanks and celebrate another year of life. For all the ways we’ve been blessed and for the time of peace to mourn we’ve been granted, I’m extremely grateful! 

All things...

Won’t He Do It

Powering me the last few weeks. 

The Way Maker revisited

In light of the events of these last two weeks. This is largely where my heart is. 

Justice is what love looks like publicly. ~ Cornel West

Even if...

The road traveled...

When I went back to school, I had no intentions of a career in healthcare. I had a horrible manager early in my professional career and when I left employment from there, I had no plans of management either. I went back to school full time and because I was used to such a busy schedule decided I needed to work because 12-15 hrs was not filling up my schedule as much as I needed. I went to work for BCBC of TX where I not only met some really great people, I had a positive experience with my supervisors. They changed my view of what management should look like.

There I learned far more than I ever expected about billing, coding, benefits, and about the payer world in healthcare. I left BCBS to finish my undergrad degree. I was full-time and by full time, I mean I had 30hrs for my last two  semesters. I didn’t work. I ldid school full-time both in class and online. I was given an opportunity to study abroad in Italy/Greece and was given a scholarship that paid for all but tuition. I got a pell grant in the exact amount of my tuition. My program hours were my last hours needed to complete my degree plan. I walked the stage in May, did study abroad, and got my diploma in August. It was an amazing dream come true and an experience I cherish to this day. Certainly expanded my world view and sparked my love to travel. 

From there, I was accepted to grad school at Tech. I knew I was going to get an MBA but wasn’t sure what my focus would be. My intent had been law school. But I wasn’t accepted to the school I really wanted to go to which is how I ended up in the MBA program. It was my backup plan. I learned about the Healthcare program that would give me two masters: one in Business Administration and the other in Science. It was a smart approach and the director of our program was incredibly smart and accomplished. But the program was a lock step program over two years instead of the 1.5 with the normal MBA program. My plan was to work on my MBA for a year then reapply to law school. However, I needed to apply to the program in the fall to start down the lockstep path. That meant a potential delay in law school. I literally decided to apply within two days of the deadline. That’s kinda how things work for me. Big plunges generally come with little warning. 

I applied to the program and was accepted. My path took another turn. My dual program pushed for obtaining a number of credentials which is how I got my green belt in six sigma. I decided I didn’t like project management as much as I thought I did and decided not to test for a PMP credential. I had friends coming out of law schools with offers that would mirror what my colleagues in my program were receiving. However law school would be another three year investment. 

After my first year of the program, I decided to forgo law school altogether. The program resonated with me largely because our director understood clearly the mission of healthcare and believed we should help to make people whole. There was a purity of intention that really spoke to me that he’d present in his lectures. It caused me to do some of my own sole searching about why this career. I’ve always felt a calling on my life to help others as I’m able. I’m always going to challenge the status quo. I had parents who instilled in us to be better and do better. They’re still showing us how to grow through reading and conversations with others. They taught us how to be benevolent to our community, never forget how you got to where you are, and help others along the journey. In healthcare, I don’t provide direct patient care but my work allows others to. I have indirect impact because I work in healthcare analytics. For me the big connection came through my first experience. 

As I moved further along my program and approached graduation, I knew the job search would take about six months. I’d come from workforce planning which is how I got to my career plan to begin with. I did a lot of research in the early days and it’s largely what guided my plan. In Nov before finishing my graduate work, I began applying to targeted roles. They were very specific opportunities that I felt would be good for my career. I spoke to one individual and he had a role that was coming up but hadn’t been posted. Told me to keep an eye out and that’s how I found out about the strategic analyst role with Covenant Health. My last semester was mostly night classes or online classes which would allow me to work full-time. So I applied, interviewed, got an offer and accepted. My boss there is awesome. He had a wealth of knowledge and between him and my VP, I got really sound knowledge and experience. They weren’t just bosses but mentors and what I learned from both of them was invaluable. Since I worked for a Catholic Health System,  I was nominated to participate in a Spiritual formation course. Daily prayers and mass were common. The drive was we work to make people whole. We serve people directly or indirectly but the work we do matters. 

I realized then and through my grad program that the patients indirectly impacted by the work I do are someone’s grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, bother, sister, mom, or dad. I thought of my own grandmother and challenges our family faced as she was diagnosed with cancer. I remembered the compassionate care she received and sometimes the not-so-compassionate care. That drove me to want to contribute to something bigger than myself. Through that experience, I fully realized my calling and while it’s not on the front lines. I’ve partnered and worked with clinicians, epidemiologists, bio statisticians, scientists, engineers, operations, and business folks. We’re all striving and driven by the goal to make people as whole as possible. I had found my tribe so to speak. 

From there, I ended up at Seton Healthcare Family supporting their Clinical Integration Network or Population Health Org. Seton is part of Ascension - the largest faith-based healthcare provider in the US. My skill sets were further expanded and my team there were just amazing people. Three years later, I was given an opportunity to go back to BCBS of Texas. I had an offer coming when I got a call from a recruiter for a role with a company I’d never heard of but was definitely a unicorn. It was in wound care and the company was a DME Manufacturer with a product line in biotech. The role was something new and the org was a for-profit. All my past experience has been working with municipalities and non-profits. 

We decided to take the plunge. I say we because I’d only been married a few months and while I don’t need my husbands permission, we have discussions out of respect for each other as partners. He said to me “I think we both know you’re not going to stand on the ledge and watch. We both know you’re gonna jump.” I have no regrets about that decision. My very first assignment was part of a project that would eventually evolve into the work I do today. Within a year, we’d lose our leader and begin the evolution into the product/group we are today. 

The work has been challenging but it’s never been dull or boring. A little over a year ago, my company was bought out by 3M. We went from 5K employees to just about 100k. I look back and not only are we managing the analytics for a program, we’ve also taken on managing data for customer mobile applications and we’re evolving the digital blueprint of what delivering wound care. I’ve learned more about mobile applications which is something I never expected. I work with an incredible team. Doesn’t mean we don’t have challenges or struggles, but I know I’ve got a wealth of experience and knowledge to draw on. 

My current team are some of the best of the best. They’re constantly asking what can we improve, how can we do it better, what are we missing? I look back and am mind blown with how much we’ve grown but I’m also keenly aware that I have much more learning to do. Overall, I’m grateful. Grateful for the journey and the turns in the path that have thrown us curveballs. I’m grateful for challenging work and the opportunity to grow, even if it’s painful. 

A few weeks ago, I got my five year Crystal to celebrate my five year anniversary with my company. Hard to believe five years has gone by and while it’s good to stop and reflect, I can’t take that long of a break because there’s still plenty of work left to accomplish! 

Way maker..

I’ve been wanting to blog about an event that occurred last weekend but I needed to sit on my thoughts and words for a while. It’s no secret that I can be sharp in response. This response can’t come from a place of defense but from a place of love. I’ve wrestled with that and spent time in the scripture with it. May come as a surprise to some. After some reflection, I realized my sense to heed largely comes from my faith and who I know God to be. You’d think through all the horrendous experiences I would’ve given up and I think to some it may have seemed that way. That couldn’t be any further from the truth.

We purposefully taken silent steps to a behind the scenes approach to our faith. We as teenagers and young adults had spent time in leadership and needed to just step back. I’d like to call us “recovering leaders/pk’s” but we’ve learned more about leading through quietly and anonymously serving these past few years. A lot of private conversations that happened away from the main stage, giving support, providing encouraging words, and giving. We expanded our circles outside of the normal confines of our old circles. What a beautiful and marvelous experience. These amazing souls who have colored our world, taught us more about unconditional love, and taught us to view things through different lenses.

While some have said, oh “you’ve walked away..” Those who know us well know we’ve been finding our own path and discovering who we are as individuals, as a married couple, and as our own family out from under our parents’ incredible shadows. We’re grateful for the examples in our parents. For all their transparency in being our managers as children and moving into a consultant role as we’ve moved into adulthood. Not always easy and they’ve not always been happy with our decisions but looking back we can say the path we’ve forged has largely been our own.

This song largely inspires the writing that’s to come.

God only knows...

I seem to be posting mostly on a semi-annual or quarterly basis. I wish I had a better explanation but life’s been insanely busy. Work is well work and I have a long history as a workaholic. We’ve had a lot of challenges lately and Lord knows I love a good challenge.

I seem to attract the problem child projects. And at first you might say, oh that’s not good. You’d have to look back at my life to see it’s a common thread. Right sizing projects gone slightly astray. Solutioning through strategy and deployment. There’s been very few challenges that I’ve been unable to work thru. 

Lord knows I’ve been through some insane experiences. I’m a pastors kid, you’d think that would be enough. At the very least, I’m glad I can look back and say none of it broke me to the point of being beyond repair and a solely by the Grace of God.

I’ve been reflecting on the word resilience. Mainly because I came across a really great song and it’s been a constant on my playlist. The lyrics are very real to me about a specific time in my life but I think they apply to us all. 

If I had listened to the naysayers, I wouldn’t be where I am today. It’s why I’m so very grateful for second chances and will champion second chances until my last breath. 

“God only knows what they say about you”

I could write a book about that line. That experience has been a long process to work thru and in some ways, I rebelled taking the 180 in the opposite direction. I wanted nothing to do with very specific circles and purposefully kept my distance. Deep down I knew it couldn’t be that way forever and in many ways a shift has begun. I’m grateful in a lot of ways. I learned a lot of powerful lessons during that period in my life. It led to a lot of commonalities with Ricardo and allowed me let my guard down early in our relationship. 

In certain circles, people find comfort in those who don’t ever challenge the status quo or who don’t rock the boat. It’s taken me a good 15 years but I finally accepted that that will likely never be me which suits me fine. It’s an advantage in my line of work. Tech is obsolete in months and it’s ever evolving. It’s a constant effort of reading and learning to keep current. I don’t mind it but it’s also a lot of work to stay current and thereby relevant to my workaholic tendencies.

I’ve never shied away from rolling up my sleeves and digging into the work. That aspect has stayed with me and I’m glad. Hard work are values passed down from my grandparents to my parents and now my siblings and hopefully, it’s a value that will passed down to our nieces and nephews. 

Often times, we embark on a journey and at the time we cannot see the fullness of what’s at work. I look back at my journey and all the things that have led us to this point and time: at how events and people have impacted our lives in incredibly significant ways; how experiences and people shape what we do, and the call-to-action in our lives today.

Ricardo and I have a giving plan that we establish annually. We’ll chose a few initiatives to give to through that year. There are a few items that will be long-standing on that list while others may rotate in and out. We give because we’ve been incredible blessed. One of those blessings is the benevolence of our parents. I’ve watched both our parents give faithfully to community, family, and church in obedience to their faith and because they want their lives to count for more than just “seashells.” You’ll have to reference a John Piper sermon for the seashells. 

Lately we’ve been feeling a few things weigh heavy on us. So we’ve taken steps to move forward in supporting those things we feel so strongly about. For me, that’s the greater calling of our lives. 

This last year has been a lot about carving our own path. We’ve been settling into our outside-the-box view/approach/ and delivery. What we’ve learned is you can love your country and still question her approaches, you can support her while challenging her to be better. Questioning the why’s doesn’t make you any less loyal or makes you lesser or greater than those who don’t. 

We also know we can’t be true to ourselves and our convictions while remaining silent. And if you think it hasn’t cost us anything, it’s cost us more than you could know. We’ve had folks we’ve know for most of our lives walk away from us. We don’t harbor an ill-will towards them but we also can’t deviate from a path laid and illuminated before us just because some don’t agree with us. 

At the same time, God’s been really faithful to bring like-minded folks across our path and those who will challenge us when needed. I’m most grateful for those relationships. They keep us accountable to our calling and life’s work. 

And all those experiences that have been meant to harm us have only refined us and defined our path. 

They’ve colored our world in new ways and pulled back the curtains of illusion. They’ve given us a depth to our empathy and patience to our understanding that while it can be dark in reality is also beautifully surreal. 

Today I’m grateful to be in this place. All of the past has led us to this point. We like to believe that nothing is in vain.

This week we meet with an organization to fund a new initiative in honor and memory of our nieces and nephews. Ricardo and I are not parents yet and we don’t know that we’ll ever be biological parents. But we fully love our nieces and nephews and desire a better world for them. We’ve purposes to work to that end. Some days we find success and others we find ourselves a few steps behind but we’re pushing daily.

I don’t know where you’re at in your life. Don’t know the circumstances of what you’re facing or what’s been said about you. Don’t know the dreams that seem so far out of reach. Maybe you consider yourself to be the “lonely, the ashamed,  misunderstood, or the one to blame.”

Don’t give up. Don’t give into the beliefs of the naysayers. Don’t give into the thought that it will never come to pass. Maybe all you need is someone to be in your corner. Someone to say, you’ve got what it takes or it’s possible. Know that we are...no matter how badly you think you’ve messed things up, redemption is real and it’s closer than you think. And while it may not end in what you expected, when you put in the work and you surrender, you’ll find that what’s come to you is better than what you anticipated. Keep pressing, keep working, keep seeking...

God only knows what you've been through

God only knows what they say about you

God only knows how it's killing you

But there's a kind of love that God only knows

God only knows what you've been through

God only knows what they say about you

God only knows the real you

There's a kind of love that God only knows

For the lonely, for the ashamed
The misunderstood, and the ones to blame
What if we could start over
We could start over
We could start over
Oh for the lonely, for the ashamed
The misunderstood, and the ones to blame
What if we could start over
We could start over
We could start over
'Cause there's a kind of love that God only knows

https://youtu.be/LyXpX4fuS0E

Keeping Score

A little over a month ago, we celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary and our 9th relationship anniversary. Nine years have gone by in the blink of an eye. My prayer is that we’re granted many many more years together. 

Ricardo and I didn’t marry as young twenty something year olds. We were well into our 30’s and both been through the ebb and flow of life. We’ve experienced tragedies, been through heartache and in the most devine timing were brought into each other’s lives. We were not naive to the challenges or incredible beauty our relationship would have. Ricardo’s a realist and I’m the optimist. I deal with what I know and take things one moment to the next. We prepare for the worst and hope for the best. We bring each other the balance we each need. 

But we didn’t arrive here over night. A very very long time ago, a really good accountability partner gave me a quote: “wisdom is learning from mistakes, preferably not your own.” I took those words to heart and while I’ve made plenty of mistakes all on my own, I stopped to observe those around me and especially those in my inner circle. We’ve cried and prayed together. We sat silently in the roughest of times and we’ve shared pages of text in support of one another. I don’t take for granted those relationships. They’ve allowed me to see upclose all their glories and imperfections and they’ve alllowed me to learn from them. 

Another friend once said, people who come into your life are woven into the tapestry of your life and what you carry with you is hopefully the best of them or a lesson learned. I agree.

Over the last few years, Ricardo and I experienced really incredible losses in the passing of loved ones and dear friends. We could stop to wallow in the what-if’s but I don’t think those questions will ever be answered this-side-of-heaven. We could get stuck in that place of what-if but we’ve chosen to move forward and honor their lives in a variety of ways. We haven’t forgotten, we don’t miss them any less, the hole in our hearts their departure has left isn’t filled. But we’ve decided that their living wouldn’t be in vain and that we’d find ways to continue their legacy and to make their lives continue to matter. 

We’ve given to support initiatives, we’ve extended grace when it was the hardest thing to do, we talk of them often, we take time to reflect on their lives, but most importantly, we carry their essence in the things we do and in the whys. Their passing reminds us that life is not guaranteed and that it’s like a vapor. Here one minute and could be gone the next. It reminds us not to take for granted the seemingly small moments. 

I work in Wound Care/Health Care. Just through my every day work, I’m amazed at the intricacies of the body and how all the elements that must line up to give us life. We focus mostly on skin in Wound Care. Skin integrity and healing... how when certain elements are missing, healing can stall. 

I think the same can be said of our emotion, spiritual, relational and mental health...not just our physical health. 

Over the next few months, we’ll take part in a number of celebrations. My grandmother turns 90, our close friends are celebrating their 15th anniversary, one of my siblings will turn 40, and our oldest niece will marry. These are the joyous moments of life. 

It’s been our niece’s wedding that caused me to reflect on my own relationship with Ricardo. I look back at the start of our relationship and it’s only be recently that I realized the dangers of “keeping score.” It’s part of our human nature to keep track of the wrongs committed against us. Oh we can forgive but forgetting is harder still. I’ve thought about what advice I would give my niece if ever asked. There are so many things to say about marriage but it all boils down to one thing. Don’t ever, ever keep score...keeping score takes us to a place that can starve the healthiest of relationships. It’s a focus on look what I’ve done compared to you. 

As I though my about that, I thought about the concept of unconditional love. I was reminded of 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 and was reminded that “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

It keeps no record of wrongs. 

That’s unconditional love and if we want to receive it, we have to extend it. It is not easy but i say it’s harder yet to maintain the roster of wrong-doing. It’s a policing effort that in the bigger scope of things would be better spent in other ways. 

So I leave you with these words from my current favorite song by Dan and Shay, Keeping score:

Cause I know I'm only human

Don't know how many sunsets I got left

And I don't wanna ruin

This moment by wondering what comes next

I just want to love you 

Like it's all I'm living for

Hold you close, enjoy you more

And spend a little less time keeping score

Maybe you’ve been secretly keeping a score sheet, maybe it’s been a mental one...it’s never to late to reset the scoreboard. But it’s a choice to do so...it’s a choice to say I’m going to focus on unconditional love than fighting a never winning battle. Our humanity will cause us to fail one another but focusing on the right things will keep us moving forward. It’s one of the things our good friend Chris imparted and planted into our marriage. 

Keeping score

Someday we're gonna look back 
On a night like tonight
The car I pulled up in
The necklace you're wearing 
Won't even cross our minds
Someday we're gonna blink twice
Say it happens like that
How much money we saved up 
For the time that we gave up
Well, it'll all just be math

I know I'm only human
Don't know how many sunsets I got left
And I don't wanna ruin
This moment by wondering what comes next

I just want to love you 
Like it's all I'm living for
Hold you close, enjoy you more
And spend a little less time keeping score

If we're rich to somebody
We're poor to somebody else
We could be happy and nameless
Or broken and famous
But, from what I can tell

Is that it doesn't really matter
You can't take with you when you go
Life is only getting faster (life is only getting faster)
So, baby, I'd rather 
Take tonight nice and slow

'Cause I know I'm only human
Don't know how many sunsets I got left
And I don't wanna ruin
This moment by wondering what comes next

I just want to love you 
Like it's all I'm living for
Hold you close, enjoy you more
And spend a little less time keeping score

Be with me now
Be with me right now
Be with me right here, right now
Be with me now
Be with me right now
Be with me right here, right now

I know I'm only human
Don't know how many sunsets I got left
And I don't wanna ruin
This moment by wondering what comes next

I just want to love you 
Like it's all I'm living for
Hold you close, enjoy you more
And spend a little less time keeping score
Oh, yeah
Keeping score